Still in negotiations for Angola (update page 12)

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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:37 pm

This is my first safari, so I am pretty happy about it. The lad is Michael James, AKA Mary Raynce, AKA Kenneth Nwoke. He has been through hell in the last year and I hope I can help to make it a little worse for him.

Pastor Frank found a real treasure when he hooked this lad and he was kind enough to share him with me. I would like to give very special thanks to Dramaqueen and DoraTheExplorer for taking/making phone calls to help me sell it to the lad.

I am posting his picture again because if he finds himself with Google at this point, it really doesn't matter. He is now strandared according to his last email.

***NOTE*** Strandared is not to be confused with stredded, which is much, much worse than being simply strandared. Laughing

Michael James

Caress Bolloks

Long story short, Carress Bolloks, estranged wife of Father Daug Bolloks (of The Holy Church Of The Eaten Fish) has been having an internet romance with dear Michael. She left Father Daug, cleaned out his bank account to the tune of $1.5m USD and left for Nigeria on a private jet to be with Michael. As usually happens, there were complications. The jet got struck by lightning and was forced to make an emergency landing in Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire. She has tried repeatedly to send Michael some of the money that she was traveling with ($200k USD) but every time she sends it, some bastard chops the dollar.

Caress is scared out of her wits and refuses to set foot outside the US Embassy in Abidjan until Michael can come to her rescue. Things have been a little bit iffy over the past week, but Michael finally grew a pair of testicles and is en route as I type.

Here are a few emails that we have exchanged in the past week.

Michael James wrote:

Dearest Caress,
How do i leave you there,you saw my picture and it attracted you to contact me and be with me,what cause this delaynce is someone spied the account.,however i will be coming there,do you what you will is send 500$ to support my transportation,i can`t get direct to there,i wil get motor to Ghana from Ghana to ivor-cost,so do not worry of been with me, i will make sure that i get down to Nigeria.What is holding me coming is funds,if you know hom much you can send to me send it quickly so that i will be there sunday or monday,i missed you so much,i never knew you are close to my country Nigeria,i am so sorry for incidence which occured in process of tring to get intouch with me,again you serious warned do not email to [email protected],someone spied it,is what kept you in that mood,i should have come and get you down to Nigeria for long.Tell the Embassy to officials get local phone number i can reach when i arrive there,do not go anywhere i am coming there,i dont you to keep in suspense,because i am thinking of you day and night since i heared that you are there accidentally.

Caress Bolloks wrote:

Michael,

I will try to get a number for you that works here, but for now, they said that their phones are all designated for the Embassy business. I really don't want to trouble them too much because they are not really supposed to even let me stay here. They said that if you don't get here by Monday morning I will have to leave. I don't want to be all alone here Michael. I am scared to even go outside of the Embassy gates by myself. Please hurry and come get me. What happened to the $2000 that I already sent you? I didn't mind giving you the money, but you have to come get me, please!

Please don't leave me here all alone!

I love you,

Caress

Michael called Dramaqueen after receiving that email and was upset/excited and talking very loud, DramaQueen broke into a fit of tears and then they lost the connetion. Twisted Evil

So I sent Michael this little gem and decided to give him the silent treatment until I got my way.

Caress Bolloks wrote:

Michael,

I love you so much and all I ever wanted, from the first time I saw your picture was to be with you. I have done everything that I know how to do to get to you and I have given up everything, my house, my car, my life in the church, and almost all of Daug's money, I did take half of that and then brought some traveling money. How can you yell at me like that? I am scared to fly an more after the plane trip here. I told you about that and you said you would come get me. I sent the money like you said and now you say you didn't get it. I tried to get there by myself, but the driver that I hired took the money and never came back. Through all of this hardship and trouble, the only thing I have wanted is to be with you and you act like are mad at me. I don't know how women are treated over here in Africa, but you said that you would treat me like a princess. How can you say that and then talk to me like you just did?

I can barely type because I am crying so much. I though you were going to make me happy, but I have been sad every since I got here. I still love you and I want to be with you, but you are acting like a child and not like a man. I NEED A MAN!!! I need someone who can take care of me and protect me from all of the bad things that have been happening. And now I am feeling sick, probably because of the food and water here and I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!

If you can not at least be man enough to come get me, then at least be man enough to tell me that you are not coming. PLEASE COME GET ME!!!!

Caress

Michael James wrote:

Honey,

Please send the 500.
let support for my transport to ivor cost
please calm down.i will come and get you out.

Michael

Michael James wrote:

Dearest Caress

Cool down i am coming,but support me,some changed my password,
i could not access my email account,i was surprise to hear that you sent
2000 dollars to me housetly,i was not the one you sent the funds to.

But i will try to get there.

Michael

Michael James wrote:

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Date: Sat, 18 Jul 2009 13:58:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: Michael James <>
Subject: MICHAEL
To: Caress Bolloks <>
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caress,

I will becoming tomorrow,i will frist brance at GHANA from to ABJIAN
If i get to GHANA i will email you or call you on phone to note you.

Please bear with me.

MICHAEL

Caress Bolloks wrote:

Michael my love,

I knew that you would not leave me here all alone. I have been a little sick all of yesterday and most of today, but now I am feeling much better. I could not sleep so I came down here to the computer room to check and see if you had written. I am so happy that you did write. Michael, thank you for not abandoning me. I really need to know that you will never treat me badly and that you will love me always, I can not wait for you to hold me in your strong arms and kiss me softly and tell me that everything will be alright.

I will see you soon my dear love. Please email me along the way to let me know when you will be here. I love you with all my heart Michael and I will see you soon.

I am going to go down to the kitchen and see if there is any orange juice, I am really thirsty. I am also very happy that I am feeling much better now. I was worried that I would not be able to please you sexually when you got here, because of me feeling sick, but I think I will be feeling good enough for a little fun time.

Love,

Caress

Quote:

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From: Michael James <xxxxx>
Subject: MICHAEL
To: Caress Bolloks <xxxxx>
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Dearest Caress,

How you over there,i am now at Accra Ghana,
i am shortage of cash to get to Abijan tomorrow morning,i was fined 50.000cd of Ghana currency at boundary because of the mistakes of cyclist who wanted to cross me at boundary ,so if you can be of help send even though 10$ to complete my mission,i have strive very hard to ensure that i please you,for me i dont know where to sleep in Ghana,i have not been to Ghana before just because of you, so please do this for me,i can`t be in Ghana,i dont know anybody there,is so shameful to ask you to send me such little funds,i made effort,but undesirable expense took off my money,so please try to send the 10 $ so that i will get to Abijan tomorrow morning.

Please do not keep me strandared in Ghana.

Michael

OOPS! Looks like someone didn't plan ahead very well. Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

Congratulations on the safari, dear mentor. Very Happy

your lad wrote:

was fined 50.000cd of Ghana currency at boundary because of the mistakes of cyclist who wanted to cross me at boundary

It's a shame that he hasn't read of the dangers of crossing a cyclist. I've seen the warnings publicized world wide. Laughing

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:51 pm

Nice work Jose and Co! Thumbs up

Stranded. I hope we can add "doesn't speak French either" to that list. Laughing

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:51 pm

I thought he was taking a bus but now I have a mental picture of my lad attempting to get from Lagos to Abidjan riding on the back of a motorcycle.

Laughing

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:56 pm

Beautiful Jose Smile

He will remember you till he dies... or at least as long as he can see his arm Very Happy

Guy's gonna stay in Ghana for a while. When lads beg you for $10 you know he's suffering. Laughing

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:10 am

Good work, Jose & all that helped. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Brilliant! Michael is the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:39 am

Michael is almost half way there so I don't want him to get too discouraged.

a very drunk Caress wrote:

Dearst Michael,

I am so rry to heaar about hte trobles that you had there today I am going to make sure that I sends you whaterver you neeed as far as ther money that you need donte worry abouter a thingd. Iwill srend it firetst thiung in the meorjning. Foofgiver my typings rightr now because i am a little driunk. I had as little too much wine to drink tonbighrt5 at dinner. There is a womnban from ther Italian Embassy she worksd there with the Embassy for Italy that I met trhe other day naad her name is Alotta Fagina. SHe hags been my on;y7 freinde here since aI got here and we went out to Dinner to gewther tonight and then we went drank about 4 bottler of wines so I am a little drunk buit I will go in the moerning first thinga and send you $2000 dollaers. I habve to go to sleep now sweetie, i love you som much Ilove you i love you i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kisses!!!!!!!

CAress

As wrecked as she is, I doubt she'll remember that he sent the email, much less be able to get the WU right with the hangover that is sure to follow. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:53 am

This is awesome.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:22 am

BRAVO! This is a thing of beauty. Begging for $10 while he's strandered, with a drunken/hungover girlfriend he has a deadline to rescue. What's not to love? Very Happy

Master Baiter Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 192

Two thumbs up. Loving it.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:50 am

Sweet!

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Awesome work, Jose! Thumbs up

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:27 am

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:44 am

Top baiting all round!

His fine of 50 Cedis is around $35 which is probably a fair amount of money in ladland Smile

Congratulations on your pith!

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:07 am

Great work, Jose. clapping

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:38 am

a year well spent clapping

Eater teamwork rocks doesn't it

were you also responsible for that tattoo Question

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:50 am

Congratulations, Jose, on your first safari. Very Happy

Good luck on getting your lad "stuckered" in Abidjan! Very Happy

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:14 pm

Excellent

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:25 pm

What a well-baited lad. Laughing

Congrats on your pith!

Juan's stalker Joined: 28 Aug 2008 Posts: 1423

Yay Jose!!!! clapping

Congrats!!!!!

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:32 pm

Congrats, Jose! Thumbs up

That tattoo, is that a baited tattoo? Looks like someone rubbed batter acid in it while it was fresh.

And, congrats, DQ, on rescuing yet another bait and safari! Thumbs up

If I had the power for a custom tag, you'd be "Rescuer of Safaris".

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:16 pm

Michael gives me an update this morning, of course it's afternoon there and I have no intention of answering him until much later.

Michael wrote:

Dearest Caress,

Since morning i have not
taken bath,no house for here in Ghana.So please send the money
so that i will cross to Ghana boundary to Abijan boundary to get to U.s.a
Embassy to meet to you,i real want to want to see you in person that is why i am making effort to get where you are please.

Before sending it let me know,you know here is not Nigeria,i have to get information for sending the funds to me.

Your love moves me to places i have not been b4

Michael

@ dr sw the tattoo is from earlier this year when he was trying to join the church. See siggy for link.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:47 pm

Top notch baiting, Jose!

Quote:

Your love moves me to places i have not been b4

Ain't that the truth! Laughing

Let's hope jail is the next place.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:53 pm

Congrats on the safari!!!!!!!!!!!!
happy crowd

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