This Years Christmas Piss up.

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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 11:40 pm

419 eater MEMO:-
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FROM: Nigerian Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 12, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at Noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And, don't be surprised if Someone shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our moderating team will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Sammy

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419 eater Memo:
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FROM: Nigerian, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 13, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling this our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Sammy

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419 eater Memo:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Nigerian, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 14, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but ---forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

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419 eater Memo:
------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Nigerian, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 15, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year
does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross-dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Sammy

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419 eater Memo:
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FROM: Nigerian, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: December 16, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from Hell!!!

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419 eater Memo:
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FROM: Corona , "Acting" Human Resources Director

DATE: December 17, 2009

RE: Sammy and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Sammy a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off ---with full pay!

Happy Holidays! NOT

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:57 am

Is that suppose to be funny? Smile

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:19 am

Ouch.

I believe it's supposed to be a take of the "Politically Correct Christmas Memo".

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:22 am

Whatever!

Here's my 2 cent: Very Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAckfn8yiAQ

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:50 am

Thank you Corona! That vid went right to my Facebook for me to show all my pals!

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:21 am

Cut weareborg some slack. It was his first attempt at being funny and not in any way negative. At least he didn't say Christmas sucks, women use it as an excuse to <strike>ask for</strike> demand gifts before leaving you, smiling causes wrinkles, happiness only leads to despair...

Way to get into the Christmas spirit, weareborg Very Happy

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:48 am

Corona wrote:

Is that suppose to be funny? Smile

You try being politically correct, and funny all at the same time. At least this forum doesn't ban Christmas unlike some..

But I've changed the ending, just to make it expectable. Wink

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:25 am

I'm with the Borg, vampires don't do christmas either.

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:46 am

'Do Christmas' for somebody else then!

The Salvation Army feed the hungry and shelter the sick, what do you do? Get rat arsed and grumpy.

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:57 am

Quote:

This Years Christmas Piss up.

That time already. Shocked

I haven't finished last year's yet.

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:36 pm

And cavies aren't overly fond of Christmas either. Bah humbug!!

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

weareborg wrote:

FROM: Corona , "Acting" Human Resources Director

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:10 pm

I actually thought it was funny - in a sort of ironic and frustrated way. Confused

Anyone with a disability knows that it's slightly amusing to watch people struggle with political correctness when talking about the disability. "Are you blind or visually impaired?" "I'm blind in my right eye and visually impaired in my left eye." (There is a difference.) Wink

And the term "differently abled"? Well, let's just say, it's been over-used.

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:42 pm

It is the piss that bothers me.

You see, nottin or anyone is going to piss on my Christmas. Very Happy

Would anyone like fries with that? Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:42 pm

Well, without 'outing' myself too much, this Jewish, bisexual, disabled, revoltingly political, (ex) vegan did find it very funny.

Thank you weareborg.

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:54 pm

Careful Branwen not to come "too" out.

As for religion - I always thought the Pope was Jewish.

Laughing

I mentioned bi-sexuality once - but I am certain I got away with it.

I am now a tri-sexual.

Rolling Eyes

Please remember though - a goat is NOT just for Xmas.

Makes a great filling for buffet vol-au-vents right through to the New Year celebrations.

Wink

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:10 pm

Yeah, I post safe: so I omitted a lot.

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:49 am

Back OT, Please convey my get well wishes to Sammy. Holiday stress is a horrible thing and I hope she recovers and gets her job back.

If I can get and address, I will be happy to send him/her/it a card to help along his/her/it's holiday cheer. Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:36 am

I sing in the alto section in the choir and community chorus. But I occasionally help out in the tenor section.

I guess you could say I'm bi-sectional.

I'll get me coat.

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:58 pm

Excellent, weareborg! It reminds me of the "Alexander Botts" stories in the old Saturday Evening Post! Well done!

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