Here piggy piggy - more looong replies - got the reverend

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Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 6:55 pm

I had this bait on the back burner for a month or so, when I decided to play along a bit further. So I finally contacted the banker who told me to contact the lawyer. The lawyer needs money...

This is a week of mails between me and the lawyer:

10/13 - He wants me to pay him. I told him I would. He reminds me. (I'm a bit slow sometimes)

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
I WRITE YOU SEQUEL TO THE LETTER YOU SENT,TO INFORM ME OF YOUR GOING TO PAY TODAY,AS I TOLD YOU MAKE SURE YOU INTIMATE ME AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE 2195 EUROS,WHICH IS THE COMMITMENT AMOUNT FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE DOCUMENTS.SEND THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE NAME OF MY SECRETARY MR NDIAYE YUSUF ,DAKAR SENEGAL.AND ALSO FORWARD THE INFORMATION YOU USED IN SENDING THE MONEY FOR ME TO CASH IT HERE AND PROCEED IMMEDIATELY AT THE HIGH COURT FOR THE DOCUMENTS.
[..bla..]

10/14 - I assure him I will get to the bank ASAP.

/me wrote:

Dear Sir,
How are you today? Hopefully my message finds you in good condition, both in your personal life and in your business.
I did not have the chance to go to the bank yesterday, as I was planing to do because I had to go to a customer for an installation, and I got back home late in the evening. This afternoon, I will go by their branch office, which is close to my work. I called them but they said it would be better for me to come by in person when my account manager is there as well.

10/15 - I went to the bank, have another delay, and another idea..

/me wrote:

Good morning Mr. D3t3h,

Hopefully everything is going fine since our last contact. I am writing you to keep up updated on the progress.
I went by the branch office yesterday, and got to speak to my account manager. He says that international payments are no problem and very simple, but I do need to get my account upgraded. He is helping me with that right now, and he will have everything ready by the end of today or by tomorrow.

Would it be faster and less expensive, to worry about the inheritance funds later, and for now just concentrate on lifting Miss B!ate's refugee status and acquire Senegalese citizenship? Once that is done, she can move anywhere around the world and take care of her inheritance and her new future from a more comfortable place. Please let me know if this scenario is possible.

Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,

10/15 - He just wants money.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
I STILL WILL TELL YOU THAT THE DOCUMENTS AS DEMANDED,MUST BE READY AS SOON AS I RECEIVE FROM YOU TODAY THE COMMITMENT AMOUNT PAYMENT.EVEN AS YOU WILL ALSO WANT YOUR PARTNER FREE THESE ARE NECESSARY IN OTHER TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WILL ALSO TAKE YOUR PARTNER TO ANY PART OF THE WORLD AS YOU RIGHTLY SAID.EVERY DOCUMENT THAT IS NEEDED S POSSIBLE TO GET FOR THE SAKE OF THE FREEDOM OF YOUR PARTNER.
HAVING SAID THIS MR T0RV4LDS I WANT YOU TO INFORM ME ONCE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY AND FORWARD THE INFORMATION YOU USED IN SENDING THE MONEY TO ME AS WELL.AS I TOLD YOU SEND THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE NAME OF MY SECRETARY MR ND!4YE YU5UF,DAKAR SENEGAL.
THEN INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I WILL CASH THE MONEY AND PROCEED FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE DOCUMENTS AT THE COURT.
MR T0RV4LDS YOU TOLD ME YOU WILL BE MAKING THE PAYMENT TODAY,THAT IS WHY I EVEN LEFT TO ATTEND A COURT CASE TODAY JUST TO MAKE SURE I DID NOT FAIL IN MY WORD TO RENDER BEST SERVICE TO YOU.I WAIT TO RECEIVE THE MONEY AS YOU SAID YOU HAVE CONCLUDED WITH YOUR ACCOUNTS MANAGER THAT THE PAYMENT WILL BE MADE TODAY OR TOMORROW,GET ME INFORM ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY AND MAKE SURE YOU FORWARD THE INFORMATION YOU USED TO SEND THE MONEY AS WELL.MY PRIORITY IS TO RENDER BEST SERVICES TO MY CLIENTS.
SIGN,
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/17 - My account manager has prepared everything for me to do a bank transfer.

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
How are you doing today? I hope my message finds you in good condition. My account manager told me today that the upgrade to my account has been approved and processed. My new card is ready and also a card reader for security IDs or something. They can mail it to me or I can pick it up at the branch office. I will pick it up when I leave work, because I won't get it until monday when they mail it. They have everything set up for me so that I can now make international transfers online via the online banking web site of the bank.
As soon as I pick up the new card and the card reader and get back home, I will see how it all works and make the transfer to you. I will inform you immediately. Sorry for the delay but it turned out that my account was not yet authorized for international transfers.
Thank you for your help.
Sincerely,

10/18 - If I just send him money, all the paperwork will be done quickly.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
ALL THAT SHOULD BE DONE FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE DOCUMENTS,WILL COMMENCE ONCE YOU SEND THE AMOUNT NOW AND GET ME INFORMED ABOUT THAT IMMEDIATELY.KNOW IT WELL THAT AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT,I WILL PROCEED FOR THE DOCUMENTS,WHICH WILL ALSO BE READY IN TWO WORKING DAYS OF YOUR SENDING THE MONEY.I MAINTAIN MY WORD, TO RENDER BEST SERVICES TO MY CLIENTS AND STAND WITH YOU TILL THE FINAL STAGE OF THIS TRANSACTION.
GET ME INFORMED IMMEDIATELY YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY AS SAID IN YOUR LAST LETTER TO ME.I WAIT TO RECEIVE FROM YOU THE AMOUNT FOR ONWARD COMMENCEMENT OF THE DOCUMENTS PREPARATION PROCESS AT THE COURT.
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/19 - Ok, now I'm ready for him to give me a piggy..

me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,

I have tried to make a transfer to you, but for the online banking web site, I need to enter an IBAN code. Do you know what that means or should I ask my bank for it? I can call them this morning, or go by their office this afternoon.

Thank you,

10/19 - He wants to know why.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
MAY I GET THE EXPLANATION OF THAT WHICH YOU ASKED IBAN CODE,IS THERE NO WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER UNIT THERE.I BELIEVED YOU PUT ME CLEAR ON THE TRANSFER.MR T0RV4LDS FROM WHERE ARE MAKING THE PAYMENT NOW,THERE SUPPOSE TO BE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER UNIT,WITH THE INFORMATION I GAVE YOU.
THEN IF WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER DOES NOT WORK IN YOUR PLACE,JUST GET ME INFORMED NOW.AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE AS TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION WITH IBAN CODE YOU ASKED.RESPOND QUICKLY.
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/20 - I don't know why. (Well .. I do, but I don't want to tell him.)

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
I don't really know what an IBAN code is, but the form on the online banking web site asks for it, along with some other things. Your address (or the bank's address, I'm not sure) and a swif. I just got access to this system so I have to find out how it goes.
Thank you,

10/20 - And there it is! Oink! He's in my siggy.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
NOW TRANSFER THE MONEY WITH THIS ACCOUNT INFORMATION AM GIVING YOU AND SEND TO ME YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I CONFIRM THE PAYMENT,THEN PROCEED FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE DOCUMENTS IMMEDIATELY.MR T0RV4LDS MAKE THE TRANSFER THROUGH THIS ACCOUNT INFORMATION NOW.

NAME OF THE BANK.... COMPAGNIE BANCAIRE DE L'AFRIQUE OCCIDENTALE (CBA0).
BANK ADDRESS...... PLACE DE L' INDEPENDENCE DAKAR-SENEGAL.
NAME OF THE ACCOUNT HOLDER....... B4 F4T0U.
SWIFT CODE........ CBA0SNDA
IBAN ............ KOO12
CODE GUICHET.......... O1273
ACCOUNT NUMBER.......... O34I57374IO1
CLE RIB............. 19

WITH THIS ACCOUNT INFORMATION MR T0RV4LDS, I BELIEVE THE TRANSFER YOU WANT TO MAKE NOW WILL BE THROUGH.ALL THAT YOU NEED FOR THE TRANSFER IS CLEARLY STATED.MAKE SURE YOU FORWARD TO ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION AS SOON AS THE PAYMENT IS THROUGH NOW.
BAR DR F3DN4RD D3T3H..

10/20 - Thank you!

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
Thank you very much for your time and your guidance.
I will make the transfer as soon as I get back and let you know about it.
Most sincerely,

10/21 - He needs confirmation.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
IN RESPECT TO THE LETTER YOU SENT,I AWAITS YOU TO INFORM ME ONCE YOU MAKE THE TRANSFER AND ALSO FORWARD TO ME THE PAYMENT SLIP INFORMATION,USED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT.SO THAT I CAN CONFIRM THE PAYMENT HERE AND PROCEED IMMEDIATELY FOR THE DOCUMENTS AT THE COURT.MY PRIORITY REMAINS TO RENDER EFFICIENT SERVICES TO MY CLIENTS.
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/21 - OK, here is my confirmation. Smile

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
This is to confirm that the transfer was made and submitted to the bank. Any transaction costs or handling fees will be withdrawn from my account separately. I do not have a slip, as it is an online transaction. On the online banking web site, it shows as 'pending' and the date is yesterday. It should show up on both of our bank statements.

Miss B!ate has asked me to explain to you the urgency of the matter. Please don't take this the wrong way, but she has asked me this a couple of times already I and could not deny her.

Thank you for your help and your guidance.
Sincerely,
-T0rv@lds

10/21 - Not good enough? I guess he needs to be able to identify which of all those many payments is mine..

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
I SAW THE MAIL YOU SENT THIS AFTERNOON,COULD YOU PLEASE INDICATE FOR ME, THE VERY AMOUNT YOU TRANSFERRED,TOGETHER WITH THE NAME OF YOUR BANK AND ITS LOCATION WITH THE SENDER'S NAME THAT IS YOU,THIS IS BECAUSE I NEED ALL THESE INFORMATION TO CONFIRM THE PAYMENT HERE WITH MY BANK.AS YOU SAID THE DATE YOU MADE THE PAYMENT WAS YESTERDAY,JUST INDICATE THE AMOUNT PAID AND THE NAME OF YOUR BANK WITH ITS LOCATION SO THAT I CAN CONFIRM THE PAYMENT HERE WITH MY BANK.IS URGENT YOU INFORM ME ON THESE POINTS NOW MR T0RV4LDS.YOU ARE WELCOME.
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/21 - So I just echo back his own info..

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
This is the transaction as it appears in the banking web site:

Transaction: Intl. Bank Transfer
Institution: CBAO Senegal
Account: O341.5737.4101
Reference: Miss Ir33n B!ate
Submission Date: 2009/10/20
Processing Date: Immed.
Status: Pending
Amount: 325O.47
Currency: USD
Receiving Party
Name: B4 F4T0U
Address: Place De l'Independence
Dakar
SENEGAL

Please confirm. <-- Very Happy

Sincerely,

10/22 - Apparently that was enough confirmation. Now he needs my info for my trophy.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
THE BANK HERE SAYS IT WILL TAKE SOME FEW DAYS BEFORE THE PAYMENT YOU MADE WILL REFLECT IN THE ACCOUNT,AM STILL WAITING THE REFLECTION SO AS TO CONFIRM THE PAYMENT.
MEANWHILE MR T0RV4LDS SEND ME YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU MAY WANT THEM TO APPEAR ON THE DOCUMENTS DUE TO BE PREPARED.I MEAN YOUR NAME,CONTACT ADDRESS,OCCUPATION AND COUNTRY OF ORIGIN AS YOU MAY WANT THEM JUST TO APPEAR ON THE DOCUMENTS,SO THAT AS SOON AS I CONFIRM THE PAYMENT YOU MADE AT THE BANK HERE, SINCE THEY SAID IT WILL REFLECT IN A FEW DAYS TIME,I IMMEDIATELY WILL COMMENCE EVERY PREPARATION ON THE DOCUMENTS.I WILL ALWAYS STAND WITH YOU TILL THE FINAL STAGE OF THE TRANSACTION.
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

10/22 - ..which I'd be happy to give him, just not within 2 hours of his mail to me.

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. Deteh,

On the bank web site, the status of the transfer still shows 'Pending' at the moment. Also, the amount has not been withdrawn from my bank account yet. I will keep monitoring it on a regular basis.

As for the information you need from me, Torvalds is actually my first name (given name) and Turing is my last name (family name). It is common here to put your given name first and your family name last.

Name: T0rv@lds TUR1NG
Address: I4E Peachtree Pkwy, 3OO

I was actually born in Germany, but my parent moved to the USA when I was very young, and I my nationality is American.

My work is designing and building automated sets and stages for a local facilities company, but I think if you need one word for my occupation, it would be Engineer.

Please let me know if this is the information you need and whether it is specific enough.

Thank you for your service and your guidance.
Most sincerely,
-T0rv@lds Tur!ng

I don't really expect any paperwork with my name on it, because I don't really expect the transfer to go through... In the mean time, Ireen (with the rich dead dad) keeps writing me long love letters full of honey, like these:

Ireen wrote:

Oh honey you are very special to me,I love and cherish your wonderful assistance towards me,now my love only know that everything I have is all kept for you and you alone,I will always remain yours because you have given me the very hope that soon we will be meeting ourselves together and share in our love.Darling my heart will always think of you,in this period you are the courage and confidence I have.Please honey your mails comes to me like the ocean wind of love that speaks only but true love.You are my everything,still write the lawyer as you told me,that you will be making the payment to him once you get back.I believe honey the payment you will be making it today,please still relate to me everything as you pay him for the preparation of the documents.Sweetheart with this act of payment to him, you have proved the fact that soon everything will be over and we will be together and celebrate for my freedom.Honey my expectations are just that soonest I will come out from this refugee camp and start a new life with you as you may want me to be.I love you honey please write back to me once you receive my mail,because my heart is always thinking of you..I love you and will continue loving you,tell the lawyer honey once you make the transfer to him now,to facilitate the preparation of those documents,my condition here needs urgent attention,so that I regain my freedom and my late father's wealth be transferred.I wait your lovely reply now honey,please give me news now I always feel relax in my heart anytime I read from you mail.I release to you darling my lips,then I give you my kiss,let today remain good for both of us,take my kiss once again my one and only darling.
Yours for ever in love,
Ireen.

These are not completely scripted, but rather cut'n'pasted together from a pool of sentences.

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:29 pm

Gawd he's a rude bastard. I hate it when they write in all caps. I'd make him send only handwritten and scanned letters for that infraction.

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:37 pm

Feels good to report a lad's bank account doesn't it? Nice work! Thumbs up

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:28 pm

That was a wonderful way of ducking out of the 'payment slip' request.

Well done!

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:14 pm

Well done! Congrats on your 1st piggy!

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:15 pm

@Branwen: Apart from that it's a brilliant way of getting a bank account. For my piggies I've had to create all kinds of trouble at WU before they finallly became so desperate they gave me a bank account... Bolleboos just went to the bank while the lad was still talking about WU, I love it Very Happy

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:40 pm

Blatant! Bank account just like that.
Must be those lucky eggs... Laughing

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:07 pm

@the Vampire: Yes it does. Thanks.

@fartina: It's my 2nd!! you single-piggy wuss. (EDIT: Congrats on #2!)

@MoP: He didn't get me off script Smile

@Fowan: I did use a recipe but it didn't involve mis huevos

I did the exact same thing on my 1st piggy. I have no clue nor concept of WU. Sending money means I go to the bank. Whenever he mentions WU, in my mind that means he banks with the Western Union Bank, like I bank with Wachovia.

Here is the recipe, please put it to good use.

1 - Payment? $1000? Uhm, ok. I have that. I will call my bank and let you know real soon.

2 - The bank said yes, sure, of course, no problem. They just couldnt tell whether my account is setup for international transfers. Only my account manager can and he was not in today. I will call back tomorrow and let you know real soon.

3 - My account manager said no, but no problem, I need to sign some paper to get my account upgraded and setup for international transfers. I will go by the branch office and get everything worked out and let you know real soon.

4 - The upgrade of my account has been approved and processed, and they get me a new card and a card reader key generator validator thingy thing that I understand shit about. They will tell me when its ready so I can pick it up (which is faster than mail and we don't want delays) As soon as they do, I will let you know real soon.

5 - I picked up my new card and the weird plastic box with a keypad and a display, and some instructions for the web site. I will make the transfer and let you know real soon.

6 - Oops .. it needs all kinds of information, like zwif and iban and stuff. I have no clue.. is that your swif or mine?

* At this point you should get your piggy.

7 - Ok, I made the transfer. What's next? Please let me know real soon.

This time I rushed it a bit, and skipped step 2, where I have to call back tomorrow. I guess after the piggy and before step 7, I could tease a bit: Are you sure it's correct? You said West African Union before, but here it says Bank Of Ladland.. also, thats not your name.

So far i have 2 out fo 3. The other one was: 'Oh I'm getting so tired with you! WU is NOT A BANK!!' which is also OK. It takes a week, which is always nice. It causes frustration, which is always nice. And at this point, I have a perfect alibi for not understanding WU and sending wrong information and getting upset about these shady cash courier companies.

Disclaimer: It was probably inspired on the work of Frumpy and Otterfan on EaterU

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:24 pm

Still piggys ARE a nice thing to have in your profile...

Though I WAS kinda hoping you were writing to him as Linus Torvalds founder of Linux. Then you could have spiels about computer software should be free and lots of guff about Penguins.

Maybe next time

Chrys

Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:34 pm

So apparently the transfer didn't come through fast enough... He seems obsessed with payment.

Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
WITH REFERENCE TO YOUR LAST LETTER TO ME,ON THE POSITION OF THE PAYMENT YOU MADE.I WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT THE PAYMENT TILL TODAY HAD NOT STILL REFLECTED,THIS SITUATION I TOLD YOU TO CONFIRM IF THE TRANSFER YOU MADE WAS CORRECT.I WANT YOU TO CHECK THE POSITION OF THE TRANSFER IF IT IS STILL SHOWING PENDING ON YOUR TRANSFER FORM,IF YES,I WILL LIKE YOU TO MAKE AN EXPRESS PAYMENT IMMEDIATELY OR YOU CAN PAY INTO THIS ACCOUNT AM GIVING TO YOU NOW.
MR T0RVALDS,DUE TO THE DELAY IN THE TRANSFER WITH THE FORMER ACCOUNT INFORMATION.I NOW HAVE HAVE CONSULTED A FINANCIAL CONSULTANT FIRM THERE AT THE U.S, AND HAD COLLECTED AN ACCOUNT INFORMATION, YOU WILL NOW USE TO PAY INN THE MONEY WITHIN U.S THERE.YOU ARE NOW TO PAY INN THE MONEY INTO THIS NEW ACCOUNT, IS THERE IN U.S.
THE NEW ACCOUNT INFORMATION,USE THIS NOW AND MAKE THE PAYMENT THERE WITHIN USA.THEN SEND ME PAYMENT SLIP AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.

S0VERE1GN BANK US
N0 15O-28 UNI0N TURNP1KE,
FLU5H1NG,NY
II 3 6 7.
R0UT1NG,N0;23I37269I
A/C.NO; 055II46958
BENF.R0CKW3LL INT.TR4DING P4RTNERS INC.

ONCE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT JUST INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY,AS I WILL CONFIRM FROM THE FINANCIAL CONSULTANT AND PROCEED IMMEDIATELY FOR THE DOCUMENTS HERE.MR T0RVALDS WITH THIS NEW ACCOUNT INFORMATION,I BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL BE THROUGH THIS TIME.WILL ALWAYS STAND BY YOU TILL THE FINAL STAGE OF THE TRANSACTION.YOU ARE WELCOME,JUST FORWARD TO ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION SLIP AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT NOW INTO THIS NEW ACCOUNT THAT I GAVE YOU.IS WITHIN THE US THERE,SO IT WILL BE MORE FASTER YOU MAKE IT NOW AND GET ME INFORMED BY FORWARDING THE PAYMENT INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY.
SIGN,
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

Let's see if this one is faster. Altho I doubt it, because...

my banker wrote:

[...] Should the recipient supply a replacement account number we will need the form LTSB/00386-229 completed. [...]

In the mean time, 1reen keeps doing what she does best. She seems to be obsessed with honey.

1reen wrote:

My lovely Darling,
honey how are you doing this morning,is with joy and excitement that I write you,I want to tell you that you have occupied all the space in my heart with the wonderful love and caring you do show to me.honey may I also tell you that am just imagining how the very first day we will be meeting ourselves will look like,because you are very special to me darling and I must show case a special thanks to you too,for coming and taking it upon yourself to rescue me from this hell,since you came into my life given me these hope and the encouragements you do give me,honey my heart is beginning to calm down and believe truely that soon I will be out of this refugee camp to meet with you,share in the very love we both have for each other.Darling I still repeat that you are too special to me,everything you are doing for my sake I really appreciate and will continue to live for you,as what I know and believe is that I have giving to you honey everything in me that I have,this promise is what I made for you,what ever you want me to be for you honey, I will be and any where you desires we live once am out of here honey I will live for you.I love you sweetheart,Oh my lovely darling my heart always rejoice once I focus and imagine how you are helping me to come out of here to live a better life once again.I will live all my life honey for you and you alone,My kiss I give to you,honey please do kiss me back now too,am in love and all my hope is towards you.I wait your lovely reply and also your kiss for me too honey.
Yours always and for ever in love,
1reen.

@Fowan: Sorry, this one is even worse. All I had to do for it was wait for the lawyer's patience to run out. Razz

@Chrys: Turing is no small boi either. Are you a kernel hacker? I have character named 'Armel Gnueabi'

Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:42 pm

So he may have given me a 2nd piggy, that doesn't mean I can just make a transfer. Oh no. My banker has joined in (played by Inspector Gadget), and according to him it is more complicated.. (This first mail was even before the lawyer gave up piggy #2 just when we started to worry why it would take so long for the money to show up.)

my banker wrote:

From: My banker
To: Me
CC: Lad lawyer

27th October 2009

From the Office of the Bank Advisory Service.

Dear Mr Tur!ng,
With reference to your enquiry. I can confirm that the payment is still shown as 'pending'

At the present time the original account details supplied for the recipient are indicated as 'unable to accept funds at this time'

In order for you to complete this transaction it will be necessary for the recipient to arrange with his bank to investigate the reason for this bar, or, if the matter is urgent, supply you with a replacement account to which we may make the transfer.

An investigation will take about 5-7 working days. Should the recipient supply a replacement account number we will need the form completed. You may call i at any time to collect a copy of the form for forwarding to the recipient.

Yours Faithfully,

St@nley Unw!n

1reen wants to make sure everything is ready before my arrival.

Refugee orphan wrote:

From: 1reen Bi@te
To: Me

Oh My lovely Darling,
Honey is all important that everything is clearly made known with the camp Authorities,because I will not fail to go with you any time you come to this camp.Please just put all that the Reverend said in order,I will be telling the Reverend to write you today so that he communicates with you.Meanwhile honey every body here now is aware of our relationship.Reverend even address you as my husband each time I mention about you in his presence.He will be writing you as you said.Please just let him know all you intention towards me honey.Remember I told you to tell me what you will bringing for me,like phone,laptop,some clothes and Jewries,when ever you are coming to visit me.Honey please tell me all about the stage with the lawyer's proceedings in getting the documents prepared now.You know that is the key point part of the necessary things needed to put in place and securing of a better accommodation and car to take you people about.please this I will like you open up to the Reverend once he communicates you today,because I will tell him of your request immediately.Please honey just know that I need to finish everything about my clarification to conclude all the process and have the camp Authorities clearing my status please do everything now for this.Have you now concluded with the lawyer,but honey why is there still some delays in your payment as you told me,have you now send the money to the lawyer?.Then all the documents how has gone with it.Honey discuss with him and make sure too that you get your intention made to the Reverend too.As he said you will put up an official letter to the refugee camp Authority through him the Reverend and send down everything that is needed to book for you a cool and nice accommodation with car for your comfort here.Honey here is the Reverend contact email () you can just write him now in case he didn't remember to write you as I told you.
Take time an explain to the Reverend when he writes you.Please honey write back to me once you receive my mail now and tell me the situation with the documents that the lawyer is preparing.I love you honey and will continue loving.
Yours for ever in love,
Ireen.

So after I got that 2nd piggy, he needs to complete a in order for me (or my bank) to change the transfer to now go into this new account.
I've been trying to get the lad lawyer to contact my banker, but he won't play along. Banker and I shoot some mails back and forth to tease the lawyer:

/me wrote:

From: Me
To: My banker, Lad Lawyer

Dear Mr. D3t3h and Mr. Unw!n,

I am no expert, and it is all taking way to much time, causing way to much delay. Could you gentlemen please discuss together how to get everything sorted out the best? It would be such a relief for me, as I would be able to focus on the other arrangements I need to prepare.

Thank you both,
Torv@lds Tur!ng

PS: Mr. Unw!n, how much would I minimally need to deposit in order to be able to make another $3250 transfer?

My banker wrote:

From: My banker
To: Me
CC: Lad lawyer ('accidentally')

Dear Mr Unw!n, <-- Oops! Wrong name
At the present time your deposit account stands at : £3.95
Your High Interest account stands at £4,381.21
Your Premium Account is still at £213,778 although the interest payable is due to be added on 1st November 2009.

St@nley Unw!n

You will need to authorise the transfer of : £3,400 to cover your immediate bills.

/me wrote:

From: Me
To: Lad lawyer

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
Please contact Mr. Unw!n, in order to get the issue sorted out as soon as possible.

Both Miss Bi@te and myself are increasingly worried about the documents being processed in time. It would be a very unfortunate disappointment if she is unable to leave the country or even the camp when me and my traveling companion, my cousin, get there. I have been asked to get in contact reverend K@@se, which I have done, but I don't know what to tell him.

I will make a deposit this monday to make sure I have sufficient credit to make any transfer necessary.

Thanks and best regards,
Torv@lds Tur!ng

/me wrote:

From: Me
To: My banker
CC: Lad lawyer

Dear Mr. Unw!n,
I'm sure it was not your intention, but there is no need to send such information to anyone but myself.
Please be more careful in the future.
Sincerely,
Torv@lds Tur!ng

PS: Mr. D3t3h, please disregard and delete that last email.

Apparently the lawyer finds our spiel annoying enough to write a nice long email about it:

Lad lawyer wrote:

From: Lad lawyer
To: Me

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
IS SOMETHING QUIET CONTRADICTING TO UNDERSTANDING,THAT YOU AND YOUR MR UNW1N,ALWAYS MISLEAD YOURSELVES IN THE VERY RESPECT OF THIS COURSE.I MUST STATE HERE EMPHATICALLY THAT,WHAT SO EVER THAT IS DELAYING ALL THE PREPARATION OF DOCUMENTS AND TRANSFERRING OF MONEY TO ME IS BEEN COURSED BY YOU AND YOUR MR UNW1N.
ANY CONVERSATION YOU MAKE WITH HIM, MUST NOT BE RELATED TO ME IF HE IS YOUR ADVISER,WONDER WHY EVERY SINGLE DISCUSSION YOU HAVE WITH HIM BE FORWARDED TO MY CONTACT,THIS I DID NOT WELCOME ANY LONGER.I AM NOT IN ANY WAY PREPARING ANY DOCUMENT FOR HIM,MR UNW1N.I BELIEVE YOU ARE THE ONE AM PREPARING DOCUMENTS FOR,MR T0RV4LDS.
ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD THERE BE CONTRADICTION IN THIS VERY PROCESS,LESS I WILL ASK FOR A BETTER DEFINITION OF SUCH,WILL NOT FOLD HANDS WITNESSING A DIVERSION OF ATTENTION,IN THE AREA OF MR UNW1N,WHOM YOU HAVE INTRODUCED AS YOUR ADVISER.ALL I HAVE TOLD YOU IS THAT I WILL STAND WITH YOU TILL THE FINAL STAGE OF THIS VERY TRANSACTION.MR T0RV4LDS,BANKING PROCEEDINGS MOST HAVE TO FOLLOW THE DUE STANDARD AND PROCESSES.CLEAR FROM YOU TELLING ME WHAT AMOUNT YOU HAVE WHICH MR UNW1N FORWARDED TO ME.THIS ACT IS QUESTIONABLE WITHIN SOME SECTIONS OF LAW,AND HAVE ONLY BUT 24 HOURS FOR HIM MR UNW1N TO APOLLOGIES FORTHWITH.I HAVE NO TRANSACTION WITH HIM,NEITHER AM I PREPARING ANY DOCUMENT ON HIS BEHALF,THEN WHY MUST HE QUOTE YOUR ACCOUNT BALANCES TO ME.MR T0RV4LDS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE THE MONEY WITH YOU CASH AND LOCATE ANY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER UNIT IMMEDIATELY AND SEND IT TODAY IN MY NAME.SINCE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO MAKE IT WITH ACCOUNTS INFORMATION THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU.SEND THE MONEY TODAY VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR THE LAST ACCOUNT I GAVE YOU.INFORM ME AS SOON AS YOU DO THAT IMMEDIATELY,MY CONSIDERATION AS WELL IS BASED ON YOUR PARTNER THERE AT THE CAMP.
RESPOND VERY QUICKLY TO THIS AND LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY YOU MAKE THE WESTERN UNION DEPOSIT TODAY,OR TRANSFER TO THE LAST ACCOUNT INFORMATION GIVEN TO YOU.YOU ARE WELCOME ONCE AGAIN.
BAR (DR) FEDN4RD D3T3H.

Thank you. I like these. Anyone want to translate? It's got to be a compliment!

Honey girl made a boo boo too:

Refugee orphan wrote:

From: 1reen Bi@te
To: Me

Oh my lovely darling,
I must have to let you know that sincerely speaking my heart this time thinks much,don't know why everything is been delayed,till now the documents are not yet prepared.But honey the promise that lawyer gave to us is he not doing it?,you said that he gave you his word to be with you and see that the documents are ready even before now.Honey those pictures are very lovely,they are very fine I appreciate you the more darling,you are so sweetheart,you are mine forever..Darling I told you to please consider my condition here and expedite every action with him to get these paper prepared.I want you honey if you truly want to take me along as you come to quickly persuade the lawyer now,with every support that he needs,so that these documents will prepared immediately.My heart is thinking much about meeting with you and sharing our love together.I love you honey remember I told you not to break my heart at all,because I will just die if such may happen to me.Give every support that the lawyer needs now to get us those papers,I am not myself here I feel you every moment of my life,please conclude with him and let him get us the documents now with out any further delay.I want to hear from you now honey,please send me your lovely reply now sweetheart am very desperate to know the extent with him today if he had commenced the preparation.
Looking forward now to hear from you my love,still greet Nat for me.
For ever yours,
Angel. <-- Oops! Wrong name (the same lad does the same scam under the name of 'Angel Bi@te'.)

I love her.

She fixes the wrong name 9 minutes later:

Refugee orphan wrote:

From: Refugee orphan
To: Me

Honey I hope you will still appreciate as I address myself as your lovely Angel.Is from the bottom of my heart,sweetheart.Waiting to hear from you now.

How could I not appreciate that?

Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:43 am

Of course I don't mind her calling herself Angel.

/me wrote:

Hi my dear 1reen,
Hopefully you had a good weekend. Myself, I have been thinking about you very much. Of course I don't mind you referring to yourself as angel. I have come yo know you as quite an emotional young woman, and besides, you really are my sweet angel. Honestly, I have no idea what Mr. Deteh's problem is. I have asked my own bank and himself to look into the issue with the bank transfer, but he appears a bit stubborn about it. I have already pleaded about the urgency of the matter, but he will do nothing until he has the money in his hands. 1reen, have you asked reverend K@@se to contact me? I have already asked him myself, but I still haven't heard back anything from him. I really need to know what he expects me to submit to the camp authorities, so that we are free to move around together. Can you please ask him again, in case he forgot? I'm so glad you liked the pictures. I can't imagine that you did not have any before. I thought I had sent some. Nat says thanks you for your kind regards and sends you his regards in turn. I will let you know immediately as soon as he has our flight details.
Take good care for now. Warm hugs,
-Torvalds

..and BOOM goes the dynamite..

1reen wrote:

Oh my Beloved Darling,
When ever I set my eyes on the mails you do send me,honey I always have a new life,free from refugee prison to be focus only on how to live a comfort life.I know and believe honey that all these dream will soon come to be reality.I imagine the love you have been showing to me,then I ask myself what will I use to pay you back these good deed of yours towards me,is only that the documents due to be prepared by the lawyer is not yet ready.But I believe from what you told me in the last mail your sorting out modalities to finalize everything about that.Honey I will please advise for the sake of our love to expedite every action in making the documents ready is like that is a prerequisite,to having my freedom looked into or granted by the refugee camp Authorities.Though you said the Reverend had not responded to you,I will still remind you of him today,maybe he will make out time to communicate you honey.All I want you to do sweetheart is to resolve everything with the lawyer,you know these lawyer they may a times consider the extent of your complaints with them,in what ever they are doing with one.I plead with you sweetheart to immediately comply with the lawyer in any area he may need you to comply so that myself will be relief from these refugee suffering.I believe honey from every indication,you came into my life to save me from dieing and rescue me out of here,what you are doing for me sweetheart I will always live to remember it all through my life time.That is why am pleading my love,if you really want to save me now as you have made up mind to rescue me,just comply with the lawyer in any area he wants you to comply.These preparation of documents darling has lingered very long till now we suppose to have gotten the documents then ready for the whole transfer process.Oh honey I will be more grateful if you do this for me today my heart will gladden the more with joy,if you just write me back saying that you will now resolve with the lawyer,complying to any demand he makes that will make things work out well for us.This request am making to you now honey is been lead from my inn most heart to request such today from you my darling husband,just your compliant with the lawyer for the documents to be ready now.Honey am waiting now your reply to the very request I just put forward to you,will be more grateful if you grant this now for me.I will always give to my one and only darling,a morning kiss specially for you honey,accept it is from the very bottom of my heart.Once again take my kiss,I love you sweetheart waiting your lovely reply as you comply with the lawyer,just to rescue me out of this camp.Please write me back now sweetheart am waiting to hear from you.
Is my love to you ,
1reen.

Oh nooo.. not the 'if you really love me'-crap again.. Of course I really love you, why else would I go through all this effort and trouble, if it isn't for you?
So now it is a privilege that I may talk to the reverend?! C'mon! I understand that I had to mail him first, so that he can hit Reply in stead of typing my entire address. I wanted to impress him with my feelings for 1reen, but now I'm irritated because he is causing delays.
I'm trying to comply with the lawyer as well, but he has to ask, nay beg my banker if he can please fill forms.

Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:09 pm

This Lad just refuses point blank to fill in forms or contact any one but the original target.
I'm thinking that a parcel of stuff will have to be sent by a reputable shipping company, and make some way of allowing the Lad to track its progress en route to his/her loving arms.

The lad/lady needs help as WU, MG and bank transfers have all failed to work for him/her.

Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:30 pm

no no no only 1 bank transfer has failed or is taking really long Very Happy

. He gave the 2nd account, but I haven't made any attempt at it yet, since my bank needs a completed BLUB/4321-002 first. WU is yet to fail.

I must say he keeps amazingly polite albeit insistent.

This is todays load:

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3teh,
Today, I called the bank but Mr. Unw!n was not available. I shall call back tomorrow. They explained to me that western union is not a bank, and that they have their own office. It appears that they are a kind of courier service. Is this correct? I will make inquiries with them but it seems a bit shady. My cousin made a deposit into my account so that I have now sufficient balance to make a new transfer. I would still appreciate if you could investigate the previous transfer.
Best regards,
T0rva|ds Tur!ng.

Lad Lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
EVEN TODAY I CHECKED AT THE BANK HERE TO VERIFY ABOUT THE PAYMENT YOU MADE,BUT STILL NOTHING SHOWED UP,IT HAS NOT REFLECTED AT ALL.I WANT YOU TO USE THE WESTERN UNION THERE AND MAKE THE PAYMENT IN MY NAME.YOU CAN EVEN SEND SOMEONE TO THE WESTERN UNION UNIT TO MAKE THE PAYMENT IN MY NAME, THEN YOU GET ME INFORMED IMMEDIATELY FOR CONFIRMATION AND CASHING OF THE AMOUNT HERE.SO THAT I CAN PROCEED FOR THE DOCUMENTS AS IT WILL BE READY WITHIN TWO WORKING DAYS ONCE THE PAYMENT IS CONFIRMED IMMEDIATELY.MAKE SURE YOU INFORM ME AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IN MY NAME, BAR DR F3DN4RD D3T3H, DAKAR-SENEGAL. IN FACT MR T0RV4LDS, ONCE I RECEIVE THE PAYMENT THE DOCUMENTS WILL BE READY AS I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY WORD,I STILL STAND BY IT.EXPECTING YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE IN RESPECT TO THE PAYMENT.YOU ARE WELCOME ONCE AGAIN.
SIGN,
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

I can send someone else? Cool. That should explain the typos in your name and the wrong location and the [secure process required] label.

Honey Girl wrote:

Oh Darling,
Sweetheart I felt just to see your new mail but did not see any,all through the night I was just meditating on how our meeting with each other will look like the very first day we will be meeting ourselves.The kind of feeling am having in my heart honey,only love can define it,I so much have all my heart and feelings towards you,anything I do, you always come to my mind,but honey does it happen to you like that too?.When ever I remember your promise to me my hope of coming out of here increases the more,you have made me to be counting just the days that everything will be through and I regain my freedom once again.That is why honey I asked you to do everything this time and get the documents prepared quickly ,as my whole heart is towards you,honey I want us to celebrate my freedom together,then I show case to you my appreciation in my own special way.As you take it upon yourself to rescue me out,honey I must be to you what so ever you want me to be darling.I will for ever love you and share with you all that is in me honey,yes you will have every control of me,for helping me out of here,I give you everything that I have,is yours and all yours.Only keep yourself for me honey,I know that our meeting any time will be mark with so many celebration of love,because you deserves thanks in a very special way.
But honey have you resolve everything with lawyer?as I pleaded with you to do,just for the sake of saving my life and making the whole transfer fast and for my freedom too.History will always live to remember your good gesture to me and I promise to be yours for ever.I love you darling and will continue loving you,my one and only darling.My kiss I give to you,is from the inner bottom of my heart,take my kiss once again sweetheart.Love you for ever,as my heart awaits to read now your lovely reply.
Always the love from,
1reen.

Right, I didn't feel like writing you last night. I should try and get some details on this own special way of hers.

Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:39 pm

I have no idea why they were so reluctant to give me the reverend, but I want him, so I guess I have to ask nicely.

/me wrote:

My dearest 1reen, what is going on with reverend K@@se? You have asked him, and I have contacted him myself, but I still haven't heard anything until now. I am getting worried since you told me he needs me to write a statement about my intentions, but I don't know what such a letter would look like and I need his advice. We were at the traveling agency today and they will put a package together. Nat takes care of the final details. We probably go via Paris and Casablanca, or via London and Accra. Oh 1reen it is all so exciting. My heart just fires up thinking of you and finally meeting you. It will be the most special magic. Please ask the reverend what the problem is, and please take good care of yourself until we get there.
Warmest hugs,
-Torv@lds

/me wrote:

Dear Mr. D3t3h,
How are you doing? I hope my message finds you in good condition.
Can they say anything more than that the transfer does not reflect? For instance anything regarding the reason it can not be accepted.
Did you contact Mr. Unw!n to get it re-routed or reverted? I should have sufficient balance again now to make the transfer. Please try and have it worked out as quickly as possible since me and my cousin are already in the process of travel arrangements.

On a different matter, and forgive me if I'm out of line, may I ask you for a favor? Since reverend K@@se and yourself are friends (or even the same person), could you please ask him to contact me if you get to speak to him? Both miss Bi@te and myself have asked him multiple times but I still haven't heard back.

Thank you again for your kind help. I would very much like for us to meet in person when we are over there.
Sincerely,
Torv@lds Tur!ng

1reen writes me about honey and documents..

1reen wrote:

Beloved Darling,
Honey as everything about your coming is almost through as you informed me,Darling I will like you to see that the papers are made ready by the lawyer,so that nothing will delay my freedom as you come.I will be crying out to the Reverend as soon as I finish sending you this mail so that he will respond to you as you said you have written him but have not heard from him.
Meanwhile sweetheart you and the lawyer, has everything about the documents concluded? because I want the London bank to quickly make the transfer to you so that I will continue with my education and do other good investments once am out of this refugee camp.Also as I told you I will not like anything to delay me not to regain my freedom even before your coming so that I can be able to be with you,that is why you have make sure the lawyer gets everything ready before you people's coming.I will cry to the Reverend now to look into the request you said you put forward to him,though I have been telling him about you and your coming and how you want to help in the transfer of my late father's wealth to your account.Honey please anything you are doing this time just let me know,nothing has been done in the area of the documents that lawyer is preparing for us.I would not want him to be angry with us in the whole process,then be seeing us as people that are not serious with what we the preparation of documents we asked him to do for us.
Honey I want this money quickly transferred to your account,and that is why this documents must be made ready darling before your coming,so that I will be joining you while the bank in London facilitates the transfer.I love you in your efforts to help me out,please try now and write the lawyer for the readiness of the documents while I cry to the Reverend now to communicate with you.I really need you in my life sweetheart,I want you to know that you have raised my hope of coming of here to a very high esteem and I plead you not to break my heart.Honey please conclude with the lawyer now, I give you my morning kiss and needs your quick and lovely reply now,greet Nat in his preparation too.
Yours for ever in love,
1reen.

And here finally comes Reverend Godw!n K@@se!

Rev K@@se wrote:

Greetings to you my son in the name of our Lord,
May the good Lord grant you the desires of your heart in all your en devour.My son God loves you and his blessings he will make available for you.Is obvious to say that I really have delayed in the reply of your letter,but the work God,we don't decide for ourselves,rather God decides for us, am into such work that there are so many flocks am looking after,always have to be making prayers to people and meetings for the gospel of God to expand to the whole word.
Sister 1reen have been telling me about you and how you want to help her out,even in the transfer of her late father's money.First my son I want you to tell me your intention towards this sister,because I will like know your plans for her.As a servant of God I will not fold my hands watch any one confuse her because of her present condition as a refugee.To this you are to officially make your sub-missions known now to the camp Authorities,of your plans to assist one of the refugee camp member,regain her freedom in the person of sister 1reen.Write and direct your letter to the refugee camp Authorities through me which I will present to them on your behalf,so that you have to know what is needed of you.Sister 1reen is a very humble,respected lovely and above all God fearing young lady,She is here in this camp because of war that took the life of her parents.Any body that will take her out,will have to care for her,because she is still a young girl that needs parental care.I recommend her for who so ever that will take her,having watch her character here which has been so pleasing.May the good Lord continue to grant you his favor,may he also fulfill in you,the good plans you have in life as you help her.Remain bless my son.
The Servant of God,
Rev Godw!n K@@se.

The only thing that makes me think this may not be scripted is that it took so long for him to write to me.

And here is the Laywer's broken record: 'Hurry. You get docs when I get money.'

The lawyer wrote:

ATTENTION,
MR T0RV4LDS,
THE NEED FOR YOU TO PUSH THE PAYMENT FASTER SO THAT I CAN RECEIVE HERE,MUST NOT BE OVEREMPHASIZED.ALL THAT I WILL STILL TELL YOU IS THAT ONCE I RECEIVE THE AMOUNT THE DOCUMENTS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE PREPARED.I HAVE TOLD YOU SEVERAL TIMES TO CHANGE THE METHOD OF TRANSFER YOU MADE,OF WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE HELPFUL AND RESULT ORIENTED,SINCE THE FORMER COULD NOT WORK OUT FAST.USE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR THE LAST ACCOUNT INFORMATION,TO MAKE THE PAYMENT NOW.ONCE YOUR PAYMENT IS RECEIVED HERE,I WILL COMMENCE THE PREPARATION PROCESS OF THE DOCUMENTS.
MEANWHILE YOU SHOULD MR T0RV4LDS THAT I STILL HAVE OTHER COURT ENGAGEMENTS TO ATTEND, AND MAY BE TRAVELING ANYTIME FROM NOW, FOR AN INTERNATIONAL COURT CASE TOO AT THE UK. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT MY EFFORTS TO GET YOUR DOCUMENTS PREPARED IS BURN OUT OF THE DESIRE TO SEE THAT MY WORD TO STAND WITH YOU TILL THE FINAL STAGE OF THIS TRANSFER IS MAINTAINED.I STILL ADVISE YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT IMMEDIATELY VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER NOW AND GET ME INFORMED AS SOON AS YOU SEND IT.YOU ARE WELCOME MR T0RV4LDS.RESPOND QUICKLY.
SIGN,
BAR (DR) F3DN4RD D3T3H.

Here piggy piggy - more looong replies - got the reverend	View next topic View previous topic