PDF REDO BACK UP: 1st Bait-2.5 months-Comments encouraged

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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:20 am

Hi Baiters,
I had this posted last week, then I pulled it down – now it's back up for your critique. In short, this was my first bait. I learned a lot on the fly. I welcome any and all constructive remarks, quips and bon mots. Thanks in advance. Warning: Strong religious elements in this bait; my fictional baiting characters opinions only. Download the PDF here: http://freepdfhosting.com/8d44e4a3c0.pdf
Spurious

Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:43 am

Wow, that's some really good baiting. Thanks for publishing it. I especially liked the tone your initial character took in the early stages - religious characters can go a long way. And the attack by thugs was also amusing.

Also it was a very good move to bring the wife into play - although perhaps you could have made more of the two characters by making them more different in personality (in essence, the wife fairly quickly took over the tone of your first character, and the same general approach, once he was so unfortunately stricken down). Using two characters is a perfect opportunity to cause hassles for the scammer. For example a wife might try to scheme behind the husband's back to get all the money for herself, or the afflicted husband might have full control over the bankroll.

Your dollar chopper got a very good response from the scammer and I think you could perhaps keep this bait going a bit longer, if you want to continue the war of words. Unfortunately your last couple of messages sent as the victim pretty much close the door on continuing on the maga side.

One way to keep baits like this going much longer is to NOT give the scammer a final kiss-off message or two, but simply to stop writing him for a few weeks or so. Suppose your message of Aug 3 had been the last one you sent as that character for a while.

Then after a month, you come back in character, writing your original scammer a huge apology, that you were tricked by this person in coutonou - now that you've looked through your messages you realize just how stupid you have been.... and is there ANY chance that SOMEHOW you could still help out with the real deal? This also gives you a decent chance of convincing the scammer that you really did pay out money to the dollar chopper (under the logic that if you paid out once, to anyone, you're more likely to pay out again).

It can't hurt to try something like this on the present bait (although I think chances are low), but maybe give it a try in a future bait if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 3:27 pm

well done

419Eater is my life Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 298

I'm reading over it right now. I love how thick the scammer lays it on with the religious terms, and how you respond by laying it on just as thick. It sets you up as kind of a soft Ned Flanders type, making the transition to a more serious ball buster Monty Burns type later on that much more satisfying to the narrative.

I could never play a religious character that convincingly. It may have something to do with being raised in a deeply religious household that I feel like I'd be subconciously mocking my parents if I started doing that.

Anyway, I like it, but I think you caved too soon on the invoice thing. I was also surprised how resistant the scammers were to it. How hard could it possibly be to create a fake invoice? I don't have a spec of artistic skill, but I still managed to make up my own fake forms. Also, I would have liked to have seen the pictures he sent.

I think you could handle the color coding a little more thoroughly. It's nice that your words are in blue and the scammers' are in black, but I don't think that goes quite far enough in keeping the identities of various characters separate. I find that I read through an E-Mail, but I'm not sure who it is until I reach the end of the E-Mail. By then, it's almost too late. So I'm reading a letter from Charles Moore, but I still think it's a note from James Eze until I get past the meat and potatoes of the letter.

Preferably, each character on both sides would have a unique color, like I do with mine. Or write their name in some sort of header before the body of the E-Mail.

419Eater is my life Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 298

I think this is my favorite line.

Quote:

My wife said i should tell you how sorry she is for what happened to
you. she is cumming up a little bit, my God will heal her
completely in Jesus Name.

Also, the scammer couldn't be bothered to produce a fake invoice, but he had no trouble producing a fake court order?

Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:23 pm

Thanks everyone for your great comments so far. The bait is back up and
I look forward to more input. Spurious

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 07 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

this was a very entertaining read!!! there were quite a few lol moments.. i bet it was fun. in the early stages of my first, hope it turns out half as good.

godamit 3am now, thanks a lot Laughing

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