Hi All!! (STEWARD)

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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:17 am

Just trust in The Prophet.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:14 am

Due to <strike>a conspiracy of the highest order</strike> reasons best know by me, I can only post a partial translation of the missing texts.

thusly hath steward wrote:

...Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one...

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:11 am

I believe that my position as "Moderator whom Steward loved the most" gives me the power to comment with authority.

When Steward came to us, we were like blind men, pissing against the wind. He united us, gave us a purpose, a reason for being and showed those who truly believe that there is a way to redemption and a life outside of the PWT.

But Steward's words aren't for all. There is much power in them and, to the uninitiated, they could cause more damage than good - hence the missing post. To gather the Essence of Steward, one must understand. And to understand, one must study. Only the true disciple of Steward can follow the path that He has set. And once one understands, one will be party to the "Lost Words of Steward".

All except for MikeH. No-one likes him. Even Steward hated him. Unfortunately, he will just have to burn in the Unhetero Flames of Shitfuckery for all eternity.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:48 am

^^^^ have you been eating those green nuts again?

@Corona - I'd always credited you with more sense. You disappoint me.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 15 Mar 2010 Posts: 4

Thank you for the (strange but delightful) welcome! Perhaps this was not the thread I should have announced my arrival Razz

I was reading late into the night of all the meticulous work, the care and precision (GPS with a 1 meter Circular Error Probable? wow!) brought forth by these gallant warriors of the Net.

Bless you folks for being what you are.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:00 am

gangeticus wrote:

Thank you for the (strange but delightful) welcome! Perhaps this was not the thread I should have announced my arrival Razz

.

You've stumbled into a thread discussing the meaning of life (& steward - note I don't capitalize). I'm right & everyone else here's wrong.

I think this might be what you're looking for:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=133443&start=825

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

I hate to ruffle anyone's feathers, but it must be noted that Steward was just a small boi. His modalities were unusual and his message was most definitely not well understood, nor did it come as a surprise. Let's just say that his consignment was not ready for delivery.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:49 pm

^^^Looks like someone is jealous of the chosen Mod.

Let not sharp and wicked staple removers bruise this Mod's heel! Project him and show him the way of Steward. Thanks for all or you!

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:52 pm

^^^ Stone him!

Stone the heretic.

Stone the crows.

Stoned love.

Love a duck.

You see! the love of Steward dilated my anger with JMR and thus it was turned to love and forgiveness.

Blessed be Steward and blessed be the ones who follow him.

Is that not a miracle?

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:43 pm

JMR: for Steward's sake: this is pure blasphemy. I suspect your demodification notice is awaiting in your inbox by now. Thanks for all or Rover!

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

gangeticus wrote:

Thank you for the (strange but delightful) welcome!

If you think this is strange, just stick around. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.

So saith Steward, so saith the flock.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:58 pm

At last! An enlightened mod. I'm glad you've chosen the path of logic & common sense & supported my cause. Unlike some other flea-ridden jackbooted rodents I could mention.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:41 pm

Greetings to my fellow 3rd posts.
I see Steward's selecting Slightly as the chosen mod has caused at least one lesser mod to lash out in a futile tantrum. What a pity. It is also a pity that Steward has no pity on pitiful blasphemers. But enough dwelling with the unwashed masses.

It is an incontrovertible truth that Steward condescended on 03 March 2010. Whether thou writest the date the weird European way or the true and awesome American way, thou doth write 03/03/10 and 03/03/10 is the manner in which thou writest. Three, O, it's the magic number. Yeah it is. It's the magic number.
If Eater had been capable of fully capturing Steward's awesomeness, there is no doubt that his post count would read 3.14159.... However, there is enough mystery with what little and so very much we have of his marvelous teachings.
It is clear that iMike and JMR have decided to try to silence the truth. Beware, O righteous 3rd posts, for they are only two of what shall surely be three anti-Stewards.
Yea, I dreamed a dream. And in the dream a golden piece of toast nestled in a field of wild flowers in front of me. A black bear and a gorilla were fighting over a cushioned chair at a dinette set to my right. A goat fetus suspended on a swarm of moths was whispering dressmaking trade secrets on my left. The toast spoke to me. It said, "Hi All!!"
As my mind raced to think of what question I should ask, a dark and terrible figure appeared behind it. It was the body of a man, with everything above the waist missing. Its legs were shriveled with over-sized kneecaps and painful looking varicose veins and its privy member was embarrassingly small, wilted looking and a sickly grayish color. Two legs, one embarrassingly small unit--three parts. The figure stood poised to urinate on the toast, but before the brownish stream reached the purity of the toast, a mighty wind arose at my back and drove the foul liquid back at the figure, drenching it.
Again, beware there is still a third anti-Steward to come.

Hi Corona.
Hi All!!
Amen.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:07 pm

To prove the power of the Steward, in exactly 300 posts time, Mr Scissorkick's post count will get stuck at 1337.
you mark my words.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:14 pm

The movement is growing. There are 2 of us. Your pathetic visions of burnt bread are crumbling.

One of the things that is wrong with stewardism is that it teaches us to be satisfied with answers which are not really answers at all.

More will follow the true path of logic & sanity. Stewardism will crumble & vanish. Right now, Metallica is more popular than steward....

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:19 pm

@Inspector: A great day it shall be.
@iHeretic: Don't tell Brother of Puppets, but those guys are sell-outs.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 16 Mar 2010 Posts: 2

Hi all, I'm new here but been watching the forum for a while. Been looking at all the arguments here and I must say I'm on the side of iMike & JMR.

The rest of you are really misguided! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:55 pm

Postulate your hypothesis, RanSid. Are you he of the small shriveled member, who is yet unnamed but seeks naming?

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 16 Mar 2010 Posts: 2

this Steward character just appears then disappears. Did he do good works? Did he perform miracles? No, he just vanished again. How do you know I'm not Steward reincarnated?

My member is certainly not shrivelled. As for naming - I call him Little Sid.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:03 pm

^^^ thank you brother Sid. Told you so guys, the movement to discredit steward gathers momentum.

I call mine Big Mike..... Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:05 pm

Slightlyoutofit wrote:

All except for MikeH. No-one likes him. Even Steward hated him. Unfortunately, he will just have to burn in the Unhetero Flames of Shitfuckery for all eternity.

Folks, as you can see, our brother Slightly is in terrible pain. Can we not give him succor and relief somehow?

As for me, the Prophet himself has taught us all the path in his own miraculous Second Post. Life is suffering, detachment is the true way to happiness, so I respond only,

Quote:

Thanks for all or you

.

And so it is that a soft answer not only turneth away rage, it also frustrateth the shit out of the other person.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:08 pm

Quote:

brother Slightly is in terrible pain. Can we not give him succor and relief somehow?

Or have him put down??

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:09 pm

RanCid,

Oh, yikes, TMI! Shocked

Disappearing and re-appearing is something important personalities do, look at Lindsay Lohan, Tiger Woods, and Heraldo Rivera.

Good acts? He brought us together under the 3rd post. What else is better?

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:16 pm

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:17 pm

Quote:

TMI!

Three Mile Island? What's that got to do with the price of fish?

You leave my acolyte alone. You don't want to scare him away do you? Just think, RanSid made 2 posts & then disappeared.............