a safari by blackberry

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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:08 pm

I've been toying with this lad for a couple months. I was in a routine that I was only mailing him from my blackberry while having my morning coffee at work.

I wasn't sure if the lad really traveled from Nigeria to Benin or he had a co-hort in Benin set up to meet me. So to rightfully claim a pith I thought I'd just drop kick this lad (whoever it is) from Cotonou over to Lome just for good measure. That's where he is today.

I'll spare you all the mails leading up, but folks this goes to show you that you don't need to write a lot. I have a sprained thumb right now so most of my mails are pretty brief!

For those wondering: Although I am using gmail to mail him, my blackberry does assign an IP address to my outgoing mails. However it shows as Canada, not even the same country!

The story: Luscious inherited the famed 5imba 5afari Camp from her estranged father. The badly maintained 55C shuttle bus is taking her from Parakou to Cotonou Benin to meet with laddie.

Phone call lead up to the meeting (sorry about the 15 second silence at the beginning. I'm too lazy to edit it out):

DivShare File - D Brown_ 11 39 PM_ Thursday_ 17 June 2010.mp3

81.91.235.239 Benin

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

Hence I could not hear from you after several messages I sent to you, should I go back to Nigeria ?. I am stranded here without phone call or even email communication from you.

I cannot say exactly what is going on with you now.Are you alright where ever you now.

I left my country Nigeria at about 2.45pm yesterday with hope that we can have a fun but I am very lonely here without phone call or mail from you. I am without information and you can imerging how I will be feeling without hearing from you.

Please my dear Luscious, I am desperately and ernestly waiting for your phone call and send to me detailed mail so that I can know the state of things around you.

I am waiting for you please. Do me that favour, I need your call.

Yours,
D Brown.

Quote:

sorry mr brown, the truck was broken and couldn't get any further. they send someone to get me. it was quicker to take me back to parakou. i need to get a little rest as i just got in. i will try to call later if i can get a signal.

luscious

Quote:

My dear Luscious,
I am very sorry about the situation. I am glad that inspite of the odds, you are safe and sound. So what do you want me to do now? To wait or to go back. You know how sensitive my office is. this morning, I just called the office to state that I am sick, and I wouldnt want to give them wrong impression. Please call or tell me precisely what we should do now.
waiting for your urgent reply.
yours,
D Brown

Quote:

Sir,

I just got back from talking with the driver. He says that he is waiting for parts to fix the truck. Please can you wait one more day? They think we can get back on the road tomorrow early. He says even if they get the parts to fix it now, it will be too late to start traveling. He's afraid that if the truck has problems again it won't be safe traveling in the dark. I am terribly sorry for the delay.

I am so tired of traveling! I can't wait to meet you, though. I am looking forward to that.

Luscious

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

I am in and waiting for your arrival. Do call me soon as you arrive.

Yours,

D Brown

Quote:

We had another little setback with the truck. The refrigerator ran the battery down overnight. They put it on a battery charger for a few hours so we got a later start than planned. Don't worry though we are on our way but are running a few hours late.

Luscious

Quote:

My dear Luscious,
I just want to assure you that I am still waiting for you. I do hope the trip is not too stressful.
Please call me as soon as you arrive. I look forward to seeing you.
Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

We are still driving. Yes it is stressful! We can't drive too fast here. Its not at all like home.

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

Please I am worried my dear concerning you, Ithought you would have called me early this morning so that I will be rest assured that your journey is okay.I waited for more than four hours at the marina hotel lobby before I went back to stay with our lawyer in his hotel room.

I was thinking that I will read your mail this morning , even the lawyer is also worried. Please I need your message or phone call now now. I want to know the position of things now and situation around you. Your safety is my paramount concern.

I am waiting right now for your urgent reply.

Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

Oh sir i am so upset! it was taking so long i fell asleep in the truck and when i woke up we were in this place called Lome. when i asked the driver about it he said that's where he thought he was taking me. i don't understand what he says very well so i thought we were going to the right place. well i was so upset at him i sent him away. now i regret what i did because now i'm here stranded! i don't know what to do! this hotel is awful! please help me. i am too afraid to go anywhere or do anything. people here look like they want to rob me. i'm at the hotel at the beach.

Luscious

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

I got your mail. Can you call me from where you are now so that I will direct you on what to do now now. I need your call now.

Have make any arrangement now or you are still in Lome. Is the driver back to you now. Please I need to hear from you now. I am waiting for your reply now. I am by the side of a computer now. Your life must be save, contact me now on the next alternative arrangement.

I am waiting:

Yours,
D Brown.

Quote:

sir i am scared i don't want to leave my room. there are men wandering around and they don't look nice. they know i am an american by my voice and since i am black too they look at me with wandering eyes. please can you come get me? i have all this money and laptops and other things with me i dont want to be robbed. the driver left i don't know where he is. you are my only friend

i am at ibis hotel near the beach. i told them at the desk that i do not want to be disturbed at all. hopefully that will keep the bad men away for now.

please can you do something?

luscious

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

I am expecting to hear from you with your Hotel Room number so that it will easy for me to locate you there. I will be wearing light yellow long sleeve, black trouser with strip white line and long tie black and white spots.

Please make sure you call me tonight so that we can discussed very well. do not fail to call me.

I may not have access to read your mail but wz can discuss on phone. once again do not fear, I will be with you by tomorrow.

Luscious make sure you call me tonight !!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Have a nice sleep and do not panic.

I am waiting for your call.continue trying untill we speak tonight.

Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

Oh I am so happy to hear that you will be coming to me mr brown. You don't knopw how rellieved I am to hear that you will be here. I have been crying for hours wondering what I am going to do. I am in the ibis hotel near the beach. I am on the second floor all the way at the end of the hallway on the north side. It looks like the biggest hotel around here. I repeat that I have told the hotel desk to not put any calls thru or send anyone to my room. The staff here are rude and I had to give them big gratuities to be assured that they won't give away my location to anybody because I am trying to be extra careful. I will try to call you later on when my telephone can get a good signal.

When you get nearby tomorrow find a local cyber and shoot me a mail then I know to start looking for you out the window. When you come along to the hotel I will have the curtains open and be looking for your vehicle. What kind of vehicle will you be in?

Quote:

My dear Luscious,

Thanks for your urgent reply.As matter of fact, I will not entering Lome with my official car.I will take a public cab so that I will have my way through without any hinderances at the border post.

I have discribed to you what I will be wearing so that you can spot me out easily.

Make sure I receive your call tonight.Please do not fail.I will be glad in deeded.

Waiting for your call.

Yours,
D Brown.

Quote:

sir i'm worried. why the silence? i tried calling you yesterday and your phone was ringing busy. please don't leave me here all alone

41.207.162.255 = Togo

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

I have in the IBIS hotel since two hours ago. it rained heavely in cotonou that is why i came kin late. I am sending this mail to you from palm beach hotel.

Please what is your room number and the name you use to lodge in. i am waiting to hear from you now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

Oh my god sir why did you wait its bad trouble oh my god. That driver bernie came back with a few of his cronies and took me. They don't know I have this blackberry but the battery is wearing out fast. They snatxh me from the room and blindfold me I am ina windowless room somewhere I have no idea where but it wasn't far we drove before getting there. What can I do??? I have ti go someone is coming. Oh my gifdp

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

Where are you now.Are you still in the IBIS hotel. I am affriad now. what do I do now.

Please you must do some thing now !!!!!!.

Should I be stranded here?.

please reply me now. I am shaking with fear.

Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

Could you imerging what I am going through becuase of you. I am in a big trouble. How do I come out of this trouble now.

you refussed to write me again.if i knew it, i wouldn,t have been here.

i am in a mess now.tell me now what do i do now.

D Brown.

Quote:

i am the one abducted and you think you have troubles? i am crying here in the dark and all you can think of yourself?? oplease you are my only hope. help me think of what to do next

the men came and they are threaten me because my daddy left me this business. mr bernie thought it was going to be his so i think if they get rid of me then bernie can take it all his own. what am i going to do? gotta go thte battery is not much left.

one more thing....but they don't know that the money is sewn into my belt. i still have the money.

luscious

He's still sending panicked mails at the moment Laughing

Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:32 pm

That's awesome JJ!!! I sure hope that he will rescue you before the battery on your blackberry runs out! Laughing

Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:48 pm

Well done, Jane! beers!

I dare to "imerging" how screwed he is feeling about now... Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:25 am

Amazing

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:26 am

Excellent!!!!!

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:34 am

YOU GO JJ!

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:22 am

Always nice knowing that somewhere in Lome a lad is chasing a Ghost Laughing

Great work JJ Thumbs up

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:04 am

It does me good just to read of your exploits, Just Jane.

Quote:

I am ina windowless room somewhere

re-cycling at its finest!

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:29 am

Another great one JJ clapping

!!!That sweet voice is a huge weapon!!

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:18 am

These were the last mails last night. There was nothing this morning. I wonder what they are up to?

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

Reply me now.I am waiting. can you call me with this number <local togo #>. call this number so that i can trace where you are now. do not waste any further time, those men could be dangerous.

call the number now now.

D Brown

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

Is every thing okay with you. are you alive. I have reported the matter to the police right away but the police were asking if you can tell us exactly where you are now.

My dear pls reply this mail now as the police are waiting for your reply before they go into action now.

talk to me pls.

Douglas Brown

do not call me again from that number i gave you.

A couple internet scammers going to the police? Yeah and I'm sure that I can reach the police at [email protected] Rolling Eyes

Luscious ponies up some more money if they help her out:

Quote:

i am so sleepy and i don't know why and i have no idea what time it is.

if you talked to police then do they have like a emergency phone number? maybe they can find me if i can get the GPS on on my blackberry.

it's so dark in here and i'm scared please don't leave until they find me. i know you don't know me too well but i promise i will give you 50,000 dollars if you can get me out of this mess. i'm serious

L

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:18 am

lovely lovely work Smile

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:55 pm

Well played, JJ! I see the infamous "windowless room" has been brought into play again. Smile

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:00 pm

Beautiful stuff JJ! And so much awesomer that you're not working harder than the lad, despite being locked in that damn windowless room. Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:23 pm

^^ Hey if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Laughing

I had to write something quick as I was on the road and my husband was bugging me to take over driving. That was the only thing that came to mind.

Laddie surpised me with a note today:

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

I don,t know what to do now concerning my job in the office. If I stay more than expected, I will put myself into trouble.

What happen is that I will be giuding you from my country and monitor every situation around you (you bastard, abandoning poor Luscious like that!).
Get throught with the numbers I gave to you so that the police can get you out. You know that I am not a citizen of lome Togo, I have limitation so that I can play safe also.

One I promise you is that, I will not allow you to suffer in the hands of those cronies/ fraudsters (pot kettle black!!).

You must shout now to get your freedom. You can call those police numbers and report the insidence to them for your rescue.

I am facing a serious querry immidiately I get back to my office.

I am coming back again as soon as you have regards your freedom.

Please keep in touch with me by mail and phone call.

The almighty God will vindicate you out, watch out and and see the miracle.

Yours,
D Brown

While listening in on my department's weekly staff meeting *yawn* I fired this off. Those are real typos. I just don't bother fixing them.

Quote:

Pls don't leabe me here all alone. You can't just strand me. Whatever will happen to me? I am crying here pls. Don't lose contact with me pls keep writing its the pnly thing keeping me sane right now

If I play this right I can let them get back home again only to turn back around to come back.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:04 am

Nice, JJ. The Coffee Break Safari. I love it. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 12:30 pm

I can't believe these guys. Poor Luscious is being held captive and they have no regard for her whatsoever. They are just lolling about at a beach hotel. Lad huggers take notice!

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

There is no problem. But you are in good health. Did you contact the police numbers I forwarded to you.

If that is not okay, you can reach your country's Embassy office here in Lome.

Here is the AMRICAN EMBASSY'S Phone number. You report this matter to them so that they can do some thing now before it is too late.

Call this number now : (+228) xxxxxx This is your country embassy direct telephone number. They will know how to contact police for you. I hope there is service in your phone so that you can call them immediately.

Call me very late hour in the Night through my Nigeria phone number, it is roamed.

Relax, I am hear with you, I am at HOTEL PALM BEACH here in Lome by Beach side.I will be leaving back to Nigeria by tomorrow to protect my job but at the moment I am here for you.

waiting for your call tonight no matter the time even if it is very late in the night, feel free to call me.

Yours,
D Brown

Quote:

My beloved Luscious,

BELOW IS YOUR COUNTRY EMBASSY EMAIL ADDRESS AND WEB SITE, MAKE GOOD USE OF THESE INFORMATION NOW.

Email: [email protected]
Web Site:http://togo.usembassy.gov

YOURS,

D BROWN.

Quote:

So while you are luxuriating at the palm beach hotel do you know I am suffering here. Is that how it goes?

I will take all this up with my embassy then. Thanks for all your help.

L

I heard the word 'luxuriating' on the TV. It probably isn't even a word but I thought it fit well in the sentence. Very Happy

Once they get back to Nigeria there's a plan 'B' in store for them.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:10 pm

From Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Quote:

Main Entry: lux·u·ri·ate
Pronunciation: \-ē-ˌāt\
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): lux·u·ri·at·ed; lux·u·ri·at·ing
Etymology: Latin luxuriatus, past participle of luxuriare, from luxuria
Date: 1604

1 a : to grow profusely : thrive b : to develop extensively
2 : to indulge oneself luxuriously : revel

Yes, it's a word, Jane, and those lads are indulging themselves and reveling, while you suffer. Just pray to God, and everything will be ok, the lads say. It sure is hard to find a knight in shining armor like Shorty, isn't it? Smile

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 3:23 pm

JJ! Nice work!

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:06 pm

I will be wearing light yellow long sleeve, black trouser with strip white line and long tie black and white spots.
You could have seen him even in the windowless room. Nice safari, JJ!

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 6:32 pm

Sending lads on safari while in a business meeting or riding in a car. Very Happy

That's dedication!

Great job as usual, JJ.

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:32 pm

Nice work Jane! I was actually planning on calling up my lad on Skype mobile (and hoping that Skype recording works too) on my cellphone and now that I know it's perfectly safe to bait the lads with I'm going to try it!

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:43 pm

Lad drama at its best: Beach robbers! Gangs of criminal taxi drivers! Broken necks! Laughing

Quote:

My dear Luscious,
It is a pitty that you did not know what I went through here in Lome.I was almost killed by the beach robbers.I went to the IBIS HOTEL management to gather much information so that I will report it the police concerning your where about.
When I was leaving IBIS HOTEL at about 10.45pm to go back to PALM BEACH HOTEL, I never knew that the cab I entered was a member of a gang of armed robbers, He delibrately stopped his cab along the beach side and I was robbed.
Luscious, I must confessed to you, I am not happy with the type of message you forwarded to me upon all my efforts.I was following up this matter without minding the fact that I am not a Togolese.I took a cab and got your emmbassy's quarters where I got those information I sent to you.can't you appreciate this efforts.
Please you must appologise to me for such mail you sent to me, here is the mail ( So while you are luxuriating at the palm beach hotel do you know I am suffering here. Is that how it goes?) (he did bold this text)
Luscious, this is the least I would have expected from you instead of appreciating all my efforts. Becuase of you Luscious I lied to my office that I am in the hospital to make sure that you were protected, upon that you are not yet satisfied even with my broken neck and lost of my valuables including the whole documents relating to our transaction.I was rescued by the Togolese Police otherwise, I would have been a dead man.So what do we do now ? .
I will expect your call unfailingly tonight so that I strongly believed that you safe and alive.
Waiting for your call. I am here to make sure that you are save and it will too bad if I loose my job on the process. I cannot be happy seeing you going through had time, I must show a great concern.

Yours,
D Brown.

After having a good laugh about it, my thumbs got busy:

Quote:

Sir,

Perhaps you should understand my sarcasm due to the fact I am being held here captive against my will and all you seem to say about it is how inconvenient it is to you. How do you think that makes me feel?

Regardless,I am sorry for your troubles. Please keep a copy of the police report and when I get out of here I will reimburse you for all your losses. In the meantime, where are you now? What phone number do I use to call?

L

Maybe I can get him on the phone tonight. We'll see.....

Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 11:04 pm

That is how it goes Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 06 Sep 2009 Posts: 192

Rule No.1 when going to Togo: Never use shady unlicensed taxis. Wink

Where do the lads think these things up? Laughing

Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 2:14 am

This scum makes Hectard look like the hero he thinks he is. Seriously, beach robbers broke his neck? Stick it to him good, JJ!