My One time stroke of genius

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 22 Jul 2009 Posts: 1

I engaged one of the african scammers and had a few back and forth emails. my responses were pretty classic. i posted it for the world to see. There are a few american movie references so it may not be as funny since you may miss the context. enjoy:

The Emails:

My email (note the gmail account i created):
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Sid Viciously Delicious <[email protected]>
Date: Jun 12, 2008 11:30 AM
Subject: Wire Transfer
To: [email protected]

Dr. Mabuza,

Your name came to me via a Mr. John Sefchick Esquire the 5th. We are very interested inyour situation. I have always felt that one good deed deserves another. I would like to know how I can be of assistance in your financial endeavors. Please reply and I will happily provide you with any bank, personal, and/or venereal information you may need from me.

Also, as a small favor to me would you be able to help diagnose an issue i am having? There is a growth I would to describe to you but want to be sure you are comfortable reading. It is very abnormal and I have not been able to remove all the peanut butter to see the rest of it. I have also not been able to catch the dog that gave it to me.

Regards,
Mr. Kaneener
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------his response:
Hello,

I really appreciate your warm respond towards my proposal.I want to assure you that the transaction is risk free and i will be sending a copy of my inter national passport for you to know who you are dealing with in this transaction.The fund we are talking about is gotten from an over invoice contract payment the original contractor have being fully paid leaving behind the over invoice fund.we need you to front as a beneficiary of this fund we are going to Register you here as a foreign contract i will also get a letter from my department transferring the right and privileged of the former contractor to you which i will take to the ministry of justice to authenticate I will also get a letter of approval of payment from the finance department which i will use to apply to the payment body.

The payment body will now call you for your account information where the money will be wired into.I am from South Africa,I work in the department of Mineral and Energy as a project manager.I am going to invest my own share of the money in your country.If you agree to assist us we have slot out 30% for you 30% for me,30% for my chairperson and 10% for taxes and miscellaneous expenses. you can give the payment body whatever account you desire.I want to assure you that we have collected a loan from the bank to cover all cost.what we need from you is your seriousness and dedication in this our greet transaction.

We are still in active government service we do not want any form of exposure on no account must you discuss this transaction with any body.Please kindly send me your private Telephone number to enable me give you verbal clarification on how this transaction is going to be carried out.In a transaction of this magnitude communication is very important. Once again i really appreciate your warm respond towards my proposal.

Thank you and God bless you.

David Mabuza (Dr).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my response:
Hello Dr. Mabuza,Your confidence in this proposal has strengthened my confidence and I have decided to prioritize this project of yours in front of my current projects which include my unicorn farm and the cabbage patch kids adoption agency.

I agree that it is important that our dealings be kept confidential. Just as you are a Civil Servant in your country, I too feel that it would be best that this business of ours be kept entirely separate from my primary source of income which is my Street Corner Pharmaceutical Business. Some would think that my passion for alternative toxic herbal medicine and my propensity to acquire unregistered self defense firearms could be seen as a conflict of interest but I promise you those people were quickly reassured by my Cement Shoes Salesmen. My previous experience as a professional ejaculation receptacle has provided me with the intestinal fortitude to know a good business from a bad John.

I have very little experience in international business so please understand that I will need your assistance in every step of this process. South Africa to me is as foreign to me as consentual coitus so please be patient. Could you please expand a little bit more about your professional background and qualifications? As a graduate of the Ghenghis Kahn school of business I know that healthy professional relationships are the corner stone to any successful venture.I think the monetary percentages you proposed are fair. To be certain, I have hired an accountant to review your proposal before we proceed. He is a very talented Hebra-lite whom I have known for a very long time and is not afraid to stick his giant nose where it needs to be. In all my money affairs he has been correct. In spite of not being correct about Jesus. When Mr. Heebee confirms your offer as legitimate, we can proceed.

In preparation, lets begin by discussing bank accounts. What is the name of the Bank initiating the transfer from your country? I will need their info so that I can communicate that to my Banking Establishment. Please let it be known that my Bank requires your bank to be compliant with the United Nations International Wire Transfer Code of 1929. It clearly states that all foreign transactions be implemented in binary hexadecmial notation. Can you comply with that?

Awaiting your response,
Dr. Kaneener
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His reponse:
From: David Mabuza (Dr)Address: Suite #206B Pritchard Street, North Riding, Johannesburg, South AfricaPhone: + 27 78 315 1466Fax: +27 11 507 6440

Hello Kaneener,

Compliment of the season and thank you very much for your response.My private Telephone and fax number is stated above.

I am the Director of Project Management in the Department of Minerals and Energy, Pretoria, South Africa. Before I go ahead to explain this transaction, it is necessary that you know that due to the nature of the transaction, it will be wise for us to always communicate telephonically; this will enhance adherence to laid-down modalities. In awarding a contract to the original contractor, we asked that the contract sum be over-invoiced as compensation to us. This was done, resulting in an over-invoiced sum we wish to transfer overseas. For us to be able to claim this over-invoiced sum, it was signed over as a sub contractor's contractual fees. The main contractor (Q & D Engineering) has been paid his actual amount (US$53.35m) remaining the over-invoiced (margin) sum of US$17.5m that was sub contracted to us. The sub contractor will now put a claim for the over-invoiced sum asking that this sum be paid to him overseas since he is a foreign contractor that has since completed the work and gone back overseas. We have perfected a means of getting the funds out of our country but we need someone to pose as the beneficiary overseas. That person will be you. We are doing this because as civil servants we cannot open or operate foreign accounts and our movement is restricted, owing to the South African Civil Service Code of Conduct. 1. We shall require you to provide full name/company name, address, private telephone and fax numbers to enable us make application to various Ministries. 2. We shall also Register and Incorporate your name/company name under the Department of Minerals and Energy and Ministry of Trade and Industry respectively. A subsequent power of attorney and a sworn affidavit will also be obtained from the Ministry of Justice and Constitutional Development here in my country. 3. When the Finance Ministry approves, they will then instruct the Apex bank to pay you the total sum $17.5million US. At this stage, the Finance Ministry or related bodies will contact you; do well to liase with me before you take any action so as to avoid making costly mistakes. We cannot afford errors in this transaction. 4. We budgeted some amount of money to see us through to the end of the transaction. All we need is for you to act as the beneficiary of the part contract payment. 5. We shall also pay back-tax (Company Income Tax) to span the period 2004 up till date. This will give (the name we shall use) a tax clearance showing that for at least three years, you have been doing business in the country and paid Income tax during those years. So, forward the information requested accurately. We need to make the application soon so that in a matter of days (considering the holiday period), we would have been through with this transaction. However, do ensure that the information you provide is accurate because once we apply, they will approve and pay with the details provided.

To finally legalize this transaction, we shall obtain a Vetting Approval otherwise called Letter of Legality from the Ministry of Justice and Constitutional Development here in my country. This document will authenticate the source of the money as genuine contract funds and it shall accompany the transfer of the money simultaneously into your account. Please endeavor to keep the high level of confidentiality because we are still in active government service here. Do not discuss this transaction with anybody at the moment because they might ask you questions you can’t answer for now. Hence, you must keep the information we give secret. Your commission shall be 30% after a 10% of $17.5M has been deducted and used in settling incidental expenses incurred before/during transaction. I await your response soon.

Please get back to me with the above details urgently and call me forverbal clarification on my number: + 27 78 315 1466.Warmest regards, David Mabuza (Dr)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My response to him:
Hello Dr. Mabuza,

Thank you for your prompt response. However in the time since my last correspondence to you, I have also explored several other financial ventures that appear to be very promising. Thus I will consider what you are asking of me but I believe in the most extreme levels of honesty in all my business relationships dont you agree?

I was recently introduced to a gentleman who is in a biomedical genetics engineering business startup and he has presented me with a proposition that I am very much considering. He has currently excavated and collected the DNA of several fossils from the jurassic era. He believes that with the proper funding, he can infuse modern day reptilian DNA from masturbated frogs and generate living life forms from the past. Whats more exciting is that this wonderful man wants to construct a nature sanctuary where he will house these cloned blood thirsty animals and put them on display as a family tourists attraction. If I become one of the major contributors he has even promised me the first jeep ride through the island on his lap. doesnt that sound like a great idea? He intends on calling the island "Dr. Moreau's Jurassic Wacky Wild Kool Aid Style Collection of Scaley Giant Lizards in the Park" I think he should shorten that name. What do you think?

He assures me there is a lot of money to be made in the natural tourism business. I told him about your proposition to me and wanted to know if you would be accepting of transferring the money to a bank account already established to the building of this park? I already have more than enough money in my personal bank accountsto support my living needs such as my dodo bird feather fetish and placenta fruit shakes so really what i am interested in is making very large amounts of money.

I do have a few questions before considering your proposition. The contractor that will be transferring the surplus money to my Bank Account, what is his nationality? Is he of a trustworth demeanor? I am concerned because if he is an international contractor he may not fulfill his obligation to transfer the money. Like the Carnival Gypsy who once told me that if I could run through a cornfield backwards in the nude he'd reward me with very fertile beans. Not only did the beans turn out to be plastic anal beads but the sores I endured from running in that cornfield made it very difficult for the gypsy to serve me my tossed salad. So if you would please assure me that the business partner is of a respectable character we can proceed with the information you have requested.

Awaiting your answers.

Yours truly,
Dr. Kaneneer M.D.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He never wrote back...
I posted this conversation on a blog:
http://onetimefunny.blogspot.com/

Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:54 pm

Hi seymour and welcome to Eater!

You definitely have some interesting ideas in your emails. I am certain that you could definitely get an interesting baiting going with those themes. However, your biggest problem is you did too much, too soon. Your lad never got off script. He probably didn't even do more than glance at your replies. Or if he took a look, he probably thought it was too much work to deal with you. Anything more than a few simple sentences initially is really a waste of your time. I know the 'I am interested, please tell me more.' sounds a bit boring, but until your lad is well off script, it is just a waste.

Read some stickies, sign up for a mentor, and put that great imagination to good use!

Oh and you might be interested in this: Since you used your baiter email name as your user name here on Eater, google will bust you as a baiter here on Eater: Clicky A mod can change your Eater name very easily. Just send them a PM. Very Happy

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