I was refused a loan

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:03 pm

His Grace, Bishop Robert James of the Church of Christ in England, offered:

Lad wrote:

WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE CALLING FROM THE LORD TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AND IN FINANCIAL PROBLEM,BY GIVEN OUT LOAN TO ANY INDIVIDUAL OR ORGANISATION.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED KINDLY CONTACT BISHOP ROBERT JAMES WITH THE DETAILS BELOW.

NAME: BISHOP ROBERT JAMES

I therefore replied, since I am always in need of money:

I wrote:

Dear Bishop

Will Your Grace please inform me more of the doctrines and beliefs of the Church of Christ? Do you, for example, believe in the Apostolic Succession, as well as the Immaculate Conception? Or are you perhaps convinced of the need for the Arian Neo-Trinitarian doctrines?

In any case, I would like to receive a small loan of about $5,328 dollars from you, as I owe this much to a prostitute here.

It took about three weeks, but the reply has just come through.

Lad wrote:

We are very sorry we donot give loans for such issues, we give soft loans to people to set up Buisness or promote their existing Buisnesses.

Please give your life to Christ Jesus Loves you.

Well, Miss Fifi le Bootstrap is demanding her money now. What's a poor boy to do?

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:19 pm

A lad with qualms about loaning nonexistent money for paying a prostitution debt. Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:41 pm

Yeah, weird, isn't it? Ethical lads. It deserved a reply, though:

I wrote:

Dear Bishop

I considered you to be a man of God. Why do you refuse he who seeketh the truth in the comfort of a woman's arms (Book of Isaac, ch4-xi)?

Or do you wish me to become a member of your Holy Church? I will be happy to do this if Miss Fifi will only stop bothering me about the bills for the caprine1 bondage gear she purchased for my solace? A mere $4,000 would be helpful here.

1 caprine = of, relating to, or resembling goats - a very useful word to quote when dealing with these lads

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

I hope he doesn't lower you credit score for this refusal it could be bad for you!!

Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 1:45 pm

It's odd, but on some level lads do seem to believe in their own scams. They don't like haggling about your percentage of imaginary fortunes for example.

Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:30 pm

You could turn this into a reverse church bait. Tell him that you would like to join his church, but you need to pay off your debts and get the syphilis taken care of first. Laughing

Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 11:39 pm

It will be interesting to see what comes of this. I now have an application form (quoting from the Book of Isaac is always a smart move in these cases), but the minimum amount is GBP10,000. No interest rates quoted, either. This is good for a few more mail exchanges to get the flavor of the thing and to throw him off-script.

But 10,000 pounds? That will buy a few goats and quite a few hours of Mlle. Fifi's time!

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 2:08 am

Doesnt jesus love everyone? including prostitutes? I could be wrong

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 7:45 am

Dabillder wrote:

Doesnt jesus love everyone? including prostitutes?

Apparently. I'm not sure about lads though.

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:11 am

Maybe he'd be more sympathetic to your needs if you showed him just how expensive these services are by sending him some receipts using the Hooker receipt generator - NSFW.

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:49 am

For the right money lads will love anything or anyone you tell them. at least they will pretend to love anyway.

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:52 pm

@Tigbitties - maybe that would do the trick. I asked about interest rates, etc., but the good Bishop is presumably tending to his flock on a Sunday, though.