Westminster gravy train hits buffers

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Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 11:54 am

I was thinking of standing for election but democracy is not really my thing.

I'd prefer to take over the country by force and install myself as Dictator.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 11:56 am

Let me guess. Cruel but fair?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 26 Sep 2008 Posts: 689

People are just greedy ...

But where the feck are all the civil service accountants telling these MP's what they can do with their ridiculous expense claims?

(Yes I'm an accountant and I've been known to say "NO!")

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:16 pm

No. Cruel but cruel.

First thing I would do is declare war on the US, take it back as a colony and have a Jojo, Harry and MikeH executed for crimes against humanity.

Then I'd invade and subjugate France.
That would probably keep me occupied for a day or two.

I'd erect plenty of gold statues of myself so my subjects could worship me Kim Il Jong style and rename important places after myself. London would become Slightlydon and New York would be called Squirrelville.

My eventual aim would be World Domination with me as Numero Uno.

I have it all planned.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:29 pm

Mr Tambourine Man wrote:

I am British MP and have been fiddling my expenses for several years. There is a sum of fifteen Million U.K pounds (£15,000,000.00) which i deposited in foreign Account in Europe.

frighteningly plausible Shocked

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:54 pm

Well, SOOI, all is in hand for your World Conquest except for the total lack of any army, followers, and resources.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 1:06 pm

Yastreb. When the New Order comes along, you will be one of the first up against the wall.

(after I've dealt with Jojo, Harry and MikeH)

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 1:15 pm

When you have enough followers for a firing squad, I'll be worried...

<Borat>NOOOOOOOOT!<Borat>

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

A guy on the radio last night said that it all dated back to the 1970's when MPs had their pay frozen. They were told "We've got to freeze pay for political reasons, but we're loosening up allowances; so stick your hands in the pot and dig deep." A few decades later it's ingrained habit.

Someone the other day pointed out that the Capital Gains tax was not a problem, or at least not a parliamentary allowances problem. Any of us can do it. If we don't register a second home, then it goes by a matter of fact, but if we do, then that registration rules, and we can flip it about just like an MP. Of course, being able to afford a second home in the first place, let alone renovating it, is another matter. Great if you can do it on expenses.

There was a lovely clip on Have I Got News For You, with a panelist from last year crowing about how good the allowances system was. Then there was a clip of him recently saying how the system was terrible and needed to be changed.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 2:38 pm

/\/\ Thankyou for getting us back on topic before I got my keys out, or split the thread to make a 'Slightly's plans for World domination' one.

I heard an MP that had been caught claiming for the trees around his country mansion , whining on the radio that it was all the fault of the Government, for bringing in the Freedom of Information laws that lead to all this crap becoming public. Rolling Eyes

Oh yes, and he thinks we're only angry because we're jealous. Patronising *&^%.

They just don't get it, do they?

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 2:40 pm

^ The root of this goes back to the early-mid eighties recession. MPs did vote themselves higher salaries but the then PM and others made a political point by not accepting it. The issue rolled on until the nineties recession where once again there was a vote to increase salaries but it was rejected as politically uncool to pay themselves more at that time. So the current scheme was dreamed up as a compromise. They only have themselves to blame for this.

That MP you mention was speaking on radio five yesterday feeling a bit contrite about that.

I get no joy out seeing our politicians squirming around like this, but hope they drop that air of arrogant invincibility they have all acquired from somewhere.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 3:21 pm

I, for one, have no problems with paying for an MP's duck sanctuary or for paying for flood damage to their house when they already have adequate insurance coverage. Nor do I have a problem paying for sanitary towels or porn movies - we're talking about basic human rights here, people.
And flat screen TVs are an absolute necessity to ensure the smooth governing of the country. Likewise, paying an interior designer a thousand quid of taxpayer's money to do up a house that we already pay the mortgage on should not be scoffed at - would you want to live in a £500,000 shit-hole?

You're just bitter because you don't run the country and can't cheat and swindle the system.

That said, when I take over, every one of those thieving fuckers is going to get a bullet in the neck.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 3:50 pm

^ I hope you've got some lead reserves for a couple dozen bank CEO's worldwide too. Compare their bonuses to what the British MP's have been claiming. Makes the Brit MP's look like petty thieves.

Oh, and about claiming the US as a colonee: I guess the Dutch sold it to you Brits a while back, and look what's become of it. Peter Stuyvesant would turn around in his grave if he knew. About time we claimed it back and set things straight over there. New York should be New Amsterdam again, and Brooklyn 'Breukelen' for starters. Laughing

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:05 pm

Dutch wrote:

Peter Stuyvesant would turn around in his grave if he knew.

Peter Stuyvesant is a fag.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:09 pm

^^ don't bring europe into this, or you will get me started on mep's (members of the european parliament)

the greed of british mp's pales into insignificance compared to the mep's

and i heard that 25% (yes, 25%!) of ukip mep's have been charged with expenses fraud.
charged by the police that is, not just by a committee of their peers.
so much for ukip's claim to be whiter than white - none are to be trusted.

/rant

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:27 pm

Slightlyoutofit wrote:

Dutch wrote:

Peter Stuyvesant would turn around in his grave if he knew.

Peter Stuyvesant is a fag.

Only you would know about details like that.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:32 pm

/\/\ Fag as in Uk slang for cigarette, not as in US slang for homosexual. Can you still buy them? I think they were 'As Cool as a Mountain stream'

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 6:37 pm

just be glad you are'nt over here right now . horriffic stpries of clerical child abuse have been makiong the news for the last 2 days as a report on clerical chidabuse is published . very sad for the vicitms though who weill probably never see justice for what happned to them .

** Retired ** Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 750 Location: Air

If any of us dared skim even 5 quid from public coffers, we would be up for fraud and bedding down with 'Big Dave' at Her Majesty's pleasure in no time at all. It sickens me that they just pay it back and they get away with it.

I agree with slighty to a degree, mucky films are essential, and forms part of any household expenditure. Now if they wasted it on 'When Harry Met Sally' or some other load of balls like that, THEN would be the time to bring hanging back.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

^^^ We've had the edge of that story over here. Sounds bad.

Yeah, some of the expenses are funny, rather than horrifying. I don't see a problem with the taxpayer paying for the husband of an MP to watch porn if she was busy in some meeting essential to running the country. On the other hand a second house 100 miles from both Westminster and constituency, 500 trees, a duck island and cleaning a moat have nothing to do with either having somewhere to live or the business of being an MP. There is no necessity for a second house to comprise a mansion.

OTOH, how ever the allowances are fiddled on an item by item basis are fiddling small change compared to the profit that many of them are making buying and selling property. They can buy a house for 300,000 on allowance, renovate it on allowance and sell it again for a tidy profit. Even without skipping the Capital Gains tax they're making hundreds of thousands each time. All well within the rules.

I think it was the European Commission where it was not allowed to submit receipts for expenses. Certainly that, and probably the parliament too are just places countries send the politicians that are an embarrassment at home. It's not surprising that they turn into dens of iniquity.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 8:02 pm

^^ i think european parliament, not european commission, but i'm less than 100% certain.

the parliament holds sessions in different cities, and they have a nice little earner when they move between them, which they do regularly.
they get a flat rate allowance which assumes they fly first class, and they all buy economy tickets.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:36 pm

One good thing at least will come out of this. I bet sales of duck houses will soar after the all the exposure chez quack has been getting today. Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 12:42 am

[off topic]

Roycropper wrote:

/\/\ Fag as in Uk slang for cigarette, not as in US slang for homosexual. Can you still buy them?

I know.

It's the brand that got me hooked on tobacco many years ago, not sure if it's still around, but I believe it is.

I doubt it the squirrel knew this, it's not a fag fag. Laughing

[/off topic]

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 8:34 am

Tory MP Nadine Dorries is worried for her colleagues, and calls the atmosphere 'unbearable'

Quote:

"People are constantly checking to see if others are OK. Everyone fears a suicide. If someone isn't seen, offices are called and checked."

Suicide? If it were up to the electorate at the moment, there'd be MPs swinging from the lamposts.

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 9:17 am

more breaking news in the torygraph...

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