An exchange of insults 'twixt Mal and Lad

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:55 pm

A Lad was trying to get Mal to come to Montreal with an envelope of cash for costs for a trunk box. Things didn't work out because the security form Lad refused to give an address.

Mal finally lost his temper after this:

Quote:

Ok dont worry captain , i think am tired of all this mess , i will call it back and i will wait for my turn in future, I know am going to lose my job if the luggage is completely return to hong kaong ,as an adage which says where inglorance bliss things folly to be wise , I know you teach me another lesson of my life .Please dont go again , i will instruct them to send it back to mongomery vault in hong kond safe keping .Because i can see that you have nothing to offer me concerning this transaction .Have a nice day , do not hesitate to reply me .
Bye .

So he wrote back:

Quote:

You are without doubt the most stupid, pointlessly stubborn, pin-headed moron I've ever tried to deal with - and you're proud to be a gorram idiot. Go figure!

The Lad wasn't too pleased, though it's hard to be absolutely sure given the quality of his English:

Quote:

Mr Captain
i dont beleive you are a captain , because i never see where a soldier will be scaring to go and collect things that will favuor both of us and you are talking lulaby every day , one thing and the other happening every minute .you never one day speak any other english than this your gorram idiot, anyway , i thank God fo every thing i will know how to move forward, i will provide an I.D card that will bear your name to my friend in AMERICA and send the airway bill to him for collection , so worry . you are such a gorram unserious person that have nothing to offer me in this transaction , if i should waiting for you go to canada , i am just wasting my time with you .if you are serious , this people is telling you that come lodge we will meet you there and take you to their office , you are sitting down there talking rubbish every day , you can not bear a mafia at all, mafia working any how to make sure he achive what he want, for me to have remove such a big amount of money from bank of china In hong Kong , dont you know its a mafia deal.if your door is close another way out will show face .if you think you are ready to go tell me or you call them that youb are coming and let me know when you want to go than beating about the bush since all this day .I have tried enough for you to get this deal done .but there is a slck from your end .

Mal couldn't let that go unanswered:

Quote:

Mr Moron,
What that diatribe you wrote tells me is that you have the brains of a gorram cumquat. Do you really think that I'm going to let you have me impersonated? This message is being forwarded to the FBI who will doubtless be interested in anyone planning to cross state and international lines using forged IDs for financial crimes - it's just the kind of thing that they chase up!
Mind you, the real crime in my eyes is that you've accused me of cowardice. I was awarded two Bronze Stars for service in Iraq and wounded three times there and in Somalia; whereas you are a pencil-necked dip-dick can't c*nt no-load who would crap in your pants and grovel in your own piss if someone threatened you.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:57 pm

Words fail me. Funny as all heck! Laughing

Lad needs an english tutor perhaps? And where in the heck is Hong Kaong/Hong Kond? Twisted Evil

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 08 May 2009 Posts: 90

Nice Demo Dick impression! Well done!

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:26 pm

@bumsnacks - "Demo Dick"? Please explain!

There's more... I must have pissed him off bigtime. Under the header AMERICA GORRAM:

Quote:

The Gorram Captain,
I know that you one of the agent of FBI, I study you right the day one, I am once a soldier like , but i dont see any sense in what you wrote to me , FBI can comb the crime rate in america not to talk of international crime, its obvious that you new nothing about crime, day by day crime is happening in america and people are making millions of dollars there without FBI attention .I can quote thousand of crime that has erupted america in years back , where were the so call FBi then .You better heep your mouth shot and face your wounded marked in your body and that of your hear that is unable to receive phone calls, God says you are not going to be part of millions again .Continue with your gorram atitude , by the time you knows it millions of good things will pass behind you .
Soon i will be with you in america with a better business partner, i know that you are saint who prefer for america not your family .Had it been i know your wife , i would have tell her that you refuse to become millioniare for their sake instead AMERICA , have a nice weeked Mr Gorram.
Bye .

Pure class!

So Mal replied, with a little help from Major Jessup (A Few Good Men):

Quote:

Moron Coward,
I already have my millions, thanx to my uncle - OK, I inherited it, but it's still mine - and I don't need yours, cockbreath.
You ain't ever been a soldier, just as I'm not a Fed. You're a gorram bigmouth with big plans that'll end up putting you in a Federal penitentiary. You don't know America - what I know is that it craps all over you and your shitty country.
Something else too - you make patriotism into a curse. I enlisted in the armed forces of my country and swore to defend it and its allies. It seems now that by doing that I was acting to protect the rights of gorram stinking filth like you - who'd run like rabbits and fill your pants, or hide like whipped curs in puddles of your own piss if ever there was a war, and who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I once helped to provide.
We live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do that? You? We used words like honor, code, loyalty, and love of country. We used these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a gorram punchline!
As I'm getting tired of insults, I'll leave you with a parable. In Baghdad in 2003 the company I commanded surprised twenty Saddamites in their hideout. I confronted one of them who dropped his AK-47 and smiled at me - he believed I'd spare his life. He was wrong.
I was carrying an M-4 Masterkey, an assault carbine with an underslung shotgun barrel that's normally used to blow open locked doors. I shot him in the face with the shotgun and destroyed his head completely; painted the wall behind him with blood, bone and brains.
If you were here now, I would do that to you, without hesitation, and sleep soundly because I'd have done the world a favor.

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 08 May 2009 Posts: 90

Demo Dick is the author of the rogue warrior series of books. He is/was a navy seal.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:42 pm

Ah, Dick Marcinko, yeah - I've actually referenced him in a couple of baits as Mal's Gunnery Sergeant; I'm sure he wouldn't mind. I have the original Rogue Warrior and the Red Cell/Green Cell novels.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:24 am

Quote:

You better heep your mouth shot and face your wounded marked in your body and that of your hear that is unable to receive phone calls,

HUH?

Definite siggy material. So sorry to hear that you're unable to receive phone calls. Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 Jun 2009 Posts: 46

Never heard of a Masterkey configuration for the M4, but I just looked it up. Sounds awesome.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:07 am

Hee hee... is your lad a brain donor? Way too funny!

An exchange of insults 'twixt Mal and Lad	View next topic View previous topic