Federal Bureau of Mixed Metaphors

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Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 10:28 am

After Jumpin Jay Jay's handcuffs anecdote: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=176945 - I have to share the latest Bob Mueller letter (emphasis added throughout).

Quote:

Attention:

Not 'Dear Sir' - interesting start.

Quote:

We have been waiting for the required time for you to make available to my office your DIST clearance document up till now you have not contacted the CID GHANA, What it means by your hard stance is that the FBI is not far from the truth of the allegations against you.

After a barrister's address, we move on:

Quote:

By your failure to prove your non involvement in these alleged criminal acts, the FBI has no option than to forward your information to the office of Mr Eric Holder the Attorney General of the United States of America for prosecution.

I didn't think the law worked like that...

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My office has equally detailed the local FBI office in your place to monitor you, and put every security measure in place for your arrest any time from today.

They have FBI offices in Australia?

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We have equally detailed the CID GHANA to conclude their report and submit to my office for our perusal. While we wait to receive the final report of the CID GHANA investigation of your secret activities with some fraudulent Africa as the records so show so far, you have the final chance to prove your innocence in this matter.

Again, I'm not really sure that's how it works...

Quote:

As a fellow American, we have no need to witch hunt ourselves and at the same time, we will not live to allow a repeat performance of the experience of September 11,2001 in America. Whoever is in anyway found to be doing anything likely to jeopardize the interest of America will not live to tell the story.

IT'S JACK BAUER!

Now for my favourite bit...

Quote:

All the security organizations have been briefed of your identity for their records. You cannot easily escape from the long arms of the law when the chips are down.

Quote:

We will accept any proof of your non involvement in these alleged criminal activities. Those who peaceful negotiation impossible, help to make violent settlement the only option. Do not allow yourself to deceived through wrong advice. It is only you that will bear the brunt of your mistake.

Can't wait to get this one off script!

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:00 am

This is his script ? for real ?
It just shows you that the FBI can do anything since the new anti-terrorist acts.

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:44 am

Quote:

We will accept any proof of your non involvement in these alleged criminal activities.

Any proof? Send them a letter from your friend that says you are innocent.

Or forward him the e-mail you received from the NSA. We all know that an NSA investigation trumps an FBI investigation and the FBI won't be allowed to arrest you during an NSA investigation.

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:11 pm

And in the mean time: don't eat CHIPS Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:18 pm

Tell your lad, a gift horse in the hand is better than a poke in the eye with a chip off the old block.

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:59 pm

^^^ Ahhh Windy. You crack me up. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:17 pm

Yastreb,

You know the game's up and you should turn yourself in as having been involved with fraud in Africa.

Perhaps the Lad could advise you where your nearest friendly FBI office is so they don't have to drive out and collect you?

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:43 pm

There is no way you could prove your innocence, because you're obviously guilty as sin. (I understand you're being charged with 'secret activities with african fraud stars'... yup .. guilty!)

But maybe, if you offer to bribe him, the FBI officer wants to help you forge some evidence of your innocence, or lose some of the evidence against you.

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