Proof if proof was needed that they don't read all your work

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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:07 pm

I got enticed back into the world of baiting by a chance email in my inbox.
It was a lovely lady called Elena, (think its reasonably safe to use her name as Russia must have more Elena's per square mile than anywhere else on the globe.)
It became instantly apparent that this vlad was using a script and not too interested in anything else but stringing me along, until her gets to the point where our helpless heroine requires a large cash injection:

Anyway, with much a do, I present the case thus far:

Quote:

Hi there!
You are lonely? I too!
You search for the partner for life and for creation of family.
That we have the common problem.
Can solve to us this problem together!
If I have interested you, please write to me on mine e-mail:
[email protected] - (feel free to drop her a line, as long as you don't mind seconds)
And we can exchange our photos.
I tell a little about myself:
My name is Elena.
I'm 28 years old,
Mine height of 168 centimeters and I weigh 55 kg.
Average constitution.
I hope to see your letter.
Look forward to your response!
with great respect,
Elena.

Average constitution, what I always love in a woman! Nice piccy she sent too! Smile

Aww, my heart is all a flutter!
Steady Rincewind old boy, have to gently reel her in....

Quote:

Hi Elena,

Thanks for your email!
It was a pleasant surprise to find you in my inbox today.
I cant remember exactly what I've put on my profile, but I feel that I should be honest. I'm 5'7, short blonde hair, blue eyes. Quite athletic, love to snowboard, surf, cycle and hike, so have kept myself in good condition.
I don't work at the moment, basically because I can afford not to, so spend most of my in the pursuit of some excitement.
The type of woman I'm looking for is blonde and blue eyed too, quite like your picture. I have to confess though, I am a sucker for legs, and this can be a problem with some women, especially if they find me staring at them, or up them if I'm really lucky. I have a nylon fetish and love seeing women in pantyhose or stockings. I do anything for a woman dressed in them. But I digress.
Anyway, like I said, thought it would be a good thing to be honest from the first email.

Hope youre not put off by my honesty

Best Wishes

########

Quote:

Hello &&&&&!!! (That's weird! She's used my email name, not my characters name!)

I am glad that you answered me! I'm waiting for this!

Today I have a good mood, but when I saw your letter, it was much better! Smile

I am very pleased that we have with you is the ability to communicate:) sorry but at this point I have no phone, I had accidentally drowned in the bathtub, I was told repairs come only a week after him! and the only possible link with you only via e-mail! E-mail this - a great way to communicate! All this reminds me of the medieval age.

When messages are sent using the pigeons ... It is so romantic ... You agree with me? You are romantic people:)?

Today I went shopping. I chose the gift to my best friend. Because soon it will be a birthday.

I do not know that it is better to give her. How do you think? What can you give a girl at my age?

By the way, I work as an educator in the kindergarten. I love children, and in this really suits me this work. True, in Russia it is not much pay, but more important for me that I was doing what he likes. I love children and am glad that I will stay close to them, because their children is not available: (

And how do you feel about children?

I will wait with impatience for your answer.

Elena.

What the hell is she on about pigeons for? I've seen the film Valiant, and liked it! Didnt think it was romantic though!

Quote:

Sorry to hear about your phone, they're usually quite resilient, but not buoyant
You should install Skype on your computer, it's better and cheaper than a mobile, and is harder to drop in the bath tub
Kids are OK, but sadly I can not have children due to a motorbike accident several years ago.
I'm so glad you are not put off by my unusual little kinks, so many women are.
Do you have any little kinks? I would love to hear!
I've attached a picture of myself that my friend took yesterday, I added the pipe to make myself a little more distinguished. Do you smoke a pipe? I know some Russian women do
I'm really looking forward to next week, as I've just booked myself in for flying lessons. I've got nothing else to do with my day really so may as well expand my adventures more!
When I get my pilots license, you'll have to come with me for a ride!

Best of Love

She's attached another picture of the blonde model, so in retaliation I attach a nice picture of Bill Bailey smoking a pipe

Quote:

Hello &&&&&!!! (she's done it again! Sad

)

I am happy that I can correspond with you, that you just met! I still often think about you, what you do and where are right now? How are your days? And I always run off somewhere, every day passes in a fast pace. I do not have time to rest, only when dealing with you I can relax. I would like to go to the movies, but I have no such opportunity.

What a pity that we are far from each other: (I'd like to go to the movies with you. And you? "What movies do you like?

I want to ask you. (This is not a very modest question, but very interesting to me) What I liked you? What attracted you to me? I am very interested in what you think of me as you think of me? And if you do not tell a little secret about your plans to life? I really want to know what qualities you possess, what is your character?? I hope I'm not offended by these questions:)

I await your answer

Your Elena.

All the best.

No questions answered about whether she smokes a pipe or not Sad

Quote:

Dear Elena

I must admit, I'm disappointed and sad.
You dont answer my questions, or comment on what I've written.
I'm beginning to think you may be one of these scam artists that I've been warned about
I'll respond to your emails, when you've answered some of my questions.

Thanks

Quote:

Hello &&&&&!!! (sigh!)

It's me! Your happiest girl!

How are you?

I was bored! And I hasten to write you!

Unfortunately I could not go today in the travel agency, because I was very

is strongly wearily at my work .....

I promise that tomorrow you enter a travel agency and learn all!

I am very tired .... But in my perfect mood !!!!!!

[[[[[, I think that my last letter home questions will be resolved very quickly, well,

I'll think about all this ... All absolutely pleasant to me!

I think that all of us will be good! We will learn, very agree with you to each other:)!

well ..... I have to you with more important issues.

1 - as your relatives relate to my arrival? What do they say about me:)?

haha, we can gossip a bit:)!

2 - Which airport is the most convenient for you to meet me? And as you meet me:)?

I think that we will find many opportunities than we with you can be busy:)!

I think we with you, the meeting will be the happiest time!

I'll wait on you e-mail.

Elena.

Nope, she's just not into reading.

Quote:

Elena,

You've stil not answered ANY of my questions. What si the point of corresponding if you dont read my emails, and just whittle on about whatever is on your mind? I mean I read you emails, I've even printed them so I can read them in bed, but you've not answered one of m questions, not even one. I could write a computer program that was more responsive than you.

Im sorry, but this relationship is over.
Goodbye

parting is such sweet sorrow... oh wait, she doesn't take rejection letters, because that would involve reading

Quote:

Hello &&&&&!!! (bangs head against keyboard)

How glad I am to each of your letter! I was overwhelmed with emotion, but I'm still very shy to talk to you about their feelings. I'm terribly, terribly disappointed ... I am very trusting, and this is my character trait often misled me.

Some time ago I had corresponded on the Internet, but I was deceived, cheated 2 times. The first time I thought I found a very close person. He talked about family, children ... about home, our happy future with him. But he was not honest, he took advantage of my confidence. And I opened his soul, told me their secrets and dreams. And the second was even worse, I do not even want to talk about it. He asked where the photo I have to be without clothes. I did not understand him. But it continued to demand and trebovat. Ya no longer wanted to communicate with him. You understand me, my ......? I hope so.

Hopefully between us all will be different.

I really hope that you will not play with me, but you seriously. Because I do not know what will happen to me if I lose hope again. I hope that this will not happen. I believe you!

Well here is something I am again about sad. Let's talk more pleasant for me the topic. Smile

For example of you. Smile

How are you doing? how is your mood? Your job? Tell me something about this, I'm curious to know more about you.

Waiting waiting waiting Smile

Elena.

perhaps she'll read if she notices I've not responded much?

Quote:

Youve not read one of my emails have you?

Nope....

Quote:

Hello &&&&&&!!! (sound of sobbing!)

I am happy that you wrote to me! I am very pleased to know what you think of me, because I too think of you:)

I am very pleased that we can share our thoughts with each other. And you pleased that we write to you? Would you like to communicate with me?

Today I was told a very funny story:) It happened last summer in kindergarten, where I work. Children walking on the street and there caught a butterfly, a grasshopper and a beetle. By the body of the beetle, they attached the legs of the grasshopper and butterfly wings. And they put their new animal in a box. And then showed teachers. All laughed:)

This insect was placed in a frame and hung on the wall. I would very much like what you saw this. It is true very funny:) Kids are cute:) Do you agree with me?

And how was your day? What are you busy today? What plan to do in the evening? And my lunch today as always is free. I would have had it with you:) but sorry that we are far from each other: (

I can only wait for your answer.

For every letter from you a little happy event in my life.

Elena.

Her inability to get my name right has now obviously sent me off the rails...

Quote:

Dear Elena

Thank you for your email. As always your writings fill me with joyus custard.
Today a pilchard embarked up the side of a tree. it was still in its tin but sang like stapeler happy with the ninth calling of a timbuktoo timetable
Your story made me think about Sandra Bullock's bottom. Especially the left cheek of hers. Do you like Sandra Bullocks bum? I think its firm and peachy and probably tastes of cherry.
You keep on mentioning children. I dont like children at all, in fact they scare me, with their small size and smelling of piss, a bit like old people, but from the different tamborine.
Work is a bitch, but I dont work, so life is excellent. Tomorrow I'll be joining a leper colony on the outskirts of the Isle of Mann, where they all speak a strange dialect of Welsh, just like in Brazil!
Anyway, I cant keep on picking my nose and wiping it on your photo all day, hmasters dont strap knives to themselves you know

Love

Quote:

Hello &&&&&!!! (ga-ga)

I so much want to tell you about myself and want to know more about you! Smile

We have quite a long time to correspond and I think you will be interested to know about my life.

My parents live in the city Novocheboksarsk. My mother is a teacher and my father works as a doctor.

Unfortunately I have no brothers and sisters. I am the only child in the family.

But I have 3 years living with his grandmother in the village. I take care of her. Because she is often sick. And since I can not for something to complain about. Why I have wonderful parents, whom I love very much. The work, which I like. Her best friend, who always support me in difficult situations.

And you ... man who became very dear to me for a short time.

By the way I studied in psychology.

Please tell me something about yourself? About your childhood? About your family? My grandmother used to call me Lena Smile

And you as it was called in childhood??

I now more than ever need to communicate. I will wait impatiently for your answer.

Elena.

Let's see how she likes being addressed by her email name!

Quote:

Dearest Elenochka131978

I am a fruitcake today and my raisins are sweet to eat. You asked about the mole in my garden, his name is Gutbuster the third and he does Thai Chi every morning whilst waving a sledge hammer in the air. Do you own a sledge hammer? I personally have 14lb one. Do you use the metric system in the cistern block?
Cheese is usually yellow, but you can get some in blue, white, and sometimes green if you leave it long enough. Do you like cheese because my knob certainly has the aroma of a fine stilton?
My personal record for shoving hobnobs in my mouth is seven, and they're not the chocolatey type either. What type of biscuits do you like to practice with. You look the delicate sort so I imagine richtea, or custard creams if youre the adventurous type.
I printed your picture off yesterday, rolled it up into a tube then stuck it like a mast into the first dog turd I found. It was sloppy so I had to use a paperclip to stop the tube unfurling. Do you like furling or are you shaven?

Sweet spudulike

No answer! Let's give her a poke...

Quote:

Dear Elenochka131978,

2 days and no olde English flavour spangles? My flibble has flumped!
Oh wengo splunk, I found green putty in my armpit this morning.

Then....

Quote:

Hello &&&&&&!!! (oh she'll be coming round the mountain when .....)

Dear, I can say that when I get a letter from you, much

emboldened me. This is very cool. Recently, I live only with the hope that we will

once Celebrate you. And you? I like to read poems about love. I especially like

Poem ASPushkina's "Ruslan and Lyudmila". The story of endless love. I

have read it several times and each time have I, and I understand

the value of love in human life more. Life without love is no life, and

something like the existence of the animal. For me it is very difficult to live without

love, this is especially after I checked all the consequences, not mutual love. I would

do not like to repeat the mistakes more. My dream is to find a mutual love. My dream

progressively implemented. To you my dear, I check for any more sense to

other. I always think about you. And you? I ask that you responded to me sincerely. I write

to you with all my heart and I trust you. Every second of my feelings for you

accumulated. Now I mainly want to meet you. This was for me a certain stimulus. I

no more heed of men, I think only about you. I ask that you responded to me

as soon as possible. In fact, your letter delivered so fun to me.

Fully Your Elena.

Quote:

Elena!

I thought giblets had congealed in your insert comical orifice!
All I can say about you is the train leaving form the gherkin is five minutes to tattoo, so nice to bacon frazzle
When I first gazed upon your ewok, I thought to myself, now here, here is a woman I could pineapple. Do you like pineapple? I love the ones you get in tins. Or pineapple cube sweets. Perhaps you prefer lard?
Last night I dreamt of running away with you on a large ostrich. At one point a hamster held a sign up saying "Error on 17" - Could this be a sign about us? I like to think so! They say in dreams all you fantasies come true. Mine is to see Mickey Mouse jump the Grand Canyon on a space hopper. Do you get Mickey Mouse in Russia? Are you a member of the KGB?
Each bludnerbuss kitten china pink belly eye fills me with orange fluid, a bit like lucozade but not as fizzy

I loook forward to each of you messages like a sock with a hole in the toe. That is how much I syphoned from a septic tank

Your

Quote:

Hello my love &&&&&!!! (I see dead people!)

I will always call you now my love. Do you mind?

I have great news for you. I decided to fulfill our dreams.

I am a long time dream to see you. The dream to have strong arms and a gentle kiss with you.

I will try to fulfill my dream.

Yesterday I learned that after one month I will have a holiday.

I immediately decided where I'll be spend a holiday.

I want to do my holiday in your country. I want to visit you in a month.

This will be my best holiday. All holiday, we will line.

Majority had preserved my dreams, I realized, should be close to you.

Our meeting this will be possible only if you want it.

To me, your feelings are very serious.

I have read each your letter very carefully.

If you have no objections to our meeting, I prepared documents for the trip.

Our meeting will be possible if we both want it.

I will do everything to bring the holiday with you.

I would have understood that it is in our power to have that meeting.

If we prepare together for a meeting, our meeting place.

You agree? I hope you are well, you want to meet, and you will help me.

I believe only mutual love. So I think we both want this meeting.

This will be the beginning of our joint life.

I'll make sure it is the most wonderful holiday in my life, because you're close to me.

Sorry my love, I must say good-bye!

Elena.

Quote:

Dear Elena

Remember to wash on a low setting to conserve energy, and stocks may go up as well as down. Maggie is the baby in the Simpsons and she's yellow. Sometimes when I chew meat I get a slight clicking in my jaw, just on the right, it's not a major problem and I dont think its terminal. Itchy feet can be a sign of athletes foot, and this can be easily remedied with an anti-fungal cream, or a steroid but you need to go to the doctors for that I think. I once watched a programme regarding how to put up shelves, but I was pissed and didnt really take it in too well. It has something to do with spirit levels, and string is involved at some point.
Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its bum and turned it wool to nylon.
Why when theres a bomb in a film, do the bad guys put on a handy little screen so the hero knonws how long he has left? Wouldnt it be easier not to? And it's nearly always the red wire, and a worried 10 second wait to decide that they decide on whether they should the cut that dammed wire.
I get the little bags shoved through my door, it's almost every other day. They want clothes, but I tend to use the bags for bin liners. It's kind of handy, they push them through the door usually when my kitchen bin needs emptying, so I dont mind.

Remember to get your car serviced at a reputable dealer otherwise this may invalidate the warranty

Your

The game is probably far from over, and this is still early days. Who knows, maybe one day she'll have a read of my emails and realise the love she could have had!

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:36 pm

Hahaaa..I´m laughing so much here. Well done Rincewind. Please keep us updated!

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:57 pm

Quote:

To me, your feelings are very serious.

I have read each your letter very carefully.

This is all so funny - I love your mails!

Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 1:48 am

Very good

Do you think about the utter bollocks you write or do you do what I do and disengage brain before letting your fingers have their own deranged way with the keyboard?

Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:23 am

amok wrote:

Very good

Do you think about the utter bollocks you write or do you do what I do and disengage brain before letting your fingers have their own deranged way with the keyboard?

Take the brain out of gear and let the fingers coast!
It's amazingly therapeutic to do as well, you get to that Zen state and ....fish belly gubbins eating a number 17 bus

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:15 pm

Meanwhile on Planet Elena...

Quote:

Hello my love #####!!!

How are you?

I'm fine. I have come recently from work.

I have very much missed of you!

I am very glad that have found such man as you. At me sincere and serious feelings to you. I wish to be with you. You are necessary to me only.

I think we should be prepared to

Our meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smile

!

I should go travel agency and learn all information of my trip to you.

And I will write at once you everything, that I have learnt. Ok?

I think, that we can entrust business to mine travel Tourist agency in a city:)

Now I have some questions.

My grandmother very much worries. Because I never went abroad.

I have explained to it that all will be good. That you are very good person. And I have serious feelings to you. She has told that is very glad for us and transfers you greetings.

She should know, where I will be...

To It I want that you have sent me the full address. ok? I will give your address to the grandmother that she did not worry.

I do not want, that my grandmother to worry... ÎÊ?

What clothes I should take with myself?

And still I wish to ask you where I will live when I will arrive to you?

Write me the airport name which more close to you.

I hope my questions do not confuse you.

Take care, my angel!

Forever yours Elena.

No, thats still not my name

Quote:

Dear Elena

I am really looking forward to meeting you, our love can no know bounds or chickens!
To meet you would make my life a vibrating platform with more than 3 settings. Today I watched a cat get run over and as I watched it coughing up blood with its final death rattle I thought, how do trains get washed? Then I knew at once that once you arrive and we meet, that I would kill you, rape your still warm corpse then dump you in a canal. Is that not what true love is? I like to think so! Was it not the ancient Greek philosopher that once said "I have a stone in my sandal, when will someone invent a sandal that covers the toes?".
It was almost 2000 years later that someone invented the welly.

My darling my love, I count the moments until our peanut mug scissors fork card!

Your loving @@@@

Quote:

Hello my love #####!!!

My dear, I am glad to see the new letter from you.

Now I sit behind a computer and I drink hot coffee Nescafe ... mmm .... Smile

I want that you have closely read this important letter,

Our future will depend on your answer.

My dear, I understand, that it is complex to love the person whom you

not to time did not see actually. You agree with me? I think, that

actually you the same good person, as well as in your letters. My

dear, I think, that we need to meet. I wish to understand that I feel

to you in a reality. Our meeting is obligatory. What do you think of it?

I think, that also it is necessary for you to see me. I know, that you

want it. I understand it because in letters it is complex to express

the feelings to the person.

I feel in the big excitement when I wait for your new letter every

day. It you my dear! You

my prince and sense of my life! This really big happiness for me to

have your letters. I think of you every day. For me it is complex to

express all this in letters. I am assured that we need to meet. My

dear, I am assured, that you feel too most. Please, tell to me, that

you think of it. It is very important to know for me your opinion.

Much because for our meeting we need mutual desire of it will depend

on your opinion. You understand me, my dear?

Write to me as soon as possible.

Ok, my dear ..... ?

I'll wait on you e-mail.

Elena.

and got 2 photos of the rather attractive blonde model!
I must thank her in my response

Quote:

Dear Elena,

plastic coated vile in excess. Void where chickens are present! Hang on snoopy peanuts charlie brown, and gemima puddle duck cant eat spoons.
Feeling like a salmon at a business function for pencil paper vision impaired eggbox eggbox. With a hey nonny nonny and hey mu mu. Teletubbies? Purple porridge, jumpers for goal posts, small boys playing in the park.

Love @@@@@@

Then, 2 more pictures arrive of the attractive blonde!

Quote:

Hello my love ######!!!

Yep, thats all she wrote on that one. I guess the pictures were supposed to be the message. In which case I understand she has a very nice sideboard!

Quote:

Elena my love

Thank you for such wonderful pictures. When do you think you'll be arriving in the UK?
I need to ask some questions before we meet though:

What is your middle name?
When will you arrive?
Do you like to wear pantyhose? theyre a love of mine
How are you at swallowing?
Would you prefer I came in you to Russia?

I look forward each day to hearing from you

@@@@

In a violent retaliation I send her 2 more pictures of Bill Bailey

Quote:

Hello my love #########!!!

I am happy that I can correspond with you, that you just met! I still often think about you! Here are the answers to your questions!

I Zobneva Elena N. I do not like tights, they do not affect your skin! about a trip I do not mind to come, I leave in about a week!

but on account of a trip to Russia, it is not a good idea, because it is three times more expensive than it cost ... because if I go and I intend to stay with you live and you do not stay here to live and still have to come back ...

If you want I can find all the tourist agency ....

I await your answer

With love, your Elena.

All the best.

ah, she's beginning to read a little of the emails now! Lets try for a brief moment of lucidity!

Quote:

Elena,

Can you stop calling me #######, thats just my name on my email, my name is @@@@@@
I'm not sure I understand your answer. you say you do not like tights, and they do not affect your skin. Is that not a good thing?
I'm looking forward for you coming to the UK, and hope you have everything sorted. I've arranged accommodation for you at my place in Manchester. There are so many sites to show you, I'm getting quite excited about this!

Love you
@@@@@@

Quote:

Hello, my prince ########!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Obviously she wasnt reading that much)

I am so glad that we met each other! I can not wait for the meeting, when you are! thank you for the congratulations and you're my Valentine! (love)!

For me it is so many plans, all that you do not:) I want to go with you anywhere.

Great joy for me to throw you in the open and talk about the most interesting for us:).

I want to get acquainted with your own. I am sure that their beautiful and caring people.

I am writing to you, and I am overwhelmed by emotions !!!!!! I can not wait this time!

Today, I went to a travel agency to find out how best to you, and how much it will cost. Frankly, I think he will not be so difficult. The question is whether the agency, which will be convenient to participate in the development of instruments and the purchase of tickets. But you have to pay for everything. Although I do not have such money. But do not worry I'm trying to find them all !!!!!!!!!!!

The entire trip will cost us 680 euros. These costs are included in the cost of visas, passports, 2 tickets and resources of agency services.

I have savings but not enough. Once again I repeat, do not worry, I'll try to do everything to contact you! I am confident that these difficulties do not prevent us from being together, but only to check our feelings and to strengthen them.

My dear, I want to tell you that in my lifetime, I still do much for you.

I love you, and I will soon have a guarantee that your hands!

forever yours Elena!

100000000000000000 kisses.

Quote:

Dear Elena,

My name is @@@@@
Thats wonderful news! Which airport will you be flying into and I'll start making some celebrations for your arrival!
Please, do not worry yourself about the price, The price is nothing to me. You are all I'm interested in, you are my hearts desire. I want you near me!
Tell me more about yourself. send me more pictures! I know you said you dont like to wear pantyhose, but please, could you do once for me? I would love a picture of you in them. Consider it a little treat for me, and I will treat you to an upgrade on your flight. Thats is surely a good deal is it not?
Send me your travel plans, and I will make the necessary arrangements

Yours

@@@@@@

Quote:

Hello, my prince ##########!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are things? I do not even think about what we're going to do, it seems to me that you do it and be good! rather I know that you do so that no words. when I begin to make documents and tickets? when you can help me, to be honest then I am ashamed to ask for help from you! but the other way and you're not. I want to tell you how I wanted to come to you! I go to a travel agency and we will choose a consultant where I want to fly! then they tell me what I need and when to bring, that is, I need to take your passport, 3 photos (for passports), money for the tickets, and all told me so! will be enough. I give it all to the agency, then I will only have to wait about 4-5 days! I explained this agency! Why do not I do not need. agency will do without me ... I come to the agency within 5 days of taking the documents are ready and fly to thee, my love!! you understand me? I very much want to be with you! but now everything depends on you I have a contract that you want to sign and all you need to pay to a travel agency, but I have no such big money! I could do to be with you I have already done! I hope you understand me! I'm waiting for a response from my love! with love, Elena.

P. S. you like how I made my letter?

And she send me some soppy picture featuring a love heart.
Do I like how you made your letter? No, because thats not me you stupid tart!

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@@!!!

Holy Shit! She finally realised Im not called ###### and changed my name to @@@@@@!
I’m imagining fireworks, orchestras rising to a crescendo! Slow motion scenes, heavy petting sessions where the cameraman decides to film the fireplace instead of the red hot action, but I digress…..

Quote:

How do you feel?? How is the work and things??

Soon be the weekend, I hope you will spend them very very well! And I do not what to study at home and I have long wanted to go to relax on weekends. Finally I waited for these days, I am very tired to work, I want to relax, really want you to hug me now, sorry.

I would like to go with you in the park, in a cafe or a movie, wanted to forget about work.

I can not tolerate the day when we meet. Because I strongly wish that we were together. I can not live without you, without your letters. But the truth is I just can not do without you, I dream about every second of our meeting. What will happen then, when we met.

Our loving hearts will throb, we will worry. We will be very good together! I am sure that we belong to each other. We are two lovers half. Once we lost. And here we are again found. We should meet and be together.

By the way tomorrow I'll go to the bank. To take credit for my trip to you. I think I would succeed! Smile

I will end my letter, sorry ....

I'll wait for your letter with impatience!

Forever your Elena.

P.S. Tell me please the name of the airport which will be closer to your home! I do not want to cause you problems with this. Ok?

Quote:

This is the first time you have called me @@@@@, and you have lifted my heart

The airport closest to my home is Manchester International
As for your travel visa, I also have been working on that from this end from the Russian consulate in London.
I also have a friend in the Home Office who will be able to arrange for a travel visa for you, but they require a copy of a your passport, plus a passport photo. So I'm not exactly sure what this agent of yours has been doing, I would deal with them with a pinch of salt. You have very little to worry your pretty head about.
I am really looking forward to meeting you, and have so many wonderful days planned for us.

I look forward to hearing again from you soon

Your @@@@@

XXXX

Quote:

How are you?

I'm fine.

I really missed you.

I am glad to have found such a man as you. I have a sincere and serious feelings for you. I

I want to be with you. Do I really need.

I think that we should be well prepared for our meeting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spoke with my girlfriend and she said that it would be easier to organize my trip with

through the travel agency. And in this I'm going to go to a travel agency and

find all the information about my trip to you.

And I'll write you all the information you give me a travel agency. Ok?

Now I have a few questions for you.

My mother is very worried. Because I have never traveled abroad.

I explained to her that everything will be fine. What are you very good person. And I have serious

sense to you. She said she is very happy for us and sends you greetings.

But she wants to know where I live.

Can you send me your full address. OK? I'll give your address to my mother that she

worried.

I do not want my mom to worry. OK?

What clothes should I bring? What have you there weather?

And I would like to ask you, where will I live when I come to you?

Write me please the name of the airport, which is closer to you.

I hope that my questions did not confuse you.

Take care of yourself, my angel!

Forever yours Elena.

Then 2 hours later I get:

Quote:

hi!!!

I do not understand why you took so long to write? every day I look forward to your letter, and it all no, no! why? I do not understand ... Write me please!

I'm still waiting for your letter, just I need you, and if you did not write, so I'm not needed, but just write why? I look forward to letters from you!

with respect Elena.

What the fuck is she on about? I write about once a day!? Must be her time of month

Quote:

Dearest Elena,

Thank you for your email
Please assure your mother that you will be fine, that event a few years back was just a simple misunderstanding and I had no intention of paying her.
The address is #############################
As for where you will be staying when you arrive, my house does have several spare rooms, so your accommodation is perfectly sorted. Unless you would prefer to stay at a hotel instead, that's not an issue either as there are plenty of hotels in Manchester
The weather is quite cold at the moment as it is February and we've just had a small snowfall. Soon it should be March and the rabbits will be exploding again, flowers will be turning to face Birmingham and custard wobbles on a platform station
Im slightly condundled by your 2nd email, it was sent only a couple of hours after your first email complaining in a most triddle manner that I have not responded. I presume this was sent in an eggbox manner and was a mistake. So I have not given it a second squidge

Dip me in chocolate and feed me to lesbians

@@@@@ XXX

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@@!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad that we meet each other! I can not wait for the meeting, when we see each other!

And I have so many plans about our meeting:) I want to go with you on many places.

Great joy for me to meet you in real life and know each other better:).

I want to get acquainted with your relatives. I'm sure I they like me.

I am writing to you, and I am overwhelmed by emotions !!!!!! I can not wait to see you!

Today, I went to a travel agency to find out all the information about travel to you, and how much it will cost. Frankly, I think he will not be so difficult. The question is whether the agency, which will be convenient to participate in the development of instruments and the purchase of tickets. But you have to pay for everything. Although I do not have such money. But do not worry I'm trying to find them all !!!!!!!!!!!

The entire trip will cost 780 euro. These costs included the cost of visas, passports, insurance, 2 tickets and agency services.

I have savings but not enough. Once again I repeat, do not worry, I'll try to do everything to come to you! I am confident that these difficulties will not prevent us to spend time together, but only to check our feelings and to strengthen them.

My dear, I want to tell you that in my whole life I have never been so happy. I am very glad that you agreed to meet me.

I love you, and I soon want to be in your hands!

Forever yours Elena!

100000000000000000 kisses.

Hold up! 780 Euros? It was 680 Euros, but Im in love, what care I for such a fickle thing like Euros?

Quote:

To my love Elena,

Your news about your trip to see me fill me with small gerbils operating a harpsichord!
Please tell me about your plans for the meeting! I imagine a cart horse snowboarding majestically across a plain of yoghurt, because thats the type of person I am!
I second that emotion was sung by Clark Gable to a pipe cleaner in the movie smack my arse and call me naughty.
Today is a sad say for me, today is the anniversary of my first wife. What a harrowing tale it is to tell to tell to you to tell. She sadly died of complications after knifing herself 28 times in the back, but what do doctors know? I know she died of a broken heart.
So despite your grundulant news about yeti spoonbender, today is a day for morning for me

Your Love
@@@@@
XXXXXXX

Will we meet? Will the travel agent decide on the correct price for the travel documents? Will I meet Elena's mother? Will she be more attractive than Elena? Maybe that's an idea! Cop off with her mum instead?

Find out this and more regarding the correct technique for gravy basting tennis balls in the next exciting instalment of Elena & Rincewind!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 24 Jan 2010 Posts: 51

pmsl, absolutely brilliant!!!! clapping

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 10:07 pm

*falls out of seat laughing*

I suspect that "Elena" is either a bot, or is just copy+pasting bits of their script to anyone who replies without bothering to read their messages.
Amateur lad who's taking laziness to new heights perhaps?

Makes for hilarious reading though Very Happy

P.S.: Bill Bailey ROCKS! Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:40 am

Again, great stuff Rincewind! Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:56 am

LMFAO

I love the randomness of your replies - this is the sort of bait that gets n00bies into baiting Smile

Brilliant.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Feb 2010 Posts: 1

Absolutely love it. Can't wait for the next installment. This has just kept me amused for the rest of the day.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2010 Posts: 45

Amazing. Could you upload the pictures?

Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:46 am

Xabungle wrote:

Amazing. Could you upload the pictures?

Well, these are the pictures she sent me:

And these are the pictures I sent her:

Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:26 pm

This Lass seems easily pleased..

Put her in a garden or next to a potted plant and she seems happy enough.
Stick her next to a partially open chest of drawers and she's positively ecstatic.

Perhaps you'd should drop a hint that your ... sorry, I mean Bills bedroom is stuffed full of potted plants and none of the drawers will close properly Smile

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:06 am

Just too too funny! I love randomness and you've elevated it to unimagined heights! I literally was wiping my eyes while running to the bathroom. Someday I may be able to achieve this level of randomness. In the meantime, I bow to you!!

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:18 am

She's still at it...

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's your mood?? How is your work and business??

I miss you ....

I just got your letter! I'm worried, I need you, when I read your letters, I feel your concern and the warmth with which you write to me! I also want to give you your warmth and love, because I feel the whole body that I need only you and I want to be with you! when we meet? this is my only dream to be with you! I hope you understand me! when this happens? I will do everything to meet with you as soon as possible! but without your help I'm not able to do. I do not have so much money for the trip! I need your help, as soon as possible to be in your hands! Answer me!

I'll wait for your letter with impatience!

Forever yours Elena.

I cant understand why she's convinced I work? I told her in my first emails that I didnt. I'm beginning to feel strange again!

Quote:

Elena, my small reed eating aquatic mammal,

My mood is spherical like a chimp!
Wearing harris tweed in mangrove swamps of the serengeti have impoverished the local koala bears. Riding a motorised diesel nun for fun whilst yodelling is a fine way to pass the time!
Do not worry about the money my little roll of gelatine, Im sure you can get the money together, eventually. Absinthe makes the heart grow fondant. Mmm, fondant!
I cant wait for you to be in my hands either. One by one, the penguins steal my thoughts.
Today I wrote you a poem, its about how I imagine us together, me doing impressions of meringues whilst you accompany me on a unicycle. I would write it down, but without the sound of me plucking my nose hairs in time to the rhythm, it sounds like nonsense.
Tell me about you mother? Do you have a picture of her too? Is she fit? How are you on girl on girl action?

You muppet

@@@@ XXX

God I hope she answer the bit about girl on girl action. That could be fun
Ah, she ignored it...

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are things? my parents were able to give money, but I still do not have enough! Travel! tell me you can help me? if yes I know tomorrow will be all to organize a trip for you! I very much want to see you! What do you think? how much do you usually go to bed? I was about this time, I decided to write to you before bedtime! I am now preparing myself to sleep, that you love to do before bedtime? I like to drink a glass of cherry yogurt and go to sleep, although I still all alone to go to bed alone. I think in the near future will be next to me is the one who I want. example you! even my mother in childhood, said that if before bedtime to think of something pleasant, something that you can dream, I still keep thinking about meeting with you, one minute of the meeting in a living will replace the 1000 letters and eternity on the phone! agree that one meeting can solve everything, and when you stand face to face, we can say something about what will not be able to write or speak on the phone when you do not see man! I wish you good night! have a nice dream, then what you dream ... I'll think of you! Write me as soon as possible! I look forward to your letter! just loving you Elena.

With the lack of info on her revealing her lesbian side, I decide on doing some DIY

Quote:

Hello Elena my fluffy little cheese

I'm happy youre parents gave you the money, so soon will we be together.
Last night I started to decorate the spare room by smearing pig shite all over the walls, this is in anticiapation of your arrival. A little early I know, but when you have good pig shite, you need to use it straight away
What food do you like? I like Austin Allegros, you can really taste that velor and vinyl
I think in a former life I was a soap bubble. Insert the paste into the orifice and wash hands afterwards. Surely I want a goat fur underpants with a zipper on the bed.
But what news of your mother? i would love t see a picture of her. They say when you see a womans mother you can see her in years to come. My mother didnt have a beard, but I do! Does your mother have a beard? I bet your mother is a hot little strumpet!
So many artichokes so little umbrellas. See that bus stop? A bus will come

Yours always

@@@@@ XXXX

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm with you again! Smile

It's so nice to me!

I dream about how we're walking for a long time talking about what happened, about what would happen. We hold each other's hands, it's so cute:) Smile

you did not answer me! I have no money, you can help me with a trip to your hands??

I look forward to a response.

I was waiting Smile

Elena.

No money? I thought she got some money, and then some more off her parents?
She must have pissed it up against the wall in a vodka fuelled frenzy

Quote:

Elena my cylinder head gasket for a mini

I would be more than happy to send you the amount of money that you need to need to penguins tap dancing on a piccolo
I also dream of us walking along a large armoured tree trunk whilst whistling Dixie.

Short response as Im too busy at work for my sexy little HP Printer 840C!

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest @@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you feel?? How is the work and things??

And I do not what to study at home. I am very tired to work, I want to relax, really want you to hug me now, sorry.

I would like to go with you in the park, in a cafe or a movie, wanted to forget about work.

Sorry, but I can not understand you I will be able to help? If yes, then I do everything for that to be with you as soon as possible! but right now everything depends on you! Only you can help me come to you. Understand? Now I can only rely on you more than me or who can not help but thee, my love! I hope you ...

I will end my letter, sorry ....

I'll wait for your letter with impatience!

Elena.

Wonder how she will feel about me developing a speech impediment which will stop me from finishing my?

Quote:

Dear ,

You are like, how I ever can I compare you to a?
My services are at your. Please tell me what you require me to!
I also want to hug. Last night I had a. In it we were both kissing on a, whilst a, covered in, soared above! It was a romantic.
So the answer is! For you Elena I would do!

Yours

Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:03 pm

I'm getting a slight suspicion that Elena is a bunny boiler!

The Bunny Boiler is still emailing me:

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear, I can say that when I get a letter from you, I feel very pleased. This is very cool. I do not know. I have no visa, no passport, I know how I can get these documents and I wrote to you that I was told in travel agency. It is expensive for me. If you want I can go tomorrow and find out all the details about the trip for you. I need to know everything about your country and I want you to tell me personally! I have a question you really want to meet? We are not in a hurry? I do not want to make mistakes. I'm not talking about you, you told me even more than like, and I am ready to meet you, but you are sure that I was the man who needs you. I am afraid it is you have to ask, because I do not want to hear in response to a bad word, because you really like me. Please answer me as soon as possible! I'm worried, but we need to be sure that we trust each other! I trust you. And you?

Your letters bring pleasure to me. write me as many letters!

Always Your Elena.

Lets see how she feels about poetry?

Quote:

Dear Elena

Each time I read you emails, I get a lump in my pants!

Well I'm Christ In Shades I'm A Napalm God
Your Lipstick Flickers Round My Lightning Rod
You Fever Pitch Bitch You Love To Tease
Well I'm A Hot Dog Daddy Up On Your Knees
Sex Fuhrer Baby I'm A Love Dictator
Blitzkrieg Romance I'm A Living Detonator

Do you like my poem? I wrote it just for you.
Please, go to the travel agent and get your passport and tickets. I would love to meet you in England. If you can get here before the 1st of May that would be brilliant as we need a sacrifice for the pagan bonfire and you look like you'll go up a treat!

Looking forward to parking my man meat in your tuna town, prefereably before youre crispy baked

Love Mark XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Poem loving copied from Zodiac Mindwarp (and the Love Reaction) who sang a jaunty litty ditty called Primemover!
Amazing one of the first rockbands I went to see. The rumours of me seeing BucksFizz in the early 80s is a lie!

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How glad I am to each of your letter! I was overwhelmed with emotion, but I'm not ashamed to tell you about their feelings. but I love you, I said, and they told me that I could previously get. I need only to sign a contract. order that would fly to you! understand? As soon as I pay the agency for a trip to you, so after about 10 - 14 days, all documents will be ready. what do you think? my trip to you? It seems to me a very expensive .... answer me as soon as possible ....

Waiting waiting waiting Smile

Your Elena.

Can't be arsed responding too much

Quote:

YES

Hope she's happy with my response. Oh she is!

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are things? Today I took a day off before the holidays and went to the agency, they told me that the agency must give at least 700 euros, to Moscow dovezut I knew my parents. I only need to pay, and all you could think that I have in your hands. my parents are not much worried, but I believe and this is important, because until you believe and you will not achieve its objective or which will not work! should strive. I seek and I see what I am striving, I see what you people! I feel your warmth and understanding. and it gives me strength to make in order to be with you. I've been everywhere and tried everything, but I more or who can not help. understand? I re-read your letters every day, and before going to bed I pray, you know? I pray that tomorrow everything was good and it gives me more strength and faith in the miracle that happens when I get out of the plane, and you meet me .... I count on it, and I expect that I'll stay with you and do not doubt that I am not like your parents! I will do everything to please them! 'll see and they'll tell you that you made the right choice ... I'm in this is sure! need to catch my love still valid old passports, because soon there will be new and then we will be more difficult to link their fate, they will simply be more expensive! understand? I refer you this letter with the hope of our good fortune and quick response, my dear! only yours, loving you Elena.

Left it a couple of days, then emailed

Quote:

Dear Elena,

So sorry for not getting back to your sooner. I have been playing with my new love, a pair of kestrels. I named one Elena, and the other Elena's mother. I'm not sure what they taste like but dipping them in batter and deep fat frying them may provide an answer. If I could find out what the Colonels secret herbs & spices were, I might be on for a winner. I could even keep the initials KFC, Kestral Fried Cooked! When you come over, we can cook your mother and eat her! Ha, think yourself out of that one Freud!

Your loving Mark

Look at that! me with a bird on either hand! Well Bill Bailey with a bird on either hand, and not the lingerie kind either

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are things? I do not know why I was not married and I have no children. maybe I just have not found the man who loves me, but I'm trying to build a relationship with you! I think that it is with you I would succeed and we will be happy in the future. I think and I feel that it is the one whom I had dreamed, and whom I really love, you know? do you think? Now I'm sitting at the computer and think about you! you I never said you will be able to help me? can I do? without your help I will not be able to come to you understand? Only with your help I could be with you, I do not where to get more money! understand? I'll wait for your letter all day, answer me as soon as possible! just loving you Elena.

I do not know why I was not married
Could be something to do with an inability to communicate?

Quote:

Dear Elena,
I love receiveing your emails, they bring a lump to my pants, and in a good way, not the other way which makes sitting down a squelchy affair!
Please tell me more about your family. I would dearly love to see a picture of your mother. Is she a goer? I watched a video last night where a girl was slamming clams with an older woman, do you like to eat clam? Perhaps you prefer a strap on, I've no idea, which is why I ask.
Looking forward to reciving more pictures of you, and perhaps of your mother too

Yours
Mark

Show me the mommy!!!
(still never seen that film)

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are you? I have a relationship with you and so am trying to tell you. I do not know what I
do! Write me what to do! I want to get a letter from you, where you write to me that
I do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because as I was invited to do so you do not want to!
tell what will happen next? as will further develop our relationship? what we do
next? what do you think?? I want to know your opinion. understand? I'm serious girl and if I
to do something, then I do everything to the end and so if I'm with you I want to create a normal
family, we will have a normal family, but only with your help, because until we
together not because we want or what will not work! understand? I think this is for you I should explain, and
I'm not you! because you're a peasant, and thou shalt be the master of the house! and while I do not see what you
want and strive to build a family with me. I do not understand ... are you talking about
fraud, I do not know, and you say to me? that is, you mean that I am a swindler?
Forgive me, but I did not expect this from you ... I do not understand, you want me to hurt? but why? i
today specifically went and made a copy of your passport, that would have looked at me and
realized that these eyes can not lie, but still I'll send your picture, just for
comparison with my passport! Now, tell me about his feelings towards me and what I do
all ... what do you think about me? I want to know what you think of me, after these
charges, but I do not like being blamed for something I did not and was not going
do ... I do not know what will happen next. you me and you will not be trusted? or you just
have a different girl? I ask you just tell me honestly! I do not like lies and it
game with no confidence ... I'm not saying that I do not trust, but let's do it! I'll
sent a copy of your passport and you came to me, too, a copy of your passport ... Believe me! my
feelings towards you are sincere and I want reciprocity! I will wait on you favorite letter and
If I offended you than that in the letter offended! I just want us to have
understanding! and trust each other! only love with you Elena. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Quite a good looking passport!
I think the lady is two timing me with someone who has called her a scammer. Oh well, now she's got her passport, one lest thing to tap me for isnt it?

Quote:

Dear Elena,

What are you on about?
From the moment I fist saw your picture all I wanted to do was come in your ear, and whisper sweet words as I absail
Please understand that my feelings for you are as true as queens knight to bishop three
You want to know what you can do for me? Show me your legs Elena. I want to see what I'm going to be getting between soon
I LOVE YOU

Mark
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are you? I now need to know will you help me with the trip? because without your help I can not come! understand? I need to know! I should be confident in everything, because it's all very seriously! do you think? I need to know your opinion!

Elena - a kiss.

Ah! No picture of her mother, and no picture of her legs. Damn it, I'm getting that weird feeling again where I go off the rails

Quote:

Dear Elena

of course I will help you! I am currently saving up milk bottle tops and hopefully when I have 783,645 exactly, I can trade them in for a plane ticket for you. It's amazing what happens when you shop online. I didnt know BA took this as full payment. So far I have 8! If I have milk on my conrflakes in the morning, that could make it to 9, almost double figures!

Looking forward to shagging you!

Your loving Mark!

Quote:

Hello my love, my dearest Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are you? I missed you. you say that you can help me, but when it happens? I'm waiting for this moment! I want to see you and if I could, it would long ago have come herself, but without your help I just can not! for the fact that I could come to you, I need to contact the travel agency and this agency, I will do everything and passport and visa! in the agency told me that everything will cost 700 euros, fully whole trip. I now need to know will you help me with the trip? because without your help I can not come! understand? I need to know! I should be confident in everything, because it's all very seriously! do you think? I need to know your opinion!

Elena - a kiss.

700 Euros? This is really interesting, because by my calculation, it costs 20 Euros for her passport - Cheaper than what mine cost for a Brit passport

Quote:

Dearest Elena

I said I would help and I will. Why only today my milk bottle cap collection entered up the dizzy figure of 12. I had to drink a whole pint of semi skimmed milk
700 Euros you say? Tish Pish, what care I for sucha trinket? A drop in the ocean of my bank
Come, let us eat figs whilst the traffic wardens dance their dance of love!

Your loving Mark

Quote:

Hello my dearest and most beloved Mark !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are you? I missed you. you say that you can help? If so, then I'll be the happiest girl on earth, because soon I will meet with you, my love Mark!!! I do it just for you, I want to be by your side, I dream about it every day! it is important to me, because I have only you. tell me now, when will you help me? how I write, so I am just going with the agency and find out dates of manufacture of my documents and will need to know on how many take the tickets! You can not imagine how happy I am, at the moment I only dream about one, as soon as possible, be closer to you, I look forward to a response from you. going to collect things in a quiet little trip!

I love you Mark!!!

Elena - a kiss.

I'm intrigued by the passport, looks quite good. Well she looks quite good too! Wonder if I can get a decent picture of her?

Quote:

Dearest Elena,

If you wish me to help you, you must do something for me.

Your Mark XXXX

Quote:

Hello my dearest and most beloved Mark !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forgive me, but I do not know what you need? tell me and I will do, but do not ask for nude photos! I have them simply will not do! understand? I'll wait for your requests, but only answer me quickly! Elena.

Nude photos? Elena in the buff? Perish the thought, the mere suggestion never entered my mind!
fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck!!!

Quote:

Dearest Elena,

Of course I would not ask for nude photos. All I wanted is a picture of you holding a sign telling me you love me

Your in my heart

Mark

Will she come up with the goods?
Will she get to the UK?
Who is the mysterious travel agent with the fluctuating fees?
Will she even read the emails?

Find out this and perhaps nothing in the next exciting instalment!!!

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:02 pm

I've gone through five of these hot Russian babe scams in the past few years. The text of the messages changes slightly over the years but the plot is always the same. These guys stick rigidly to their script and only take a passing glance at whatever you send them. In a couple of cases we discovered that each email and photo is sent to all potential scam-victims on the same day regardless of what we send them. This shows they're mostly automated operations with very little elbow grease expended on the scammer's part. Don't expect them to safari through the Urals for your phony Western Union transfers.

The good part is that as long as you keep responding, you'll continue to receive photos of some beautiful model they found on the Internet somewhere. The length of the scam depends on how many photos they have of the woman. Look for painfully funny signs of all-too-professional photo shoots in their "family photos". For example, Russian women do not go swimming wearing head bands that match the pattern on their bikinis.

The goal (other than to keep the hot photos coming) is to try to throw them off their script. Jibberish does nothing. They barely speak English to begin with. I've found you need numbers with dollar signs to get their attention. A sentence with "$100,000" will get their interest and they'll try their best to understand the English surrounding it. Any email without a photo is almost certainly an off-script response and a point scored for you.

My most successful alter ego was "R. K. Stanton", a wealthy Boeing Executive who was recently divorced but cheated his ex-wife in the settlement by hiding his wealth in cash. This allowed me to pepper my emails with confusing dollar amounts (divorce settlement, alimony, bonuses, trivial business deals) and receive several off-script responses about them. The English in these was even more unreadable than in the scripted emails. Naturally their tone has none of the wildly romantic qualities and are more short, inquisitive and specific, i.e. "The hidden $100,000 you say is money taken not in company but as in your possession?" The more you talk about numbers with dollar signs, the more interested they'll be later on.

Towards the end they will actually read responses to pick which marks are the most promising and dump the rest. That's when the communications get much less sexy and more desperate. You won't get to see photos of your Russian girlfriend sobbing over her dying mother.

Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 9:54 pm

I've never read anyone with such fluent gobbledegook. You're a gifted wordsmith. They should employ you at babelfish. Thumbs up

Vlads, like lads, read most of what we write as 'blah blah blah western union blah blah yada yada send the money...'

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 21 Apr 2010 Posts: 9

Hope you dont mind but I sent an email to her/him. Ease me into scambaiting as the one I sent yesterday has had no reply.

Oh and in Russia women wear their wedding rings on the right hand.....as in the pictures Wink

Something to question 'her' about if the feeling arises. That is of course if you lovebirds are still in touch?

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 7:12 pm

I could have some fun writing back & forth in broken English with this one Smile

I always find the Russian ones much more amusing than the Nigerians, the Russians have much better broken English. I need to build a collection of great broken English one-liners, that could make an amusing book someday, or at least a really funny blog Smile

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 04 Feb 2012 Posts: 5

I've just found and joined 419eater after going through a romance scam. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for this lovely, hilarious thread. It has been some time since I had a good laugh.

This inspires me to take take up the noble task of scambaiting.
Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Hi and welcome here Very Happy

Please keep in mind that this thread is two years old Wink

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 04 Feb 2012 Posts: 5

Thanks Tsnerd for the welcome! I did notice that this is an old thread but have set about reading as much as possible here so that I can learn. This is amazing.
Very Happy

Master Baiter Joined: 21 Jun 2012 Posts: 105

OMG I ROFL So hard I drilled all over my desk. What a mess!! I love this quote.
Last night I started to decorate the spare room by smearing pig shite all over the walls, this is in anticiapation of your arrival. A little early I know, but when you have good pig shite, you need to use it straight away

ROFL!! These lad really don't read there messages

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