Paging Mr Rez - or is it Reez?

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Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 6:21 pm

Quote:

you are a YORUBA dirty dog boy.

Them's fightin' words!

Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 6:47 pm

..but he is still very hooked on Mr. Rez. It'd be nice if he outed himself to Mr.G, tho.

Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:58 pm

Happy International Friendship Week, my international friends.

Keep up the good work. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:40 am

Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2010 08:54:38 +0000

Quote:

Dear Rez,

Pay the funds to the account below and send the transfer slip.

A/C Name: Steady Links Ltd

A/C No.: 8275 3293 0468 14

Swift Code: commcn3xobu

Bank Name: Bank of communications offshore banking center shanghai

Prc Address, No. 188 Yin Cheng Road, Shanghai, China

Thanks

Bolkiah

why thank you so much, ages since I had one of them.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:23 pm

Thanks, laddie! And congratulations, IG. Very Happy

Hmm, I wonder if Mr. G. has seen this email? It's so funny when a lad doesn't realize that a new addy sent from an old one isn't secure. Wink

In the meantime, Mr. G. writes back to Hammed at his original addy, as Mr. G. wants to extend his hand in friendship and put the lad in his place. The lad said he would not write back to Mr. G., but we shall see about that. Smile

Quote:

Subject: Hammed, Hammed. Why are you being so difficult and unfriendly?

Dearest Friend Hammed,

Here I am, extending my hand in friendship and giving you a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the very best businessman, me, and you repay me with harsh words. Tsk, tsk. I know that you are no banker, but a common street cafe 419 boy, pretending to be a legitimate banker for the sole purpose of stealing money from innocent people like Mr. Rez. I'm not impressed with your reading of CHEMISTRY in a shitty university in Nigeria, either. I'm betting that you are flunking the course, behind on your school fees, and will soon be tossed out on your lazy ass. You spend far too much time trying to scam people, and not enough time studying for a degree and getting yourself a real job. Why not just admit it to me? You are not fooling me one bit, Hammed. You are a 419 scammer, and an unsuccessful one at that so far in this Mr. Rez deal of yours. I do not hide who I am, so why do you, when it is so damn apparent to us both?

You called me a small boy, a rat, a tout in the street, a YORUBA dirty dog boy. This sounds like sour grapes from a man who is bested by me. The rantings of a man who has never experienced a fine dolla chop by the best of the best, Chairman G0mer, really make me chuckle. Why can't you appreciate the skill at how I danced around both you and Mario Muckup? It really didn't take too much effort on my part, as you two boys are just rookies and not as sophisticated a man as myself. You say that I cannot read or write, yet I write far better than you do, Hammed. Your last email contained glaring spelling and grammatical errors.

You say that I am not in London, but where is your proof? If I was not, then who exactly met with Mr. Rez at the airport and held back his laugh while looking at your silly Mario in the coffee shop? I took this job personally, as I love to see the expressions on the faces of small time boys during their first Chairman Chop. hahaha. It was well worth it, too, as Mario was really pissed off, and confused as hell. He may have even cursed your name, although I wasn't quite close enough to hear all his mumblings.

How is Mario these days? He never had the common courtesy to ever write to me. I'm betting he was so pissed off, that he left your little self to take care of this job yourself. Pity really, as I wanted to run his ass around London some more. That old man needs some exercise to lose some of that belly fat of his.

You have only just met me, Mr. G0mer, and you profess to be some kind of expert on me? You also have the ridiculous idea that Mr. Rez will have me arrested! What utter nonsense! You have no idea how big a man I am and how untouchable I am.

Now, why don't you be a good little laddie of mine, and accept this new offer to you of 10% of the total collected from Mr. Rez. You can see that you are getting nowhere fast with him, or with me for that matter. Stop denying that I am your better, show more respect and friendliness toward me, and perhaps I may extend my hand to you and show you how it's really done. We have a few decent jobs in West Africa waiting for the right man to step up to the plate and take them. Maybe you would be interested in them, as members of my club receive higher pay and benefits. Accept me as your Chairman or continue to play your games with me. It's your choice. Choose wisely.

Regards,
Your Friendly Chairman G0mer.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:59 pm

OOOO! Hammed didn't like Mr. g.'s last email:

Quote:

from Hammed
to Gomer
date Sat, Mar 27, 2010
subject Mr. Tunji / Wake-up

Since you are a tout, I have nothing to do with touts or rat like you begging for Jobs, if you want one job and you are qualified, as a Man of God which I am and a strong CHRISTIAN, send your profile and I fix you a job there in London than roaming about the street scamming people.

Did I send you to London that you are stranded and begging for work? See Mr. Goer or what you call your self. Tunji or wake-up, I have explained it all to you, I know nothing to what you are saying and please do not write me anymore.

Take your time to seek the LORD JESUS CHRIST and stop scamming people. ASSHOLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile our "Man of God and strong CHRISTIAN" continues to scam victim Mr. Rez.... Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Mr. Rez,

Please keep me posted with the outcome of things, if you have sent the funds to the account so that I could alert Mr. Mario to hasten clearance and delivery to you tomorrow. Let me know if you have spoken to Mr. Mario?

Bolkiah
---
Please keep meposted Mr. Rez. Have you speken to Mr. Mario on the meeting with him.
---
Hammed
at bank to pay money
not spoken Belfiore will send bank slip

Rez
---
Dear Rez,

Ok, thanks for the update, send me the transfer slip.

Bolkiah

Don't you worry, Mr. G0mer will chop him again, and put the lad in his place. Smile

Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:56 pm

I sent him the money, sadly the message he sent me had been tampered with, and a different account had been substituted. I used Deuzer's bank transfer generator, he wasn't happy about that either.

He called me three times this afternoon, and I got a bit annoyed with him.

me getting a bit annoyed

The variations in my accent is because Mouton Blanc's lad has also been calling me, and to him I'm Scottish. (I keep forgetting which one I'm supposed to be)

Edit to add : its all getting a bit heated.

Quote:

Just what the feck was that phone call about?

I sent the money, exactly as you requested now you call me up and
say it is bullshit?

Where the feck are you coming from?
you have my money now get the other man to give me the luggage.

I've spent a lot of timetrying to help you get this fecking luggage
and you feck me about with a fecking phone call like that?

Get your fecking act together and get Mario to call me about
picking up the fecking luggage.

Rez

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 14:37:49 +0100

Quote:

You are fucking nuts in your head, even a boy of 10 years would know that this is not a payment even to a snake or to a parrot that can read; talk less of me a banker. Did I give you a name and account to pay money to Nigeria? You threw away the account I gave to you and sent it to yours fathers account, what are you trying to say to me in another form.

I am happy that you did not meet with Mr. Mario as no wonder Mr. Mario is right that you were never at the airport and formulated your self as Mr. Gomer to write dust on the transaction? Then he knew I stole the funds in his custody and was asking me who was the real owner, just because of you as Gomer to him. Nonsense.

I guess you are not fit to receive the funds as I will finalize with someone else in London there. Thanks for wasting my time talking to you. Sending a transfer slip with no record or maybe Scanner is finished in your side to scan a paper and send.

Mar 29, 2010, 3:58 PM

Quote:

Hammed,
I have no idea what you've got stuck up your arse this afternoon. I have made the payment to your bank account, you gave me those details in your message so what is your problem?

I don't know how you do things in a piss-ant backwater tin-pot shit hole of a country like you live in, here in the 21st Century we use electronic transfer methods to move money around.

Get your fecking act together and sort things out ans make the arrangements for me to collect he money.

Rez

then he sends :
Mon, 29 Mar 2010 14:52:44 +0100

Quote:

Asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm calming down a bit now.

Quote:

Hammed,
How can I take you as a serious business man when you send messages like this?

Quite simply, I sent the money to your account in Nigeria, where you are, paid into your account in your name as per your email, using the details that you sent me. They are still thee at the bottom of the message, exactly as you sent it to me.

Now, if you can manage to head your head out of whatever goat's arse you have it shoved up at the moment get to your bank and find out where the money is.

We don't use pieces of paper, we have things called computers here. Press a button and the money goes. Now speak to Mario and arrange the meeting to collect the luggage.

Try to get it right this time, as you know, your piss-poor attempts at security nearly cost us £4,500 to that Internet Joker Gomer.

Rez

Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 3:20 pm

Double post to announce the end of a beautiful friendship.

Date: Mon, 29 Mar 2010 16:09:02 +0100

Quote:

You sent it to your fathers ass or your into your Mothers pussy and not to me, I gave you account and you ingored it and send me a number that it's a transfer slip. This is my last email to you, if you want to reach me. call + 234 <snip>. I guess this ends the business. You can as well use Western Union and send me fake papers

Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 3:44 pm

Inspector Gadget wrote:

[...] the end of a beautiful friendship.

Date: Mon, 29 Mar 2010 16:09:02 +0100

Quote:

[...] if you want to reach me. call + 234 <snip>. [...]

Of course it's not the end. He sends you his phone number. He wants to be abused by you just you and nobody else but you.

...and we (I think I speak for everybody) want to hear the recording. Very Happy

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:38 pm

Mr. G0mer contacts Hammed again:

Quote:

Subject: Hammed, my fine little fellow

Dearest Brother in Mammon,

How is your cash flow going this week? hahaha.
There are many things that I could teach you, Hammed.
If you only stopped pretending and posing as a real shyster lawyer, Man of God, and strong CHRISTIAN, and admit to me that you are a small time 419 boy.
You know the truth about yourself and so do I. You worship Mammon, and you are a liar, a thief, and an advance fee fraudster.

You see, I admit who I am. I am Chairman Gomer, and my job is taking money from all the small time yahoo boys like you. My group watches you little guys, and when you have a ripe maga, we just swoop in, and take the cash. It's much easier work for us, and we live much better than you scrounging format boys. Taking from "guymen and brodas" does not bother us, and we sleep well in big houses and eat and drink fine food all over the world.
Gomer's Boys are everywhere. I have been very patient with you, Hammed, and have cut you some slack in your little gaming with me, to show you just what a Gomer Boy can do to yahoo boys. I'm hoping to convince you to stop your gaming with me and come and join us. But since you refuse to relent, I am forced to show you more of my powers.

I wonder what has happened with your payment from Rez today?
Maybe you have a good idea of where it went? Tell me. I want to see how damn smart you think you are. I promise to tell the truth to you, Hammed, and let you know if you are correct, just like I have been doing since we met.

And how is the Italian Pony doing these days? Has he skipped out on you, and left you holding the bag full of nothing? Or is he going to return for another round of scurrying about town like a chicken with his head cut off, flapping his wings in alarm and anger? If you dumped that moron, you might actually move ahead in life, Hammed. Just my opnion.

My offer of 5% of the total will stand for a couple of days until you have a chance to think things out. That's over $2500, plus I'll share the $4500 with you, 50/50 split. See how generous a man I am?
Looking forward to an affirmative response,

Your Chairrman, Mr. Gomer

Mr. G. also misses Mario:

Quote:

subject Hello again, Mario

Dearest Mario,

I have not heard from you in so long. How is life treating you these days?
I hope that you are not still angry at me. Are you?
Are you game for a bit more traveling?
Polish your shoes better the next time, or buy a new pair, and get something more suited to longer wear.
Sorry about this Mr. Rez job. It's just my business, chopping small yahoo boys. No hard feelings?

Deepest regards,

Mr. Gomer

Let's see if "Pony Boy" has anything more to Mr. G. now. Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:42 am

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 12:08:17 +0100

Quote:

You are crazy Mr. Rez or Mr. Gomer, what ever you call your self. You are fucking crazy in brain.

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:01:40 +0100

Quote:

Your Finro 2 Eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I already have a custom tag, and I prefer that one.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:22 pm

I like Hammed's compliments! So, let's check back and see how he is doing, shall we?
Smile

Quote:

subject Your name came up at lunch today

My Dearest Furry Friend,

Just a note to let you know I've been thinking about you.
Do you have an answer about how I was able to chop your dolla this last time?
Hint: I am really an oga. Mr Rez is real. No shit.

Baaaaah!
Mr. Gomer

Picture of goat's butt attached.

Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:22 am

He's not dead yet.

Quote:

Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 7:00 PM

Subject : Listen closely numbnuts.

What's this about another £2,000?

You said that the £4,500 was all that was needed. Make up your
mind, why wasn't the first payment enough?

Rez

All it took to regain his love was £££

Quote:

I am writing you because I just do not know why I as I may not write again. If I say I do not getyour emails is a lie. I have other people to attend to since you are playing with me, to have sent a payment without a transfer slip and more so to a wrong account shows you are a teenager. So I do not know whatyou are speaking furhter because I have drafted a power of attorney I want someone else to sing today and represent you.

So please get even? If you are sendingmoney, know you are not paying it to a kid but a banker.

Quote:

Hammed,
What are you talking about 'Power of Attorney?'
You aren't even in this country, how are you going to pass that on to me? Is this what I'm paying the extra £2,000 for?

How are you going to swear out the oath in front of a solicitor without even being here?

You want to be careful, I think someone is trying to rip you off.

Rez

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:22 pm

Too funny, IG! He came back to play with us teenagers. Sweet, dude! Very Happy

For all you followers of this one, MR. G. also sent this email, before IG sent his:

Quote:

subject So nice doing non-business with you two small bois.

Dearest small yahoo goat bois,

Just to let you know that I have collected all of the $4,500 from Mr. Rez, because someone named Hammed decided it was a better business decision to try and play little games with Mr. Gomer. He thought that he was smarter than Mr. Gomer, and could get around becoming his friend in this transaction, and share with his Chairman. As you can see, it was a bad decision, but not unexpected from such an immature idiot who still sucks goat teats. He resisted every opportunity that Mr. Gomer gave him to share the wealth, but his small boi pompous attitude and greed got the better of his intelligence, which seems to be at the level of a rotting tree grub crunching wildly. The Italian Pony Boi Mario has the emotional stability of a raving schizophrenic, and hasn't seen the reality of the incompetence of himself or his associates for decades, I believe. Delusional is being kind when referring to Mario.

I'm now in the process of extracting the remaining assets of your ex-client, and now you will get nothing as you refused to show Mr. Gomer any respect. I seriously do not believe how stupid you two morons are by refusing my first generous offer of 30%, when it was apparent that I was much more skilled than you were. You should have considered the big picture when dealing with Mr. Gomer. And to keep refusing subsequent offers was pure buffoonery on your parts. It was amusing to me though, regardless of the sad outcome for you two imbeciles.

I sincerely hope that the next time you meet your Chairman, you will apologize and kiss my ass a couple of times to make up for your insults and transgressions against me. That would be nice. Otherwise, I might get really nasty.

Have a wonderfully goaty day!

Chairmain Gomer.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 2:44 pm

Update. Hammed wrote back to Mr. G. twice.

Quote:

subject Re: Hammed, my fine little fellow

I am a millionaire as my cash flow is unlimited????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKKKK

----
subject Re: So nice doing non-business with you two small bois.

Please take $5m from Mr. Rez asshole. Mr. Rez is Mr. G0mer and all of you are ass holes. You can even take a pounds of his flesh to always make you rich. Little son boy, hope you heard me.

Mr. G. always gets the last word, doesn't he know that? Laughing

Quote:

from 0latunji G0mer
to hammed
date Fri, Apr 16, 2010 at 10:18 AM
subject Body eating isn't all it's cracked up to be

Dearest Suckling,

You really are amusing!! "I am a millionaire..." hahaha.
Yes, I can see you now poor boi, heading away from Adeola Odeku Street on Victoria Island from the cafe with empty pockets, again. I bet your parents are very disappointed in their sonny boi Hammed. Probably wishing they had a smart girl instead of the schmuck loser that you have become. So far, you are the most moronic yahoo boi I have ever had the pleasure of chopping. Most small bois like you know enough about Mr. G0mer not to dig their own graves like you have done. They work with their Chairman, and find him to be strict, but very fair. Take Mr. G0mer's offer and smile about it, or get nothing. Cross Mr. G0mer enough times, and you will end up taking a trip to Jankara Market, to be sold to juju men, and your liver will be served for dinner with onions and a fine Moet.

I saw your mother out the other day, said hello, and snapped her photo.
Now I know where you get your stunning good looks, but simple mind.
She probably won't even know that you are missing, which is nice for her.
Ignorance is bliss.

If you grovel and bow to me appropriately, I just may take you off my list, not for your own sake but for your mother's. The pain and anguish of conceiving then having a son like you is traumatic enough for any woman to bear. I much prefer being sweet, generous, and helpful.

Making the world a better place, one yahoo boi at a time.

Your Chairman, Mr. G0mer

Attached a picture of his dear mother. Smile

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 2:06 pm

Hammed likes to write back to Mr. G0mer. Fine, it will keep him busy and mad. What the heck is a "leaner?" Laughing

Quote:

subject Re: dick eating pussy

When you are ready you let me know as I do not deal with leaners and fulls like you. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Mr. G. might have to add him to his phone call list. 3AM would be a good time. Smile

And more emails, of course.

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 7:43 pm

Mr G0mer's letter is awesome, SH. I'm glad I'm your mentee, not a bad Yahoo boi at a lousy cafe in Lagos.

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 8:05 pm

Hammed has written to me again, wants to know when I'll be ready to do business with him, he just doesn't want to let go.

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