"Tales from a DH" Language/ongoing/safari now on

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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:31 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 22)

So it seems there is NO honour amongst scammers (Not even a heads up email) from Er1c B3nson to the Rumemeister: He sends this:

Sent: Friday, 29 May, 2009 8:56:21 AM
Subject: missing you.

My dearest Queen,

how are you and how was your day? i was really hoping that i will read from you as soon as i get back from work.
but i guess you must have been so busy. (Actually I did have assignments)

how's Sabrina? how did the court case go? i really was expecting to read from you so you can hint me on the latest development.
i dont really know what to write. but one thing is surely true, that i love you so much my queen and you can never be replaced by anyone else.

please find time to write to me soon ok! my regards to Priscilla and Sabrina.
hope to be with you guys soon.
kisses
Rumi.

SO I send this back, just to set up the next round of shenanigans:

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Saturday, 30 May, 2009 3:20:52 AM
Subject: Re: missing you.

My dearest Rum1,

I have to be quick as it is very late here in Goulburn and there is still so much to do. To update you in what has been happening, I accepted a property Priscilla found on the edge of Goulburn. It is obviously not as big as a farm, but to be honest I quite like the size of this place. I have been moving furniture for the last few days and there is no hope of me being moved out by Monday. Nick has been moving his and his boyfriend's belongings in and says it's okay if I'm not out by Monday. (Setting up My friend's idea to happen over the weekend, Nick Nolte is SUCH a bastard)

Sabrina was given a three year suspended sentence which means that as long as she stays out of trouble, she won't go to jail, but if she gets into trouble she will spend the next three at Goulburn Correctional centre (Last minute change of heart, that isn't to say that she won't go to jail, just not yet). Let me assure you it is a very scary place and I wouldn't want to be there. Most of the stuff still at the farm actually belongs to Sabrina, but she won't go near it for obvious reasons, so I will pack her belongings over the weekend.

Anyway I must go, it is 3am here and I must get some sleep for the weekend. (Actually I was, on air)

Yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:34 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 23)

So the Rumemeister wants a recording studio... Somehow I think he'll want me to pay for it. he sends me this:

Sent: Sunday, 31 May, 2009 8:56:37 AM
Subject: What do you think?

My Queen,
How are you? hope you are doing great, i am really happy to know that you have gotten a place to live in. at least now you will breath in some fresh air of freedom again. (Until the next time of course)

also, am happy that Sabrina's case turned out a bit good, hope she does'nt get into any fights again with those beast. how is she? hope she has fully goten over the death of her mum. (Possibly, her mum was created SOLELY to cark it after all) it was quite tragic the unfortunate incidence that struck such a young lady. (Hmmm, is he suggesting that sabrina cark it too??? Could do could do)

please my Darling, you know Sabrina is kinna (Notice how his english has suddenly gone to SHIT??? we've been passed down the line to some other scamming piece of fuck) quick to anger, so she shold be more watchful at this time, not to go nearer to Nick and his other partner, you know she hates the mere dight of both of them, so she should be more watchfull of not getting into any more troubles.
My queen, now is the time i want to make that big move i have always dreamt about. I'm now looking for a studio apartment where i will rent and do my thing my way without being ordered around by no one.

so i have talked to an agent concerning it, and he has also agreed to help me make enquiry and secure a nice place for me. i just hope he gets it soon enough cos am already been tired of working with some one else. Honey i need to have my own studio and do my own thing, dont you think so? (What stealing music from the internet??? Now THAT'S such a difficult job) i mean do i sound immature in those music beats i sent you? (No I think the people you stole those tunes from were possibly quite old)

i mean in the studio where i work, i do nearly all the production work, yet, at the end of it all, i dont get any respect from the management. (So, just like ANY real job...) i need to be independent my darling because i know the amout of pay i make for the management..
i will keep you posted on any new development that i arrive at ok?. (Absolutely, otherwise I'd have no comedy to send)
take good care of your self my queen, much regards to Sabrina and Priscilla,
hope to read from you soon.
kisses
Rum1

So I write this back, 'cos it's radiofestival and I'm tired...

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Sunday, 31 May, 2009 8:54:31 PM
Subject: Re: What do you think?

My dearest Rum1,

There has been one thing that you've taught me and that is to follow your heart. (And NOT my character's bank acoount) As you are probably aware I have no idea what the costs of a recording studio would be but Priscilla says it would be a lot of money.

But you have to follow your heart and do what you do best and in your case it is making music. I am still moving furniture as I type on sabrina's Mobile phone so I have to sign off now

Yours in poppers, (I almost mistyped this and said "Yours in poopers")

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:39 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 24) *NSFW

So the Rumemeister sends this, I'm still waiting for a request for money, but nothing so far:

Sent: Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 9:47:22 AM
Subject: Re: What do you think?

Hello my Queen,

how are you today? hope you are doing good? what has been going on with you recently?
have you fully moved out of Nicks apartment? (As you'll see, not QUITE)

hows sabrina, and Priscilla doing as well? i went to the beach today with few friends to cool off so much stress
after todays long work. i finally paid for the rented studio apartment and am looking to buy fairly used equipments
to put in it for a start. am really happy that i finally made this move, i will forever be greatfull to you for
your inspiring words to me through email. (I should probably ask for new tracks)

thank you so much my darling for your support. i wait to read from you soon telling me of recent happenings concerning you. (Okies, see below)
take care of you self my beautiful African queen..

kisses
Rum1

So I decide that today is the day I hit him with My friend's idea. Welcome to Nick Nolte's NEW pet project: A gay PORNO! Oh and if anyone's up on gay slang terminology hit me back, I plan to use all of it in the ensuing weeks (no-one ever did btw). Let's see if we can gross him out!

My dearest Rum1,

I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner but to be honest I've been more than a little grossed out by my ex husband. Last night I went to the farm to pick up the last of Sabrina's hi tech gadgets. Upon arrival I was greeted by the sight of my husband hosting a gay ORGY! There were over a dozen naked men all sucking and fucking each other, hands were everywhere grabbing each other's penises and masturbating each other before placing them inside the men's anuses. There were both white men and black men (And two Chinese guys with hot muscles) (Who says I'm biased???), all naked and fully erect. It was truly disgusting! There was semen everywhere and just as I was about to leave I noticed Sabrina's video camera. It was on, and the camera was filming them all! (You bastard Nick Nolte! What new low will you sink to next? no really, 'cos I haven't got a clue, not even a RAGING CLUE!)

Oh Rum1 the sight of all that hard naked cock made me want to vomit. I consider myself to be openminded, but we are barely out of the farm and Nick is using SABRINA'S belongings to film porn videos! I don't dare tell her, as she will be incredibly angry and the ensuing fight will guarantee her place in Jail. But she keeps asking about the video, as it had concert footage of her friend's band in Melbourne on it as well. (I had to have SOME reason for her to want it back it'll do)

Oh Rumi, what do I do? Sabrina's already grabbed the camera to film her friend's next performance so I cannot simply erase the footage of all that hot man to man fucking action. I have removed and hidden the tape from the camera, but as I said Sabrina thinks it is still at the farm and demands I go get it back...

And even if it was I am not certain I could stand being greeted by another site of my ex husband and his homosexual friends fucking each other. And what if Sabrina decides to go the farm to get the video back herself and is greeted by the same imagery.
I don't know what to do (Apart from make even more shit up of course! Same bat time, same bat channel)

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:42 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 25)

So I get THIS back from the Rumemeister about Nick's Gay orgy:

hold on to the tape and dont let her see it. as the saying goes prevention of a sickness is better than its cure.
if you let her see it, its trouble that nay later tarnish her person.

do all n your might to avoid her from going ti Nick's so as to avoid any confrontal fight.
Her friend though is alsoinportant but believe me that friend wont be there if she gets back in jail. she can always get another video tape a
record her friend perform some other times.

you are more like her mother now. so be incharge and decide for her.

thanks for the mail. (I LOVE this bit) and as for Nick, i dont know what to say, is that man created be God or the devil? (Well Nick Nolte? Actually since he's walking hand in hand with International chrysis in the photo, he might actaully be a bit of a sweetie)

Then, because it's a long weekend, I wanted to rest my injured foot AND I have assignments due (today), I leave him alone. He decides to slap me for it, I'll slap back another time, because I had a brainwave. He sends me this:

Sent: Monday, 8 June, 2009 6:50:43 PM
Subject: Re: I think I'll be sick

hello my dear,
its sad to realise that you dont care about me the way i do to you. (well GUH!!!)
I told you i will be fixing my studio and hence i will be so busy over the week, the least you could do is to at least send me an email to know about the condition of things.

remember i was there, to always write you emails, even if i cant see you physically. i believe that my words came through to you. Anyway i have finished with renovations and am begining to move in some of my few equipments. i only have this preveledge of coming to the public cafe with hopes that i will get an email from you waiting for me.

Not withstanding i will like to know what has been going on with you. how are you and Sabrina? hope you guys are doing good. i dont really have much to say here, but i just want you to know that i love you and i will never give up on you. waiting to from you.

yours sincerly
Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:49 am

So the rumemeister takes his sweet time getting back to me (After bitchslapping me for doing the same), but it was truly worth the wait. Check it out:

Sent: Thursday, 11 June, 2009 8:01:03 AM
Subject: thanks i'm relieved.

Hello my Queen,

Thanks for your email to me, (well being bitchslapped CAN hurt)
i am so happy and heart relieved to read from you. how are you? hope all is well with you.

i read all you said about Sabrina and the recorded concert of her friends concert which was poluted by Nicks devilish acts. (I've said it before and I'll say it agin, DAMN YOU Nick Nolte, damn you all to hell)
I'm also glad that she's not thinking of getting bumped with Nicks act. I know how it feels for her friends to loose a recording contract that has almost come to pass. i really feel for them. (Not to worry, Sabrina's gonna date one of the members soon, oddly enough he'll have a passing resemblance to serial killer IVAN MILAT!!! For those who don't know the name, more info on the backpacker murders from the 1990's and a look at the picture I plan to use check out the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Milat)

i have finally set up my studio and it took the grace of God to put things in place. at least now am happy that i am my own boss.
i can decide when and when not to go to studio without anybody questioning my motives. (What? That you're are a scamming piece of fuck who's made up the whole effing thing? Surely not!!!)

I just want to thank you for your support and motivation towards the achievement of this project. therefore i have named the studio by both our names KATHRUMI PRODUCTION STUDIOS. (And THERE is the gold right there, THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!) I took the first four letters of your name and ended it with mine, which sounds perfect to me. but am yet to buy a standard mixer, (He thinks his is crap, he should see MINE!) fairly used so as to make good productions, the one am using now is old and could get spoilt any time (Mine's rack mounted and only 8 channels, stop whining BITCH). I have exausted all my savings on this project but i am satisfied with its result (Again I'm suspecting I'm about to be hit up for money. I really hope so, because there's some absoluetly EVIL toys I've been dying to test out). all the artiste i've been working with in my previous studios are now locating me in my present mini studio.. its really fun to be a CEO.

i cant wait to have you here, to share in this wonderful establishment. I am happy you are part of my life. and every thing i do, i do it for you and me.
i know that soon i shall make you proud, and i will procide for you all the good things of life. (I know it's just a typo, but I couldn't resist... Procide??? Is that where you go around killing hookers???)
Once again, i am happy to read from you. hope you will write me again soon.

kisses
Rum1.

So impressed by the gold that is "Kathrumi", I may even make him a logo to use for it. It'd be REALLY funny, watching him tart around a logo created by a BALD MIDDLE AGED PERVERT. I send him this, setting up the inheritance:

My dearest Ru1i,

I have to be quick, as I am on train and the signal comes and goes on Sabrina's mobile phone (Actually I'm in the school library and I have stuff to do, but I digress). I didn't have enough money to fly both sabrina and myself to Perth, so I booked a sleeper cabin on a train, which was a wise move in hindsight because it takes four DAYS to get from Sydney to Perth by train, let alone from Goulburn to sydney to Perth. sabrina suggested you Googlemaps (what IS a googlemap by the way, Sabrina didn't say) (Reminding him that I AM a ditzy middle aged housewife, despite being MALE!) the journey to get an understanding of how far the distance actually is. I am currently in a VERY small town in outback South Australia (People who know me incidentally know that my opinion of ADELAIDE is it's a very small town, though there are people on this list who would disagree, hi guys) on my way to Perth (the capital of Western Australia). It is a 2000 mile journey from Sydney, and we are currently about two thirds of the way there (Or as I like to call it, "school").

It turns out the strange letter from Perth was from my sister Helena's lawyers. She dealt with lawyers in Perth, partly because her husband was born there and set up the trucking business there, and partly because the city annoys Nick so much. Helena inherited the trucking company her husband (You may remember the setup in the fake newpaper article I sent him a few weeks back) set up after he passed away, and now that Helena herself has passed away also I strongly suspect Sabrina is about to inherit the firm.

What she'll do with it is anyone's guess, but it IS a very successful business worth at least three Million dollars (well it was when Helena inherited it at any rate). Why I have been called also is a mystery, but I have to admit Sabrina and I have been treating the trip as a bit of girl's bonding holiday and while the train ride is incredibly boring, we are having a lot of fun otherwise.

Kathrumi is a beautiful name! (It is GOLD, but not for the reasons he thinks) I'm so honoured you have named the studio after us. PLEASE take a photo and send it to us, I'll enlarge it and frame it (I'm still after a decent trophy for the 419eater forum after all). Priscilla said before I left that you are indeed very brave going it alone like that. she spent thousands of dollars just on her home studio and it is only for own benefit, not to record bands or anything with. (dropping hints that I may know than he does when it comes to music, since almost the entire list has a strong link to music after all)

I have to go sorry, the train is leaving and the next town that gets a mobile phone signal is several hundred miles away. (Actually I wanted to share the gold with you, but again I digress)

Yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:51 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 26)

So I get bitchslapped for not emailing him, so I quickly knock this out

My dearest Rumi,

I apologise for not writing sooner, as I have had a lot of problems in my personal life recently and haven't been on the internet. And as you said, you have so busy setting up your recording studio I thought it best not to bother you with my trivial problems, and let you get on with the task at hand...

I have had no choice but to give Sabrina back the video unedited. As a music producer yourself you will understand my reasoning. It turns out that the band Sabrina has been friends with (Sabrina and the lead singer went to high school together), are on the verge of signing a recording contract with a Major Record Label, and the record deal hinged on the company being able to see the video of them playing live. So I had to to give her back the video and hope she wouldn't see the video of Nick.

Unfortunately, during the meeting of the band and the executives at the record company headquarters in Sydney, the video was not stopped when the concert ended and the executives at the record label SAW some of the video of Nick. Needless to say the band is now without a recording contract.

Sabrina is naturally livid, and I have spent the last three days calming her down (She only started speaking to me again this morning), but she is now determined NOT to hunt down Nick and his lover at the farm which is a good thing. Goulburn Gaol is a VERY scary place and the thought of Sabrina spending the next few years there fills me with dread.

I also received an interesting looking envelope which I haven't had time to open yet, but it's from a law firm based in Perth. I thought it might be more things related to the Divorce, but then I remembered that Nick has a pathological hatred of the City and refuses to have anything to do with the town. Once the email is finished I should open it up and read it thoroughly...

I have also spent a large part of the weeknd reading the self help book I told you about which I have found quite calming, so I guess it does work. Have you about it? It's called "Dianetics", I can track down a web site if you like for you to have more information about it. I plan to look into it a bit more over the coming weeks.

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:52 am

And that's it for tonight. I'm in a library and it's closing, more tomorrow.

hope you all like, I'm hunting for replacements as I type Smile

419Eater is my life Joined: 29 Jan 2009 Posts: 265

That was a great read Smile

.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 5:41 pm

Quote:

make God give you the appetite to eat, drink, and digest well so you can remain in perfect health condition for me. ok baby!

Quote:

its trouble that nay later tarnish her person.

A very quotable lad, I do hope we hear more of him. Wink

When are you selling the movie rights?

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:21 am

More to come for sure. he only stopped writing a week ago. And as for the movie rights, make me an offer Smile

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:28 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 27)

So a quick note to let the Rumemeister we are 'safe' in Perth. He sends this and again I drop a hint that all is not what it seems (Lesbian mud wrestling anyone???):

Sent: Friday, 12 June, 2009 9:32:25 AM
Subject: I'm happy you are part of my life.

Hello my Queen,

I take so much delight in reading from you, i must be frank with you, reading from you each day inspires me alot and it motivates me to want to proceed in life. to be honest with you i've had a relationship before that i thought will lead to marriage, sorry i never mentioned it to you. what does it matter any way. but the point is through out my relationship with this woman, i have never taken step as bold as this. That is why i shall forever be greatful to you for your constant support and encouragement towards the achievement of this project, and as soon as i get to work tomorrow i shall have a quick snap of the stuio and the few equipments in it, and i shall send it to you as requested.

Your journey is quite a distance and at this point i dont know what to say but to wish you a safe trip to your destination. and pray that all you go for turns up successfully.

You know you are more of a mother to Sabrina, and you aquire more mature and manegerial skill based on your experiences at the farm. So what you should do is after she , (Sabrina) has been awarded the inheritance, you should give her good guidiance and advise her as a mother, on how to maintain the actual status of the company and improve on its services.

See what is meant by every disappointment is a blessing,You and Sabrina were very much farmished and disappointed on your sister, her mother's death, but the outcome is a blessing in disguise.. i am happy to read from you and i must say i get so much pleasure in writing you back. please in your next email to me tell me more about you and Sabrina's trip, i like to hear more about the train ride to perth. less i forgot how's Sabrina fairing? my regards to her and i believe that soon we shall all meet in person. i have to go get so sleep now against tomorrows work. hope to read from you again soon.
Kisses
Rum1

So I send him this:

My dearest Rum1,

I am VERY tired. It is 9.30pm Perth time and we have JUST arrived at the train station here. Naturally, the lawyer's offices are now closed, but we will see them on Monday morning first thing. It is a beautiful city, but after such a long journey with nothing but desert for most of the journey, to suddenly arrive in a major metropolitan city seems just odd.

Sabrina is planning to go nightclubbing tonight. Where she gets the energy from is beyond me, but then she's 19, and I'm 42. I probably had that kind of energy when I was 19 also, I just do not remember it.

I'm not certain how the battery will last on this mobile phone (Sabrina does spend a fair amount of time on a website called facebook (Should I set up a facebook page for Sabrina? I have pictures of 80's popstarlet Sabrina Salerno all good to go. "Boys boys boys" anyone? In the end I never got around to it), which came with her phone. I myself have NO IDEA what facebook is, but I hear it's very popular), as the charger is still in Goulburn 2000 miles away back in New South Wales. If you don't hear from me it's because the battery has died (And I have assignments to do).

Anyway, once again enjoy your weekend as we are about to board a taxi to the hotel, where Sabrina plans to get changed into some new clothes she bought in Sydney and go nightclubbing. The taxi driver recommends a place called Connections (A google of the Gay scene in Perth comes with "Connections" nightclub (http://www.connectionsnightclub.com), they have lesbian mud wrestling there *with pics. I'm SURE he'd approve), apparently it has been around since 1975 when disco ruled the world! I'm SURE she'll have fun there.

Yours in Poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:36 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 28 )

*When I can I will set up a free website to host the pictures he sent. As trophies go, they're pretty unique

So the rummeister sends me this... But the GOLD is the attachments, where he sends me lots of pictures of a DOOR! But it's what's ABOVE the door that makes it special. Oh and he tells me it's still okay to go clubbing... Well GUH!!!

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Saturday, 13 June, 2009 10:42:27 AM
Subject: studio pictures

Hello my Dearest QUEEN,

Happy weekend to you, how are you? i know you must be so exausted by now after that much hours on the road.
I'm glad also that your journey to Perth is almost coming to a conclusion.

i just got back from the studio, tired and very exausted decided to go to a nearby cafe to have the pictures which you asked sent to you.
although the pictures may not look like one with the best qualities, i quickly had a snap shot with my phone so that you can as well get a glance of what our studio looks like. please tell me what you feel about the pictures and the studio.

at a good time i'll get better shots with may be a digital camera and i shall send it to you.And less i forgot, i read in one of the lines of your email to me that you stopped going clubiing, no! you dont have to quit clubing just like that, my Queen age is just a number and to me its not an excuse not to have fun. going clubing one in a while helps reduces so much stress and also helps to keep the body in a perfect shape. you should try one in a while or wait untill we are together.

It rained all day here, and every where is so cold, the only thing i am thinking of right now is to be in your arms and you also in my arm cuddling each other untill its morning, i know it will happen, and when it does happen, we shall be bonded together for life. above are some attached pictures of our studio.hope you will like it. hope to read from you again soon.

Kisses
Rum1.

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:41 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 29)

Well, the time for the Rumemeister to start the begging spree is almost nigh... he's dropping hints that he needs cash. he has NO IDEA how stupid Kathrin's about to get.. Plus I have to explain why I won't be online for three weeks (no school internet access). Kathrin's about to get swine flu... OINK OINK!

Sent: Monday, 15 June, 2009 12:21:10 PM
Subject: Re: I'm happy you are part of my life.

Hello my Queen,

guess Sabrina's phone has finally run out of battery, that is why i havent read from you. How are you? have you reached your destination? have you met with the lawyers to know what you and Sabrina have been called for? (Just about making fun of you, asshole)

Well as for me, am here still here trying to fix things properly in the studio, i really did not know that it wasn't going to be easy setting up a studio, but to God be the glory, every thing came out as planned although the result wasn't perfect, but i am contended with what i am actually seeing now as there are stilll some things that are yet to be fixed to actually make the studio a standard one. (Like I don't know, EQUIPMENT that isn't a photograph taken from a magazine)

But for now every thing is on hold concerning the improvement of the studio because like i said in one of my previous emails to you, that, i have spent a lot already to put the studio in its present state and i am still willing to spend more as to make it one of the studio around. but right now i have to try to get a casual job as to safe up for the completion of my studio. right now as i write to you, am recording a song for oneof Nigerian best selling artiste but the kind of money been paid is not actually enough to fix things up in the studio, that is why i have to seek refuge somewhere else. (Like scamming)

am really passing through difficulties, as not having completed the studio. i already sold my car to make up for the rental of the place our studio is located and now there's nothing more to sell to get the kind of finance remaining for completion. this studio project has really left me broke for now, but i know in little time i shall bounce back on my feet with lots of hard work and consistency. The only thing i need now, is to read a mail from you to calm me down, i've been so worried for the past 48hours and only an email from you can put me back on a right mood. sorry i have to stop here now and get back to the studio. Take care of your self my Queen, waiting to read from you. (I'm guessing the cash request is just days away)

Kisses
Rum1.

So, I send him this, just so he knows I'm cashed up and scammable. Pity the real life me isn't so rich, but I digress:

My dearest Rum1,

I have to be quick as I'm about to board a plane back to Sydney, and then a connecting flight back to Goulburn. I am in an internet cafe at Perth Airport and I just HAD to share the good news.

Sabrina and I went to the lawyers as we said we would and while it took several hours for them to see us due to some scheduling errors, we did get seen in the end. It seems that when Helena first got sick she quickly realised that she would not be able to run the trucking business her husband left her when he died and so she put it on the market. I did say it was worth three milion dollars when she took it over, well helena obviously knew what she was doing when she took itover because she sold it for nine million when she first got sick. And even with all her medical bills paid for the inheritance was worth 8.2 million dollars. I had NO IDEA she was so astute business wise!

Sabrina of course inherited an awful lot of money but what surprised me more was that I inherited some money from Helena also. So it seems I have joined the Millionaire's club! I was told how much I have inherited but I was so in shock I have forgotten the exact amount! But I do remember it was over two million dollars! You know, when I looked at all those yucky trucks I would NEVER have guessed they were worth so much! sabrina has already promised to get me a few of those high tech gadgets she likes so much as a thank you for the last few months and I have decided to enrol in a few computer courses so I can get a better understanding of how all this stuff works!

And I have decided that I will take your advice and celebrate with Sabrina over the next few days!!! I have not had time to check my other mails at all (and there's SO many recently), so when I get back to Goulburn I will go through them all with a fine tooth comb, especially the ones from you which look like they may be the pics I asked for. I'm so excited, in fact I'm so happy I could shit! (Yaaaaaaaaaay I got to use my fave quote from the movie "Serial Mom" again! AWESOME movie, you gotta check it out if you haven't seen it btw)

I will get back in touch soonest,

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin.

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:46 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 30)

So, school's out for three weeks, so there was NO Internet for me. So how do I explain to the rumemmeister that his beloved Kathrin isn't around? Easy, swine flu time (oink oink). And it's time for Sabrina to show the rumemeister that her balls are WAY bigger than his.

I setup a Gmail account for Sabrina and sent him this:

So, YOU'RE the guy my Aunt's obsessed with...

I'm gonna be straight up with you, since my Aunt likes you (You know what they say about black men...). And I gotta admit I'm not impressed with the current situation! (I want the net back at home, I miss it!) Some fucking asshole talked my Aunt into going clubbing once she got back to Sydney and convinced her that she wasn't too old to go out (Now I wonder who THAT could've been?). So instead, for some goddamn reason, she went to Melbourne instead and while she was there, she caught SWINE FLU! She's currently in intensive care at the Alfred Hospital in Melbourne. But unlike most Australians who get Swine flu, this fucking illness has hit her REALLY hard! She might even be the second person to DIE from it! (It IS an option, maybe move onto a different scamming piece of shit. But this one is SO much FUN!)

And to be honest if Aunt Kathrin hadn't BEGGED me to get in touch with you, I wouldn't have. If truth be told, I really can't be fucked dealing with the many turds that come into my Aunt's life and I gotta FIND the bastard who did this to my Aunt. She says your special though, and deserve to know what's going on. And let me stress this, she's been hurt so many times, both by Nick and previous boyfriends. Did you know she was a model back in Germany? She doesn't like to talk about it, but I found her portfolio when we moved out of the farm. She was gorgeous and she was raking it in. It makes me wonder what the fuck happened to the money and why she stopped modelling. (Could be another source of cash and maybe a way of getting the farm back... I was just thinking out loud at the time though)

So let me just say that if you turn out to be like the others, I'll use my new found wealth to inflict a world of hurt on your ass! (Like I haven't been doing that anyway)

So now that I've told you what's going on with my Aunt I can go back to start tracking down the fucker who got my Aunt into this mess. Since I set it up in the first place I think I'll start by going through her emails and see if there's a clue there. (Uh oh, guess who's emails are sitting there just WAITING to be discovered???)

And let me assure you, if you thought what I did to that fag boyfriend of Nick's whose jaw I broke was harsh, it'll be nothing compared to what I'll do to the bastard who talked my Aunt into clubbing. I'll rip this fucker's face off and FEED IT TO HIM! (She's SUCH a mean bitch, but then she WAS created solely to be psychotic)

Anyways, gotta bail, I got some research to do

Sabrina

--
Sabrina the sexy ^_^
You KNOW you want me!

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:08 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Edition 31)

So the Rumemeister still has a bit of fight in him! He decides he won't write to sabrina again (Yeah right)!:

On Sat, Jun 27, 2009 at 9:17 AM, Rum1 M@rtin wrote:

I think you have insulted me enough, for heaven's sake have you got no feelings? (Not really, well not for you at any rate) what on earth did i ever do to you to deserve all this irrational remarks. i said i was sorry and that i din't mean to put your aunt through all this. well so you may know, i am not like any other man and i've got nothing to proove to you (But you have so many hoops to go through yet, some of which I haven't even thought of yet). My interest on your aunt is genuine and am sure. this is probably my last email to you, since you have decided to always write me in absured manner. I ask to know about your aunts present status but instead you decide to call me all sort of names which is not so good. well i never have any thing against you, i understand you have to protect your aunty. but please and please, dont let your anger spoil things. i love Kathrin.

So sabrina sends him this, upping the ante and dangling the proverbial carrot at the same time:

You haven't even begun to see my angry side! And with a few Million dollars under my belt I'm really fighting the urge to go there and do something about it! If my Aunt wasn't so keen on you I would. BUT I'm VERY suspicious of you and if she gets through this illness, I guarantee to tell her about my suspicions!

I also did some research and have found out that you have contacted my aunt on a website overrun with scammers, put up some pictures that DON'T look anything like the pics you sent me and then claim your love is genuine??? (Gosh, it worked on Kathrin)

And you don't seem to be capable of reading either. You HAVE to deal with me, as I have said, I have changed Kathrin's email address password, I did set it up for her after all. Go ahead, try it for all I care, I promise to write back from it! You say you did nothing to deserve my wrath? How about helping to put your so called loved one in a coma, and when she unsurprisingly doesn't write to you, accuse HER of not loving you! That strikes me as pretty damn shallow!

And don't think that I'm just being overprotective. I had one of those scumbags that Kathrin used to date turn up at the Hospital today trying to weasel money out of her. I had to threaten to seriously hurt him before he left the hospital empty handed. Did I mention I did Tae Kwon Do as a kid? (I didn't but another memeber on the mailing list did, it DID come in handy) It's a bit like Karate, and it's coming in damn handy right now!!!

Unlike my Aunt I have no interest in you whatsoever. But unless you can prove that you are on the level you won't be hearing from her again. And I'm not doing this to be spiteful. Prove your sincerity and I'll do my best to help you out in any way I can. After all, I've agreed to fully fund the improvements to Priscilla's home studio, including a state of the art 64 channel mixer with the full version of Pro tools pre-installed. I've already ordered three computers for her, she's thinking of following in your footsteps and going pro (I have a sudden urge for carrots), which would mean finding a building to set up a studio in. See I said I'd read those emails of Kathrin's, I do know what you are going through and I want to help, but I want to help Kathrin more, it's that simple.

I'm also investing in some modeling courses, exploit it while I'm young and sexy I always say. (I do???)

Sabrina

--
Sabrina the sexy ^_^
You KNOW you want me!

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:13 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Edition 32)

So the Rumemeister decides to write, I'd previously told him that Sabrina had taken over this account, so I wrote back as sabrina. Wait until he finds out WHY Kathrin is so sick... And I have few other ideas I'm toying with also:

Sent: Wednesday, 1 July, 2009 8:33:34 AM
Subject: Re: I have to share the news with you...

Hello my queen,
how are you? if you will ever get this message, i hope you are ok and sound again. i wonder why i havent heard from you. every day i read all your emails one after another, and thus miss you more, all i want to say to you is that, if ever angels really do exist, i will just have to believe that you are an angel, the way you came and transformed me. you still mean alot to me despite all this short comings.. have a wonderful day and take perfect care of your self. love and kisses.

So Sabrina responds (in an email titled "You DO have to deal with me":

Well,

I said I promised to write back! Sabrina here, and don't get upset with the way I write, 'cos I talk like that too! I TOLD you I changed the password on this sucker. And besides, specialists are STILL at a loss to explain why Kathrin isn't responding to treatment. There has been a third swine flu death here in Melbourne, so we're all VERY concerned for her health.

And the fucking slimeballs keep coming out of the woodwork. Two more of Kathrin's exes have tried to see her at the hospital and BOTH of these assholes were after money! I'm seriously thinking of hiring security guards to keep these bastards away from her. (Up next, Nick Nolte, bastard extraordinaire, decides he wants Kathrin's cash, hilarity to ensue)

As I said, I've hired specialists to find out what's going on, everyone else that was here when Kathrin was admitted is recuperating, so they're at a loss to explain why she isn't. (One of the ACTUAL swine flu deaths here in Melbourne gave me an idea, more grief to ensue)...

As I said you DO have to deal with me (Me being an middle aged MALE pervert with a passion for winding up Nigerians).

Sabrina

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:17 am

es from a desperate housewife (Edition 33)

So the rumemister's twigged I have control of this account and writes a couple of times... I respond to this, with his parts highlighted for YOUR ease of reading (If ONLY he knew he had a fan base)! Also I think it's about time for that scheming bastard Nick nolte to re-enter the picture, AND I've dropped another bombshell. I'm guessing it's only a matter of time before he gives up and moves to the next victim:

I've highlighted you parts so you can see where I'm coming from. Read up, big boi ^_^

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sent: Monday, 6 July, 2009 9:26:50 AM
Subject: Re: You DO have to deal with me!!!

>>Hello, how are you? i hope you are doing good.

Meh. I've been better, and busy as you'll see

>>how is Kathrin's health? hope she is recovering as well.

Well, it's no skin off my nose if I tell ya I guess, though it doesn't necessarily mean I like you... It's taken 4 specialists from 3 different countries to work out WHY she isn't responding to treatment and yesterday came back with the results. And quite frankly I don't know if you're paying attention to ANYTHING that's goin' on in the world, but lots of people from lots of different countries are dying from this, including America where I got my specialists from, so no bagging the doctors here, who've worked their asses off to find out what's goin' on.

In fact a clue came from one of the other people who died from the disease here in Melbourne. Since all of the people who died from the disease here have died from complications of swine flu with another disease, the specialists have tested all the diseases the others had and one came back positive. Kathrin is ALSO in the early stages of cancer which is why the tamiflu didn't originally work. I guess it's a good thing she's in Melbourne, as she'll be transferred to the Peter MacCullum institute tomorrow where they specialise in Cancer treatments. It's a good thing I'm cashed up, it's gonna cost me big time.

>>I just want to know if she is ok now.

Read up big boi ^_^

>>please i want to ask you please always help me pass my message through to her.

I said it earlier, why SHOULD I??? I said it earlier that I don't trust you and I'm not all that certain I do now. That 4ppl scamming thing sits at the back of my mind and I'm finding it very difficult to get past that. Kathrin set up that 4ppl.com account, not me. I would gotten her a facebook or myspace page if she was serious about dating. And having looked at the continuing pieces of crap that turn up in Kathrin's 4ppl.com account, I haven't seen anyone else that ISN'T a scamming piece of fuck!!! What makes YOU any different?

>>i know she may never contact or write me again, but please try to help me let her know that am not like other men who will come into her life and just walk away. Sincerely speaking Kathrin means so much to me. and am so concerned about her health. please tell me how she is doing. Thanks alot. Rumi.

To be honest, I'm still not seeing that you aren't like the others. The security guards I hired to guard Kathrin are worth their weight in gold and are busy little beavers, keeping out the scamming crap that tries to get into kathrin's money. And it's a good thing Kathrin's in a coma, because she'd be devastated to find out Nick is contesting Helena's will (Good old Nick Nolte, I missed his shenanigans). Not my part of the inheritance fortunately (Though that may change if I can think of a reason to do it), but he wants access to Kathrin's part of the inheritance as her legal husband (the divorce isn't final yet). I've hired a lawyer to counter Nick the fucker's court case.

So yeah, I still need proof you're not a scamming piece of fuck.

Sabrina

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:19 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Edition 34)

So I get a half dozen emails from the Rumemeister with the word "Hello" in it. I shoot this back with the subject heading "What's with the spam?":

It ISN'T helping your case. If you annoy me too much I will simply DELETE this account. Kathrin's in a coma right now, and won't miss it

Sabrina ^_^

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, 7 July, 2009 7:55:27 AM
Subject: Re: You DO have to deal with me!!!

hello

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:21 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 35)

So the Rumemmeister hasn't done diddly for days now (which would've gotten ME a "you don't love me email"). So it's time to sabrina to email him up. from her account she sends this:

So,

We told Kathrin's what's been happening with her illness over the weekend and she took it surprisingly well! Kathrin cried at first but only for a few minutes, then she decided she was going to (in her own words) "toughen the fuck up"! Seems a few weeks with swine flu has strengthened her resolve shitloads, it surprised the fuck out of me to hear her talk like that!

But she's been asking about you an awful lot over the weekend. So, what do I tell her?

Do I tell Aunt Kathrin about my suspicions about you? Or do you convince me otherwise?

I've been thinking about some of the people who got in touch with her before you did, and there's one guys that's VERY cute, let's just say I'd tap him! If Kathrin finds out what I suspect about you, she may decide to head back to 4ppl. Even at 42, Aunt Karthrin's still cute and deserves better treatment than most of the scumbags she's been getting. I've even been thinking about setting up a few other profiles on better dating sites.

As the movie Robocop once said: "Your move, Creep!"

Sabrina
--
Sabrina the sexy ^_^
You KNOW you want me!

So let's see if he gets back to either character. If not, it's back to 4ppl for a NEW scammer

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:32 am

Tales from a deperate Housewife (Edition 36)

So it's time to fuck off the Rumeister. I send him this:

Dear Rumi,

Sabrina has explained her suspicions about you to me and after much soulsearching, as much as it hurts me to say this, what Sabrina says makes a lot of sense. I never DREAMED there could BE such a thing as an internet scam, let alone fall victim to one!

I had planned before my hospital stint in Melbourne to visit you in Nigeria as a surprise (and had also spent several thousand dollars in sexy lingerie to wear for you when I got there). And even if you aren't a scammer (and as far as I can see you have no attempt to prove this is the case), there are double standards in this relationship that I am not willing to abide by. You once claimed that I didn't love you after four days (While I was extrememly ill I should point out), yet two weeks later from your last note you have made no attempt to contact me. Why there should be one rule for you and another for me I cannot accept. Just in case you have forgotten Mr Man, this is the 21st century and women have rights as well.

I have read and re-read all the emails you have sent me and I can see where Sabrina gets her ideas. That and the websites that talk about how 4ppl.com is fullof scammers. And it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to you.

I think given my current situation, it's time to live a little. I think it's time for me to take a leaf out of Sabrina's book, and for me to get a well hung toyboy and simply fuck his brains out. I may be 42, but I still scrub up well and with my new found wealth I plan to have as much fun as possible before the chemotherapy begins.

Yours in poppers

Kathrin

Hopefully a new one soon.

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:32 am

@ internationalchrysis you've left me in suspenders!

This is such skillful stuff, he feels he is part of your family and free to express opinions. He is 'living' a soap fantasy.

OK where are the pictures?

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:35 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition 37)

So the Rumemeister writes back. I've had a few nibbles at 4ppl.com but nothing worthy of the pain I've been inflicting on the rumemeister. will keep you posted:

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Thursday, 23 July, 2009 11:41:29 PM
Subject: Re: Goodbye

Dear Kathrin,

If this is really you (God, I love that, Sabrina really freaked him out Smile

), i am happy that you are finally well again. (He obviously didn't read, that Kathrin has cancer, maybe a slappage is in order)

forgive me for not writing to your email for a long while, and the reason is this, your neice Sabrina made some statements in one of her emails to me which i find not very pleasant and that is why i decided that i was not going to contact this email address anymore, because she told me that she will simply change your password so that i wont have any access to you anymore. and i concluded that since you wont be reading from me anymore, its pointless to write to Sabrina. (It's NEVER pointless to write to a PSYCHOTIC 19 yo)

Kathrin, i am disappointed that you could ever think hat am a scammer or any thing of sort. i never wanted anything from you apart from the love that i seek from you, i felt i had lost you already based on Sabrina's comment on he email, so i decided that i will focus and concentrate on my job. But i thank God that you are well again. i cant tell you not to listen or believe what Sabrina has told you, because she loves you and all that she is concerned aout is to protect you. but i must make something clear to you, i am not a scammer and i will never be so jobless to depend on living on people. (I still think proving it is in order, I think it's time to call his bluff. Travel warnings to Nigeria, here I come)

your health is my major concern (Really? So why aren't you concerned about my life threatening illness, fucker!), and am so delighted to know you are getting better. have a nice day and i wish you total recovery.

Rum1

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:37 am

@ Devil woman

Thank you, it was as enjoyable for me as it "was" for him. The nibbles I'ver had so far aren't anywhere NEAR as opinionated.

but they have bought it hook line and sinker

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:44 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Final edition of the Rumemeister)

So as I said last time, The Rumemeister wrote back. After some discussions with people on the list it's decided we'll see if we can wring some more sweat out of him. Time to call him to task:

Rum1.

You accuse me of not loving you, but you clearly do not read my (or Sabrina's for that matter) emails.

I am NOT fine.. I have breast Cancer, which is one of the leading causes of death in women in my age group in this country, which when combined with Swine flu almost killed me! I have been researching this disease, and it scares the hell out of me. I will start a process of Chemotherapy soon, it will take a long time and I will lose my hair to Radiation exposure. I will have no energy due to the same treatment. (I will pick some friend's brains soon, to see what squirmy action we can get outta the Rumemeister)

Sabrina told me (well SHOWED me exactly what she said) (Especially since I made it all up), and it reads as fairly typical of the way Sabrina talks, she's just like that, I wouldn't worry. I was a bit like that myself at 19, weren't you?

However, there are some things she's pointed out I just can't ignore. She pointed out when she read my emails (and I don't have ANYTHING to hide from my darling Niece), that you paint Nigeria as a Paradise (Which he did, and one of the MANY things that say "Scamming piece of fuck". Yet he still hasn't asked for cash, go figure). But the Australian Government has travel warnings that tell people NOT to go Nigeria, that there are gangs, violent street protests, people abducted from the airport and far more besides (Look up Nigeria on the Smarttraveller website, it is quite an eye opener). Are you calling the Australian Government a liar? Why would the Federal Government do that if it wasn't true? (Would YOU buy a used car from Kevin Rudd? I would he paid for me to see The Human League live) Or just Sabrina? As I mentioned I had planned to visit you. Would you have been there to meet me, or someone else? Is this true???

Rumi I want to believe you I really do (Well I just like seeing him squirm but I digress), but I've been hurt so many times before and I'm now just TOO fragile to go through all of this again (Well actually, I already have NEW ideas if he bites). Speak to Sabrina please, what she says makes sense and I also want you two to get along. I know she mentioned she was funding Priscilla's musical aspirations, they have already found office space and are currently preparing it for Soundproofing. Sabrina can be full on, but she means well and is only looking out for me in my time of need, something my ex husband could take a leaf from (Who's Boyfriend is about to be MURDERED!).

I await your word, (and so do I)... Smile

(Cue evil laugh)

Kathrin

And there you have it, my most successful bait so far. The Rumemeister was gold! And kathrin is still usable. I will post the new guy whoever he turns to be. I strongly suspect he's Frank, who aged 5 years in two emails (To MULTIPLE potential victims). He's from Senegal and has already fallen for Kathrin in a single email. I plan nasty things Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:35 am

internationalchrysis

Thankyou for some wonderful entertainment I saw the new thread but I must indulge in a bit of RL this afternoon! Embarassed

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