Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer - a lad production

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 12:39 pm

I don't think I can edit them out Sad

.

But seeing Emmanuel try to make his own animated movie would be kind of funny now that you mention it Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:47 pm

OMG, Worf! Laughing

LMAO at "Ray and Jones go to a Nightclub!" Jones' wiggling around while he recites that ridiculous script had me rolling! Great stuff! Laughing

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:00 pm

Well, Wright, it appears he's going to blame it all on you.

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
That cartoon work is been done by Mr. De Mentia you asked me to work with as a script doctor. He is the only person I sent that part of the script to and no one else as that work I sent to him is lately done.

Not true, I did do one scene that he sent me last year, Ray and Vera - Worf

That will not disturb our production plan. Captain Malcolm is very serious waiting for both of us to conclude as he join us up.
If you are ready, we proceed immediately as I have no fear whatsoever as to the success of this production. You are the only delay to this project as Captain Malcolm is fully ready.
You asked me to send Mr. De Mentia my script which I sent him some part of it and now you blame me project of this magnitidue should be kept secret. Do you mean I was wrong to have kept to your words?
We can proceed as I am talking of a script of over 130 pages.
Get back to me as we proceed immediately.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

CHECK WHAT MR. DE MENTIA SENT TO ME.
Emmanuel,

So you think I don't have a big project? Do you have $100 million in financing? Do you have Renee Zellweger in your picture? Or Jean-Claude van Damme? Or Raggar Snurdsson?

No, you don't. Loser.

Frankly, your picture will never get made, which is why I am doing you a favour by including some of your script in Big Bang.

This is the only way your writing will ever be acted out, apart from perhaps at your village school play.

Do not contact me again.

CDM.

Well, he does have a point.

Quote:

Emmanuel,

I find it hard to believe that De Mentia would do something like this! He and I go way back. Waaaaaaaaaaaay back. But then again, this might explain why he hasn't returned my phone calls lately and he would not look me in the eye at our last meeting. Even Captain Mal thought this was weird.

I guess power must have gone to his head. He has had quite a successful spring of script doctoring. And ever since he's started on Big Bang, his ego has gotten ginormous!

But he has never been interested in animated movies before. He mainly works on big star projects, like "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" with Sylvester Stallone (of course Ce was uncredited on that one). I wonder if he sold your script to this Cartoon Dudes production company. I have heard that Pixar is branching out and for some reason, this really excited Mr. De Mentia.

I am mightly confused as to this new work you mention. I have never seen some of these scenes. Does that mean you have a new script for Rankl3 Jon3s since last year?

I will get with Captain Mal immediately! He has connections. We will have our revenge.

-Stephen

This may prove the kick in the butt that Stephen needed to get on a plane with Captain Mal to Nigeria. Yastreb, are you up for a fake flight on Virgin Atlantic? Smile

Of course, it will get diverted, one of us will get sick and have to go to a hospital over the border, etc.

08:00 New York
(Newark Liberty)
Sat 20 JUN
20:00 London
(Heathrow)
Sat 20 JUN
Flight No VS018
Class Y

Connecting
London – Lagos

22:00 London
(Heathrow)
Sat 20 JUN
05:05 Lagos
(Murtala Muhammed)
Sun 21 JUN
Flight No VS651
Class Y
Duration: 16hrs, 05mins

^ That's 5 a.m. Lagos time, right? Smile

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:15 pm

This to Mal - our boi must be anxious:

Quote:

Many thanks for your readiness and sincerity to work with us. I am taking note of your contibutions so far.
Has Dr. C0lbert been contacting you? I am waiting for him to make a trip which I need you to accompany him.
Mr. D3 M3ntia the script doctor that Dr. C0lbert has went ahead to make a cartoon production of the scenes that I sent to him, as Dr. C0lbert asked me to send him the script.
Please clerify issues with Dr. C0lbert.

Captain Mal had to leave the USMC in 2004 after an IED explosion that blew out his eardrums, and he's been prone to inner ear infections ever since. So if he gets hospitalised in London... it'd be a damned shame!

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:14 pm

Oh great, so now it's all my fault! Laughing

I figured I could tell him that we'll leave the 20th. It's really hard to get clearance from customs to travel with all of the guns we'll be bringing too - that'll take a little time.

Too bad about Mal's ear, which Colb3rt of course did not know about in advance Wink

I'll e-mail our lad the flight plans tomorrow.

Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:06 am

More heat from CDM

Quote:

Emmanuel,

I understand that you are now accusing me of making a cartoon out of your work. This is a libel on me and an accusation of plagiarism, which is a weakness I do not possess.

If you attempt to damage my reputation any further, I shall be forced to sue you and Doctor Colbert, too, and bring your Rankle Jones project to a halt. So mind your words.

For your information, I do not make cartoons, although frankly your writing is ideal for that medium. I only work on big important productions, so don't accuse me about the cartoon thing again or you will have to wear the consequences.

CDM.

Perhaps this added pressure will make the Lad more tractable.

Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:51 pm

Quote:

Dear Emmanuel,

I spoke with Mr. De Mentia briefly and he denied everything about the cartoon. He was quite rude.

However, Captain Mal and I have decided that we need to get going to meet with you as soon as possible. The earliest flight we could get was on Virgin Atlantic on June 20th. I have attached our flight details below. I wish it could be sooner, but it will takes us over a week to get clearance to bring some of the equipment with us.

Here are our flight reservations details:

The flight info is the same as what I posted before.

Is anyone good at photoshopping some fake tickets? Smile

Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:34 pm

Still trying to get some actors for this thing. It's not going as Stephen had hoped.

Quote:

You idiot bameyi,

is this what you come to do here in abidjan? do you know that this is your end of making money to be honest with you, as you read this mail if care is not taking you may go mad here in abidjan because you don't know whom you are dealing with.

Blessed.

Quote:

Awesome!

That is just the attitude that we want for the character of Ray. When can you start?

-Stephen

Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:43 pm

The latest:

Quote:

Dr. C0lbert informed me of your trip to Nigeria with him in relation to the production of my joint project with him ''R4NKL3 J0N35 TH3 G0LF3R''. It is very welcome news for us to get this project on the move. He wrote 21st June, 2009, your arrival date.
I told Dr. C0lbert not to trouble himself by coming with production equipments as that will come up later after this ground work trip which both of you will use to ascertain the full situation of things.
Many thanks for your patience with us so far. You will smile at the end as the success for this movie will speak for itself with the millions of copies that will be sold worldwide and the profit.
I think Dr. C0lbert will be in a better position to talk about his distribution network which is very vital.
I will need your photograph with that of Dr. C0lbert for identification, as I will do so for myself and my P.A. Mr. 0kolie Christ0pher.
Please always keep in contact with Dr. C0lbert over developments.

I wonder what he's planning?

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:15 am

I'm not too sure Confused

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
I have got your flight schedule with Captain Malcolm, and this is the way forward for us materializing our expected big bang production of this movie which will rule the industry. It's great you are coming with Captain Malcolm.
You will have to attach your photograph and that of Captain Malcolm for identification, as I will do so for myself and my PA. Mr. Okolie Christopher.
Will you send in money for some expenses before your arrival or will you like to make payment as we travel? We will have to lodge in hotel in Lagos first as you will have your rest with Captain Malcolm because of a long distance travel which is strenuous. We will then proceed as I will present the full script to you with detail production plan relating to the script. Then we will proceed to Lagos beach which is just for a scene relating to Ray and Hilda. We will travel to the different locations, as I will be explaining things as we proceed.
I have not made any audition call because I want to be sure the casting crew you are able to get involve to avoid assigning a role to different persons.
You don't need to come with production ''shooting'' equipments as your trip is for ground work as it will enable you sees the need for whatever equipment that we will need for the production and the casting crew from your end.
I will present my pencil casting crew over here too, as we all will deliberate to achieve this success.
My regards,
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.

This is the first time he's mentioned the PA. Is it a case of planning to kidnap us? Or is he just going to somehow get money from us once we get there?

With the hotel and everything, it sort of reminds me of that report Chris Hansen did for NBC, where he flew to London to meet a scammer.

I guess we better start picking out our pictures Laughing

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:05 am

Possible safari plan here.

Your trip is taking place at the same time as location shooting for "Big Bang", which will be taking place in Malabo. C Niall de Mentia will be there as well as some big stars.

If you need an excuse for not being in Lagos, you could always say that CNdM has requested your urgent presence in Malabo for some reason.

You could offer the Lad a measly $2000 a day to help CNdM with the script alterations. But he has to get to Malabo first; it's not far by boat. If he's really rich, he can fly:

Quote:

Aero Contractors flies to Malabo from Lagos, Nigeria

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:23 pm

I think the plan is that Captain Mal will get sick on the flight, causing a delay and that we will miss our connecting flight in London. Hopefully, this will mean a fruitless 5 a.m. trip to the airport and lots of waiting for Emmanuel and his PA.

Maybe CNdM can get in contact with us while we are stopped in London (sometime next Sunday/Monday), and then we can take it from there.

Yastreb, are you able to call Emmanuel if needed when we get stuck in London? In RL, I'm a woman, so I wouldn't sound too convincing as "Stephen Colbert" if Emmanuel starts demanding to talk to a live person. Not that this will necessarily come up, just thinking ahead Wink

What picture have you chosen as Captain Mal? Laughing

Quote:

Dear Emmauel,

Captain Mal and I will make payment as we travel. That way, it will be easy if we have a change of plans on our way to the locations.

I assume you and Okolie will be there to meet us at the Murtala Muhammed airport when we arrive a little after 5 a.m. on the 21st?

Sincerely,
Stephen

P.S. I have attached my picture so you can recognize me at the airport. I'm sure Captain Mal will send you his picture soon.

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:52 pm

Quote:

Maybe CNdM can get in contact with us while we are stopped in London

It would be a pleasure. I could have my lawyer serve you with an injunction (over the plagiarism libel) and threaten to bring Rankle Jones to a total stop unless you help me out with some production issues on "Big Bang" in Malabo.

You could fly via Lagos (thereby dragging the Lad to Lagos iapot again), but unfortunately you were misinformed about the fact that it's a direct connecting flight and you can't exit the terminal.

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:09 pm

This is the pic I'm using for Mal - not Nathan Fillion but Phil Keoghan of The Amazing Race.

I'll be writing to our boi later today.

I don't think I can do a call as I don't have a secure line; in any event, Malcolm is deaf from his war injuries and can't call.

Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:15 am

Yastreb, no problem. I love Phil! Excellent choice Laughing

Wright, that's a great idea.

Now Yastreb and I just have to play nice with our lad until next weekend when it all goes horribly wrong Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:48 am

This just sent:

Quote:

Travel plans are underway, but they're in Dr C0lbert's hands as always. As of now I'm responsible for props and compiling a dossier of things needed - for example, if you can't secure the Mi-24s, then you'll need to get two A-212s modified as gunships with bomb racks and both fixed and flexible machine-guns. I have the schematics for that feature;

Dr C0lbert also said we need props for comparison purposes with your local versions. I agree with him.

As I'll be advising also on pyrotechnics, I'd also like to know more about your crew in that area. Personally I'd like to be working with Adam Savage and Jamie Heinemann, but they're booked solid. One day...

I've attached a picture taken last year; it should do. See you soon.

Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:24 pm

This from just four hours ago:

Quote:

Everything will kick off earnestly when your trip is done, as we all will lay down workable plans as to this block buster movie. I am fully ready to work with you, Dr. C0lbert and all your production and casting crew members, so your trip is the first as other things follows.
I and my PA Mr. 0k0lie Christ0pher will be at the airport to welcome both of you. I got your photograph.
I am working towards your coming.

Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:00 am

He sent me a similar message today as well.

That reminds me, where are his pictures that he promised?

Quote:

Dear Emmauel,

Thank you.

Please remember to send your photograph and a photograph of Okolie so that we can recognize you. Airports can be very crowded places and it will all go smoother if we all know what we look like.

Cheers,
Stephen

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
My PA Mr. Okolie Christopher will send you his photograph in no distant time. We are fully ready to welcome you on this business trip.
My good regards.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:48 pm

And introducing the PA Laughing

Quote:

Dear Dr. Steven Colbert,
Good day. I am Mr. Okolie Christopher, PA to Mr. Onyema Emmanuel. My boss Mr. Emmanuel and I will be at the airport to welcome you. He has instructed me to send my photograph to you, which you can find in the attachment.
He acknoledge the reciept of your photograph and that of your partner Captain Malcolm.
I wish you a safe journey.
PA.
Mr. Okolie Christopher

Mr. Christopher has a yahoo address - excellent!

eta: His IP address traces back to Ontario, Canada - the city of Stoney Creek to be exact Confused

I double checked Emmanuel's IP from his e-mail he sent this morning and now he's in Canada too (he was in Nigeria before today).

Did he pass me on to another lad to send the pictures?

This is weird.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:45 am

@Worf - This is interesting! The plot thickens. Smile

They do probably have associates in Canada, hence their offer to meet you in the USA or Africa before. If you have trouble finding someone to make a call for you in the future, let me know, and I'll make one for you.

Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:05 pm

Thanks Slaphappy Smile

Emmanuel and Okolie both sent Stephen messages today wishing him and Captain Mal a safe flight. Both IP's were the same, from Canada.

Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:48 pm

Slaphappy, I just sent you a couple of pm's. Emmanuel wants a phone call before Stephen and Mal leave tomorrow Wink

Quote:

ear Dr. Colbert,
Okay, we are expecting you and Captain Malcolm. Give me a call immediately you receive this mail, before your departure. Okay. The earlier you do that the better. Safe flight to my country.
My good regards.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

Mush mouth also left a few voicemails: http://www.divshare.com/download/7701421-7c7

Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:06 am

http://www.linkedin.com/in/ony3ma3mmanu3l

Looks like your boi is trying to branch out and cover his bases to insure his titanic manuscript doesnt go down in flames.

Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:25 am

He's had a linkedin page for a while, but it looks like he added a lot more to it since I last looked at it.

Gotta love that cast of characters Laughing

Quote:

Elvis Lover of Women

Oh great, now we have to find someone to play Elvis!

Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 5:54 am

I hope Steve looks at his e-mail during his Heathrow stopover. There's a cease-and-desist letter in there from CNdM's lawyers.

Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer - a lad production	View next topic View previous topic