Help me come up with the worst television show possible

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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:45 pm

A lad I'm currently baiting is going to write a script for me, for the second episode of a network television show, because I apparently manage a large writer's guild. So, if you can, help me dream up the most insanely stupid television show. It needs absurd characters or it needs to be so over the top it's bizarre. Ideally, it should also have an incredibly complicated backstory that he will need to read through several times to connect together. It should be ripe for confusion so I can slap him for characters saying the wrong thing.
I'd like to start with a vote for the genre, then we can hone in. Put your ideas below!

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 3:39 pm

I vote comedy, then we can really get an idea of the average lads sense of humour! He should write all of the jokes/puns

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 3:54 pm

I'd go political for complexity but I think you should choose something that will catch the Lad's excitement and a CSI type format would be good where you could torment the Lad over technicalities.

Storylines like the homicidal gerbil that caught rabies and went on a killing spree and get him to work out a plot where they hunt and track it down based on paw prints and DNA from its spit. Include its breeding habits too by maybe using a dummy to lue it into a trap.

This suggestion is copywright in case CSI want to take it up. Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:42 pm

Disney has begun developing it's latest animated television series and needs all kinds of new and crazy cartoon characters from the most imaginative writer in your guild. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

I say crime, because he has to follow complex characters that are totally alien to him - unlike fantasy or comedy, where he can do what he wants.

How about an episode where the criminal is traced from an email. He thinks he is anonymous, but using all these great tracing technologies, which you assure the lad are really real, but are as far from reality as we can make them, he is tracked down and apprehended. Not only do we get to screw him around and slap him to death for getting the characters all wrong, we also de-educate him on safe scamming techiques.

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:09 pm

Sitcom definitely. Some of the worst programming on-air falls under that category. The tricky part is the central premise. How about redneck guy/coloured paraplegic woman roomies jonesing after same bi-curious woman. Add a talking dog and lecherous landlord and hilarity ensues.

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:45 pm

I vote for comedy sitcom. After seeing the'Dead Parrot sketch' on the main site, it doesn't get much better than that.
Good luck..! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 6:53 pm

Drag queen detective squad

'Buddy you're arrested for snatching that purse, and Honey...you should go to jail for carrying that bag while wearing those shoes...tsk...tsk...tsk.'

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:29 pm

Reality TV....The new post divorce spinoff series of Jon and Kate Make 8, called Jon and 8 Kill Kate.

The real reason for the divorce was Kate having an affair with Matt, the father in that other reality series called Little People, Big World.

Jon and the twins, who are now 10 and well above the age of reason conspire to kill Kate since she's trying to cut off their television royalties. It has to look like an accident, but everything they try always backfires.

Matt's wife wants Kate dead too and has her own clever and uniqe ideas about the way she oughta be disposed of.

BTW, I never liked her controlling and bossy behavior towards Jon and the kids in the show, so if your lad wanted to write me into the script, I'd be willing to help all of 'em get rid of her Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:46 pm

i didn't understand your poll - only 'lost' is a really bad show.
just get them to script a sequel/prequel for that.

no wait, you don't want something better than the original - i'll keep thinking...

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:28 pm

Crime, crime, crime - can we get him on the subject of 419 and having to give a moral message about how stealing is wrong and all scammers are evil?

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:55 am

Clancy and Buttercup.

Due to an administrative error at headquarters tough New York cop Clancy is allocated Buttercup, a Jersey Shorthorn Cow, as his new partner.

Action!
Adventure!
Romance!

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:07 am

Sitcom set in post-apocalyptic Nigeria where the internet no longer exists.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:22 am

How about an original comedy sketch.

You could start by describing the opening scene. and see where the Lad goes with it from then.

Maybe start with something like this :-

Quote:

A man walks into a pet shop to register a complaint about a parrot he has just purchased. The parrot is dead.

The shopkeeper is preparing to close the pet shop for lunch.

Despite being told that the bird is deceased and that it had been nailed to its perch, the shopkeeper insists that it is "pining for the fjords" or simply "stunned"

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 19 Jul 2009 Posts: 13

How bout mixed genres? I agree with Comedy and Crime, because hes a criminal and a joke lol ^-^ Go for it dude best of luck

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:30 am

I'd like to see a Lad continue this story (originally from At Last The 1948 Show):

Quote:

Winsome state-registered nurse Otto von Nail Scissors, whilst on a midget-spotting holiday in Sardinia, meets the sinister stoat-heiress Andromeda Manby Fluteswallower posing as a dilettante Archbishop and Y.W.C.A. Butterfly champion.
Otto’s swarthy cousin bread pudding farmer Milton Stagbottler and his wife Air Marshall Sir Abdul Buglepellet nee Reg Pubes the international piano wrestler and one time personal pig sticker to Donald Peers, are lured into the all-night goat wash and Electric Turkish Bath in the Edgeware Road where Grummitt, Strimbongler, Rawicz and Landauer, and the full west-end cast of the Desert Song are lying in wait for them
disguised as a/ typewriter.
Meanwhile in a Chilean slaughterhouse half way up the Eiffel Tower...

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:35 pm

I think drama, but it the star should be a goat, a goat with psychic abilities, able to read minds and create force fields, breathe fire. Stuff like that.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 May 2009 Posts: 62

r2d2 wrote:

i didn't understand your poll - only 'lost' is a really bad show.
just get them to script a sequel/prequel for that.

no wait, you don't want something better than the original - i'll keep thinking...

I think he was just giving examples of each genre.

Reality TV sucks so go with that. They did a Bachelorette in Brazil once where the big surprise at the end was the Bachlelorette was a guy. Very sick and disturbing.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:36 pm

So I decided to let him get a small choice in genre, he gets to choose comedy or drama (which one he's best at). If it's drama, I'll give him a plot and he has to work out all the action and dialog. If it's comedy, I'll give him either a plot for a sitcom or a sketch for him to fill in. This should be fun.

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:37 am

Hey, I have a plot he could use!

http://www.linkedin.com/in/onyemaemmanuel

Quote:

Jones enjoy golf playing, hoping to be a professional golfer like Tiger Woods. Professional golfers play in golf field, ours play at home. No fucking son of a bitch will accept correction. The pride of what is yet to be is a destroyer.
It is traumatic to live with nutty breed of human, all in the name of family-hood. The traumatic experience of Ray over being alienated in the family of five (5) and his emotional disgust over his parents good moral negligence.
His erratic brother Jones gave him a blood bath, living his life-less body after which he was in oblivious state. Ray is cast away and also an object of mimic.
Hilda gave Ray a taste of love life which has been missing for years. Cassandra my sister is no different from my mum Vera.
Jones finally golfed out daddy;s ''Kenny'' breath, as he was left to his pool of blood. Jones life turn sour of no savvy as he committed suicide. Those that bury mines indiscriminately will one day fall victim to mine explosion.

It can't miss! Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:20 am

Crime.. The lads arent smart. Let him be ridiculous.

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:17 am

White House, a script about how he thinks a black part Kenyan president would act and make decisions, throw in a visit to Ojiwa Shrine etc
witchcraft on the White House lawn, goats in the Oval Office

Or a remake of Soap, the closest series I've ever seen to real life

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:47 am

Actually, if you want something complicated to confuse the lad why not a soap opera like days of our lives, coronotion st etc. Most soap operas are slow as with their plots, but if you ever have been sucked into one, all of the characters have been divorced, married etc to each other - great for confusing the lad. If you got your scriptwriting lad to speed up the plot tenfold, you'd be laughing.

Sketch comedy would be good too, but i reckon for this one the eater community should nominate the sketch theme. Nominated themes should be as absurd as possible, similar but not the same as the scenes we all now and love i.e. lion slapping dance instead of the fish slapping dance.

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