Tales from a desperate Housewife (Jason meets Sam editon)

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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:57 am

I send him this, informing him of my computer woes:

My dear Sam,

The move has turned into a disaster. The removalists have broken my laptop computer. The laptop is still under warranty but I'm not certain how long it will take to repair. I must confess that I am not exactly computer literate.

My darling niece Sabrina tends to set up my laptop (and email and everything else computer related) so as I said I am uncertain when it will be fixed. At least in San Souci there are more computer repair places than there are in Yalbraith.

We have decided the four wheel drive is too big for San Souci and plan to sell it. I am not certain what kind of car I want as a replacement, but certainly not the car Sabrina drives. She is a madman behind the wheel and drives so fast, but her car is a cute shade of pink, I think I will also have the car painted pink also.

My lawyer Corey Feldman (of Feldman and Haim Lawyers) has finalised the deal on the property and has suggested investing in the property market. He is also negotiating the final settlement on the divorce (Nick has suddenly raised new objections, Corey says they're just Nick being Churlish).

Otherwise I'm not certain what else to mention. I still plan to travel to Crystal Lake to see you (and my pals Jason and Kane of course) but am awaiting your return (there's no point in travelling to the United States if you're not there is there).

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:44 am

I love it. He picks up on my lawyer gag. I may have to photoshop a law firm:

My Dear Cougar,
How are U doing?
I Understand the reason why U can't respond fast to my E.mail it's OK and I Understand,I am happy U decided to choose your own line of Business and that U still want to Visit FL but I have just concluded my Travelling plans to South America and will be leaving this weekend..I could let U see my details if U care to..
I thought Corey Feldman is an actor or something?and the law Firm U mentioned here partners Dead or Alive?I Just want to know probably I am concentrating on the wrong Feldman and Haim lawyers..write me soon and I got some other interesting things to tell U,if U don't mind can we Talk on the Phone?
I will let U have my Phone NO if U let me have yours.
Yours in Popper means what in the context U are using it?
Thank U,
Kisses,
Sam

Like hell I'm talking to him on the phone. Anyone up for the task?

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:27 am

I play dumb, and send this back:

My dear Sam,

What on earth are you talking about? If you are having a laugh at my expense then I do not get the joke. To be honest I do not watch television (Since the only way to receive television in Yalbraith was to get a satellite dish, and I simply did not have time or energy to track one down), and know little (if not nothing) of this Corey Feldman that you speak of. Now that I am in San Souci, I may purchase a television set and watch this Feldman character. What is the name of his show so I can look at it?

Yaakov Haim and I go back a long way, as he also grew up in Germany. So when I found that he had also emigrated to Australia, I naturally retained his company's services. And as I have mentioned they have paid off handsomely. It is really Yaakov's firm, but made Corey a partner about ten years ago. They have a gorgeous office, I like it so much I took a photo a few days back. I have attached the picture, can you think of any improvements?

What is this dead or alive thing you are talking about? I do not understand. I know English isn't my native tongue but I like to think I have a reasonable command of the language.

I will let you know the phone number as soon as I have the phone connected. At the moment I am borrowing Sabrina's Mobile phone and I doubt she would be impressed if gave out the phone number. I had a satellite phone in Yalbraith, and it is now redundant in San Souci. I am looking to buy an iPhone like Sabrina has. Though I will then have to learn how to use it. Like I said, when I know what the phone number is I will let you know

And poppers is a wonderful brand of bubbly I like to drink here in Australia. As you know we have a huge range of wines here and poppers is my preferred brand. It is VERY expensive, but worth every cent. I will bring a bottle when I come across to see you.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

If by "bubbly" I mean Amyl Nitrate, then yes, it's a brand of bubbly. I also send a photo of "the office" (in reality the lawyer set from TV show "Weeds") with the "Feldman & Haim" logo in the middle. Let's see if he buys it Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:02 am

I just got this piece of Gold:

Kathrin,
How are U?
I got your E.mail,I really don't know which corey U were talking about,Poppers I think are Recreational nitrite drugs thats why I asked?Honey,do U take drugs?Please tell me..Kisses
Love,
Sam

I think a slap may be in order for asking me about Corey, with him not knowing what he's talking about. And if scambaiting is a drug, then yes, I do drugs Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:59 pm

First slap of the day:

Samuel,

I have just read your latest email and I am totally appalled that you would even entertain such a notion!

I do not tell people this, but I had a nephew die from a drug overdose back in 1995 and to suggest I would use drugs, even recreationally, is against everything I stand for. As I mentioned Poppers, is a brand of Australian Champagne that I like to drink occasionally.

If you wish to contact me again I demand an apology. "Drugs", you cannot imagine how offensive I find that notion Samuel!

Kathrin

It seems he still needs a slap for confusing her about the Coreys. Hell he confused me as well Wink

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:04 am

2nd slap:

Samuel,

You have confused me. You bring up the subject of my lawyer being an actor and then when I question it, you claim to not know what I am talking about. As a non native English speaker, I think you are doing this deliberately. why you would do this I do not know (or understand), but I now think Imay have to reconsider my relationship with you. I will be visiting Jason and Kane in May, but I don't think I will be meeting you if you continue to treat me like this.

After the gall you have to accuse me of using drugs, I think you need to look at your own life.

Or should I get my lawyer to email you directly?

Kathrin

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:00 pm

1st apology:

Honey,
I don't mean anything personal or anything Disrespectful Just didn't Know and wanted to clarify,I don't mean to make U feel bad,I like U as a person and would like to meet U in person,U seem like a nice woman.I strongly apologize for the last E-mail I sent to U,I had a different conception about what U said that's all and I tried to clear my conscience over it rather than keeping it inside.Please forgive me because I am already used to U and wont want to stop talking to U.
Kisses,
Sam

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:01 pm

2nd apology:

Honey,
Once again,I am sorry for the last E-mail something like that will never recur again,I just wanted to show U that I care so much about and wouldn't like to see anything Unpleasant happen to U.I Hope U understand.
Love,
Sam

Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:30 am

3rd Apology:

Honey,
How are U doing?
Please come back to me OK..I will like to Talk to U soon.
Love,
Sam

Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:47 am

Isn't it wonderful what a good old slap does to a lad? Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 10:01 pm

so after several days of apologies and a "where the bloody hell are you?" note, Kathrin decides to up the ante:

My dear Sam,

I have made many decisions over the weekend. You cannot understand how much you hurt me with your drug accusations. I felt that if I hold my hurt feelings they way they are I might buy a machete and hack someone to death I was so angry over you! But I cannot alllow this to happen, so I have taken up yoga and meditation in an effort to relax. And with that thought process in mind, I have decided that I will start afresh with you.

After speaking to Jason and Kane at length, I have decided to put my San Souci property on the rental Market and relocate to Crystal lake! I have begun the application process for a green card through Immigration here in Sydney and both the Australian and US Embassies has been most helpful in processing my application.

Jason and Kane have begun looking at Rental Properties in the Crystal Lake area (although I would be happy to stay at Holiday Inn in the short term). I will keep you posted on what is happening. I have been told that the Immigration process will take approximately a month.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Master Baiter Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 128

Kathrin, Florida is just lovely!! Warm Tropical, lush greenery!! You;ll get to visit Samuel too!! How nice!!! Now lets see, I;ve got a feeling about Samuel, he might have some trouble on his flight from SA to Florida??

Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 1:42 am

Well, Crystal lake looks great from what I can see from Google Maps, though I hear I shouldn't go swimming Wink

Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:59 am

Just to let him I'm speaking to him again, I send him this:

My dear Sam,

Venezuela? my that DOES sound exotic! Maybe one I reach you you can show me some of the countries you have been to. When do you return? Will you be in America for my Birthday on May 8th? I certainly hope so!

Hopefully my application will be approved soon and i can spend my 43rd birthday in May with you my dear dear Sam. My Visa application is going slowly, and I have moved into a hotel as my property in San Souci has been rented out. Harry Manfredini at the United States Embassy has been most helpful in trying to speed up my visa application and says barring any accidents should be ready in another week. I must say the view of sydney from the 59th floor of the MLC Building where the embassy is stunning. I secretly wish I had an office there the view is that good. I will try take a picture for you the next time I visit.

I have put my belongings into storage and now just have access to a suitcase full of clothes and a laptop at the moment which is surprisingly liberating. I may just leave my belongings in storage and buy new clothes once I relocate to Crystal lake. Jason and Kane have found a few potential apartments for me at Crystal Lake, which I have tried to get more information about online, but to no avail so far. I will keep you posted on developments.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Master Baiter Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 128

Can't wait to see what tragedy/accident/financial debacle, befalls our Sam!! Will he end up in a mysterious hospital with a broken?? or will his bank freeze his assets and he is stuck in Frostbite Falls?? far away from Florida!!! Better than any Soap Opera!!! Get your checkbook out Kathrin,Sam is going to have a problem!!!

Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:40 pm

I'll keep that in mind bethc8 Wink

Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:43 pm

I get this today. He's still in Venezuela (Despite his IP address saying he's in Malaysia). I think I should make it a point to be in Florida in two weeks,. I LOVE how how he's started using my "yours in poppers" siggy. Seems he's not averse to a little Amyl nitrate after all:

Honey,
Thanks for the INFO I hope your permanent Visa application will be approved really soon,Honey,I will be spending two more weeks in Venezuela after which I would be returning to Miami,FL..Hun,I think U are a very smart and Industrous woman,I never dated an older woman than I am but I am sure this will be a great experience for me.
I am really caring and Loving so I hope U send me the phone NO I can ring U on pretty soon..
Best Wishes,
Yours in poppers,
Love,
Sam

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:09 am

Great News: Kathrin's VISA is approved! (Surprisingly quickly, since she never filled out the forms). She's even got work (Which is really just an excuse to reference the film Jason X):

My dearest sam,

I am so happy, I could shit!

My Visa application has been approved. I will be in the United States permanently in approximately three weeks and Jason Vorhees even managed to get me some admin work at the Crystal lake Research Facility!

The pay isn't all that great, but I get flexible hours and Jason and Kane hodder will put me up in their home on NW 45th street until I decide on a place of my own! I'm so excited about the way things are falling into place for me!

Hopefully you'll be back from Venezuela by then and we can finally meet.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:25 pm

Just got this. I'm, guessing Bethc8 is right and the money request is on it's way:

Honey,
How are U doing?
I am so glad that U got a permanent residence,Honey,I can't wait to see U Plus here in Venezuela lot of patent works are going on some could go for 600,000USDs for sale to Industries when completed,I am doing enormous work here with team of engineers..I am Just lonely and bored here no cougar to keep my company and make me feel good,I miss U so much..What time do U always get online maybe we can exchange few E.mails Instantly...
Kisses,
Love,
Sam

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 3:14 am

Still waiting on the money request. Got this in the meantime:

Honey,
How are U doing?
I Just want U to Know that I really miss U,Have a nice day...Kisses
Love,
Sam

He's stopped using "yours in poppers", we'll have to do something about that Wink

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 28 Mar 2010 Posts: 8

Hello!

I signed in a few minutes ago, just because I was so annoyed of the masses of scam-mails I received during the last days, but when I found your thread, I was not able to stop reading - it is like a thrilling book. Very Happy

This site is simply awesome! I just wanted to mention this. Please keep writing on!

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 02 Apr 2010 Posts: 3

hahaha!!! this is sooo interesting... would you go dating him if he visits you?

he is so stupid, he should be brainy enough to outsmart you..what a dork!!

Removed spam links -Ima

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 3:16 am

Let's see how he reacts to "Kathrin" really being a balding slightly overweight middle aged MAN! If we can get over that hurdle then we might go to a restaurant Wink

Though I think there will be a fight over who pays at the end of the night... Shocked

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 6:02 am

arlinda wrote:

hahaha!!! this is sooo interesting... would you go dating him if he visits you?

he is so stupid, he should be brainy enough to outsmart you..

Scammers don't visit with victims - they are only interested in the money. Why on earth do you think the scammer should be able to outsmart a baiter? Confused

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:51 pm

^^^ I have my moments of extreme stupidity, but they usually involve incredibly large amounts of alcohol! Frannypoo I baited while drunk more than once Embarassed

And I've made an executive decision: he pays! Wink

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