Another worthy target

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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:09 am

@ Juan Freizwidatt, Ghost and Jose_Cuervo: Thanks for the reassurance! Cool

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:31 am

Thanks a lot Koko. Now because of you I am going to be looking at pictures of Eva Mendez and Eva Longoria for the next 10 hours Evil or Very Mad

Before anyone asks, hands down... Eva Mendez.

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 6:57 pm

Just got this one from the banker:

Bank Script Monkey wrote:

Date; 15 March 2010

Attention; Mr XXXXX XXXXX.

Re: Fund Transfer Notice of Amount US$6,500,000.00

Dear Sir,

Kindly download the attachment file and get back to us for transfer.

Yours Faithfully

Mr. Richard Phillips
International Remittance Department,
Ominifinance Bank (London Representative office)
Tel/Fax:+44 7011183963

Failed to notice that my character isn't a "Mr". Then again I've seen that so often I was almost expecting it.
The attachment is his script in a JPG file... Lazy git wouldn't even type it out. Anyone else get this one? Does he seem particularly suspicious of repeated "corrupted/missing attachment" claims?
Can't take any short cuts with me laddo! Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 8:04 pm

^^^I received the same.
I´ve replied that I don´t open attachments, could he send on the docco as part of the text, please?

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 8:18 pm

Cammy gave the lawyer a mild slap:

Quote:

I didn't ask you to go and pester Mrs Ch03n - I asked you to explain, in simple English, what you want those documents for. She's very sick and maybe unto death. Just answer my questions and we can get this done.

That he didn't appreciate:

Quote:

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM NOT THE ONE ASKING FOR THE DOCUMENTS BUT THE BANK.
THE DOCUMENTS SIMPLY MEANS THAT THE UNITED KINGDOM MINISTRY OF JUSTICES / FINANCE HAS WITNESSED AND CONFIRM THAT YOU AND THE NEW AND APPOINTED BENEFICIALLY OF THE SAID AMOUNT (6.5 MILLION$) AND THE FUND IS FREE FROM MONEY LAUNDERING, NARCOTICS, AND THIS SERVES AS EVIDENCE TO ITS VERACITY AND IS REQUIRED FOR COURT PROCEEDINGS AND WILL EMPOWER THE BANK TO TRANSFER THE FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS DURING THE TRANSFER. I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THIS STATEMENT.
UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PAYMENT, YOUR FULL CONTACT INFORMATION'S WILL BE TAKEN TO THE UNITED KINGDOM MINISTRY OF FINANCE WHERE THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS WILL BE OBTAINED ON YOUR BEHALF. UPON THAT, THE COMMISSIONER OF OATHS WILL SIGN IT AND I WILL SIGN ON BEHALF OF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER MRS AMIRA CHOEN AND THEN, THE ORIGINAL COPIES WILL BE SENT TO YOU AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THE SUM THEN YOU CAN ALSO HAVE A VIEW OF THE DOCUMENTS TO ENABLE UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY WHAT THE DOCUMENTS STANDS FOR.
AS SOON AS THIS IS DONE, YOU WILL HAVE THE FULL RIGHTS AND AUTHORITY TO CLAIM THE FUND AND THE BANK WILL TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TRANSFERRING THE TOTAL SUM OF US$6,500,000.00 ( SIX MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ) TO YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.
I WANT YOU TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT FOR THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS WITH THE MODE OF PAYMENT I STATED IN MY PREVIOUS MAIL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND KINDLY SEND DETAILS TO MY MAIL AND WITHIN 2 WORKING DAYS, I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS THAT WILL EMPOWER THE BANK TO TRANSFER THE TOTAL SUN OF US$6,500,000.00 (SIX MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
MY RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY.

I don't think he'll like Cammy's reply:

Quote:

As far as I'm concerned you're the one doing the asking, so I asked you.
FYI I'm not the beneficiary of this sum - it belongs still to Amira Ch03n and I'm just looking after it. There's no change of ownership involved so you won't need that form - just the power of attorney and the other two.

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:47 pm

Hey peeps

Cancerous mole and the posh pommy lawyer share the same IP - 41.202.80.180 So Smelly ratchets up the ramble-ometer up another notch to see what it will take to get her to cry.

And before anyone asks, the rumour going around about me lying in congress with cancerous mole is entirely false! This teddy is spoken for ... Embarassed

Smelly wrote:

Dear Cancerous Mole

Thank you for your explaining everything to me. Forgive my impertinence, but you did not tell me what you want us to do with our charity funds. Nor did you tell us if you think we should give it all to Mr Koffi (from Nigeria) since we have already given him so much. SInce you did not do so, I will take this to mean that we should give Mr Koffi everything as soon as possible so that there is no delay. I'm surprised that you agree with that mole Muriel but you are wise and know best. <- what does it take to get this lot off-script. Jees!

Everything that we are doing, each letter and task, is put into the Lord's hands for He shall deliver unto us the Choen Widows Ministry. We both stand before a great task that will help make a difference for those poor heathen in Haiti who worship a lessor and false God. The Lord is wise in all things.

I really should not be bothering you at such a sensitive time with your major surgery due at any moment. If I might be so bold, what exactly are you having done to you? I hope they are not removing your esophagus or any of your fine womanly bits. I heard that when they remove your esophagus then sew your anus to your mouth which must play havoc on your breath. Gargle with lots of mouth wash and onion juice. That might cover up those foul cancerous malodorous unctions rising from your nether regions. When we meet I promise not to cringe in horror. Can't have a brave Christian woman like yourself frightening all of your visitors can we? Do you still have all of your women's bits or have they all been atrophied from age. That happens. My old gran who had been widowed for 35 years told me that she never had congress with man nor beast after my grand-dad was knocked by the pommy black and tans during the troubles in Ireland. Granny had that oldtimers(??), arstimers(??) disease where they get all discombobulated and their woman horsemoans get all ansty. She told me that when she tried to have congress with an 'uncle' that she couldn't because her woman bits had rusted or dried out or some such thing. It was all too grisly for me at the time, being that I was only 10. You sure do look like you are old - maybe that is the weeping cancer that God has seen fit to inflict upon you?

I understand that we are trying to smoothly arrange for your money to be put into the fabulous Choen Widows Ministry. How exciting! And the name just drips from the tongue - excellent choice. Still, I feel duty bound to protect your interests from carpet baggers, bludgers and boy buggerers. I can't expect a sickly woman to appreciate just how base some men can be when it comes to doing whatever it takes to get their devil stained hands on God's work. I'll do whatever you need. Don't you worry. From your puffy, dry, crusty lips to God's ears you sweet woman. The Lord commands us and we obey. Helllilulia! Praise Jevus! Do I hear "AMEN!!"<- what can I say? I like south park

If you tell me that the posh pommy lawyer and that creature in the bank, Mr Phillips, are your servants in God then I will do exactly whatever they tell me and trust in your sound but cancer addled judgment. You are a servant of God and we obey. Please tell both men (they are men I gather) that I will cooperate fully with their every instruction and command as if it came from you, God's servant. And please tell both men that they simply must talk in simple terms to me as opposed to using all of their special phrases. It's important that they know I am not skilled in the law of finance. Would not want to disappoint you over my ignorance nor feel embarrased either.

I was deeply touched that you told that posh pommy lawyer that I was a friend of your family. That is so very reassuring and I am deeply honoured my dear woman. Yes, I do feel a special and very close connection with you. But not so close that I would lie in congress (always wanted to use this phrase)with you while you were ridden with the cancerous pox. That would be unthinkable. So please don't think that I expect any special favours of a deviant nature from you. Just so that there is no misunderstanding between us, my family name is held in high regard in these here parts and it's just not possible for me to change it to yours no matter what our custom on such things is in Australia. I sincerely hope that I have not disappointed you. <- dis-education continues

I have not heard from the pommy lawyer or that banker creature, Mr Phillips, since I wrote to them. Maybe they have decided I am not the best to help them after all?

Best of luck with your surgery Mrs Choen. Please make certain that you keep a close eye on your arms and legs in case anyone gets the wrong idea. Would you like me to send you some mouthwash?

Stay blessed in Christ and try not to grow used to all of that morphine. It is the devil's drug.

Yours sincerely

"Smelly" Hunt
PS Thanks for the pictures. It appears that those lazy nurses have not even bothered to change your clothes or alter your position at all since you sent the last ones. Be careful. Bed sores can kill old ladies.

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 10:40 pm

Forgot to mention the posh pommy lawyer contacted the banker creature off his own bat. My goodness they really do provide excellent service but what else can we expect when they sit next to each other? Shocked

I've noticed how everyone is stalling ... and will stall too of course. Posh pommy lawyer cannot get authority from the banker because Smelly has not yet given any of the necessary forms and info. Shocked

This doe not auger well for the quality of his legal services.

The lawyer also says nothing about Choen Widows Ministries at all so how can he be any good? And what incompetence ... he did not check to make sure poor sickly Cancerous Mole was mentally competent to sign a lawful consent. That's just not good enough for my close personal friend, Mrs Cancerous Mole. Away! To the Teddy Mobile!

Smelly to Posh Pommy Lawyer wrote:

Dear Posh Pommy Lawyer

RE: Creation of Cancerous Mole Widows Ministry

Thank you for your letter of of 15/3/10.

Mrs Cancerous Mole is a close family friend as I am sure she has informed you? She asked me to trust your judgment and do that I can to help her establish the Choen Widows Ministry using monies help in the Omni Finance Bank in London.

Mr Posh Pommy Lawyer I am very concerned about poor Mrs Cancerous Mole's health. She tells me that she is having surgery - probably already had the surgery to remove her esophagus. This might present complications for us both and you do know how sickly Mrs Cancerous Mole hates for any of us to have complications or conflict as we strive to help her do God's work.

Last night on Greys Anatomy, an old woman (who looked quite like poor Mrs Cancerous Mole), was having cancer surgery too. They needed to remove her esophagus and then attach the anus (inside of course) so that she could eat properly. She was in terrible pain and was getting lots of morphine. Some smarty pants doctor noticed that she had not signed the consent form for surgery which was probably a lucky thing for her. Dr Grey is over-rated if you ask me. I prefer that pretty blond doctor they call Izzy or Dizzy myself. Muriel prefers that faker Dr "McDreamy" but she has no taste. Anyway, there was all of this hub-bub about whether or not the patient could even sign a lawful consent because she was under the influence of morphine. So they had to get a relative to sign the consent for her.

Now here is our complication. Mrs Cancerous Mole is clearly affected and the wacky drugs and cancer are obviously affecting her mental faculties. You are a highly educated man with your barrister training in the Law. What can we do to make certain Mrs Cancerous Mole gets her esophagus removed and her anus sewn in it's place so that she can eat properly? Is the surgery the very best option for her treatment since it will leave her with ghastly death breath because of all of the terrible odours emanating from her nether regions? Is this surgery lawful and should we not, as her dearest and closest friends, do all that we can to make sure she receives the very best care money can buy?

I think we need to arrange for Mrs Cancerous Mole to receive a second medical opinion? What do you think?

But if the surgery is required and it is absolutely necessary (even though it will leave her without terrible breath and without her woman's parts) then shouldn't we make sure that there is a valid lawful consent for her to have it? I don't know if Mrs Cancerous Mole has any close relatives in London to sign a lawful consent for her. If not, as her nearest and dearest friend, I stand ready to surge into the fray and do the deed. Please turn your piercing legal mind onto this problem as a matter of grave urgency. I saw Mrs Cancerous Mole's most recent pictures and was shocked to discover that she is being neglected by those lazy bum nurses who are pretending to care for her. She looked terrible! Those nurses had not bothered to change her clothes nor had they bothered change her position in the least.

I fear that she will die soon. If this happens, then God will strike us all blind in His fury. Hell hath no fury like a God! On the off chance that Mrs Cancerous Mole were to shuffle off this mortal coil, do you handle medical negligence cases. Best we keep our options open. Who knows if this was what God planned for her all along?

As soon as I hear from you then I will do what you ask of me. We are all in this together for the Glory of Cancerous Mole Widows Ministries! Huzzah! You fail to mention if you are a true God fearing man or not. It's critical that you are if I am to do business with money lenders and legal minds.

Yours sincerely

Mike "Smelly" Hunt
PS - are you sure that our local policeman would not be a better person for you to talk too about all of these highly complex finance and legal matters? I really know little about any of this and am just going by what I watch on TV.

Be nice to see laddo's face. Winds back arm for the big slapporama Twisted Evil

Edit: minor typos

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 10:47 pm

^^dogsbum . I am at the letter from the lawyer stage. Off to reply now.
I think i just sent you a pm re: ??somehing.......

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:18 pm

Continued efforts to get cancerous mole off script ...

Smelly wrote:

Dear Cancerous Mole

I pray for you in your darkest hour. May God's angels hover over your fetid brow and wipe away the purulent discharge from your cancer.

Good news!

Shortly after I last wrote to you, I received a letter from your posh pommy lawyer. He does seem to know his law and seems especially helpful. I can't say the same for that banker creature, Mr Phillips, but you told me he was a good man and a close family friend and I do trust your judgment. I just don't like the way he talks down to me. Mr Phillips can be very rude and obviously has no idea that he is speaking to someone who has a few quid in the bank. Well, he won't ever get my $12 million that's for sure. Not that this is much around here but unlike many I always had my doubts about gambling on the stock market. But I did keep my resources stocks and what would you know, China comes to the rescue and they went sky high. Who would have imagined I could make so much just by doing nothing at all!. Fortunately most of my money is safely tucked away at the WESTPAC bank branch at Katherine. Maybe we should move the Choen Widows Minsitry funds to WESTPAC too? I can talk to the bank manager if you like. (WESTPAC is a real bank and an opportunity for dis-education)

I've asked the posh pommy lawyer to do whatever he can to make certain that those lazy incompetent nurses change your clothes and turn your frequently. I was just disgusted with the terrible care that you are so obviously receiving. How else can they explain how disgusting you looked in your last photos. The posh pommy lawyer will also make certain that you get a second opinion about the planned cancer surgery. Fortunately for you I watched Grey's Anatomy last night (video) and as the good Lord ordained, was awake to see almost the precise, same situation as your own. A woman was about to have her esophagus removed and with the anal reconstruction but everything was put on hold until they got a lawful consent to surgery signed. Of course the patient could not sign one because she was wacked out by morphine and pain and her mentals were totally addled. Just like your situation, Cancerous Mole.

I don't know if you have the ability to read this letter or not but rest assured we will do whatever it takes to make sure that you receive the very best care possible. That pommy lawyer will surely set things to right. As soon as the pommy lawyer tells me everything is fine then I will do exactly what he wants.

As your closest and dearest friend, your needs come first. If there is anything else I can do or you please let me know. Are you sure I can't send you some mouthwash?

Yours in Christ

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:30 am

^^Yastreb you got your Omni bank letter 5 days ahead of me. It's like a vision of my future. I see in my crystal ball...a lawyer. OK everybody on the same page. Phillips is bank dude and lawyer will be Gerald correct.
I just answered Omni 10 minutes ago. If all of us meet at a WU or MG and compare notes it would be game over too soon. please I need help.
At the moment it's massbait. Each following our own path. Might drag out longest in this modality. If there is an advantage to CO-bait hmmm
@dogsbum I had a thought & sent a PM...

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:26 am

Well, G3r4ld 0xf0rd knuckled under!

Quote:

I AM IN RECEIPT OF YOUR E-MAIL AND AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE PAYMENT AND WILL PROCEED FOR THE THREE DOCUMENTS AS YOU HAVE STARTED
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
MY RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY.

He won't like this:

Quote:

Glad you got my point. Send me an invoice for the fees and a bank account to remit them to and we're good to go.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:38 am

I´ve gotten to the ominivorous stage.
At the moment I´m baiting slow, straight and just barely able to tie my shoes.

I enjoy your audacity, dogsbum. Thanks for posting up those amazing messages of yours!

Quote:

I've asked the posh pommy lawyer to do whatever he can to make certain that those lazy incompetent nurses change your clothes and turn your frequently. I was just disgusted with the terrible care that you are so obviously receiving. How else can they explain how disgusting you looked in your last photos.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:46 am

Aww, I feel like I've fallen way behind you guys. Sad

Barely gotten past the first contact with the banker yet, hehe.

I just like stalling these guys. Hoping they'll get more desperate as they start running into the brick walls you're putting in their way Twisted Evil

@dogsbum
Those messages you're sending are works of comedy art. Just letting you know Wink

@psychicbait
Thanks for the suggestion Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:59 am

@psychicbait, technomancer - thanks. Very Happy

Thought I might make them read what people send rather than just send all of us the same boring tripe. I prefer my scripts to theirs any day.

Would you believe I base all of my characters on real people that I know? Which means I need to hang around a better crowd, I guess. So how come I am here???? Very Happy

OK ... despite Smelly pushing buttons, posh pommy lawyer refuses to do his damned job properly. I am aghast at his lazy incompetence and lack of respect for our beloved cancerous mole.

Posh pommy lawyer wrote:

I WANT YOU TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT FOR THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS WITH THE MODE OF PAYMENT I STATED IN MY PREVIOUS MAIL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND KINDLY SEND DETAILS TO MY MAIL AND WITHIN 2 WORKING DAYS, I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS THAT WILL EMPOWER THE BANK TO TRANSFER THE TOTAL SUN OF US$6,500,000.00 ( SIX MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ) TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.

The fuck you say you slimy bastard! (... sometimes I stay in character too long. ooopsy Embarassed

) You will respect my authoritaaaaa! Twisted Evil

This won't do ... no. I feel a slap building from waaaaaaaaay down this teddy's nether regions. Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:04 am

Dogsbum, Smelly and Cammy must have met at some point - I think he's starting to swear the way she does a lot of the time.

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:18 am

^^^ Cammy is just sooooo you know? ALL womanly. Probably has all her parts too I bet. Smelly is a sweetie ... but I've often wondered if he has a thing for Cammy. Hmmm ....

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:30 am

Cammy is definitely XX chromosonally, trust me... and XXX in her speech a lot of the time!

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:42 am

^^^ So she is a normal woman then?

OK ... Smelly decided not to bend over for the posh pommy lawyer after all and threatens to tell on him. What a girl he is ...

Smelly to the posh pommy lawyer wrote:

Dear Posh Pommy Lawyer

RE: Cancerous Mole Widows Ministries

I just received your letter and demand that you reprimand your incompetent assistant immediately.

My most recent communication with you dated 14 March 2010, has obviously not been brought to your esteemed and most learned attention. Whoever it is in your office that collates your correspondence needs to be counseled about how to distinguish between a simple conveyancing matter and something involving the life or death of your client! Please do not fire them for their criminally negligent incompetence just yet. They might prove to be an amusing distraction for you when you go to your lawyer's club, if you get my drift.

I won't waste your time by repeating my previous concerns. Grab that numb-nut assistant and force them (at gun point if necessary) to find my email and then give it to you at once! <- well he is cross after all.

Your client Cancerous Mole needs your highly skilled, finely honed, and laser sharp legal mind focused on one thing: saving her life.

Please get back to me when you have formed your learned legal opinion. If I do not hear from you promptly then I will assume that you have drunk far too much of that rich plonk lawyers drink and are chasing your assistant around the office. Of course I will have to report to that long suffering cancer ridden sweet Cancerous Mole that you ave completely ignored her needs and are just spinning your wheels in anticipation of a fat fee. We both know this news might kill her stone cold dead. (I wish! Twisted Evil

)

Yours sincerely

"Smelly" Hunt
PS Do you handle property conveyancing? I'd like to buy a London property and don't know any other lawyer there.

Take that you posh lawyer!!!!!!! (teddy got a slap in ... wooohoooo!)

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:53 am

As an aside, Brainiac and I are currently working a couple of dullards using jose_cuervo's infamous bull milking ASEM.

Lads will do just about anything for a fabled western onion MTCN. Including but not limited to getting bull semen by hand. Ours are princes of hard work and interesting habits ... Twisted Evil

Definitely NSFW ... http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=83468&highlight=bull+dna

JC sets a high standard for belly laughs. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:42 pm

God can't someone's character PLEASE threaten to put a hit on the damnable poncy pommy lawyer? Evil or Very Mad

He's pissing me off with his complete and utter determination to stick to the boring script.

OK ... poncy lawyer tried to confuse me with his powerful legal mind. (not impossible BTW)
So I thought he needed a much bigger slap. What an utter dopey sod. Sure as heck can't inflict him on cancerous mole ... sure can. Very Happy

Poncy Pommy Lawyer wrote:

PLEASE I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT THE BANK IS REQUESTING FOR SOME LEGAL DOCUMENTS BEFORE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT. SO PLEASE KINDLY SEND ME THE FEES OF THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED. (should I tell him to stop shouting at me?)

Can't let this droopy donger get away with talking down to me. I'm cancerous moles best mate!

Smelly to poncy lawyer wrote:

Dear Poncy Pommy Lawyer

RE: Your failure to provide competent professional legal services to Cancerous Mole

Clearly you have lost all control over that slag secretary who works for you because I just received the most damningly incompetent piece of legal correspondence since Hitler's piece treaty with the Russians. And we all know how that turned out for the Russians. They were completely butt fucked up and down the steppes if you will pardon my French.

Poncy Pommy Lawyer just because you are obviously well educated and know all about the law stuff don't talk down to me and please don't ply me with your legal wiles. As a rule I don't enjoy wiles from foreign men. Or any man in general. (I've heard stories about posh pommy lawyers and I'm starting to think they might be all true.)

Who the hell is your client? The banker creature Mr Phillips or that poor sweet woman dying in some god forsaken stink hole hospital in terrible desperate need of mouthwash? Hint - it's that foul looking woman in the attached photo-graphics. (it's the Aussie drawl at work) Do you think she is getting any better lying stock still in the same spot for days and probably still wearing those discharge stained bed clothes. No doubt those clothes are fly blown even as you dare to waste my time. Mr Oxford you have a client who is writhing in cancer's agonising grip so even someone as poorly educated as this country boyo would know that now is not the time for playing mind games. Why are you playing mind games with me, Mr Oxford? Why indeed. (reaches for another beer)

Sir, I am more than happy to deal with those complicated legal documents just as soon as you get Mrs Choen the second medical opinion that she desperately requires. Were you able to grasp my simple non legal words? She needs help to stay alive. A charity is going to do fuck all for her cancer so pull your poncy fat arse off that chair, shuffle away from the secretary, do up your fly and do your damned job! Mrs Choen told me you were her friend and yet you are content to stick your chubby poncy finger in your ears, a thumb up your arse and flatulate the tune of "God Save the Queen". Are you mad sir or hopped up on some drugs? It's always the drugs.

I had heard that every time you poms sent a convict to Australia our average IQ rose and England's average IQ fell. But until now I just thought is was a lame joke. You sir are proof it is true.

If you are so grossly incompetent that you cannot bother to read your client's letters fully and completely then there is not a shred of a chance that I will chose your firm to deal with my conveyancing issue. This is what happens when you fuck around.
(that will learn his arse Twisted Evil

Sir, I am of a mind to write to that poor dying woman and tell her to fire your lazy arse. Clearly she would do far better with an elderly rabid asthmatic gerbil and a piece of chewing gum.

Yours sincerely

"Smelly" Hunt

Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:10 pm

Well, for Cammy this one is all sweetness and reason! No COMMON STREET THAWTH VERGABON here!

Quote:

Download the attached file to enable you find the invoice.
MODE OF PAYMENTS
I RECEIVE PAYMENTS THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER FOR QUICKIE RECEIVE WHICH I WILL ADVICE THAT YOU USE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER, BUT IF YOU INSIST, YOU CAN GO A HARD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT IN OUR CHAMBERS ACCOUNT WHICH YOU WILL ALSO FIND IN THE INVOICE.
FIND BELOW THE INFORMATIONS ONCE AGAIN WERE YOU WILL EFFECT THE PAYMENT ( £ 3,000,00 ) THROUGH WESTERN UNION,
[ - snipped - ]
MODE OF PAYMENT FOR WIRE FUND THROUGH BANK TO BANK
Beneficairy Bank:
Zions Bank
P.O. Box 71402 Salt Lake City, UT 84171
[ - snipped - ]
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
MY RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY.

Can anyone spot the mistake?

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:51 am

^^^ way cool Yastreb. How come that posh lawyer is all sweetness to Cammie?

And did my eyes deceive me ... a piggy bank???? Very Happy

(the crowd goes wild)
Mistakes? Can't exactly see clearly enough to make out very much. My eyes are crosses you know.

I've had my fair share of solicitors bills and this one seems far too small to be real. They live and die by billable hours. Every single teensy thing that can be charged for (no matter how trivial or marginal) will appear on a bill. For example: phone call on 15/03/2010 14:34 to 14:38 - $250. The totals don't appear to match what we were told earlier ... wasn't it supposed to be $6,500? Cannot see VAT / GST entry. Currencies ...??

Can we do some more misinformation with the posh lawyer laddo?
For example: the Afghan War Reparations Levy - GBP 120 & Winston Churchill Stamp Duty - GBP 25 - mandated by the Upper House of Lord on 01/01/2009

I feel so left out. Might be time to play nice and let them know this was all a terrible mistake. Smelly had a brain tumour and was prone to bizarre behaviour. He was found late last night - dead! MURDERED. And he left everything to cancerous mole. Stay tuned ... script writing adjustments to make.

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:25 am

@dogsbum,

your post to the barrister remind me of my RL father´s parting advise to me when I left for Europe:
"Never trust your back to a pom"

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:35 am

@psychicbait - actually I really like poms. It's the sheep fugging kiwis we all have a problem with. Whenever Aussies do anything - play cricket, tennis, drinking, fighting, war, rooting ... whatever, we really don't care who comes first so long as beat the kiwis.

On the other hand Smelly is a homophobic red-necked cockie from the deep north. And based entirely on a RL person I know. All of my characters are - makes it easier for me to give them voices.

@ Yastreb ... I'm sorta confused with cancerous moles bank account info. Wasn't the money kept in OMNIFINANCE? Is the posh pommy in London?
And the mole is in Senegal or Ladgeria?
So the account is in the USA?

Shocked

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:02 am

The mistake on the invoice is that it's got Cammy in the USA.

She hasn't told him yet.