Tales from a desperate Housewife (Jason meets Sam editon)

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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:23 am

I haven't been in the Love rooms for awhile, chasing up Nazis and so forth, and to be honest I miss this room, it's the funnest! So I put out feelers and got this guy...

So we have a new scammer, taken from one of the MANY dating sites the ditz is currently hooked up to. Looking at the original mails I knew he wasn't from the US so I told him to write to me at Yahell. With a name like (though he calls himself "Sam"), I figured he'd be another African. However, I was wrong! IP Address: Malaysia. He sends this:

From: Sam
To: The Ditz
Sent: Tue, 23 February, 2010 2:43:36 AM
Subject: Thanks for giving me your account

Hello,
Thank U for giving me your e-mail address,I will like to introduce myself briefly and tell U a little more about myself...I am sam williams,I am originally from Queens,new york but I am presently located in Florida,Miami...I work with a company that deals with heavy equipment and trucks...I will just tell U basic things about me...
Birthdate:31/12/1970
marital status Divorced
one Daughter
Height:5'10"
I really don't know what to say about me,Just ask me any other thing U want to know,I will tell you,
Regards
Sam

So, hooking onto the Florida thing (And needing to vent a bit), I ask if he knows my close friend Jason Voorhees, who lives in Crystal lake in Florida. For those who don't watch them, Jason Voorhees is the main character in the Friday the 13th Horror Movie series, who goes on a killing spree after he drowns at Camp Crystal Lake. By pure co-incidence, there just happens to BE a Crystal lake in Florida. More on Jason here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th_(franchise)

Chrys

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: The ditz
To: Sam
Sent: Tue, 23 February, 2010 11:51:52 AM
Subject: Re: Thanks for giving me your account

My dear Samuel,

You are in Florida? That is SO exciting! One of my closest friends for the old days lives in Florida now, perhaps you've been there? He lives in Crystal lake, on NW 45th street, near Crystal lake drive. His name is Jason Voorhees, and we used to go clubbing together in my native Germany where we both worked as Models. After the agency folded, Jason relocated to the United states as an Air Steward, before retiring a few years back. He teaches swimming now, and he and his partner have set up a private school where they have a camp at Crystal lake every year devoted to learning to swim, though he has said in the past that his instructors can sometimes be VERY lazy...

A birthday on New Year's Eve? That must be so much fun, to see out each year with a birthday celebration, my birthday in May wouldn't be anywhere near as much fun though our star signs are compatible.

Ads I mentioned, I am going through a divorce from my husband Nick, who left me to be with a 19 year old. I do get lonely here in Yalbraith sometimes, though your mention of Florida has cheered me up, especially when I went through my old photo album and found a photo of Jason in a hockey mask. I laughed so much when I saw him, he looked so silly! Jason used to be SO fit and muscular, if he wasn't so anti sex, I would do him myself!

I'd best go for now, but I look forward to more soon.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:35 am

OH this is going to be sooooooo good! HAHAHAHAHA

Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 2:17 am

So he sends me another note from wayn.com, which is a dating site for travellers apparently. He gives me a questionaire:

From: Sam
To: The Ditz
Sent: Tue, 23 February, 2010 2:43:36 AM
Subject: Thanks for giving me your account

Nice to hear from you. Well, all are simple .. I am not sure if I have to call myself a lucky man.from the way you wrote, i gauge you are a simple person. You like to keep things simple, aren't you?LOL

Good to have you as a friend. You can write more about yourself and the things you want to know about me?

Great if you can share on your likings on your :-

Hobbies,
Music
sports
Books
Movies
Actors/Actress
Singer

Cheers
Sam

NATURALLY, I have to fill it out, if I was more energetic, I could have found the soundtrack composer to Friday the 13th and listed him. Oh well maybe next time:

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: The ditz
To: Will I Sam
Sent: Tue, 23 February, 2010 1:10:47 PM
Subject: Re: Thanks for giving me your account

My dear Sam,

As I think I mentioned I don't really keep up to date with Wayn, with so much of my time spent travelling between Yalbraith and Sydney. So to answer your questions:

Hobbies: I don't really have time for Hobbies. I'd hoped to pick up a few when Nick bought the farm, but it never happened.

Music: Ballads, German schlager, Rosenstolz, NDW

sports: There is not time for sports here, not even time to go to the gym (which in Yalbraith doesn't exist)

Books:

Movies: It could happen to you, only you, My Bollywood Bride

Actors/Actress: I don't really have time for movies at the moment, it takes Several hours to get to Sydney from Yalbraith I often have to leave the night before

Singer: Nina Hagen

I hope this answers your questions. What I hope to see in the near future is a photo of your charming self. If you are good looking as I think you are my dear Samuel, well watch me turn in to a "cougar" and pounce on you!

Yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Let's see if he sends that happysnap... Wink

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:28 am

I don't normally give much credence to psychic phenomena, but I'm having horrifying premonitions that something terrible is going to happen to S4m's lovely daughter - a sudden illness, emergency surgery... maybe a car accident while Dad's working on a Nigerian oil rig.

The visions are unclear, but whatever it is, it's going to be expensive...

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:01 pm

Which is a pity indeed... FOR HIM! Twisted Evil

The ditz can barely operate a computer! Her niece can, but she's a TOTAL bitch! Smile

BTW, he sends me a whole stack of "happy snaps", which seem to be the same guy (they're certainly the same width and height! I'm guessing a dating/modeling site of some description.

Anyhoo, let's see what happens to the guy's kiddiewinkles Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:08 pm

And of COURSE, he's the "Strong silent type". This came with the pics:

Hi................anyway,as you ask,here is my pics.Till i read from you,miss you BIG and also take good care of yourself for me.
Regards,

Note he couldn't be screwed signing his name, LAZY SOD!!! Shocked

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:31 pm

I sent this back (along with a topless shot of my long dead transexual):

My darling Samuel,

Thank you for your photos, I must say you are terribly attractive, they definitely brought out my inner cougar, meooowwwwww... And as a thank you, I have attached a photo from my modeling days, back from when I was still in Germany. I hope you like it, I don't just send this picture to just anybody, I'm not normally that kind of girl!

If your daughter takes after you, she must be incredibly attractive! I imagine you spend a lot of time fighting off potential boyfriends... Since I wrote to you, I have gotten back in touch with Jason Voorhees, and our friendship rekindled straight away! I showed him your picture and he says you're very hot also! Jason is currently arranging a Camp counselor training session at Crystal lake (By the way, you never said if you lived anywhere near Crysta lake in Florida)

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:32 pm

This one's not exactly the most talkative, but it seems he rikey velly much:

Honey,
How are U doing?
U are really Hot,
I always admire cougar also.I hope U can pounce on me just like U said...LOL
I hope that U send me a message soon.
Regards,
Sam

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:00 am

Since his IP addy turns up Malaysia, I have decided my character thinks he lives in Crystal Lake (thus allowing more friday the 13th references). So, Kathrin has some GREAT news for our boi:

MY dearest Sam,

I am so sorry for not writing sooner, but things have been incredibly hectic here in Yalbraith. Over the weekend my divorce was finalised and found in my favour! I was awarded full control of the Baier farm, which I have immediately placed on the market for sale. It is currently valued at just over $600,000, so I hope to get that amount.

After finding out you lived near Crystal Lake, I have also contacted my good friend Jason Voorhees in Florida after many years, and it was like we'd never left each other's company! Jason has a new boyfriend now, a very good looking man by the name of Kane Hodder, and the best part is, once the farm is sold I have decided to travel to Crystal lake to meet them. And since you are not too far away from Crystal lake, we could meet up while I am there! I am so happy I could shit!

I have been slashing my way through the sales procedures, almost like I was wearing a hockey mask or something. It is a like a "final chapter" in my life and I am ready for "a new beginning"! Jason's mother Betsy has agreed to put me up in the Camp while I stay there. I am looking forward to meeting you, it's almost like you are "New Blood"! Maybe when I get there, we can "take Manhattan" and as for my husband Nick, he can "go to hell"!!!

Well, that was MY exciting news, my dear dear Sam, hopefully your news is as good. I look forward to finally meeting you.

Yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Let's see what he makes of THAT! Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:25 pm

Can't wait to hear what your "Dearest Sam" replies Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:54 pm

"Dearest sam" replies:

Hello Dear,
How are U?
I am so glad to receive your message,I bet this is a good news...LOL I would like to meet U also but I really don't know when U are planing to come to FL,Write me soon,I hope to hear from U.
Regards,

I LOVE how he can't be bothered to write his own name. It's like he forgets who he's supposed to be! Rolling Eyes

Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:58 pm

It seems he also has some patents in the works! Pity one of them isn't an honesty chip:

Hello,
I forgot to say this,I am working on some patent development lately,I don't know if U know about patents,I really hope we can connect good and a perfect communication is established,I wish U a nice night despite the fact my day is just starting.Talk to U soon.
Regards,
Sam

In reality, timewise he's only three hours behind me... Wink

Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 5:36 am

Meantime, the ditz gives him an update. Bolding is mine:

My dearest Sam,

Firstly I have to sell the farm. I was going to just place it on the market, but there has been a bit of interest in the farm lately and I have it down to two buyers. One who is offering $620,000 and another who is offering a little more like $700,000. Harry Manfredini (The composer of the soundtrack to friday the 13th), who is offering the higher amount, will probably get the farm unless Ari Lehman (the original Jsson Vorhees) can match/better the offer.

Once that's done, I will book a flight to Florida. Jason still has connections with Lufthansa (through our old boss Frank Mancuso (Friday the 13th producer) ), so I am hoping they can do me a nice deal to florida. I know flying Lufthansa is probably the long way around, but if Jason can do the deal it would be worth it.

Oh my dear dear Sam, I am so excited! I haven't been out of Australia in so long and the thought that in just a few short weeks I will be in your strong masculine arms make me more than a little wet (though I probably shouldn't admit that). My gal pal Adrienne King (Last counsellour in the 1st movie, thank god for wikipedia) is considering joining me, though it is dependant on her funds. It will be great! The Old Lufthansa crew all in the one place again! Crystal Lake won't know what hit it!

yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:56 am

I was so busy winding up hitman: the sequel, I've been neglecting my dear dear Sam:

Hello,
Stranger,How are U doing?I didn't hear from U...What is good?

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:57 am

So I send him this back, with a photo of "my apartment" (in reality a Housing commission flat in San Souci):

My dearest Samuel,

I apologise for not writing but things have been so hectic for me since I last wrote. I have sold the farm and spent the time packing my belongings, purchasing a property in San Souci in inner Sydney and then moving into it. I've attached a photo for you to see. I got just over $700,000 for the farm due to Government plans to buy the land so they can expand the nearby National Park. I paid just over $420,000 for the apartment in San Souci, so I have just over $200,000 left.

My ex husband Nick does not where I live and I have no desire to ever hear from him ever again. What is that expression I see in movies??? Oh yes, I "took him to the cleaners"! That will teach him to dump me for another man!

It is a beautiful little apartment and while I'm still settling in, I am looking forward to my planned trip to see you and Jason. I am looking forward to meeting you "in the flesh".

When do you get back from your overseas visit? I will plan to travel after you return. I am still trying to decide whether to stay with Jason and Kane, or to simply book a room around the corner from their house at the Holiday Inn. What do you think?

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:27 am

Okay, I get one of the lengthiest emails he's ever written (which admittedly isn't saying all that much). I think this is about to turn into a boring as batshit "business deal":

My Dearest Kathrin,
How are U?
I am glad U sold the Farm and the apartment I must confess is awesome,I am sure it's one of the best in NSW,I will be Travelling for couple of weeks to south America and also the UK got some Patents to develop and put on Market,I am doing good also in terms of Business and finance,we could be a good match as we are both Independent?What do U think?I Just want us to Communicate daily that is the Nutrient any friendship or relationship needs to grow.
I hope my words are making a whole lot of sense?Talk to U soon.
Kisses,
Love,
Sam

ho hum, I sense a cash request coming up banghead

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 9:01 am

So I send this back:

My dearest Samuel,

I must confess I know little about Business ventures. What would I have to do?

Maybe I should speak to our family Lawyer, Corey Feldman and see what he says. I'm sure he would have some advice for me.

In the meantime, I look forward to your messages they brighten up my day immensely.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:36 pm

he sends this back. I have no doubt a cash request is forthcoming, despite his protestations. IP addy 60.52.119.98 still Malaysia:

Honey,
How are U once again?What do U need advice on?do U Intend to go into the Kind of Business I am doing?I was Just Talking about My personal stuff,I don't mean to lure U into doing what I am(So to Speak).I was just seeking a good relationship...Just tell me your Intentions OK.
Thank U,
Kisses to my Cougar...LOL

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:20 am

I send this back. I think I'm going insane (or ALL my characters are getting as ditzy as each other):

My dear dear Sam,

You could lure me into anything you wanted with that body of yours, meowwwww. But on a more serious note, $200,000 isn't going to last forever and I to think of ways of keeping myself afloat financially that's all. I was really just thinking aloud.

I am considering returning to my old job as an airline hostess (though maybe not with Lufthansa, given their recent strike action). I might have to redo some courses, but San Souci is a lot closer to Sydney airport than Yalbraith ever was, so it's not an unfeasable option.

Otherwise I might consider going back to school and try studying something interesting. Have you ever studied forensic psychology? I think it could be really interesting.

yours in poppers,

Kathrin

About my intro line, I prefer option A btw

Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2010 3:49 pm

I get this back, the first of two emails:

Honey,
I found your E.mail in my Spam Folder that is why I couldn't reply on time anyway I feel so Flattered Hehehehehe,I don't Lure I Convince..LOL
I think U got a point,U need to do something to Multiply your funds..I will send U an E.mail later.
Love,
Sam

Full of himself isn't he! Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2010 3:50 pm

Uh oh, I thought he didn't want to chat:

Good Morning,
I Know its morning time in Australia but I am still having a great day past 3PM...I hope we can Talk really soon.
Sam

I will have to think of something...

Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:53 am

Uppity little shit sends this. Not only will I wait awhile, I think a slap is order:

Honey,
How are U doing?
Why does it take so long for U to respond back to my message,we need to Communicate swiftly.Have a nice weekend My Cougar..LOL
Kisses,
Sam

Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:54 am

Couldn't wait. here's the slappage:

Samuel,

I must say I am not happy about this message. I have just undergone some of the biggest life changes since marrying Nick and moving to Australia, and you want to slap me for not answering fast enough.

I am still in the process of unpacking my belongings with the aid of my darling niece, my computer is nowhere to be seen and I have to use a nearby Internet cafe to answer your messages.

If you do not like the speed of which I answer your emails then I strongly suggest you write to someone else Mr MAN! I am a woman with feelings and needs, and not here just to be at your beck and call.

If you cannot tolerate me being online at the times I am then I am sorry to say, tough luck

Kathrin

Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:41 pm

And here's the "I'm sorry" reply:

Honey,
I don't mean to aggravate U with my words,I am really sorry,I was beginning to like U and I feel like hearing from U all the time..I am sorry OK..I hope things are getting better now and How far have U gone with moving to a new place My Dear Cougar Hehehehehe.I miss U and Kisses to U.
Love,
Sam

Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 12:27 am

Good job, Girlfriend!

clapping

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