"Tales from a DH" Language/ongoing/safari now on

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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:37 am

This is my most successful bait so far. I'm only new at this but this was a LOT of fun and all my friends wait with baited breath for new installments (I email them updates after I write back to our man, my comments are bolded and mostly sent with the emails to my friends. This was after st@nley n0ns0, who I also baited for awhile). I have a a fake profile on 4ppl, with my character and her "husband", in reality Nick Nolte and International chrysis the performance artist:

EDITION ONE:
So I have a new slacker (erm boyfriend), whose also obsessed with crap poetry. So I send him the exact same reply I sent the Nonce (and he doesn't even notice I forgot to delete some of the text). At the bottom is his response and my response to that up top. And speaking of "up top", his reference to me being his queen makes me decide to go on a "gay" theme, what with so many Nigerians being Homophobic:

My dearest xxxx,

I am honoured that you consider me to be your queen. It makes me feel special, particularly having a poem written especially for me and to be honest I haven't felt that way in some time especially after my husband left me for a 19 year old.... (I've left out the punchline so far, my Husband Nick Nolte has left me for a 19yo MAN. Damn you Nick Nolte, damn you all to hell!!!)

I often like to feel a bit queen like, particularly when I watch my favourite movie, "Cruising" (It's a travelling movie, have you seen it?) (If you travelling, you mean guys in leather driving around looking for other guys to fuck, then yes, it's a travelling movie). My gal pals, Priscilla and Noxeema (From To wong foo, go wesley snipes) like to watch this film also. When we were younger, we would get in the car and go clubbing, which we would call going cruising like the characters in the movie. Do you go cruising in Nigeria? Maybe you could go cruising with me sometime.

After I sell the farm and move to Sydney with Sabrina my niece, we could all go to a nightclub called Arq (A gay nightclub in Oxford Street, Sydney) in Sydney where I had so much fun recently. Though I have to admit, I haven't seen so many hunky men in all my life, and gosh, were they friendly or what!!!

Anyway I should go now, I'm getting all nostalgic for my gal pals...

Yours,

K@thrin. (That fakename generator thingy came in REAL handy for this by the way, big ups for the heads up.

below is the original letter (after some crap poetry he googled from somewhere bland)...

Hello,
My adored queen,
how is all going with you. I am glad that you found time to read my email. i havent written poem in a long while, that was speciually (A quick Google would disagree with you, you lying sack of shit) for you. my love has found you and witrh you is where i always want to be. take care of your self my beautiful queen.
love and kissess.

xxxx.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:45 am

EDITION TWO:

So, boyfriend two is HEAVILY into crap poems (which I won't bore the shit out of you with, let's just say I was AWAKE when I started...

But I LOVE his response, telling me I was right to head the way I did:

Sent: Monday, 27 April, 2009 5:11:56 PM
Subject: Re: Your poem is beautiful

My beautiful Angel,

It brightens my day each time i read a mail from you. You also make me feel special in many ways. guess your ex husband din't see the potentias in you before going after a younger girl. my believe is that you can always make a woman what you want her to be no matter her age.. my aim is to make you feel loved, young, and sexy, like you always feel when you were much younger.

I will love to pertake in your cruising someday soon, (absolute gold, GOLD I tells ya) its not a thing i do all the time here in Nigeria, based on the nature of my job but i must say i do have serious fun in my own ways too. Life is sweet and beautiful. Let no one try to make you feel wary. Always know that you are beautiful as you are, and you are my queen no matter what.

how is Sabrina your neice? (Getting ready to annoy the fuck out of YOU!) guess she is the genius behind our present relationship. Tell her i will always be greatful for her sending you my way.
I beleive with you is where i belong (You WON'T be saying that soon). i pray that you dont find any reason to want to leave (I KNOW you'll be praying to see the last of me by the end of it), as i will never for a second think the same about you you are my light in the dark and also my reason for being happy. I want you to know that your days of worries are over. lets try as much as possible to be together. Love always my queen.

xxxx.

So I hit him back with this:

My dearest xxxx,

You can't go cruising in Nigeria??? My gal pals and I make a point of it. There's nothing we like more than driving around like the characters in the movie.

What kind of work do you do? While I'm not working after marrying my dreck of a Husband Nick, when I was younger I did a bit of modeling before moving to Australia

My husband doesn't see potential in anyone except of course his new partner. But I should correct one thing... My husband did leave me for a 19 yo, he left me for another MAN! (Let's see how long it takes for his tiny pea brained head to get around THIS one) I don't understand why, and sometimes it just breaks my heart that he left me like this. Oh I'm sorry, I think I have to lie down and cry for a while

Yours confusingly,

K@thrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:50 am

So, the Rum1meister has gotten back to me almost Immediately, he didn't balk at the gay husband thing at all. With that in mind, it's time for my desperate housewife to be become more - well - Desperate:

EDITION THREE

My dear Rum1,

You're a producer? I'm sorry to say I don't know what you mean by that. You make things??? Or do you mean like a Record Producer? Or a TV producer? I should know these things as an ex model, but to be honest my English isn't perfect and I've found since moving to Australia that words in Germany have a different meaning to those in Australia (Especially if I decide to make a few up just to see what happens).

Nigeria sounds like an exciting place, just perfect to go Cruising in. And well, if what they say about Black men is true (blushes), I'll have to visit there once the farm is sold. I hope you don't mind me being so crude, but I have to admit to having a soft spot for Black men. Sabrina finds it very amusing, though I'd never admit to how hot and bothered under the collar I can get sometimes at the mere of a hot and throbbing... (I'm planning to make references to Interracial porn soon, if you know any titles, email them to me. I never DID get any though) Oh dear, did I just type that? I'm SO sorry! (blushes again) (But notice I don't correct it)

My friend Priscilla also has a thing for black men and I haven't told her about you yet, but I know she'll be SO jealous when she finds out that I am your QUEEN! She SO wants be a Queen also, so much so that may even have sex with a woman to become one! She's such a slut sometimes (Take THAT Hugo Weaving), but my god she does look good hanging off the side of a bus...

Thank you my dear dear Rum1. Your kind words have gotten me through this sad day and cheered me up immensely. I'm so happy I could SHIT! (A quote from one of my fave movies of all time, Serial MOM)

Yours in poppers, (I'll have an Amyl nitrate too thanks mate).

K@thrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:04 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (DAMN Nick Nolte you are mean edition) *Edition four.

So, the rumemeister seems to actually be concerned (unlike the Nonce who's paid NO attention whatsoever). He sends me this:

Queen K@thrin,

I can as well feel your pain my dear, if only i can have my way i will come they straight away and take you with me.
i know how you feel, i long every day to read from you just to know how you are doing.

So what are the final conclutions, that you live in the same house, or what, it is regarded as taboo here in
Africa. as it will be a shame for both men and disgrace. i dont know why all these things happen in Europe. (Possibly because I MADE IT ALL UP??? Just a thought)

I know my queen that one day we shall be together and be happy for the rest of our lives together.
my queen i will look for a way to send my beats to you so you can listen to it. but right now,
i'm not that good on computers only know the minor things. (Oh come on surely as a red hot producer you know how to attach someone else's song to an email. 'Cos it sure as shit won't be yours)

It gives me some much joy and relieve to read from you. one advice my queen. follow your dreams,
and you will not hurt anymore..
come and have the greatest fun of your life here in Nigeria. at least just come and stay for 2weeks. I've tole all my friends about you
and they're all hoping to see you. Here in Nigeria your currency is much higher and more valueable. we can spend less to get more.

You dont have to imprison your self to a man who does not value you it is sacriligious, and yo need to do some thing fast.
for now you can move in with any of your friends or S@brina for some time because i will not like you to stay there in that house and see all
those irritating rubbish. how on earth will any man leave a beautiful woman like you for a ''MAN''

My queen you have to decide now what to do before its too late. i feel for you and i knowthat soon
you will come off this unessessary heat. come and be treated like the queen that you are. i value you so much
dont enslave your self my queen. thank you so much for your reply.
kisses
Rum1.

So after a quick think about it, I send him this:

My dearest Rum1,

I need to keep the farm so I can sell it. If I leave the farm AT ALL my husband will move back in with his boyfriend. Since the farm is currently in Nick's name he has the right to move back in should I move out. And since the planned expansion of the nearby national park, it will soon be worth three times what we paid for it.

Things have got worse over the weekend. The boyfriend tried to move in anyway, and unsurprisingly S@brina beat him up. The police came and arrested her and I had to drive several hours to the nearest town to post bail. It seems S@brina broke his jaw and as a result has a restraining order placed against her by the boyfriend. She is not allowed within 150 meters of the boyfriend, and if she does she can be arrested, which means that if he is allowed by the courts to move in with my husband, then S@brina will have to move out. I will be all alone with my soon to be ex husband nick and his new boyfriend!

I have spent the entire weekend driving between Yalbraith and Goulburn trying to get this sorted out, but so far I cannot see how. I am back in Sydney on monday and my lawyer plans to try place a rerstraining order on Nick and his boyfriend but I am not sure it will work.

Oh Rumi, the mere thought of the two of them in my bed is sickening. Nick has been taunting me all weekend about it. It just makes me want to cry...

I'm so sorry Rum1, but I have to lie down and cry some more

K@thrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:11 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (now with added drama)* Edition five

So I get an email from the rumemeister, urging me to calm S@brina down... So it's time to amp S@brina UP!!!

Rum1 sends me this:

Sent: Tuesday, 5 May, 2009 7:09:09 AM
Subject: EVERY THING WILL BE ALRIGHT.

My beautiful Pearl,
I'm writing you this letter from my heart, How are you, how's sabrina? hope she dint hurt herself, while trying to protect you. (No she didn't, but only 'cos she doesn't ACTUALLY exist)
Sorry to say in my country your ex husband will be flogged publicly for bringing shame to mankind. such a disgraceful man
How will you cope now that S@brina will be restricted to till the time Nick's boyfriend comes.

It will be an eyesaw if it happens and you happen to live with that. it is quite understandable to have a female girlfriend, not a male. (So, you want a bit of girl on girl action huh ya filthy perv??? Hmmm, maybe a thought for later on, when Nick and co finally get the ass)
i mean its absurd. (NO, everything I've written is absurd, you're too stupid to twig you're being wound up)

Just try to calm S@brina down on her actions ok, (Too late) so the issue wont escalade into something you cannot handle. Violence is not the only option. (No, but it's the most fun when you're a fictional character)
All you should do is give them a little space on do your own thing. since you want to remain there untill you own and sell the farm, well i wish you all the best, but i suggest that life is worth more than money. you need a place you can relax and always find reasons to laugh. I will have so much time for you, kiss your lips always caress you close your breath upon mine, i will make you feel like you are in a night beach enjoying the beautiful sea wave. we only have one shot at life.

it will be me and you all the way we shall both go every where i go. i feel your pain and atimes i wonder what its like to be in your shoes. (What size 8 cuban heels from the mid 80's???)
but baby, you know also that prayer works, try to pray to God to make things perfect in your life and you'll see things will start to get better again.

my love, you dont have to enslave your self and face this humiliation. dont cry, He who laughs last laughs best. one day all your tears will turn into cheers, i will make your inner you glow, as i promise an uncompromising love for you.

Just pray and things will start to work accordingly. you dont have to cry out your self. I know it really hurts but no amount of tears will change anything right now. what has happened has happened, what you should think of now is next step to move on, dont live under the shadow of your past, forget Nick and his boyfriend, all you should be thinking of now is me, and those things i will do to you someday.xxx it will be wonderful to talk to you some day as i'm really dying to hear your voice. Nick is a desperate man (YEAH Nick Nolte, you BASTARD even a Nigerian Scammer knows you're an asshole) and i'm afraid he might want to harm you, i'm concerned about you my queen, dont wait untill you get hurt.

take care of your sweet self and put those crying eyes to sleep.
let me know if there's any development.

Kisses
Rum1.

SO, I send him this:

My dearest Rum1,

I have to be quick, I am checking my mail as a distraction on my niece's mobile phone and I am at my wit's end!

To put you in the picture, I didn't think it possible, but things gone from extremely bad to far worse! S@brina broke the restraining order and is now in jail after getting drunk and assaulting the police officer who turned up after Nick called the police. The boyfriend's nose has now been broken as well as his jaw. Nick is with him at Goulburn Base Hospital, where the boyfriend is now in a Medically induced coma!!! (But that could mean that Nick Nolte will move out, 'cos he's scared of S@brina. Hell I'M scared of s@brina and I KNOW she's fictional!!!) I've always known that S@brina has a temper but this has scared me more than I could imagine. S@brina's only 19, but assaulting a Police officer is a serious offence, I fear her life may be ruined because of this. (Just had a thought... I think Sabrina's gonna have to void her bond and then BREAK OUT of jail! God this is so much fun)

I am at the Police Station here in Goulburn, the nearest town to Yalbraith which doesn't have a police station where I've been waiting for the last seven hours trying to get S@brina's bail sorted out. I have had to sell the second 4 wheel drive to put up S@brina's Bail which was set up at $40,000. If she doesn't turn up to court when the trial starts, I will lose that money.

You know, when I married Nick all those years ago, I never DREAMED I would end up 12,000 miles away from my friends and family, all alone in a country that I'm still not all that familiar with. I ache for my native Germany, and am now thinking that if I get through this I will move back home as soon as the farm is sold.

I ache for calmer times, with some nice nigerian beats (provided by you of course), a glass of wine and a nice sunset. Get me out of this living hell (I call the day before pay day)...

K@thrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:19 am

Fw: Oh there's a development alright (Tales from a desperate housewife update).

So HERE'S something I wasn't expecting... The Rumemeister gets back to me AND OFFERS TO COME TO AUSTRALIA!!! Meh! Fuck it, I'll let him stew...

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, 5 May, 2009 3:51:45 PM
Subject: Re: Oh there's a development alright

My queen,

i din't know Sabrina has this kind of huge temper. (Neither did I, I thought she was a figment of my imagination myself...) just at the time i thought you should speak to her about her temper.
Anger you know may only result to so many distructions.
So whats going to happen now, have they granted her bail already? (Not certain yet, it's only been 11 hours. Maybe Nick can have fresh charges laid)
how is she doing? hope she's alright. (Of COURSE she's alright, she's fictional)

i was getting ready for my work, (At about 1am Nigerian time mind you, and he's been online the ENTIRE time I've been at school, all seven and a half hours. I've been online too, but in hidden mode so he can't see me in web messenger. As I type he's STILL online at 2.33am nigerian time. Wish MY day job was that flexible) then i thought i should read my email before i go out, luckily for me i have a letter
written by you waiting for me. i am happy that you could find time to write to me, and i'm also sad that all these
present tribulations are coming to you.

You just take it easy my Queen, like i said before everything will be alright.

And about your marriage, always give thanks to God for bringing you this far in life, at least you now have experience of
getting married once before. i have never been married so i cannot feel what you're feeling now.

i have told you Nigeria is the place you can get your groove on again, i was at the mall yesterday and i saw,
lots of white people holding hands and being happy together with Nigerian men. i know that when you come
down someday to Nigeria you will realise that all i have been saying is true.

i have some money with me, i intend to set up my own studio with it, but now it seems i will have to change my plan
because i cant afford to see you pass through this alone. therefore i have decided that if you find it difficult to come down to
my country, i can as well come down to your country and give you all the happiness you deserve. (And there you have it, GOLD!)

I will do anything for you my queen,

Nigeria is a beautiful country, that is blessed with so many natural resources, ranging from crude oil, coal, zinc, cocoa,
timber etc, Nigeria is another home from your home. i've heard alot of foreign women say Nigeria is the best thing that ever happened to them..

You can come to Nigeria and settle down after you sell the farm, because Nigeria is one of the most safest countries
in the world today because of out fast growing economy. you will see a lot of white people who have finally settled here
in Nigeria based on one reason or the other. who know, most of their cases might be worse.

This from word travels.com on the safety factor in Nigeria (which apparently is an IMPROVEMENT from 2005):
Safety: A dusk-to-dawn curfew declared in Ebonyi State. There has been an increase in kidnapping of British nationals in Nigeria recently; visitors should take this into consideration when planning any trips there. Violent street crime, armed robberies, muggings and car jackings are prevalent in Lagos and elsewhere in the more populous south of the country. Recent gang violence in central Port Harcourt means that visitors should take care when travelling around the town. Security at Port Harcourt has been increased due to safety concerns, but visitors need to be vigilant and cautious. Numerous hazards await unwary and uninformed visitors, from bogus greeters at the airport, to scams involving efforts to extort money from visitors' relatives back home and even taking hostages for ransom. Visitors should ensure that their local hosts and/or family and friends at home know their travel plans. The reliability of domestic airlines has also been questioned due to numerous accidents. There are frequent outbreaks of civil unrest and violence, usually caused by ethnic tensions and strikes often cause disruption to transport and other services. Following riots in Kano, travellers are advised to be extremely cautious in the northern region. Travellers are advised to avoid all protests and demonstrations. Fuel shortages often occur, adding to uncertainty for road travel that is already hazardous because of the risk of armed robbery and car jackings, particularly in traffic jams and rural areas. Public transport is extremely dangerous with buses and taxis poorly maintained and fraud and criminal activity rife among drivers. The Delta, Rivers and Bayelsa States should also be avoided, particularly the riverine areas and Port Harcourt, due to hostage-taking; workers are being kidnapped on an almost daily basis, and further threats have been issued. All but essential travel to Akwa Ibom State should also be avoided. Oil facilities have been attacked and expatriate oil workers seized, and in 2007 there was an increase in attacks offshore, with abductions taking place from oil rigs. (VERY safe indeed).

I know that one day the calmer time that you seek will surely come and you shall be happy again with me. i will take you
to a night beach and light a camp fire with a bottle of one of the finest fine for just me and you, think of how romantic that will be.
i know i shouln't be saying this now, but my queen you really need to cheer up and stop being worried.

the money on Sabrina's bail is quite expensive when converted to our Nigerian currency

(This part is accurate at least. From Travlang.com:
Current Exchange Rates
As of May 03, 2009, the exchange rates are:
107.89 Nigeria Nairas per Australia Dollars
0.0092 Australia Dollars per Nigeria Nairas
)

. this amount could set you up for
good in my country, and with it you shall have a fufilled life. if you've got no kids i will make sure that on our first night
together, i will get you pregnant. (That COULD be difficult, since I am a MAN, and the photo from the dating site is of a long dead transexual. Though it DOES allow me to get back to those interacial porn titles I mentioned previously) i want you to be the mother of my kids in the near future. Your currency is worth more in
my country. you can set up a business and make alot of profit. i am a graduate of business administration, so i'm business oriented..

Please my queen tell Sabrina to calm down on her temper, so that they wont be any more trouble.
Things are much easier here in my country so to say. if you ever think of having a good time, just think of Nigeria.
i cant wait to have you in my arms my Queen.

let me know how far the case has gone in your next email to me ok!

take good cae of your self.
kisses

Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:20 am

Don't stop now, did you ever get him NSFW ? Was he a scammer? Or was it just cyber sex?

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:26 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Update two edition)

So I'm at a community radio station where I do stuff and thought, "Meh let's send him a response": The Rumemeister gets this:

My dearest Rum1,

It is 6.30pm here in Goulburn and Sabrina has been released on bail. She was charged with assaulting police in the execution of their duty, resisting arrest and two counts of common assault. Sabrina was conditionally bailed and is due to appear at Goulburn Local Court on 21 May 2009. (This is ACTUALLY stolen from the online NSW police newsletter. They're REAL charges, from their media release archive. It's amazing what you can Google)... She is very forlorn at the moment, with none of her usual energy and vitality. Nick is pressing to have fresh charges laid against her although exactly what they are yet I'm not certain. (OF course he is, Nick Nolte you're are SUCH a bastard! I hope I never meet him, he'll beat the living shit out of me!!!)

The boyfriend is still in a coma and Nick is by his side. To be honest I'm a little jealous of the Attention Nick has been lavishing, when I was attacked and hospitalized a few years ago, Nick went out CLUBBING at some place in Sydney called the Clarence hotel and was gone for over a week! (After Googling Gay Leather Bars, we got the Clarence Hotel. He's in for a shock if he checks it out)

But I have to get the farm. You say $40,000 is a lot of money in Nigeria, imagine what 1.5 million dollars could do. That is what the farm has been valued at, due to the NSW Government's planned acquisition. we would be set for life! You could concentrate on your music and I could concentrate on you. (Thus allowing me to segue back into interracial porn)

Nigeria sounds like paradise! So many beautiful people living contented fulfilling lives, so many places in the world do not have that option, I would be an idiot to not consider at least visiting at a later stage. Thank you for your kind offer my dearest Rum1, but you keep your money and once I am through this I will happily visit you with the proceeds of the farm. Just concentrate on getting your beats to me (Priscilla says you can email me an MP3 as an attachment of your songs. Oh dear Rum1, it would fill my heart with joy to your magic beats, your heart poured out into song. Please please PLEASE send me one of your lovely tunes so I can listen to it over and over and over again. (So I can take it to to the african music show and find who REALLY wrote the song!)

I must go now, we have a long drive back to Yalbraith. (Actually, I gotta panel a radio show, but hey I gotta say something)

Yours in song,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:29 am

@ devil woman;

I'm a bald middle aged man with a DEEP radio style voice. Me and some friends did plan to chat with him but never got around to it. I did get some trophy pics (including some NO-ONE will ever get), which made laugh like a drian when I got 'em, 7 photos of the same DOOR!

All of this is just emails whizzing back and forth, I never spoke to him once

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:36 am

So the Rumemeister thinks he's gonna get outta sending me a music trophy by claiming he's fried his desk. FUCK THAT!!! What he doesn't realise he's talking a man who specialises in recording on the cheap (ie free!!!). He doesn't know it yet, but it's about to become a "Mr Man" issue:

Sent: Wednesday, 6 May, 2009 7:20:05 AM
Subject: Re: The latest update...

My Queen,
i'm very much delighted that you could find the time top write me an email, despite all
the traumers you're passing through.
How are you? hope you have seized crying, how is Sabrina? hope she's ok.
I had a very rough day today at the studio, our mixer got burnt due to high voltage
capasity. and this has made my day (Funny, I'd be really fucked off myself!). untill i read your email to me.

my Queen, i understand that you still have feelings for Nick, (Yes, I secretly want to have sex with Nick Nolte. Unlike Tom Cruise, I CAN come out of the closet...) and its natural to feel so, (I always feel like a natural woman, then I go back to reading Playboy) at least we're all humans and we've got blood flowing through our vains. (Not me, I have alcohol flowing through my VAINS.) but baby, you have to let go of what ever feeling you still have for him, i mean, a man that left you for over a week while you were hospitalised, is not the kind of man you wish to spend the rest of your . I meanlife with its quite clear that he's been possessed and he does'nt need you.

you dont have to get jealous on things like this because it is absur d, even living in the same room with such kind of person is more like a sin unto God. but i understand you have to do what you have to do.

I'm glad you're beginning to have a rethink about my country. you will be received like a Queen that you
are, on your arrival day. Nigeria is indeed paradise. (If by paradise, you mean a place where tourists are kidnapped at the airport, then what a paradise Nigeria is...)

I believe God on Sabrinas court case in may will turn in your favour and you all shall have reasons to
smile again.

I'm glad that you're happy about my music carrier, I will do my best to get my beat to you this week so you can listen to it and feel me on it. (that's it, give me my trophy you crap fucker, don't make me go Mr Man on your ass)
my Queen, it is true that all men are the same, but there's one man here that is way too different from others, its me, your darling Rumi. (you are indeed different, most men are lazy & self obsessed, or at least I am. Most men AREN'T scamming pieces of crap)

i promise never to let you down, i will give you my shoulder to lean on in times of trouble, Like i said earlier
i will do my best to get my beats to you so you can listen to my work.

So sorry my queen for been short on my mail, but i have to go eat now, my food is getting cold.
give my warm regards to Sabrina & Priscilla. please write me a email to tell me how you are fairing ok!

Take care of your sweet self my Queen.
Kisses Rum1.

So I send him this:

My dear Rum1,

It's been very quiet here on the farm after the chaos that has been the last few days. Nick remains at the Goulburn Base Hospital with his boyfriend, and Sabrina is here at the farm with me. She has to report to Goulburn Police Station every three days as part of her bail conditions. She ahs toface court on June 20th (I'm still considering having Sabrina skip bail, maybe with her new found boyfriend that I might introduce, and embrace a life of crime... Or Mormonism... same thing really)

I'm so sorry to hear that your mixer has burnt out. Are they expensive to replace??? Priscilla (who I mentioned has a masters degree in Musicology) was VERY surprised to hear that, and said to ask where were your surge protectors? (Actually that's probably a valid question. whre the Hell WERE your surge protectors? No self respecting music student would be caught dead blowing up a mixing desk, DICKHEAD! Mind you, a music student who can spend over eight hours online proabably isn't learning much) I myself have NO IDEA what a surge protector is, but Priscilla is adamant that you should have several. Does this mean I won't get my song today? After the craziness of the last few days, I was so looking forward to hearing your dulcet tones. I have been told that the Nigerian Music scene is massive, so hopefully you'll be able to replace the equipment easily and cheaply.

This is just a quick note, I'm going to have a quick lie down. After the last few days I find myself very tired quite a bit.

Looking forward to hearing your music,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:42 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition nine)

So, I haven't checked Kathrin's mail for a few days, while I fixed a friend's computer. Which is handy, because it becomes a handy excuse for not getting back to the rumemeister. I've had four, count 'em FOUR wma files sent to me that are supposed to be his music, two of them he doesn't even bother to rename. Apparently Paulina Odur0 is part of his work. So anyhoo, I send him this (With his original note below):

----- Forwarded Message ----

Sent: Saturday, 9 May, 2009 1:13:19 AM
Subject: Re: these are songs i produced beat for and 1 instrumental hope you'll like them.

My dearest Rum1,

I am so sorry for not communicating with you recently but the computer at home has crashed and is currently in Goulburn at the repair shop. My heart leapt for joy (Dunno about my heart, but I was VERY pleased at their arrival) at the sight of your music and once the computer is repaired, I will download them (well that's what Priscilla called it anyway) as soon as possible. I am again using Sabrina's mobile phone to check my email, and to see your letters fills me with joy.

Sabrina is most upset over what has happened, but is unrepentant. The boyfriend (Notice the boyfriend doesn't have a name yet?) came out of his medically induced coma and is pushing Nick into having fresh charges laid, but won't be out of hospital for a few weeks yet. Nick has started renting an aprtment in Goulburn so he be closer to the boyfriend and Priscilla has come to stay for awhile to help me when Sabrina has to go to Goulburn to report to the police as part of her bail conditions. She too is very keen to hear your beats, and promises to give you feedback (even if she doens't like it). As I've said she has a masters degree in Musicology and so I value her judgement a lot.

Anyway, I have to go now, Sabrina needs her phone back. It's also my birthday next week, (It IS my birthday next week, I'll be too pissed to Nigerian scam bait) I'll be celebrating my 42nd birthday. Sabrina and Priscilla have promised me a girl's night out to cheer me up.

Yours,

Kathrin

Sent: Friday, 8 May, 2009 9:34:37 AM
Subject: these are songs i produced beat for and 1 instrumental hope you'll like them.

Hello My Queen,

how are you doing?
hope you're ok. i havent been reall happy today since i did not read a mail from you.
how has your day been? guess its not as stressful as always. How's Sabrina and Priscilla? hope they're also doing great. I was hoping to read a mail from you telling me if you liked my production on that beat.

i got some one to teach me how to burn cd's into desktop and then attach and send as email, its not really difficult
i'm so used to you and each day i dont read from you, i feel that my day is incomplete.
Because i think of you every second my heart beat. the thought of being with you has crowded my mentality.

I dont ever want to stop communicating with you, because i dont think i will survive it if you dont send me
emails any more.

My Queen i appreciate you alot and if only we can see each other face to face then i shall prove and show to you my own definition of real love.
hope you have a beautiful day ahead. I havent really done so much production yet but these are only a few that i'm sending to you again. hope you will like them and comment on it.

Waiting to read from you.
Kisses Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:47 am

Tales from a depserate Housewife (Edition ten)

So, it's time to comment on "His" music (Two of the tunes he sent still had their original file names on them).. SO I send him this. What he doesn't know is planning to up the ante in the next few days when Kathrin LOSES the farm:

My dearest Rumi,

The computer is dead. Apparently the motherboard has died and it will be cheaper to buy a whole new computer than to replace it (So Sabrina tells me, and since she set up my computer for me I'm inclined to believe her). (Btw, this happended to me in real life, turns out to come in handy) I am using Sabrina's phone to check all of my emails. Fortunately, she is a gadget junkie and so she has all the latest technology. (Sabrina may be psychotic, but at least she does gadgets well)

I have to go to Sydney tonight for the next stage in the divorce proceedings. I'm not certain how the recent events will affect proceedings, but I guess I will find out tommorrow. (And so will he when Kathrin loses the farm) Nick is still in Goulburn though his lawyers are still looking at ways of expanding Sabrina's charges, so far unsuccessfully.

Your music is lovely! (Actually the tunes ARE kinda interesting) It's made my day to finally hear your songs. Sabrina bought something called a USB stick, where you plug it into a computer and you can download (That's what Sabrina called it) your music onto it. Sabrina went to the library in Goulburn and downloaded your music onto a USB stick then played them back through her laptop.. It was truly a magical moment to hear your music flowing through the farmhouse. Sabrina has promised when she goes to Goulburn to report to the police that she will also pop into the local computer shop and pick up a laptop for me. I bought the computer (which obviously turned out to be not such a good thing), and Sabrina says I can get a very nice laptop with the money I paid for the computer, so I will give her some cash to get a replacement as soon as posiible so I can hear your music flowing through the farm again.

A ship hotel... Whatever will they think of next? It sounds wonderful and the thought of us together watching the sunset sounds like a dream. Hopefully one day it will be a reality.

Anyway, I had best go for now. All this mobile phone typing is hurting my fingers,

Yors in Poppers, (Now my standard bye bye signature)

Kathrin

His original email is below, unedited due to time constraints:

Sent: Sunday, 10 May, 2009 11:35:10 AM
Subject: real feelings

My Queen,

I decide that i write you again as soon as i had a dream.
its 2am here already and i just woke up from one one the most interesting dreams of my life.

i dreamt we were together in a ship hotel named (sunborn) hear in Nigeria. And we were so happy
i could even hear you say softly in my ear that this is all you wanted then i kissed your lips softly

and i also remember telling you in the dream that you brought sunshine into my life. it felt so real
and i woke up smiling only to realise it was a dream. a dream that will soon come through. i know,
i believe, because my feelings for you are so real.nothing or no one will ever take the space that i have created for you
in my heart. anytime time i think about you, it seems to me like i've met you before,
i feel like i've had this feelings before and it worked, just as this will work.

i look forward to the day we meet face to face.

hope you think of me as well. i get use to you everyday.
take care of your self.

kisses
Rum1

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:52 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition eleven) *POSSIBLY NSFW

So I finally got around to evicting her from the farm. I've also started to get dirty hence the NSFW warning:

My dearest Rum1,

Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong in a past life (Good question, being fictional and all. Do fictional people get reincarnated???)... So MANY things have gone wrong for me lately but this latest disaster really takes the cake (Until the next one of course).

In the Divorce hearing in Sydney on Monday, the Judge REVERSED his earlier decision after hearing about what Sabrina did to Yamil (the boyfriend. Nick finally told me his name, in mid gloat of course (IS there no END to Nick Nolte's meanness???)). I have been EVICTED from the farm. I have two weeks from the Monday just been to vacate the premises, to allow Nick and his boyfriend to move in. The thought of the two of them making love in the marital bed that I thought would be mine and Nick's forever, with Nick caressing Yamil's big black dick, coaxing all of that pearly white cum out of it with his mouth just makes me want to be ill. (I wanted to gross him out, and plan to add a few more of these type references as time goes by)

My lawyers are already appealing the decision, as I suspect Nick wants to sell the farm also. But until the proceedings begin (which could take months), I have no choice to leave my farm. There are so many memories in that farm though not all of them are good, as you are well aware. Priscilla is helping Sabrina look for properties to rent in Goulburn while I pack my belongings in preparation for putting at least some of them into storage. I would consider moving to the city, but Sabrina is only allowed to report to Goulburn police station (otherwise she is deemed a flight risk and will be placed back in Jail.). Her mother (my sister) has been quite ill of late and so Sabrina has been staying with me as a way of letting Helena (my sister) recuperate. (I plan to kill Helena off soon, any fun suggestions as to how?)

Oh dear Rum1, the only thing keeping me sane at the moment is your sweet music, which I have been listening to incessantly on the iPod bought for me by Sabrina as a thank you for my help in what she's been going through lately. I have been listening to your music constantly, wondering what a life without my problems would be like, having a unintended fiddle as I imagine the two of us together, as opposed to the soon to be homeless reality I now face.

yet again, I have to lie down and cry, (God, she's SUCH a whiny bitch, my long dead transexual housewife)

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:57 am

Tales from a depserate Housewife (Edition twelve)

So, I google one of the artists the Rumemeister has "worked on" (the Paulina Odura piece in case you're wondering) and there's a good chance it's 10 years old!!! Game ON Moles! He sends me this:

Sent: Friday, 15 May, 2009 4:58:13 PM
Subject: Re: Oh dear dear Kathrin

Good day my Queen,

How are you? hope you are doing good, havent read from you in a while so i was wondering
what could be wrong. (I've been celebrating my birthday, it's probably the only REAL thing I've told him so far )

how's your sister's health? (Since she's only there to do DIE, not too good I suspect). Sabrinas mom, how is Sabrina, and also priscilla? hope every
one is doing great. i really dont know what to think any more since i havent read from you.

i understand what you've been through lately (Actually you haven't a clue, a slight case of the sniffles ISN'T all that much to whinge about) and i dont intent to compound the problem
but instead i want to become part of the solution. you make me want to love again, knowing
youn has BROUGHT GREAT JOY TO MY LIFE and each time i think of you, i have this
believe that you and i are meant to be together my queen.

you just dont give up on me, as i wont give up on you also. my love and feelings for you is genuine
and i wont trade it for anything.

i'm so addicted to you and i always want to read from you. My queen please write me an email soon
telling me of your present condition and latest development. as it will give me a great pleasure to read from you.

Take care of your self my Queen.
Rum1.

So, since the Rumemeister seems to have IGNORED my sexual advances (What? you DON'T want to have a sex with a whinging whiny bitch???), I piss 'em off and I send the guy this, setting him up for the next installment of my soapie:

My dearest Rum1,

It has been a very tense time here in Yalbraith. Helena's illness continues to get worse, while Sabrina has become moodier and moodier, I suspect by the way she mutters under her breath that she blames Nick for my woes and I do worry she might take matters into her own hands. (Which of course she will, after I kill off her mother of course. As soon as I can find something REALLY dumb to die of. 60's sci fi schlock Star trek's "tribbles" could become contagious)

The girls did take me out for my birthday but with the eviction looming we didn't really have fun. We went to a restaurant in Goulburn with plans to spend the evening in Sydney but it didn't happen in the end. I just couldn't bring myself to party. I had so planned to sell the farm and use that money to be with you and now it looks like it won't happen. I had so many plans to spend with you my dear Rum1, to visit the paradise you describe Nigeria so vividly, and maybe even relocate. But with the farm yanked out from under me, I'm not certain what will happen. (Maybe I can work on the next Paulina Odura CD)

I play your music on this iPod thingy all the time to soothe my nerves, we decided to wait until we moved out before buying a laptop so there was less to carry to the new premises which we haven't actually found yet. Anyway I must go, I'm still using Sabrina's mobile phone to send emails and again it's not the most ergonomic phone I've ever used and it hurts my dainty little fingers to use it. I don't know how teenagers can spend all their time on these things,

yours,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:00 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Edition thirteen)

So the Rumemeister sends me three emails (without crap poetry, wowee), I reply to this one:

Sent: Saturday, 16 May, 2009 8:39:14 AM
Subject: thanks for your message

my Queen,

how are you? decide that i write you back as soon as i got your email.
how's your sister's health? hope she's doing ok. (Nope, she's about to have surgery to insert her head up her ass!!!)

i want you to see all these present circomstance as a stepping stone.
Is there a man on earth without a problem? a problem know is a problem solved.

now that you already know your problem, why dont you look for a way to have it solved
most times for a problem to be totally forgotten, it takes you leaving behind without sight for a while
those things that brings back sad memories.

i pray every day that, you'll find a happy time again and all that bothers your mind shall begin to make
you smile. it hurts me to know that i'm here enjoying and you're there passinng through difficult times.
i pray that one day we shall both be happy together.

i will find time to write you an email again soon, though i will be very busy tomorrow, but i'll still find
time to write to you.

Sweet Sweet Kisses
Rum1

I'm setting him up for the sister's death which will set off my fave psychotic niece:

My dearest Rum1,

I have to be quick. I am in a cyber cafe here at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney.

Helena's illness has taken a turn for the worse. She was admitted at 3am this morning to the Intensive Care Unit, where the doctor's have spent the last six hours performing a Cranial-Rectal Inversion. (I LOVE this, ah Google, is there anything you can't do???) It is a delicate operation, and can be deadly if perfomed improperly. She is suffering from an Infected Madagascar (Sounds painful, let's see if he twigs), it isn't a common disease but it is incredibly painful and 100% fatal. Helena has had the disease for three years now, but I've never seen her this bad.

Sabrina has been beside herself with worry about her mother, with all that's been going on in her young life, I've been wondering how she copes.

I miss you my dear Rum1, and I long for you to be with us in our time of need. Your beautiful music is playing in the iPod yet again, it soothes me so much.

Yours Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:02 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition fourteen) *Snuffed it edition

So I've been setting up the sister's death with a severe case of an Infected Madagascar ('cos we ALL know how painful it is to have your Madagascar infected), left it a few days and then sent this:

My dearest Rum1,

We always knew the surgery was a delicate procedure, but unfortunately it hasn't worked and Helena lost her fight against the deadly disease that is Infected Madagascar. Cranial Rectal Inversion Surgery was always a risky procedure and Helena passed away at 6.13am this morning. Sabrina has been in tears all day at the thought of losing her mother, and of course I have been in tears at the thought of losing my beloved sister.

We will head back to Goulburn in the morning to continue our search for somewhere new to live (we have until Monday week to vacate the farm), and Priscilla and I will begin to look for a funeral company in Sydney in the hoipes of burying Helena in the next few days. (Where the evil bastard that is Nick Nolte will do something extremely bad at the funeral, causing the next round of mayhem. You know you love it peoples!!!)

I will try to keep in touch, (Otherwise I won't have any more silliness to send on)

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:05 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition fifteen)

So I get a LOVELY reply from the Rumemeister:

Sent: Saturday, 16 May, 2009 8:39:14 AM
Subject: thanks for your message

my Queen,

how are you? decide that i write you back as soon as i got your email.
how's your sister's health? hope she's doing ok.

i want you to see all these present circomstance as a stepping stone.
Is there a man on earth without a problem? a problem know is a problem solved.

now that you already know your problem, why dont you look for a way to have it solved
most times for a problem to be totally forgotten, it takes you leaving behind without sight for a while
those things that brings back sad memories.

i pray every day that, you'll find a happy time again and all that bothers your mind shall begin to make
you smile. it hurts me to know that i'm here enjoying and you're there passinng through difficult times..
i pray that one day we shall both be happy together..

i will find time to write you an email again soon, though i will be very busy tomorrow, but i'll still find
time to write to you.

Sweet Sweet Kisses
Rum1

So I send him a brief note, setting up the next round of mayhem, where Sabrina gets rearrested:

My dearest Rum1,

I have to be quick, I am in an internet cafe in Goulburn, getting ready for Helena's burial tomorrow morning. Sabrina is very sullen, her mother's death has affected her badly. (even more so when the villainous Nick Nolte tries to bring boyfriend to the funeral)

We are still looking for somewhere to live, and Nick has been sending me abusive emails, taunting me about him getting the farm. He and his boyfriend are planning to move into the farm as soon as I move out, which depresses me to hear.

The ipod has broken, though sabrina has promised to buy me a replacement, though I will need some more of your amazing tunes. I look forward to hearing your amazing work. (That you've STOLEN from some real musician)

yours,

Kathrin.

Sent: Sunday, 24 May, 2009 3:13:27 PM
Subject: i miss you.

My damzel,
how are you? how is things going on with you. did you get to bury your sister?
how's Sabrinas health? i hope she's responding back from the sudden shock faced by her lately. are you at Goulburn already?
have you gotten a new place for your self? baby i havent reaaly been happy since all these began to happen.

i was on my way to work, decide that i drop you with this note. i know you will be busy now, but please do find
little time to write me an email soon. i long to read from you my Queen.

Kisses
Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:08 am

Quote:

the thought of being with you has crowded my mentality.

Now that is a sig line!

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:09 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition sixteen)

So, we're setting the Rumemeister up for today's shenanigans. A quick Google has shown there ISN'T a cemetary in Goulburn. So I grab some photos of Berrima cemetary using google maps and send them on, claiming I've used sabrina's cellphone to take them. Of course there won't be any pics when bastard husband Nick Nolte tries to bring boyfriend to the funeral...

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Monday, 25 May, 2009 10:09:17 AM
Subject: Re: am lost without you.

My dearest Rum1,

I have taken some photos of where we are here in Berrima cemetary using Sabrina's phone. I personally would not like to buried here, as it seems so lonely, so far away, but Helena asked to be here, she even wrote about it in her will. The crowd is starting to arrive now and we are expecting a large turnout, at least the weather is nice, it has been flooding a few hours north of here.

Yours only,

Kathrin

Sent: Monday, 25 May, 2009 9:57:25 AM
Subject: am lost without you.

hello my Angel,

how are you? thank you so much for finding time to write to me, no matter how quick the note may seem,
at least you still figured out time out of your busy and disturbing schedule to write to me. i feel so honoured my queen.

how's Sabrina? i am not so happy about her mood lately although i cant see her, but at least i can imagine how shw feels.
i pray the funural goes smoothly and the worried of your lost, dissappear permanently.

sorry about your ipod that got broken, you just let me know when you get a replacement ok? i will send the beats songs to you again.
and about Nick, i will advice you stop reading any mails from him, because his plan is to turn you into an emmotional wreck. just ignore
him and try to move on with like ok? because he's just a looser and he does'nt matter to you anymore..

oh my Queen, i really miss you, and i pray you get out of this mess soon because, i just can not wait to kiss you and make love to you all day.
thoughts of you gladdens my heart. take care of your pretty self and my regards to Priscilla & Sabrina. i love you guys.

kisses from your baby
Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:11 am

@ Devil woman,

My how right you are!!! I'll change it IMMEDIATELY

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:14 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition seventeen)

And the fun begins. I sent him a "Newspaper article" from a website with a fake newspaper generator article. And have downloaded some water protest arrest photos from the area, and sent him pics of some bogans. I can't wait to see what he thinks...
Smile

----- Forwarded Message ----

Sent: Monday, 25 May, 2009 11:23:56 AM
Subject: Re: am lost without you.

I have to go, something very bad's happened.

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:17 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition eighteen)

So, here we go.

I have sent the Rumemeister the fake newspaper and a picture of some bogans getting arrested I found on google. And while it's often suggested that we not use innocent third parties in our baiting (partly because they are innocent, and partly because scammers often use the photos to scam others), I have my doubts that THESE bogans will ever be used again...

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, 26 May, 2009 10:29:38 AM
Subject: Re: am lost without you.

My dearest Rum1,

The last 24 hours have been the longest in my life. Sabrina and Priscilla have become celebrities here in Goulburn, but for the wrong reasons. Nick tried to bring his boyfriend to the funeral (to be fair, Nick and Helena had known each other for a long time, many years in fact) (well that, and I needed an excuse for sabrina to go psycho). Sabrina became enraged and beat him AND the boyfriend up before police came and arrested both Sabrina and Priscilla (I am loathed to do this, but I believe in honesty and have enclosed a picture taken by the local newspaper for you to look at) (Actually I enclosed the pics as a way of making my character more believeable, and because I've always wanted to use the fake newspaper generator. Incidentally I have just noticed that the Rumemeister was online, I can't wait to see what he responds to THIS one). Because Sabrina has breached the restraining order, I have LOST the bond ($40,000) and Sabrina is back in jail. (Psychotic bitch! Can't wait for her to ESCAPE from jail, and demand that Kathrin put her up in the new home)

I was to finalise a rental agreement today, but because of the notoriety, I have also lost the option to rent that property, as the owner believes that I will cause violence even though I am NOT violent by nature at all, and am too queasy to lash out at people. I have until next Monday to find somewhere else, without the aid of my niece and friend.

Oh dear Rum1, I am beside myself with grief over this, and spent last night praying and crying over this matter (Thus setting her up for the next stage of antics, where Kathrin converts to $cientology). I have managed to put up the bail for Priscilla, but Sabrina has been remanded in custody due to her breaching her bail conditions until a new court date later this week. Nick is back at Goulburn Base Hospital with his boyfriend and I have NEVER seen sabrina so violent, so angry. I knew she had a temper, but this is a side of her I have not seen until recently. (But I GUARANTEE we'll see more of)
I will keep you posted on new developments.

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:21 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition nineteen)

So the Rumemeister sends this. It only took 90 minutes. LOVE the bit where he points out that it may not be what I want to hear, but he's chosen his side and it isn't MINE! For a scamming piece of shit he's surprisingly opinionated:

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, 26 May, 2009 11:39:48 AM
Subject: Re: am lost without you.

Oh my Queen,
i feel so sorry for you (I don't, she's a whinging BITCH!). that things are just compounding as each day passes. sorry i have to say this, but i'm beginning to think that the government in that country are doing a bit of injustice (I KNEW it, it's all Kevin Rudd's fault, FUCKER!). i thought that Sabrina should be some miles away from Nick. (They're a lot closer than he thinks, my head's only about 20cms wide, I have a BIG head)
and now its her mothers funeral, which she has every rights to be there. should'nt Nick stay away? now i will say he got what he deserved, and sabrina should not be found guilty at all, because it seems like Nick only came there to ridicle her. (Take THAT Nick Nolte! Kapow!!!)

what i understand here in my country is that, once you are given a restricting other not to go nearer to a person, the person also must be given a restricting order not to come nearer to you. now Nick is the one who should have stayed away from her. not Sabrinas fault at all, guess she was still berieved over her mothers sudden death, and also the mere thoughs of thinking about your present status, leaded to the increase of her anger and she needed at that time to pour it out unfortunately it was on Nick.

sorry, if my words are not what you expect to hear (I'm flabbergasted to be honest, but hey, it's pure fucking GOLD!), but its the truth. Sabrina has done nothing wrong to me.
oh, i feel so sorry for her, i pray the jury finds her not guilty and set her free (Not after she breaks out of jail they won't). Just keep on praying my queen, and i will also remember you in my prayers that God should put a stop to all these traumer.

Take care of your self my queen and be good okay! make God give you the appetite to eat, drink, and digest well so you can remain in perfect health condition for me. ok baby! (If ONLY he knew his baby, was a BALD middle aged arsehole...)
i will be waiting to read from you soon again, on any developments. i love you.
Kisses
Rum1.

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:25 am

Tales from a desperate Housewife (Edition twenty)

So, today is setting up the Rumemeister for her conversion to $cientology He sends me this:

Sent: Wednesday, 27 May, 2009 10:35:20 AM
Subject: how are you?

Hello my queen,

How are you? hope you are finally putting your self together. how's Sabrina? have you found time to vist her (Ooooh, maybe I should visit her at Goulburn Gaol, it's a MALE ONLY Maximum Security Prison, so lots of hot soapy action to be had), or did they place her
on bail untill the trial day in court? i hope you all are ok. i really cant wait for all of us to be together, i picture you and me together
always, (If ONLY you knew that I am a bald middle aged arrogant shit)

have you gotten another apartment? (She'll find another apartment, but won't be able to get her stuff out in time, setting up a whole new twist suggested by a friend) you know, i should be the one going through all these trouble for you. (You ARE, you just don't know it)
i know you are a strong and courageous woman, so do not allow this present worries make you feel depressed, because in every thing there is
a season.

your time of abundant laughter shall soon prevail (Hopefully that time has arrived for the ever growing mailing list) and you will smile joyfully again. this time, you shall be happy your entire life.
regards to Priscilla and Sabrina.
KissesRum1.

So, I send this back:

----- Forwarded Message ----
Sent: Wednesday, 27 May, 2009 12:32:55 PM
Subject: Re: how are you?

My dearest Rum1,

It has been a long day. I have sitting outside this damn court now since 8am, and Sabrina still hasn't been seen. (But only 'cos she's fictional, I understand Goulburn Gaol is quite efficient normally, it's where they keep Ivan Milat after all)

Priscilla is inspecting properties while on bail, as my name seems to inspirte fear amongst real estate agents. she says she likes the look of two properties and we'll go have a look after the court case.

I have also been givne a very helpful book while I was here and the nice gentlemen have even offered to give me a FREE personality test (UH OH, $cilon alert!!!!!!!) to help me through my woes. When I'm not using Sabrina's phone, I'll email you more information about it. Anyway, I have to go, they've just called sabrina's name. (Actually I'm in the school library) My thoughts are with you always my dearest rum1

Yours in poppers,

Kathrin

Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:27 am

Tales from a desperate housewife (Edition 21)

Well HERE'S a twist I wasn't counting on... I accidentally sent the last message to a PREVIOUS SCAMMER!!! Let's see what comes of THAT!
I think I'd better edit the contact list. OOOPS!

(NOTHING came out of that btw)

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