Rev.1an's fantasies...NSFW

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Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

As 1an falls more and more in love with dopey, hysterical Yur@, his thoughts turn to romance and graphic sex.

Warning: Really bad pornography!

Quote:

baby i want to prepare a nice meal for you and when you walk in, there
is candlelight throughout the house and kiss you passionately and
unbutton your shirt a little so i can see your chest while we eat.we
walk to the table and smile at each other. we eat and you start to
feed me from your plate. we are eating and then we cannot stand it
anymore.

i lead you to the bedroom and start taking your clothes off on the
way. i leave a trail of clothing. i leave your undies on. then, i
start to undress you. i ask you to take off your clothes but you tell
me that is "your job!" i take everything off except your bra and
panties. you lie me down on the bed and tell me that i cannot do
anything with my hands lol. i place them over your head and hold them
there. you straddle me and kiss my face and neck. you let your breasts
brush against my face. i beg you to take off your bra. you refuse and
then tease me more and then rub your breasts on my face again. then,
you unhook your bra and let me look at your breasts for a long time. i
rub my fingers through my undies. i then take them off. then, you rub
your breasts on my face and put your nipples in my mouth letting me
suck as hard as you want and wildly too...

i take my hands up and grab your breasts and squeeze them and suck on
them. i hear you moaning. you ask me what i want to do and i say i
will show you. i lie you down on your back and kiss you and stroke
your belly. then, i gently play with you between your legs. you moan
and beg me to lick you. i wink at you and then lick on your clit.. you
start moaning very loudly and i tell you that i want to hear you moan
more. i suck on you and you wrap your legs around my neck and press my
face into your crotch. i suck and eat on you until you cum for me. you
catch your breath and laugh with joy. when you recover, you lie me
down and lick your way from my head to my crotch. you tease me and
suck on my balls. you then lick me hard from my breast to my clit. you
then take my breasts once more into your mouth and run your tongue all
over my nipples and then start to suck and tease harder.

i press your head into my crotch and moan and say i am going to cum.
you tell me to cum and i do lol. we hold each other until we catch our
breath. then, you ask me to come on you so bad..i do and we make love
very slowly and gently and you wait for me to be ready to cum.. 69
then, i whisper to you that i want us to cum together. i go in and out
of you with our dildo for a few seconds and then tell you i am about
cuming. you squeeze my butt and stare into my eyes while we cum
together. i moan really loudly and you do the same. i collapse on top
of you and i stroke your back as we enjoy the moment.

hope this was not too much. i just wanted to be honest with you as to
what i dreamt about
tonight, my lover.

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:40 pm

It's good to see a Reverend with such a healthy sexual appetite. Who can blame him, his is only human-ish.

I wonder if his faith allows him to be so... active. Very Happy

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:59 pm

Aaaaarrrggghhh! My eyes!

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Hey, wait a minute..i just noticed this:

Quote:

you then lick me hard from my breast to my clit.

The Rev.Fr. is a hermaphrodite?? Oh no....poor Yur@.

I need to go bleach my brain now.

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:44 pm

^^You might be onto something. His/her equipment only consisted of breasts, balls and a dildo. Something major is missing here, but I can't quite put my finger on it..... Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 02 Aug 2009 Posts: 144

Quote:

you tease me and
suck on my balls. you then lick me hard from my breast to my clit.

I knew towards the end something had gone wrong.

Quote:

you tell me to cum and i do lol.

I enjoyed his/her/it's strange placement of laughter.

I must know how you responded to this! Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:14 am

laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

I haven't replied yet. Poor Yur@ is pink cheeked and reeling from shock since she only has ever been with one man and he had no breasts.

But I think she'll drop her inhibitions and respond in kind to the adorable, yet seemingly dickless, 1an.

I have a book of really crummy porn....I'll copy a few passages and send them off. Gotta take a Gravol first! Shocked

Master Baiter Joined: 02 Aug 2009 Posts: 144

^^

I think you should be orignal and make up some of your own stuff. It will make for better reading. I read a porn magazine once and it used the phrase "starfish sphincter". I thought it was great. Maybe you could throw that in somewhere. Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:26 am

Thanks for the mental pic

Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:46 am

Makes my goat porn lad look positively normal!

Great baiting!

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:04 am

Ehm, are you sure your reverend isn't female? I believe you have a lesbian rev on your hands..

Great baiting! Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

The rev. can't be female. Did you notice how he avoided having to undo the bra?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:11 am

^ true. Only a man is that afraid of bras Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:03 am

Scammedout, you've raised the bra on lovebaits...

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:18 pm

thud419 wrote:

Did you notice how he avoided having to undo the bra?

Damn bra eye hook things.

Tell ya what, the only way to become a master at undoing one with either hand in record time is to wear one yourself... and... practice... umm... not that I did. It was a friend that told me. Yeah, a friend.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Oh, the Rev is definitely a man, even if not the most attractive man, at least according to his passport:

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1600/1047157/8994637/371099122.jpg

He's also married with kids (even though he says his mum is the most important person in his life). But he's expediting his divorce proceedings so we can live happily ever after.

This guy is incredibly prolific....up to near 80 emails now, and he sends one after the other. Poor confused Yur@ barely has time to answer them.

She sent him pics of her rather grand house, and I'm thinking he dropped the NOK and WU stuff in favour of straight love scamming. I'm sure he'll need some money for something (lawyers, paying off the wife etc) and no doubt Yur@ will want to help him.

ETA: Okay, poor dumb Yur@ replied. Anyone know where I can find a purple prose fantasy?

Yur@ is so bashful:

Quote:

Ian, I was quite shocked to read your letter with all the sex stuff in it.......I didn't know if i wanted to continue our relationship but then I must be very honest with - we must always be honest with each other!!!! That is very important to me and i'm sure to you as well since you are a manof God.

it's been a long time since I've been intimate with anyone and before that my husband was the only man i'd been with and i thought i put that part of my life behind me. Now i'm blushing as i write this but your letter made me feel excited and made me realize i do want that kind of relationship again.
I have a dream too....a fantasy that i want to tell you about that i've never told anyone but I can't do it right now as i'm too embarassed to put the words on paper. I know there should not ever be embarssment between a man and woman together and i know i'm being a silly goose but there it is and its how I am.

if I write and tell you my fantasy do you promise you won't think badly of me or think i'm not a good woman???

I must go now and boy is my face red!!!!!!!

All my love
Yur@

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 5:49 pm

I think I puked in my mouth a little.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:13 pm

ScammedOut wrote:

Anyone know where I can find a purple prose fantasy?

There's a few "Bad Sex in Fiction" award winners here:

http://book.consumerhelpweb.com/awards/badsex/winners.htm

Some more stuff here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/nov/28/fiction.awardsandprizes

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

@ Nap Olean - awesome stuff!
I'm sure I can use some of it.

Quote:

She made a noise somewhere between a beached seal and a police siren"

Very erotic. Laughing

Quote:

"Their jaws ground in feverish mutual mastication.

Sounds like a battle between Praying Mantises.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:58 pm

Dear God Nap Olean, thank you so much for that idea. I have just the lad for this. He wanted to cyber, cyber we will Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 17 Apr 2009 Posts: 351

I'd be tempted to fire off a few really dirty paragraphs then lead up to something like "... and then I lead a goat into the room"... just for the reaction Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 12:24 pm

I'd be inclined to play the coy thing a bit further, stoke his fires in such a way to make him into a blithering mess and your total slave. See what love tokens you can get out of him. There's absolutely no hurry.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Oh, he is my total love slave! I do play coy and he's firing off up to 4 emails a day which I rarely answer. The shy and "hard to get" act seems to really turn ol' 1an on! Very Happy

I still haven't sent him my fantasy yet. I'm too bashful and want us to get to know each other better first.

His latest:

Quote:

My love at the moment i cannot think straight,i have now too into
you,i have not heard from you in days now,cannot talk to you on
phone,my darling what have i done to deserve this?please let me know
you are okay!!!

Your Love

I suppose I'll have to answer. After all, he IS dumping his wife and kids for me.

Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:18 pm

Yastreb wrote:

Scammedout, you've raised the bra on lovebaits...

The bra may have been raised but have the knickers been dropped?

Shocked

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