Multi Church Bait.....Ongoing quest for a bit of TW4t

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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 5:59 am

He was probably so excited he just shot white out everywhere....least I hope thats what it is.. puke

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:04 am

I may have mentioned earlier in this post that P4st0r B4t3s has never disclosed his church to the lad. So if anyone would like me to submit the paperwork for their own church let me know.

so far he's had forms from TW4T, Red Nose Church and I think Church of Fish and Honey.

Mind you Its gonna take dynamite to get him to fill any in.

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:32 pm

@MoP

Hey, I'm off camping up in the lakes for 4 days so keep an eye on the A.R.S.Es for me.

Maybe its time we recruit an Oga to whip these lazy tossers into life.

I mean he is sitting on 3 possible church grants, I I was his Oga I'd be standing behind him with a fookin great stick to make sure he filled the forms in. Laughing

Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 3:48 pm

The poor L4d wants to know why I have not been in touch since he sent his tippex smeared portrait.

Quote:

Dear Jacob

I'm sorry that I have not been in touch, lately I have been sick with the Swine Flu that is currently ravaging the US, so apart from a bit of crackling in my ears I am feeling much better now , Christ be praised.

With regards to your picture, Jacob I was very disappointed to see that you had merely written over an old picture with my security code. The church required a genuine picture of you for the records and all we got was a poor forgery.

Please Jacob do not treat us like fools , we are trying to help you and a little respect to our intelligence would be appreciated. Kindly send me a genuine photograph as soon as possible with a new security code....FUDGE PACKER clearly displayed. If you attempt to pass on another false ID Picture , I will be forced to recommend that the church no longer continues to enrol you as one of our Members.

Please do not let me down Jacob, remember you must help us so that we can help you.

God Bless

Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 9:39 am

I cant believe it Orphanage lad has been back in touch after 2 weeks with his original scam letter..He don't recall all our previous correspondences.

Quote:

Dear P4st0r B4t3s

APPEAL TO SUPPORT THE MOTHERLESS BABIES
SOLICIT FOR FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FROM YOU OR YOUR
ORGANIZATION TO UPLIFT THE LIVING STANDARD OF THE
CHILDREN AND THAT OF THE HOME.
REMEMBER THE LITTLE YOU CAN AFFORD TO GIVE, DOES MUCH IN THE LIFE OF
HOPELESS CHILDREN. (AND FOR SURE IT SHALL BE REWARDED UNTO THEE).
WE PLEAD WITH YOU TO HELP US FINANCIALLY IN OTHER
TO SAVE THE LIVES OF THESE CHILDREN. ANY AMOUNT OR
MATERIAL GIVEN ON BEHALF OF THESE CHILDREN WILL BE
HIGHLY APPRECIATED.
LET US KNOW HOW BEST YOU CAN ASSIST AND ALL QUESTION/REQUEST YOU MIGHT
WANT TO MAKE ARE WELCOME.
PLEASE HELP THE HOME TO UPLIFT THE SURVIVAL OF THE
CHILDREN.WE EXPECT YOUR REPLY.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU
HELP THE DYING CHILDREN TO SURVIVE.

I could have welcomed him as a fresh lad but chose to prod his memory instead.

Quote:

Dear Pastor East

Has your Memory failed you?

We have offered a development grant of $200,000 US Dollars if you become a fully fledged Reverend In our Church, I know that one of my colleagues has sent you the first set of forms to complete. Please complete these forms at once, unless of course you do not want our money.

Lets see what happens Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 4:18 pm

This is the first applicant who has expressed interest since MoP sent his latest ASEM

Fake Lad

Quote:

Dear R3v3r3nd J4nus,

May the lord bless you for ever!

I have been in contact with mr Bri4n R0bins0n and he wants to become a member in our great church too. I know I have only just joined but I have already begun to spread the TW4T and I have found mr R0bins0n to be willing to join. Please provide him all the great service and help you provided me so that he may soon receive his $200.000 to build her own church just like I have recently. Thanks in advance on her behalf.

Remain bliss,
E.

I replied

Quote:

Dearest Brother in God Bri4n

God bless you my child for showing interest in out humble Church.

I believe you wish to become ordained as a reverend and establish your establish your own Church in your community?

Let me explain the ordination process for you, so you are quite clear what is expected of you.

The ordination process is basically in 4 parts

1) Filling in the application forms, which are then sent to the Church Council for approval.

2) Creating a Monument of faith.....this will be explained later

3) The ordination ceremony itself........which must be photographed or filmed for approval by the Council.

4) Holy Pilgrimage......The final act of pledging yourself to our Church and God

In return we will award you with a development fund of $250,000 dollars to be used to establish your Church, also we will provide you with a personal award of $20,000 dollars in advance to be used as your first years salary.

We will supply all IT equipment and telephones to set up your office.

Sharon we do not make this transaction lightly and we expect that you earn through sacrifice the right to be called a TW4T,

Please note we cannot send or advance any funds what so ever before the 4th step is complete so please do not ask.

I f you are serious and wish to commit your life to the TW4T please e mail me and let me know that you understand well the contents of my mail.

Oh and please feel free to browse our website which can be found in my signature.

I have copied Reverend N3il Ph0rm1 on this mail as he works with me processing new applicants.

God Bless

Bless him he is still very much interested even after I called him Sharon

Quote:

Thank you so much for this mail. i am very much interested and would
like to know more about this and continue with the good works of our
lord.. please email me how to go about it.
Thank you.

Me Again

Quote:

Dear Bri4n

As I explained there are 4 stages to becoming a Proud Standing member in TW4T

We however will take it one stage at a time

Stage One: Is simply completing the application forms

NB: Please attach 3 different photographs of yourself, you would be surprised how many people get this wrong!!
Please make sure that you are also in your family photograph

Fill in the questions in as much detail as possible as this will help the Church Council sort out good applicants from the time wasters.

I am currently out on a Mission spending the weekend with the 'Single Parent Lesbian Families charity' which involves much heavy intercourse with the poor dears so I will be asking the Reverend Neil Phormi to send you the application forms as soon as possible.

Have a good weekend Bri4n

God Bless

I dont think I could have made it any easier Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 9:41 pm

Lad wrote:

Dear mr R0binson,

May the blessing of the lord lay upon you.

Reverend J4nus asked me too send you the application forms as soon as possible. I have just finished a session of oral performance training with the quire boys and I decided to check my e-mail just before going to bed (you can't imagine how tiring these session's are), luckily for you I saw reverend J4nus his e-mail and I decided to send you the forms immediately so you don't have to wait any longer for them.

We are absolutely looking forward to you coming in our TWAT and welcoming you into our tight community space. We are really thankful that you are willing to help us spread the TWAT.

--
<siggysnip>

Oh.. I 'forgot' to tell him the password to the file...

Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 9:16 pm

Hooray..... the TW4TT0w3r lad is back, Rev Gomer has offered to help him fleece the rich maga church... Laughing

MoP has just used up all the Lads Internet credit chatting to him on google chat. Trying to get him to confess by IM Twisted Evil

Rev G0m3r wrote

Quote:

ATTENTON U FOOLISH MAGAS. I DEY WATCHIN HAU U DEY FUCKIN WIT DI TWAT CHURCH OOOOOOOOO!!!!! ! !!! DO UNA MUGUS NO SABI DAT DIS FAT AMERIKA CHURCH DEY DI GOLDMINE. LOOK AT MI I KARI OUT ALL DI STUPID RITUALS NA JOIN DIA CHURCH NA DEM GIF MI THOUSANDS OF DOLLAS. UNA LAZY SONS OF GOATS NO EVEN FILL FOR DI FORMS. UNA ALL CONTACT MI NA I HEP UNA WIT TAPPIN ALL DI CHURCH MONI. U NO DEN MEBE I CHOP UR DOLLA. HA HA HA HA HA !!!! !! !!!

Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 9:29 pm

Okay... I'll post the chat:
John is the lad... Ik is me (my gmail is on dutch setting)

Quote:

22:37
ik: Good evening my son

may the lord's blessing lay upon you
22:38
john: oh ok

ik: how are you doing on this fine night?

john: cool

ik: that is very good to hear. is your family in good health too?
22:39
john: yeah

nice to talk to u
22:40
ik: thanks, I'm glad you find it pleasant to talk to me just as I find you a pleasant partner for conversation.

john: yea

ik: tell me, have you received the forms i sent you?

john: i have not
22:41
ik: are you sure? I'm quite sure I have sent them...

wait a moment, I'll check

john: ok
22:42
ik: ah.. it indeed seems I haven't sent you the forms yet. I must have confused you with one of our other applicants.

from which country were you again?
22:43
john? are you still there?

john: kindly send it again

yeah

ik: yes.. yes.. i will resend it in a moment..
22:44
but please tell me from which country you are again.. help this old man's memory a bit please
22:45
john: Togo

Country Togo
22:46
oh ok

ik: Okay. Who is in charge of your application with our church?

john: i am waiting for u
22:47
Sir i dont really know i cant tell lies to impress u

ik: That doesn't matter dear son.

It is good that you will not tell lies

God will reward you for that some day.
22:48
john: thnks

ik: I believe that reverend Hugh Janus is discussing your membership with you, isn't he?

john: are u frm the states Dad
22:49
yea he does but i couldn't find the membership form
22:50
ik: That's alright, I think he didn't send it to you yet.

Has he explained how the form must be filled in?

john: yea Dad

ik: Okay. Then I will send you the form tonight.

john: no Dad

oh ok Dad
22:51
ik: Wait, did you say he didn't explain the form yet?

Because then I will include an explanation in my e-mail.

john: i haven't see the form yet
22:52
ik: That's to expected if it hasn't been sent to you yet. But usually the reverends first explain the form to new applicants and then send it to them. When no explanation is provided it happens very often that mistakes are made and pages need to be redone, which is a needless waste of time of course
22:53
So have or have you not received an explanation from Reverend Hugh Janus yet?
22:54
john: oh no

send me the form so that i can fill and return in time
22:55
re u here
22:56
ik: Yes my son. I will send the form soon. While I'm speaking to you anyway, I have got something more to ask you.

Have you confessed lately?
22:57
john: yeah

ik: When was the last time you confessed, my son?

john: early this year
22:58
ik: My son, that certainly is a long time ago!

john: yea
22:59
i am going home now

ik: Wouldn't it be time for a new confession now? Please confide in me, it's my duty t o lend a listening ear to the lambs of God that He has placed under my protection.

john: because i don't have this at home

ik: You don't have what at home, my son?
23:00
john: i will be waiting for the form as well

ik: When can I expect you back my son?

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