Cameroon is lovely this time of year. Safari at last?

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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:59 pm

It's the bait that will not die, just with a changing cast of lads...

It's been over 3 years since this bait first ran its course, leading to some serious ladfights and some terrific death threats (including the "daughter of mermaid" series of juju threats). I honestly don't know how my information is circulating but somehow or other the word is out that Susan P3rcise is a very rich widow who has paid a lot of lads a lot of money. I run the bait to conclusion, then sit back and wait. I can be sure that in a few months or so a new lad will come along and try his hand. They're always new ones, not the old lads in new wrappers, but they always know the full backstory. So my information must be sold, or stolen. It's great because I don't have to go through the process of starting over to build credibility. My backstory is solid and they totally buy it from day one.

The last lad who tried to get a piece of Susan ended up giving me 2 pith helmets and an arrest. Very Happy

I was sorry when he gave up. But it only took a few months for a new one to come along. At first I really thought it had to be my old friend "Dr. Onanuga" masquerading as Lamido Sanusi. Both lads write extremely good English and are clearly high level, definitely a cut above the average lad. But Onanuga was Benin-based and my new lad's IP is consistently Lagos so it's definitely a new player.

I've been working him slowly since the beginning of June, doing a very tedious straight bait to get the hook very firmly in place. Things have not worked out well for the lad. Problems have come up, including a dolla chopper, which ultimately have persuaded Susan that she had no choice but to go to Africa personally in order to straighten out this overdue contract that has been owed to her deceased husband since 2006.

Some long-time members here may remember Susan as the bitch from hell. Very Happy

Lads are notoriously misogynistic and they absolutely HATE putting up with insults from women. Which is why I enjoy playing the role so much. Susan runs hot and cold, the lad never knows what might set her off. This bait is already way too long to publish but there have been some fun times. Here are just two excerpts of Susan's rants:

my character wrote:

Dear Mr. Arrogant Asshole:

For the record, Mrs. Alade has NOT written to me. I have NOT received anything whatsoever from her. So don't blame me for HER mistakes.

Have a blissful weekend yourself, you pompous ass.

bitch from hell wrote:

You ask "Can you talk to either the Chief Economic Adviser to your President or the Chairman of Federal Reserve Bank of America like you do?"

Well, first of all, I doubt very much that the CEA to President Obama or the Chairman of the Fed is anywhere near as stupid and incompetent as you. But if they were, and if they treated me with the same disdain and abuse that you have, then yes, I would most definitely talk to them in the same manner. I tell things as they are, Mr. Bello. If your tender feelings are hurt then tough shit. I couldn't care less. This is business, Mr. Bello, and I expect you to treat it as such and follow through on your promises. It's just as simple as that. I'm not interested in listening to some cry-baby whine about his tender feelings. I want ACTION. I want this damn contract concluded. Three years I have spent on this!!!! I've had it with all these delays and all these screw ups!!!

Anyway, Susan got to the 5imba camp in Cameroon last night. She was met at the airport by a rival lad I invented, who is pulling a gold scam. A few weeks ago I "accidentally" sent my lad an email intended for the Ghana lad to confirm a payment. I followed it with an immediate "please disregard" email saying I pulled the wrong address and that it did not concern him. Of course he's been trying ever since to convince me I'm being scammed, but I just tell him to his his nose out of my personal affairs. Of course the point of this fake lad is to turn up the heat and make my real lad realize how much is at stake here. While he was trying to weasel out of going to Cameroon the fake Ghana lad was making plans to meet me the moment I landed. The ruse worked, my lad is now scrambling to get to me before my money is all gone (I traveled with $120K in cash, and a pile of gifts -- laptops and Rolex Daytonas.)

this morning, my lad wrote:

Like i did stated, i am already in Cameroun. I came in late last night and went straight to our Consular Office in Douala.It is from there that i will come today to say hi to you as well confirm every other arrangement towards signing your fund release order.

The reason for fast tracking my movement is to meet other pressing official matters here which requires my attention.I don't want a situation whereby i will dissappoint you.I know you won't like it.Already, you have started complaining and even calling me names but that is bye gone. Now, what we are after is to conclude your business successfully.No ill-feelings whatsoever.

It's a damn shame he's lying. Evil or Very Mad

His IP is still Lagos. But there is a frantic lad emailing Doc Williams from a Douala IP trying to find out how to get to the camp. Earlier my lad tried to get out of the trip by saying they had arranged for documents to be signed in Douala. Clearly he has made an agreement with a Cameroon-based lad to work the job together. That lad is the one who is now heading to the camp. Unfortunately that means this doesn't qualify for another pith in my signature, but there's sure going to be some major tension between those two lads in the next few days. Wink

And there's a good chance this lad will travel well over the minimum miles to earn that hat after all. Very Happy

I'm turning up the heat:

my character wrote:

I'm sorry I couldn't respond until now but I have spent the entire day with Mr. Williams (my fake Ghana lad), and I'm having the time of my life. This is such an exquisite place, and Mr. Williams is a handsome and extremely charming man. I confess that I find myself quite attracted to him so I'm definitely enjoying his company. I didn't realize how long it has been since I've spent time with a handsome man since Ronald died.

Things are working out magnificently. As you know I recently sold a large property south of San Francisco for $3.6 million. I figure that after paying taxes on the capital gains I should end up with $2.5 million. Since I have no need of that for current living expenses I've been wondering how best to invest it. The stock market continues to be in the doldrums and real estate is even worse. However gold is at an all-time high of over $1,000 an ounce so this is a great time to get involved in gold mining. It was certainly fortuitous that Mr. Williams contacted me when he did. In any event, I won't bore you with details but I've just emailed my banker instructions to transfer $2.5 million into an account for the gold mine in Ghana and tomorrow we will be signing papers which will give me a 45% ownership stake in the company. As a long-term investment this can't be beat!

I'm delighted to hear that you are in fact coming to meet me but please, do not come before Sunday night. I am busy with Mr. Williams until then so I don't have time to spend with you, and the suite I reserved for you is not available until then either. I will be happy to see you then, but not before.

I really need to take a short nap, I had a delightful day so far but I'm very much feeling the effects of jet lag. I need some rest before dinner with Mr. Williams, and more champagne to celebrate our partnership. And who know, maybe our partnership might turn more personal tonight.... I certainly wouldn't resist!

I asked the camp director to contact you, he should be getting to you soon.

Doc has sent him some very, very complicated driving instructions that should get him very lost and very streded. The fun is just beginning.

Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:17 pm

Good job on hooking another one (or two)! Susan must be irresistable to the lads. They must like the verbal abuse to keep coming back like that.

I have it on good authority that the champagne always flows at 55C! Wink

Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:20 pm

Looks like this could be pith-worthy after all. It's over 200 miles one-way from Douala to Yaoundé, before the lad even starts his convoluted trip to the non-existent camp. Even if it's not my original lad, someone is going to suffer through hell trying to reach me.

Yes, Susan is irresistible, or at least her money is. Wink

Magas with lots of money and who are known for paying easily tend to get lots of lads on their dance cards.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

Great baiting, again, Juan. I love your Susan character and watching you have her put lads through the wringer. I'll be watching this thread for developments.

Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:24 pm

Quote:

Some long-time members here may remember Susan as the bitch from hell.

I'll never forget. clapping

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:01 pm

Susan! Ah, Susan! Very Happy

So many broken hearts tossed to the side of the roads by the siren of West Africa. Very Happy

Good luck, Juan! Hope it's raining cats and dogs on the Mundemba Highway.

Juan's stalker Joined: 28 Aug 2008 Posts: 1423

Yay, Susan is back! Can't wait to see what happens this time.
Another lad with high blood pressure, ground down teeth, and rainbow colored font... Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:05 pm

Sounds like loads of fun Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:08 am

No further word from my lad today. Doc, did you hear anything?

I just did some Googling. It's a picturesque 3-hour drive from Douala to Yaoundé. It should be even longer getting to the non-existent 5imba camp. Wink

Here's a video of the route from Yaoundé back to Douala. Great musical track with this!! Very Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCY0MsNC8pQ

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:18 am

No word from lad as of this hour, but its almost 2 AM there now. I expect something in the morning.

If he follows the instructions, merely going from town to town, road to road, he will take some time to get there. I left the last part super vague, so... he will have a hard time to get there. I told him to go straight to the Chimp camp, that SSC is behind the chimp camp.

"Bernie" wrote:

Dear Mister Thieving Lad,

There are two ways to get there from Younde. We are suggesting to guests
to avoid Doula.

First take the N1 north to Obala. At Obala, please tale the N4 westto
Nyamsong. At Nyamson
continue on to Ndikinimeki on to Bangangte.

At Bangangte it is important you catch the road to Bafang! Do not
continue on to Kamna as that
is not the right direction.

Continue past Bafang to Melong and then down to Nkongsgamba.

When you reach Loum, take a right towards Kumba. At Kumba take another
right up towards
Kokubuma. You will pass Kurume and Konya before you reach Bakabe.

At Bakabe you need to get o the N8 to the N6, which will take you to
Mamfe. At Mamfe you look for the road to Mofako,
and from Mofako you enter the park and proceed to the visitor center.

At the visitor center, please ask for instructions how to get to the
Chimpanzee camp. Proceed
directly to the chimpanzee camp.

We are located roughly 1200 metres beyond that.

If you should have any problems, please email me.

We look forward to seeing you here.

Best wishes,

Bernie

I hope he followed the instructions closely...

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:32 am

I love the music with the video! It's very catchy, especially the last one. I found myself singing along. Very Happy

For the bus to make the distance between Douala and Yaounde in three hours it has to be 200 kilometers rather than miles, do you think?

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:57 am

It's 203km or 126 miles in a straight line by air, according to this site:

http://www.convertunits.com/distance/from/Douala,+Cameroon/to/Yaounde,+Cameroon

This site calculates 232 miles from Douala to the center of Yaoundé:

http://www.travels.com/hotels/africa/cameroon/douala/

Wikipedia says 3 hour drive:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaound%C3%A9

But it would seem unlikely that anyone could drive an average of 75 miles an hour on that road so I question the 232 miles. Still, that road would be a lot longer than the crow-flying 126 miles, easily 175....

However many miles it is, I'm sure the lad is having fun, and Doc's directions will increase his enjoyment immensely. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:11 am

Juan At work.

It just so happens I have a Gold mine in Ghana Susan might be interested investing. Actually I have a gold mine in any country you need. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:46 pm

No word from your lads on safari in the SSC inbox, which means they may be very lost.

Any word, Juan?

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 07 Nov 2009 Posts: 4

just a quick note: I've traveled in Sri lanka in a private "minivan"..from Colombo to a small village a measly 100 km south of the airport
there was little traffic and the road was not paved..
even going at what looked like considerable speed, it took us nearly 4 hours to get there.

I have no idea of the status of the roads you have googled, but you might want to revise that estimate a little.

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:24 pm

No word this morning. Confused

I hope he hasn't twigged, I don't see why he should at this point, after five months of steady correspondence. The Cameroon lad could well be very lost but my lad is presumably still in Lagos so I don't know why he wouldn't answer me. Maybe he's just waiting to hear from the Cameroon accomplice, or maybe the EFCC turned up the heat on the Internet cafe.

I'll just sit back and wait, I'm assuming he'll come back. Meanwhile Susan is there for another week. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:17 pm

He's back. Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Why you didn't hear from me was because i was taken care of some official matters here. Anyway, I am still waiting to receive the directive from you on how to reach the camp.

Doc sent it to the other lad's address since he's the one who asked. Susan will forward a copy on to this lad's address just so everything looks on the up and up.

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:36 pm

No word from either lad as of this moment.

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:17 pm

I just got a followup from my lad after forwarding the driving instructions:

my lad wrote:

Dear Madam,

Thanks for your mail and also for the directions. Everything is okay and I am looking forward to meet you tomorrow evening.

Madam, I will like you to urgently give me any telephone number which i can use to reach you immediately.

Just before Susan retires for the night in another hour or so she will send this:

Susan wrote:

John and I just returned from dinner and we about to retire for the night. This is his last night here and I am very disappointed about that.

There is no cellphone coverage here, and although this camp is relatively luxurious it is still rather remote and there are no telephones in the tent/suites. I believe the only phone is a satellite phone for the manager, but it is not accessible to guests. This Internet link is all I have at the moment.

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Will the rest of your group be accompanying you as promised? I really need to know.

I'll be curious to see how this plays out.....

Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:10 pm

Nice long bait, with plenty of meaty slaps AND a safari. Class.

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:35 pm

Too bad the phone got hit by lightning....

"Bernie" wrote:

Dear Sir,

Miss Susan has asked me to contact you regarding a phone. Sadly, we do not have a phone here. Cameronian phone service is
quicky when it exists, and our location is in one of those valleys that does not get service. Life is like that, some times. We did,
until recently, have a satallite phone, but lightning took it out.

The main office is our only public phone line, and it is in London. The easiest way to comunicate with me is by email.

I look forward to hearing from you so that we may sort out whatever logistical or service related issue that needs sorted.

Best wishes,

Bernie

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:06 pm

My lad failed to show up today. Evil or Very Mad

But he just wrote me an excuse, with a new promise:

my worthless lad wrote:

Dear Madam,

I am in company of our Country's ambassador attending the burial ceremony of the wife to our Country's ambassador in a neighbouring country called Central Africa Republic(CAR).I had thought to leave this evening to Yaounde but at arrival there, It was very clear that there is no regular connecting flight from there hence there is no possibility for me to make it as scheduled.

But unfailingly on tuesday which is the exact date i was assured of flight, i will definitely make it.I have also communicated this position to the Camp Manager-Mr..B3rnie Rhodes for re-scheduling.

It is equally important to keep in touch with you before my arrival at least to keep abreast of everything.So, i still demand for the Resort telephone number and your Room intercomm number.Mere writing mails is not sufficient and at times, i don't have time for that.

I hope you don't get annoyed.There is no problem whatsoever and it is my honorable desire to personally supervise your payment process.You stand to loose nothing since i am 100% sure to meet with you unfailingly on tuesday.Please make sure the Camp Manager provide the required telephone number or do you have the World phone which i can use to reach you directly?

Thanks for your understanding

(His IP is still Lagos, the lazy bastard.) For the time being Susan is keeping her bitch mode under control. She's very understanding. Wink

But she will be exploding on him soon. For now I'll settle for making him nervous about a rival lad who has been messing up his job for about a month now:

Susan wrote:

I have been waiting for you all afternoon and evening and frankly I have been very worried. I just got back to my suite after dinner and found your email. I wish I had known sooner that you were delaying your trip. This poses a problem because I booked your suite only for tonight and tomorrow night because those are the dates you said you were coming. I do not even know if there is a suite available on Tuesday, I won't be able to ask at the main office until tomorrow since they are closed for the night now. You can see what a problem this can be.

Mrs. Diko emailed me earlier to say that while she can't come this week her assistant is already is Yaounde, awaiting instructions. I am about to send her an email to say that she can tell Mr. Uchenna to come here tomorrow night and use the suite that you are now abandoning. At least one night won't be wasted. I am not sure what is so urgent but she said it was extremely imperative that Mr. Uchenna talk with me before your arrival so in that sense your delayed trip works out, I will spend tomorrow evening with him and find out just what is so important that Mrs. Diko sent him to Cameroon without my having confirmed the date.

There are no phones or intercoms in the suites here. You have to understand that these are sort of tent suites -- wooden based structures with canvas ceiling and walls. It is a camp, and although it is quite luxurious for a camp it is nothing like a high-rise hotel in a big city. We are in the midst of a national park with very limited resources. I am glad to have access to satellite Internet but there is no phone available and my personal cell phone does not work here. Only a satellite phone would work, but I don't have access to one.

I will check my emails when I get up in the morning.

I think Mrs. Diko's assistant will be leaving the camp Tuesday morning with a very substantial portion of the cash I took with me. That should upset my lazy lad. He who hesitates and all that. Wink

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 5:44 am

And, sure enough: Very Happy

Scumbag wrote:

Dear B3rnie Rhodes,

Thanks for the information but i find it very difficult to believe that a five star resort of such magnituded cannot boast of any functional telephone number which i can use reach my guest.I still demand with every urgency that you possibly try your best to provide the needful.

Secondly, i was reliably informed by my guest that i have reservation for two days starting from this night,I solicit for your understanding to shift the date to tuesday to enable me finalize some other pressing matters at my disposal.

Your kind cooperation to these two needed request will be highly appreciated.

Best Regards,
Dr. Wanker B3llo,

so:

"Bernie" wrote:

Dear Dr. Mustapha Bello,

I do apologize for the lack of a phone. We are working to fix that situation.
Thank you for your understanding. I assure you that despite our lack of a phone,
you will find our level of service unequaled.

At your request, I have switched your reservation. There is usually a cancellation
fee, but as it is slow season, I have waived that.

We look forward to having you here.

Best wishes,

B3rnie Rhodes

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 6:43 am

Tuesday will be interesting............

Very Happy

EDIT: Just got this:

my lad wrote:

Dear Madam,

Thanks for your understanding but honestly, i didn't know that it will turn out to be like that.I still assure you 100% of my presence as promised.I am coming with all the fund release documents which when you sign will guarantee the transfer of your fund.I am sure that Mr.Sanusi had sent a copy of the approvals to you.

Concerning the visit of Mr.Uchenna, i don't see any reason for that and also, if Mrs.Diko is real all this while, why can't she visit you personally to say welcome to her good friend?And what is the said Uchenna coming to do?.

If your reason to allow him to come is just to make use of that suite, then relax since i can urgently instruct our advance party who have been in Douala since thursday to come and make use of the room.I only directed them to remain there untill i come back from this journey.

Thanks for your understanding.

And replied:

Susan wrote:

I just got up and after showering I found your email. I'm glad you are still planning your trip.

Mrs. Diko had some urgent problem that came up which prevented her from coming here as planned, which is why she sent her assistant. I really have no idea why it's so urgent but she was very emphatic that Mr. Uchenna talk with me immediately so he is coming to the camp this afternoon. I'll obviously know more later and I'll keep you informed.

Have a good day in Central Africa Republic and I look forward to your visit here.

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:03 pm

Two call in from 002348039******. Is that your lad, Juan?

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