Hi All!! (STEWARD)

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Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:57 pm

I spoke to someone who heard through a neighbour's friend that Steward was nice.

If the Vatican does not beatify Steward then let's face it, the current pope on a rope is a joke. Speaking of which ... how about Steward merchandise?

The 7 stations of Steward's Suspension by the EVIL moderators (I spit in their general direction!).

But wait there is more ... Genuine Steward Relics. All forms of body part, cell, odour, gaseous emission, nocturnal emission ... have to be returned to his church for verification / reward / punishment. And I hear Steward might have been wacked (crucified and or demodulated) by a dark member of Opus Dei (who cannot be named). There are many clues ... many, many clues.

@ mr.scissorkick ... Steward would have been so proud of your electronic shrine. Bless you.

Should not all true followers of the philosphy that was Steward write some contribution into his Gospel so that ll might know his teachings? I often thought he would say: "Keep thine member pointing down and to the left. Only cock-wallets (thanks SOOI) and cow cockies point their members up and to the right."

I feel so unworthy to utter the name of Steward. I need to be beaten again. NN! Are you ready? Embarassed

Edit: my catholic teachers would hang their heads in shame ... replaced "stages" with "stations" ... the trials of Steward.

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:59 pm

^^ Always. Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:30 pm

Call of Interest to help Prepare the Holy Gospel of All Teachings Of Steward.

Henceforth to be known as Stewards Holy GOAT.

One of Stewards favourite pastimes was moderator inflicted mortification of the flesh ... yes, I'm looking at you Roy, Juan, SOOI and Lucky. But Steward enjoyed this far too much ...

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:54 am

Chapter 2

As we left the Palace, Holmes inquired of Sir Humphrey Cholmondley-Smythe, the Head of Her Majestys Armed Forces about the rumours that had been presented to us while in conclave with Her Majesty, and the Prime Ministers Cabinet.

Was it true that Steward had penetrated deep into a secret Cabal of Goat Fetishists? That their Plans for World Domination were well under way, and if not for Stewards timely warning, the British Empire may have fallen like a Lamb to the Slaughter?

Sir Humphrey though for a moment, and with a voice of sad resignation admitted that if not for Stewards brave actions, the Dastardly plot would never have been discovered. The Armed Forces Intelligence Branch had failed entirely to ascertain the seriousness of the Plot, and were even now struggling to find sufficient Intelligence Officers to collate and interpret the Information.

The question still remained though, where had Steward found this information, how had he escaped, and importantly, where was he now? Had the Acolytes of the Cabal captured him again? Was he even now being held against his will, in some Dark Satanic Dungeon, being tortured for the information he had gained?

Holmes puffed contently upon his pipe, the dark shag tobacco sending a fragrant fug through the upholstered cab. His eyes were slightly closed in thought, his face showed no sign of the thoughts cascading behind his brow.

As we were carried to 10 Downing Street for the urgent Meeting of the War Council, summoned from their residences by the Prime Minister, I made copious notes of all that had transpired with the meeting of the Queen and her most trusted advisors. Stewards revelations had galvanised into action the greatest gathering of astute Military Minds ever assembled in one room for decades, not since the War of Jenkins Ear had the combined intelligence of all the Armed Forces been bought together for one purpose, and one purpose only, to Find and Destroy the Secret Cabal Of Goat Fetishists and their Mythical Deity “Shiver”

All we had were the cryptic messages Steward had managed to pass on, and the rumoured contents of the supposedly destroyed 3rd post. I felt that therein lay the key to the mystery, find the missing post, and all would be revealed, but how could we bypass the traps and guards put in place by the Acolytes of Darkness. If we could trace Stewards movements prior to his messages, it may be possible for us to have a trained Intelligence Office gain access to the Dark Halls of the Cabal.

We drove through the darkened streets, the cries of the street vendors sounding through the deep fog that had settled over London. Would we see the sun tomorrow I wondered, could we stop the Dastardly Plot to Control the World in time?

edit:bloody spelling

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:01 am

^^^
More please!

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:41 am

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:16 am

I had one of those epiphany moments this morning when I saw a likeness of Steward on my toast at breakfast.

I'm selling it on ebay for £500 if anyone is interested.

I'd also like to make it clear that I had nothing to do with Steward's disappearence.
That was probably down to RoyCropper or Luckey. Both of who are unhetero and unmanly and who probably felt threatened by Steward's presence.

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:16 am

You have to give Steward this much...

How many baiters become legend after 2 posts?

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:57 am

^ I wouldn't dare to qualify Steward's epic gems with something as banal as 'posts.' Baiting history literature was written by an all time genius. And we, his bestest friends, were there to see the brilliance enroll on these very forums.

I'll never be able to say 'Hi all' again without sheding a tear and having the shivers running down my spine.

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:31 am

^^ Shivers? Who was that?

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:41 pm

Huzza Fellow Stewardians!

It's ready. Here is a (draft) Official Seal of the Most Holy Order of Stewardians. It's the least we can do ... and fits well with his "No Decepticons" teaching as written in Stewards Holy GOAT. (blessings be upon his utterances)

@ SOOI - you have been blessed by the spirit of Steward. Please forward all sales to 419EATER.

Slightlyoutofit wrote:

I'd also like to make it clear that I had nothing to do with Steward's disappearence.
That was probably down to RoyCropper or Luckey. Both of who are unhetero and unmanly and who probably felt threatened by Steward's presence.

Yes. They have much for which to answer. Much indeed. In Stewards' name I forgive them. SOOI your honesty will be rewarded. Western Onion receipt being PM'd.

EDIT: too clicky by half

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:00 pm

Steward, if you're reading this, please can you ask your 'enforcers' to stop blocking the entrance to the mod lounge.

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:06 pm

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:00 pm

"Commemorativecovers and Memorabilia" motto "nostalgia - never as gooder as it used to be"

Quote:

Proudly offer/waffle on - about this once in a lifetimeliness special 419Eater offer.

Not since Irvine Berlin smashed down the wall has the World been gripped by thingies like this.

"One small step for (crackle) Man" by Luisa Armstong was nothing compared to Steward's "Hi All!!"

^^^ Note 2 exclamations - surely phalicical - for reasons best not mentioned before teh watershed.

We are proud to offer this celebratory and famous screenshot by Gratis&Free in his honour.

Best viewed accompanied with tasteful "mass-piped band muzac" "Amazing Gracie" muted in background

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:39 pm

Thank you, Kate. This is now my new desktop background to remind me of him every day.

In the future I'll be wearing these every March 4th:

The dutch (orange) variant of the ones the mod assassination squad are wearing:

And the Westy's 'friends of Laphroaig' department button:

I also subscribed to:

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:24 pm

You're all mad. He's not the messiah....

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:05 pm

^^ A heretic! Slay him in the name of Steward!

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:06 pm

iMike wrote:

You're all mad. He's not the messiah....

... he's a very naughty boy.

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:30 pm

Steward demands pennace! Do not bring the plague of festering goats upon us! Shocked

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Dec 2009 Posts: 316

Am I late ?

Hi Steward!!

pleased to meet you. (or what is left of you).

----

btw - Hi All!!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 11 Mar 2010 Posts: 3

somehow my account got blocked, Hi all!

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:56 pm

Steward????????

Shocked

HI?

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:57 pm

Is it Easter already? Shocked

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:13 pm

No, closer to St. Patty's...hey...wait a minute. If he was a leprechaun that would explain a lot!

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:29 pm

steward (real)
Hello I'm New here!

Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 1

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New postPosted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top
somehow my account got blocked, Hi all!

It's a miracle!!!