Hitlad turns FBIlad turns MafiaLad and then some (long)

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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:03 pm

I had toyed with a hitlad calling himself “Bala Hassan” back in December and managed to string him along because (as luck would have it) my character just happened to actually be in hiding from a former “business associate” he had ripped off. Naturally, I knew that this hitlad was sent by my nemisis, the Russian Mafia Queen “Yivanna Gedmeov.” Alas, I don’t have a record of the exchanges. The lad was responsive, but he just wouldn’t go off script, so I deemed his entertainment potential was low. I was wrong.

We pick this up two months in, just after I offered him to “switch sides” and “Show me Yivanna Gedmeov” in order to get a fee from me. The hitlad had his principles: Hwas deeply offended by the offer:

HITLAD:

Quote:

LOOK HERE YOU BITCH, YOU THINK YOU ARE SMART, IS LIKE YOU HAVE NOT HEAD ABOUT ME AND MY BOYS, DONT MENS WITH YOU YOU FOOL, IF YOU WANT TO, LIVE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THEN GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR OPTION, I WAS PAID A HUGE SOME TO KILL, IF YOU DONT WANT TO LIVE TO ENJOYS THAT MONEY THEN JUST TRY ME AND MY BOYS, NO PLACE TO HID FOR YOU THIS TIME,
AGENT KILLER

Just love the “Agent Killer” tag line, but darn-it-all, he’s till sticking to script. I felt enough was enough—time to dump the twerp. I wrote:

Quote:

Bullshit. You idiots didn't even come close in Miami. I've moved far since then, and I can move again in an instant. Также, ваша английская язык ужасна, дурачок.

I know this is a bluff. If I die, then Gedmeov will have no way to get back a thing. Tell her she is a fool if she thinks this stupid email of yours will help her get back the consignment. I'm not fool enough to sell more than a few items in any one location, and I have no problem breaking up the recognizable sets, unlike "collectors" like her. I've cached enough off-shore to last me a few years in comfort; and if you or any of your goons get close, I can easily send the rest back overseas too.

Tell Gedmeov, Убийство себя!

I didn’t reply further and he gave up—I thought. A week or so passes and lo and behold, my hitlad has returned with a twist. The lad is now working for the FBI.

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

GREETINGS FROM THE FBI INVESTIGATING DEPARTMENT,
Dear Pat DuTuschie
We are here to notify you of the arrest that took place 3hours ago were 5 man gang was arrested by our men, this men are suspected to by high assasins crew, there were paraded when they were trying to snick out dengorous weapons to carry out killing, according to the investigation, some person paid them a huge amount to kill you and they contacted you for some money to spare your life and have a recorded tape of this person who want you dead, one of them who disclose his name as mustafa aka hitman said you have refuse to comply with their demand and now they were about going on to carry out the operation were our men swift on them, they said the said recorded tape has be place in one courier service in UK, that as soon as you comply and send them the money they will now send the tape to you via this private courier service, our men quikely gets to the courier service for the video tape of this person who paid this assasins to kill you, but the courier service refuse to give out the tape to the FBI because your name has been put on their file for delivery of this tape, and deu to the FBI policy along with the private enterprise here in UK we are not allow to break into the private company like that, we will like you to contact this courier service and get the recorded tape and then play this tape, because the Assasins told us that the person who paid their bose whos name is bala hassan, the conversation between them on this killing is in the tape, and they said this person is one of your good friend, i will like you to contact the courier service now and inform them that you are the person who this tape is to be deliver to.

Note you must not disclose this information and case to any one because this case has to do with your friends around you, you are to contact this private courier service with their contact below.

NAME: GLOBEX COURIER SERVICE (etc.)
…
Do contact the courier and get back to us for more investigation on this person who paid this assasins for killing.

Warmest regards

ROBERT MUELLER
EXCUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI

The big Rob Mueller himself? Wow.

I reply:

Quote:

Dear FBI,

If you already have them on weapons charges, that should be enough to hold them. These morons couldn't actually hunt down a man if they were attached to him with leashes. They have been looking for me for months without coming close.

I do not want the audio tape.

Did you also pick up Yivanna Gedmeov? As long as she is at large,
there is no way I am giving away my location.

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

In regards to your mail.
All suspect was arrested, but that of Yivanna Gedmeov, the killers told us that she has run to her hide out were our men will soon be in attck with her, you have to contact the courier service for the tape to enable us track down all those involve in this treat, do this and get back to us, because the killers arrested told us that if we do not get the tape then your life is not safe because the paerson whom paid them to kill you will want to hire another crew to kill you if we do not get the tape and arrest him.
contact the courier service now and get the tape. with this emil address: [email protected]
FBI OFFICE

Oh, well in that case… nope. I use this round as an opportunity to hint at my own checkered background. I reply:

Quote:

This is good news. When you bring Gedmeov into custody, be very careful. Do not relax your guard just because she is a woman. Your agents' lives are not worth risking. If you do take her alive, please remember that she is a criminal and a liar. Nothing she says about me is the truth. Also, she changes her looks often. She was arrested and released in Rome two years ago because she had altered her appearance and she speaks Italian very well. When you storm her hide out, do not release any woman without checking fingerprints first.

I am not comfortable letting a courier service know my location while she is still free. Please arrest or remove her so I can contact the courier service without worrying that she will track me down.

Thanks for your hard work. Please keep me informed.

Golly, what is an FBI Director to do with so unhelpful a citizen? The hitlad thinks this one over a few days, then gets back to me. He still can’t see why I don’t want to send him money.

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

Regards to your mail.
I will like to inform you that our men are in seach for her, we have talk with the courier service head of delivery and he said you have to make payment for the delivery, we told them about this that you will not like to dispose your address since we have not arrest the said woman, we have told them to deliver the parcel to the FBI office in Rome, so they can have a look at it and then make forther arrest, the courier service here in UK are demading for 700GBP to enable them deliver the parcel and also insure it, we will like you to know that the FBI will not be responsible for the payment for this delivery because this parcel belongs to you we are only on investigation. You have to keep this to your self untill we get this women arrested.
Get back to us on how the payment should be make.
FBI OFFICE

Who can argue with this logic? I decide it’s time to start getting him to anticipate a payout. It’s late Friday, so I delay.

Quote:

Thank you.

I will look into this first thing Monday morning when I will be in a position to access my resources.

Aha! He can smell the cash. A poorly-written letter arrives within minutes:
HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail recieve its content was well understood, as we must tell you the said lady is still in a hidding place were our men will soon be in attack with her, but first we will like to have that recorded tape and see all those involve in this killing and then we can start our arrest from them then we can get her, we want you to act fast about the payment of the tape delivery as we have spoke with the COURIER SERVICE that you will not be recieving the tape because you dont want to disclose your address, this we told them is forsecurity reason, what we want to find out from you is that if you are sending the payment to the courier service direct or sending the payment to the FBI OFFICE, but when you send to the courier service your address will still be disclose because they will need it for the money pick up, get back to us which you are sending the money to the courier or the fbi, if the fbi get back to us so we can send you our CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER name for recieving the payment via western union money transfer as is the fast and safe way to send and recieve money,

Note: our chief security officer Mrs Stella Scot is the only person that can recieve payment from you because she will have to keep all record of this investigation.

Do get back to us asap.

OFFICE OF THE FBI

The letter is unclear. Duh. I reply:

Quote:

Please clarify for me. Do you want me to pay the courrier service directly, or do you want me to forward the fee to Agent Scot, and she will set up the delivery to your office in Rome?

Please let me know

I get the feeling that my lad went for some help in answering this one. He does not write back for two days, and then a slightly more cogent email arrives:

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

Greetings from the office of the FBI.
In regards to your last mail recieve in this office, its content was well understood, i will like to find out why up till now we have not recieve your mail in this department of which you know that quike response is what we need now in this case, i will like you to get back to me as soon as you recieve this mail, and also inform us of which you will like to send your payment to, the FBI or the COURIER SERVICE, as for the woman in question we held the she is in a hidding place new the beach, has also told us that some people are also involve in this, thats whey we need this tape as soon as possible to enable us make the fast arrest of this people who want you dead.

We want you to indicate who you will like to make the payment to.
FBI OFFICE

He follows this with more pleading for money while “reasoning” with me to help capture Gedmeov before she can “excapse” again.

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail.

As we have have discursein our previous mail, i will like you to make the payment to Mrs Stella Scot so she can set up the delivery to our office in Rome, i will like you to go ahead now and make the said payment of 700Pounds as the courier service have said this is for the 24 hours delivery service, like i have inform you before you have to make the payment to her via western union money transfer with her payment directive, as soon as the payment is recieve here in UK she will then send the payment to the courier service to enable them make a fast delivery as we have inform them that payment for delivery will be made today monday, like i also told you before you dont need to disclose this to any one else because you dont know who will spread the arrest of this woman and make her excapse again.

Here is Stella Scot payment directive below.

RECIEVERS NAME:STELLA SCOT
ADDRESS: 35B BENSON RISE STREET MANCHESTER CITY, UNITED KINGDOM.

You are to send this office the payment information below, fill out the black space.

SENDERS NAME.............................................
ADDRESS........................................................
AMOUNT SENT................................................
MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER(MTCN)...............................

I want you to quikely make this payment to enable us recieve the tape today and carryout the arrest of all those involve,

REGARDS
FBI OFFICE

I let him sweat it out for a couple of days, then get back with the good news that the money is on its way! Yay!

Quote:

Please be advised that the WU office would not let me send this money unless I disclose my name and address and verify it with my ID--which I cannot do. For security reasons I have sent a casheers' check via an Express Post Courrier service to Mrs. Scot at the address you listed. The envelope will arrive at her Manchester address by special courrier before 5:00 PM GMT tomorrow. Please be sure someone is at that location to accept delivery. If you need to redirect the check to another location, let me know and i'll give you the necessary contact information that will allow you to do so securely.

Please inform me upon receipt.

Good luck,

Golly. He’s not happy! I wonder why?

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail.
Its content was not understood and also is not adviseable, we have inform Mrs Scot about this and she said she can not recieve a casheer check from you because she has expirience dud check from some one before in the past, since you dont want to disclose your address for security reason i will advice you contact any of your friend and tell them to help you make the payment to Mrs Scot Via Western union, Disclosing your address to the FBI is not bad at all because we will still come over for more investigation, we dont want your addrees being dispose thats why we said you should make the payment direct to Mrs scot, i will like you to know that your address is safe with Mrs Scot thats why we said make the payment to her, i will like you to call back the casheer check and do what i have said, make the payment with your address, or ask your friend to make the payment for you via western union money transfer.

She will not be able to recieve your check am sorry.

OFFICE OF THE FBI

Oh no! Not one of those unreliable Cashier’s checks! I bet that right about then he was wishing he hadn’t given me a fake mailing address.
I happened to be on line when this one came in. I replied immidiately:

Quote:

For heaven's sake, that is absurd.

EVERYONE has had a "dud" check cross their path sometime or another. That is why I sent a Cashier's check. It is drawn against a Société Générale business account and guaranteed by the bank itself.

Mrs. Scot is under your command. Please instruct her to accept the payment. I have already gone to some expense to make sure this is a fast and secure method. The envelope is already in transit and I cannot recall it.

I bet that right about then he was kicking himself for giving me a fake mailing address.

HITLAD / FBILAD is getting more frustrated. The next few emails go back and forth in real time:

Quote:

To your mail.

Thats what we have told her in this office and she said there is nothing she can do now, i will like you to quikely get back to the delivery service and tell thm about this they can re call back the envelope, you would have inform this office before going throuh that process, she said she can only recieve payment via western union or money gram, am sorry you have to make the payment via those method.

If not then we will have problem with the arrest because no tape for this evidence of arrest, try as much as you can and make the payment via western union or money gram thats what she said, i mut tell you mrs scot is the only person that can help in this case.

get bcak to this office with response.

OFFICE OF THE FBI

It’s SLAP time—and time to set up a new modality! I wrote:

Quote:

I cannot believe that the greatest law enforcement agency in the world will let a fugitive escape because one of your agents will not accept a cashmere's check. If you cannot control your own agents, you have serious problems. Set that agent straight or get someone else to accept the check. I am NOT risking exposing myself with Gedmeov still on the loose and these other people you have identified also at large. I'm anxious to help you put her behind bars, but I am not willing to get killed in the process.

I have kept ahead of Gedmeov and her henchmen by keeping my identity and location completely secret. None of my friends or family know where to find me, and that keeps me--and them--safe.

As I said before, I am not going to let anyone (including Money gram or western union) know my location. I will cancel the courier delivery of the envelope to Manchester, but please know that costs me money as well. I expect the FBI will compensate me for all of these expenses.

Western Union tells me that senders who wish to remain anonymous must use secure transfer protocols approved to protect against misuse of transfers by criminals and terrorists. I'll let you know once I have the particulars of how this can work.

Only now does my lad begin realizing that he has lost all control of the scenario. He tries to steer it back with his “authority.” Yeak, right. He fires back a half hour later (I assume that’s how long it took him to type the reply.)

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail.
I will first let you know that the FBI will protect you, as for the compesation garantee as soon as all this come to an end the FBI will do that, but i want to let you know that this is a security office and you dont need to make the payment in any secure way, as for mrs scot she said you should tell the western union that they should not make the payment under any secure mode, if you have to do that then we will have problem with that here, you have to instruct the western union that you dont need the payment sent in secure mode, i will like you to go ahead an make the payment and send the payment details to this office.
Note: you are safe as soon as we recieve the tape from the courier service, do get back to this office with the payment information, not in any secure mode, i have let you know this before payment so dont make any more mistake in this.
Now do call back the envelope.
Regards
OFFICE OF THE FBI

Time to slap him then tweak him. I decide to take this to a whole new level by questioning his credentials:

Quote:

What? Are you out of your minds? Why would you NOT want a secure mode?

Please send me a copy of your FBI identification.

Ooooooo that shut him up quick. He does not reply for a few days and I figure he twigged so I send a nast kiss-off and accuse him of working for my enemy.

Quote:

As I suspected; You are not the FBI. This is just another attempt to discover my location.
Nice try, Yivanna. Your goons will never locate me. Please know that I am living VERY well.
I have several very nice homes in several remote locations. I have nice new clothes and I even
have a new face; all thanks to your "generosity," and I haven't even sold half yet.

Screw you, Gedmeov. You lost before. You lose again! You can go hang yourself, bitch.

Love and kisses,
PD.

I figure I’ve dusted him. I’m about to call it “quits” when suddenly he pays off with an attempted slap of his own:
HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

APOLOGY LETTER IS NEEDED( FIND IDENTIFICATION CARD)

(Here he included the lamest photpchop ID of the supposed woman in charge—apparently he forgot that he was supposed to be Robert Mueller—but I sort of let that slide).

Quote:

To your mail.
Its content was not understood, what the hell are you saying here, this office is disapointed in you for you to abuse this department in that manner, who do you think you are dealing with mrs gedmoev or what, i want you to know that you have abuse this office and for we to move on with you and carry out the investigation you have to write an apology letter to this department, since the terms of my head in this department i have not being abuse like this in my life even when i was a special agent in the FBI i was not humiliated like this, i want you to know that you are dealing with the FEDERAL BUREAU INVESTIGATION, and not an individual like what you have said in your last mail.
Was it because i ask the agent to inform you that you have to make the payment without secure mode, or because i can not accept your casheer check, i have my reasons, what if the bank head office in general notice i took a dud check to the bank do you know the inplication of that, and what if the office in general also notice some one paid to this office via western union with a secure mode do you also know what that means, i want you to know that the FBI is just trying to make sure you are safe thats why we want all this come easily, if you are still willing to work with this department then you are to write an apology latter to this office an along with your payment information, still note we do note recieve money under secure mode.
I also want you to find below my working identification card with the FBI.
WARMEST REGARDS
HEAD OF DEPARTMENT UNITED KINGDOM
MRS STELLA SCOT

This is great. My lad is so far off script he is really entertaining now.
I decide to push the matter while seeming slightly conciliatory:

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Scot:

First, if you can apprehend these criminals without my input, that is fine by me. I'd rather not be involved if it can be avoided.

Second, You ask why I am now suspicious. I am suspicious because:

1) You will not accept a guaranteed cashier's check.

2) You will not accept secure transfer.

3) When I questioned your people about this, I did not get an immediate reply.

4) Gedmeov would try something just like this in order to get to me. She is desperate to get to me.

Your sending a scan of your ID is helpful and a good start; however, I am still not convinced that you are not actually Gedmeov or one of her henchmen. Now that I have a good picture of you, Mrs. Scot and a copy of your ID as an FBI director, I would would like to set up a simple test to verify that it is really you I am dealing with. Please send me a large and clear photo scan of you holding a hand-written sign that reads, "Pat DuTuschie" on it. That way I will know it is you.

I can see that this might be too undignified for a woman in your position, so if you wish, you could send me the picture ID of one of your subordinate agents and have him or her hold the sign.

If you cannot do this, I will assume you are Gedmeov or working for her, and you will recieve no further replies from me.

Thank you for your understanding.

Apparently my lad thought he had scored. He tries to lay down the law with me:
HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail.
It was recieve in this office and its content was well understood, i will like to inform you that the FBI is not here to harm or kill any person but to protect life, as for what you have ask for i can tell you that this department works under guid and still not have the full right to work alone, you can ask for anythings else but that of what you have ask for will not be possible because the head of authority did not give us the full other to provide you with the details you have ask for is base on security reasons, if you want me to provide you with all identification of all the specail agent in this department i will provide you with it, as you may know that i was not the person in charge of your file case, i have to take over your file case because of the intrust you have said in your last mail before the previous one, i want you to know that if i was working for mrs Gedmeov or am mrs Gedmeov i will have the photo and do what you have said and want.
I want you to fee free with this department, i sent you my identification because i want you to believe am not her, we dont send our identity to idividual like you who are under criminal investigation, but i have to do that on my own risk, the delay you have said in the lasgt mail was because we ask for pemission from the controler office if we can carry on with what you have ask for.
Do get back to me i know this mail will be read and understood by you.

WARMENST REGARDS
MRS SCOT
FBI INVESTIGATING DEPARTMENT.

Lame. I decide to have him think I’m bailing. I write:

Quote:

I am not going to risk my life for your investigation--especially because you are too lazy to cooperate. If you do not send me the proof I require, I will not deal with you.

If you really are the FBI, good luck with your case.
If you are Gedmeov or you work for her, go hang yourself.

That does the trick—sort of.

HITLAD / FBILAD:

Quote:

To your mail.

I want you to know that am sending this specail agent identification to you becaus i want you to know that am not who you think i am, this i hope will make you know that am not Gedmeov.

find attch copy of what you ask for.

MRS SCOT
FBI DEPARTMENT

Alas, he couldn’t figure out how to get the woman in the lame ID card to pose as I demanded, so he contrived a dismal photochop of a male “agent” holding a “piece of paper” with my name on it. I’ve posted that monster elsewhere on eater. The lad is not even trying. I replied with another “Go hang yourself.”

Finally my lad has come to realize that my character is never going to trust him as an FBI agent. He changes course the same day—using the same email address!

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

am mr roland
look here pat.
I want to just let you know that we are Gedmeov
boys and he is loooking for you every were i must tell you, we work for her but she dont pay us very well, we know were she is now and if you can pay us we will help you kill her and she will not find you any more, but if you fail then she will find you some days, she has left for Nigeria this morning, we will join her in few days time, so if you are ready to comply with us we will kill her and you will pay us for that, how about that working for you because i know you will pay us very well
get back to me if you are ready.
am mr roland

Holy Sheepdip! He actually thinks I would pay him to kill someone. Thank god Gedmeov is a fiction. I’m not even going to PRETEND that is an option. I immediately accept his new identity, but not his offer. I also want to make sure he does not even think about hurting some innocent person and present me the “evidence” of his handiwork, so I write back:

Quote:

Nigeria? That's possible. I would never have expected her to go to Nigeria. She must have connections in Lagos. I have heard rumors that there is a Russian syndicate operating there. Yivanna must be hurting if she has had to leave Italy and did not return to her old friends in Moscow. She used to pay well. This is a sign that she is going down.

Unlike your crazy boss, I do NOT hire killers--and if I did, it would not be through email.

Alright Roland. Here's the deal: Get me proof of Gedmeov's location and I'll deal with her myself in my own way. If you want to earn more than the few hundred Lira she throws your way, get me some information I can confirm. DO NOT HARM HER or ANYONE--just report on her location and her companions. Prove yourselves and see what happens.

It gets better from here, but I’ll have to share it in another installment.

Ciao for now.

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 3:41 pm

Great work! I really enjoyed this one -- looking forward to the next installment.

I think what really sells me on this bait is that the wonderfully simple premise -- a guy is on the run from the Mafia -- has a number of profound logical implications, and each and every one of these wreaks havoc with the lad's usual methods of doing business. Still, he keeps plugging gamely along as best he can, which admittedly isn't very well. Great stuff!

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:57 pm

Thanks for the comment, Colonel. Yes. It gets weirder as we move along.
I nearly got a safari out of him, but alas, I twigged him just shy of the payoff, as we’ll see later.

Also, I omitted a kiss-off letter I had directed to “Gedmeov” just before he “revealed” he actually works for her. Here it is:
Let me tell you something, Gedmeov.

Quote:

Covering my tracks from someone with your resources has been expensive. You won't find a trace of me on Google, and you'd be lucky to find a rumor of me in the INTERPOL database if you could access it. I've gone through a lot of pain and spent thousands on reconstructive surgery and much more since your boys tried for me in Miami.

Before this clumsy try on your part, I was considering buying you off with 10% if you would call off your goons--but after today's insult to my intellegence, you can forget it. You can waste more time and money trying to find me. I no longer think you are a threat. You have gotten sloppy and careless.

I've already sold more than half. Not a penny for you, Bitch.

My Hitlad turned FBI director Mueller, turned FBI woman Scot had morphed yet again; now he’s Mr. Roland, a mafia henchman working for Yivanna Gedmeov, Russian Mafia Queen. My lad has stretched himself too far, as he is now obligated to know details about someone who is a total figment of my imagination.

As you recall, my lad just revealed:
A. He works for Gedmeov.
B. Gedmeov is heading to Nigeria
C. He is to join her in Nigeria in a few days
D. He wants to defect from her employ to mine so he will act as my “spy” for now.
The humor potential is at an all-time high. My lad takes weekends off.

Sometime during this period I had an IM exchange in which I introduced a character modeled after Brock Samson of Venture Brothers fame. Essentially, I asked whether he was traveling with her. Yup. I also asked about various other members of her circle—I sent apparent surveillance photos of members of my band. Enjoy:

Quote:

2:05 PM FBI: hello
me: Roland?
FBI: she is in lagos right now
yes
she stays in an hotel called sharaton
2:06 PM me: Lagos.... That's not good. I do not have connectins there.
What name is she using?
FBI: over there ?
2:07 PM the name in nigeria ?
me: Yes.
FBI: she is called sarah antonio \
thats her name in nigeria
me: Thanks.
FBI: ok then
2:08 PM me: Hang on I'm checking my files.
FBI: what else do you need from me
i can give you the hotel reception to call
amd confirm
2:09 PM me: Fine. I'll confirm it with the internet.
FBI: ok then
me: Sarah Antoniio doesn't match any of her aliases, but it makes sense. She speaks fluent Italian like a native.
2:10 PM FBI: thats the name she use in checking in the hotel room
2:11 PM i can give you the reception number to call and confirm
why did she want you dead
me: She didn't tell you?
FBI: i want to know if she saying the trus
truth
she
she said you have her money
2:12 PM is that true ?
me: Let's just say that that is her side of the story. I simply took advantage of an opportunity.
FBI: ok
how do you want me to help you then
2:13 PM she want me to come over to nigeria by monday
me: I'll see if I can pick up her trail from the information you sent me. What I do with her is my business
FBI: so we both live for italy
me: I mean what I do with the information.
2:14 PM she wants you in Lagos? Did she say why?
FBI: no
she just ask me to come over
me: interesting
2:15 PM I think she is having cash flow problems.
FBI: i cant say
i want to live now
me: OK. Here's what I want you to do....
FBI: ok
2:16 PM me: Meet woth her as she plans. Tel her that the FBI scam worked and that you got me to flee the United States in order to avoid her hit...
2:17 PM Tell her that you instructed me to go to West
Africa. I have a safe house in Acra
2:18 PM FBI: ok
how much will you pay me for this ?
2:20 PM me: If you can get Gedmeov to meet me in Accra, I'll give you $ 15,000 --but she can't know it is a set-up and she cannot be harmed.
FBI: before she meet you how much is my advance payment
2:21 PM i mean before i get started
me: Advance? I don't pay until I get results.
2:22 PM Show me Yivann Gedmeiv and I'll bring twice that when you meet me.
FBI: i dont work,that way ok
2:23 PM me: Yeah, well I don't work any way but my way. Good luck wioth that. I'll take my chances.
FBI: if you can make any payment for me to belive you
2:24 PM just make some payment when i got to nigeria
then i will know you are seriuos
2:25 PM me: No. You show me Gedmeov and I'll pay you. If you can't work that way, then forget it. I'm not running a charity.
2:26 PM But do be careful. she will chop off your ears if she thinks you're spying for me.
2:30 PM Think about it. The choice is yours.
2:31 PM FBI: I DONT WOJ
2:33 PM me: Contact me from Nigeria on Monday or Tuesday. Let me know what you want to do.
2:34 PM FBI: GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER
me: Hell no!
2:35 PM FBI: OK
2:36 PM me: Good. We understand each other. I'll talk with you next week.
FBI: OK
BYE
CHAO
me: Ciao Roland

:27 PM FBI: hello
1:29 PM me: roland?
1:30 PM FBI: yes
1:31 PM how are you today
me: I sent you email
FBI: did you recieve my mail
me: I am well, and you?
I got your mail
FBI: fine
ok let me see your mail
hold
1:32 PM i just read your mail
she left with him
1:33 PM me: Roland, you need to be sure that you have the stones for this. Gedmeov will hunt you down if she has a hint you are working for me.
FBI: she is with two boys in nigeria
no
she cant find out
dont worry about that
me: Damn. Samson is the one to watch. He's an American mercenary.
FBI: yes i know
1:34 PM she inform me that she has some consiment in lagos
me: then you realize that if she is traveling with Samson she's looking for trouble.
She would not be dealing in ivory. That is too risky these days. Gold maybe.
1:35 PM FBI: i guess
me: Is the other boy also large?
FBI: so
yes
he is our last guy
he came new
1:36 PM he is from moscow
me: I have to think about this. I was hoping to catch her with less muscle.
DAMN
does he have an elaborate tattoo on his arm?
1:37 PM FBI: yes
me: Double Damn! It's one of her damned mob soldiers
FBI: lets live that for now
me: OK. Listen. You need to be really sure about this. This is her A team. These guys do not mess around.
1:38 PM FBI: what exact do you want me to do for you
me: I'm not sure. i need to think. Something big is happening.
FBI: like what
me: Do you know much about Nigeria?
FBI: yes
1:39 PM I have being there several times
me: if she has her Russian mob friends, with her you can expect there is some sort of government deal happening--an early bid on something
I've been there only once and that was many years ago.
1:40 PM FBI: ok
me: I don’t know who are the big players in Nigeria
FBI: i can only find out when i got to nigeria
me: I don't have contacts there.
FBI: i can give you all the best if you wish to work with me
1:41 PM me: Let me thinkit over.
FBI: ok
me: I need an export / import guy.
FBI: from Nigeria ?
1:42 PM me: she said she's interested in a "consignment"? That was her exact word?
FBI: who ?
me: yes, from Nigeria. West African borders are some of the worst to move across.
Gedmeov--you said she is there for a consignment
FBI: ok
1:43 PM i will get a good and relaible guy to work with you
yes
me: no promises. Don't promise him anything until I get a better understanding.
FBI: ok
1:44 PM me: damn. This is VERY interesting though.
I love a mystery
I have not seen anything in the news concerning Nigeria lately that would interest her.
1:45 PM Does the guy you have in mind have South African connections? All I can think of are diamonds and / or gold
1:46 PM hello
1:47 PM FBI: hi
i dont know for now
1:48 PM let me see him first
me: Do you know what Gedmeov was doing in Italy?
1:49 PM FBI: she went to see her boy friend
me: oh?
No shit.
1:50 PM Who is her latest victim?
FBI: thats what she told us
one casim
me: Casim. Dont know him
1:51 PM But then with Yivanna, I am not surprised.
FBI: he is her new boy friend
she meet her 3weeks back
me: Whatever you do. don't piss off her boy toy.
ohh especially a ney toy.
1:52 PM I know. Trust me.
FBI: ok
what the plan now?
me: All right let's play it cool. I need to figure out what she is doing.
1:53 PM With her in Africa I can rest a little easier--go out in public again
FBI: ok
ok
me: I'm going to pull in some cash and be ready to travel quickly if need be.
1:54 PM You keep me posted. Find out about your Nigerian contact--see what the housing market looks like in the Lagos region.
Do not buy anything. Do not make any promises to your friend
1:55 PM FBI: ok
me: and whatever you do, do not act suspicious when talking with Yivanna.
FBI: how about the apartment ?
ok
how do you want the apartment to go on
me: Don't rent one yet. Let me know what looks promising. If I decide to go there, I'll wire you cash.
1:56 PM Niger Tower looks like it might suit my needs.
Do you speak Russian?
FBI: no
english
me: DAMN
1:58 PM I'm stuck for ideas at the moment. I'll email you if I have more insight. Keep me informed if anything changes.
FBI: ok
me: Also, do NOT write anything down. Gedmeov usually has her boys’ stuff searched regularly.
1:59 PM FBI: i will give you my new email for contact as soon as i get to nigeria
me: OK Roland, thanks for the information. If this pans out, you'll be living well.
FBI: so she
2:00 PM dont get to know our plan
2:01 PM me: If she gets to know our plans, yo will be in serious danger.
FBI: thats why she dont need to know
me: Right
FBI: and you dont black mail me also
me: Take care. Ciao et gratci.
2:02 PM FBI: ciao
we talk later
me: agreed. bene
2:03 PM I will send you a picture of some of the Russians. Let me know if you see her new boy among them, ok?
I want to ID the other gorrilla
FBI: ok
me: thanks
I'm off
2:04 PM FBI: ok bye
________________________
2:31 PM FBI: hello
me: here
FBI: thats not the guy
me: thank god
2:32 PM FBI: ok
2:34 PM me: If she hired Gdansk, I'd be as good as dead. Fortunately, he is "retired" now--but enough money and .... well I was actually worried for the first time since Miami.
2:35 PM I'm going to send you one or two more pics once I find them. But nobody could be as much trouble as Gdansk, so I am much less concerned
2:36 PM later
FBI: ok then
_______________________

2:45 PM FBI: hello
am off
me: wait.
FBI: we will talk tomorow
me: I have one more pic. thirty seconds
FBI: i will then give you update on what she went to nigeria for
2:46 PM me: I'm sending you another picture
FBI: ok
2:47 PM have you sent it ?
2:48 PM me: it's on its way
FBI: ok
2:49 PM me: He's n the left--with the bullet scar behind his right eye.
2:50 PM He's not very bright. His English stinks.
FBI: he is not
the new guy has not took any pics with samson
me: ok. Thanks
Later. Ciao
FBI: ciao
2:51 PM talk tomorow

I decide to throw a curve ball, and send him this an hour or so later:
Roland:

Quote:

A reliable source reports that Gedmeov was spotted in Naples this morning. I could not confirm Gedmeov is in Lagos. If she is still in Italy, she is setting you up. If she suspects that you are willing to betray her, she intends to make an example of you.

Be very cautious. Do not go to Nigeria unless you are absolutely sure she has left Italy. If you MUST go, then do not go alone. I do not need to tell you how dangerous that little tattooed woman can be.

Have you taken the rose tattoo? If so, and if you have any family, you should forget about our previous conversation and never contact me again. I cannot pay you enough for you to risk your family. Otherwise, continue with me if you wish, but understand the danger.

Pat

But apparently all is well.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello Pat

How are you doing today, i just want to inform you that i have arrive Nigeria, now how do we go about all this plan, i will try now and look for that my friend who will help you with the business in south Afirca and the apartment in lagos.

kindly get back to me as soon as possible.

Regards
Roland

I am not pleased with this lack-luster report. I prod him for details, prep him for work and solicit proof that he is in my camp now.
I reply:

Quote:

Roland.

Please read this carefully.

Firstly:
Have you met with Gedmeov yet? Let me know why she is in Africa--what is the deal she has going.

Secondly:
You must be sure this friend of yours is utterly reliable and committed. He is going to handle thousands of dollars that I can not have traced back to me. If he makes a mistake, everything will be a waste of time and money. I would like to have your man set up a penthouse flat for me at Niger Towers. I'll need to send him the down payment and security deposit money; however, he will need to deposit it in his own account and then pay by check, so the money trail cannot be traced to me. Also, be sure he has the proper business clothes to look the part of a wealthy Nigerian businessman. I don't want people wondering what a poor kid from the streets of Lagos is doing in a $3,000 / month penthouse.

Before your man in Nigeria can work for me, I will need a record of his allegiance along with proof that he is a real person--not just someone whose picture you send me from the internet like you did with that pitiful "FBI agent" photo. You must send to me BOTH of the following:

1) Scan of his photo ID. The ID may be a passport or driver's license.

2) Scan or digital photo of your man dressed in a manner I choose and holding a sign that I will dictate. Have your man wear a tuxedo and hold a hand-lettered sign that reads, "I PLEDGE TO PAT DUTUSCHIE." I want to see a clear picture that demonstrates this is the same man in the ID photo. I want both scans to be clear and large.

Also Roland, please know this, if you try to con me again with fake pictures, I will not be tolerant. I repay obedience and loyalty well. I measure results. Do as I say and you will soon have reward enough--especially as a fellow Italian. Fail and you will have nothing but more service to Gedmeov and her Russian goons.

Ciao,

PD

I had done some quick research on Niger Towers—Nice place. It does have penthouses like the one I “require.” I’m hoping I might get lucky and have my lad make a down payment for me, but I know that would be a huge long shot. This guy is cash poor.

My lad has realized that if he is going to do any footwork for me he might need to appear in public at places I will eventually visit. Apparently he would not do well impersonating an Italian. He needs to pass work onto his “friend” in Nigeria (who no doubt bears an uncanny resemblance to the lad himself). He also provides a phone number. I never called him, feel free to give him a ring if you’re so inclined.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello pat

I have recieve your mail, i have seen her she and she went there to meet a new business man who will start supllying her gold from next week, i have spoke with my friend about your previous mail, he said you have to write a letter of trust to him before he can work with you, i also find out about the apartment and ghey said in one year you will have to pay $800usd, i will like you to call me on phone so we can talk aver this i dont want Gedmeov to know am working with you, here is my private line, +2347036864355.

Regards
Roland

This will not do. Slap time:

Quote:

Roland:

You disappoint me. Where are the pictures I ordered?

Pay attention!

I will not write a "letter of trust" for your associate. If he can't accept my terms or fulfill my requirements, then forget him. Anyone who is going to work woth me or for me will wrk on my terms nd my terns alone. You have read my letter regarding what I require to use your friend. Have him supply the scans as I instructed. Again, if he can't accept my terms or fulfill my requirements, then forget him. what part of my previous letter did you NOT understand?

This is your final warning.
Obey my instructions or return to Gedmeov and beg for crumbs from her table. I do NOT tolerate arrogance or disobedience. If you ask me for money again before you send me what I require then our business is over.
I already told you, no phone calls.

You need to understand right now that I am always willing to go with a good deal, and I am always willing to walk away from a bad deal. Do you understand me, Roland?

My pet tries to deflect my ID demands by providing me some juicy info on Gedmeov. Apparently, it has not occurred to him that she is MY fictional character, not his. He seems to think he cam make up anything and it will have to work.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Greetings to you Pat.

How are you doing today, i am very sorry for the late response to your mail, i an mrs Gedmeov travel to Abuja to see one mr evans who will be supplying her some gold in the next week so i can not contact you when i as with her, i want you to know that as soon as i get to lagos i will ask my friend to send you all the requiment you ask for, keep me posted, i was the person that introduce mr evan to mrs Gedmeov.
The will have business don by next week end.
Regards
ROLAND

Well, well! Gedmeov is a fiction, but it happens that there is a fairly powerful man named “Evans” who deals in precious commodities from Africa! Cool. I jump on the connection, hoping he will lock himself into explaining the whereabouts of a real human.

I write an excited response:

Quote:

Is it Patrick C. Evans?

Good work, Roland.

Keep me posted.

He does.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:
Regards to your mail.

Do you know this man evans? generaly she went to Nigeria to meet on alhaji mustafa, so she told me that if i know any one to help her supply gold, then this my friend who wants to work with you told me about mr evans then we both travel to Abuja to see him, so she paid for the goods then mr evans will supply her the golds by next week, will you like to do this gold business in nigeria is vert good here because every one wants to buy gold here in nigeria, as for your job guy he will send the picture you have ask for then you can move on.
Regards
Roland

Looks like my lad is close to committing to Evans’ ID. He keeps stalling on the ID picture. I suspect he is worried about a genuine mafia type like me getting his real image.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Regards to your mail.

Do you know this man evans? generaly she went to Nigeria to meet on alhaji mustafa, so she told me that if i know any one to help her supply gold, then this my friend who wants to work with you told me about mr evans then we both travel to Abuja to see him, so she paid for the goods then mr evans will supply her the golds by next week, will you like to do this gold business in nigeria is vert good here because every one wants to buy gold here in nigeria, as for your job guy he will send the picture you have ask for then you can move on.
Regards
Roland

Only later did I realize that I missed a good opportunity to have the lad make an airport run and carry a silly sign. Sigh. Instead I shot back with too much information on the real P.C. Evans. I get too involved in the fiction for fun, missing better baiting. Read on:

I wrote:

Quote:

Do I know him? Holy shit, Roland--if this is who I suspect, this is a what the Americans call "a whole new ball game."

If this is Patrick C. Evans, Gedmeov is dealing with one of the most influential dealers in precious metals in the world and one of a very few successful former South Africans involved in diamonds outside of the DeBeers clan. I have met him several times. He never travels with large sums of money, gold or precious stones himself. He's a major importer and exporter, so he is watched closely by international governments--especially the USA and SA governments.

Evans is very well known to deal only in perfectly legal business, so I would be very amazed to learn he is involved with the likes of Gedmeov and her friends. Public association with her could ruin his company’s' standing in the market. It is possible he does not realize who he is dealing with. Of course, it is also possible that Yivanna is actually involved in a legal deal.

This is VERY interesting news--if it is indeed P.C. Evans. Please see if you can verify his identity. Try a Google search on Patrick C. Evans and compare his description / picture with the man Yivanna is meeting. A photograph of the two together could be worth thousands of dollars to the right people--but as you know, Gedmeov is violently opposed to having her picture taken. I would not attempt it unless I were 100% sure it is risky free.

PD

DANG. I went way too far. He decides I know too much about the real Evans, so he makes him Nigerian.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello Pat
How are you doing today, i hope all is well with you and your family, i want you inform you that am not sure is the evans you know, this mr evan here is a Nigeria man and not from the US, and also we will be getting back to lagos on wenesday night because mr evan will have to send mrs Yivanna her conciment, i want to also inform you that my friend here in Nigeria said he has arange the picture and id you need from him and also want to know when you want him to get the job started because he has to arange a south africa passport to enable him free from custom, i must tell you mrs pat am getting you the best of man here but you dont have to black mail me and let mrs Yivanna know i have being working for you, as soon as we have our deal sign i will let her know i dont want to work for her any more.
I hope all this is understood and clear to you.
Regards
Roland

I returned to the defection angle while I push again for a trophy:

Quote:

Roland,

Thanks for your mail.

You are correct. This is not the same man.

Regarding your telling Gedmeov that you don't want to work for her anymore--I suggest you do NOT do that unless you do not value your life. She has hired you as a killer. You know too much. She will not let you simply walk away.

The only good way to quit working for her is for you to vanish. Move to a new location, and then change your identity. You might not wish to return to Italy for at least three or four years. A man in your occupation should not have family ties.

Also, never trust anyone. Your Nigerian contact is taking too much time to authenticate himself. Make sure he is not setting you up. Make sure he does not have ties to local authorities.

My lad stalls, the rascal.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello Pat
I have hard all that you have said, but i must tell you i will do exactly what you have said, when mr evans have send her the consiment we are supose to live together but i will disapear as soon as she recieve the consiment, i must tell you the Nigeria is very good and reliable am the one delaying the job because am not in lagos now an i have to verify every picture and identity before sending to you because i dont want to be blam in any way, just have some patience as soon as i return from Abuja i will send you the picture of him that you have ask for, but Mrs pat if i want to stay here in Nigeria i will like to resite in Edo state Nigeria were sge can not find me at all, i have being making plan now for an apartment were i will stay, i need to get married now and have kids, am still looking for a good woman who will love me for ever.
I will send you the picture of this my friend as soon as i return from Abuja, but i ask you then will you like to do business with this man evans so can also tell him about you.
Is very hard here for me in nigeria becsuse my debit card does not work and mrs Gedmeov is very selfish, i ask my friend to send me $600usd but he refuse because he want to use his money for women.
i need to buy some good clothes here before i ask for Nigeria ATM CARD from my bank in Uk.
Regards

DANG again. Imissed a great lovelad opportunity: " need to get married now and have kids, am still looking for a good woman who will love me for ever." I could have introduced a lady for my lad!

Alas, I simply acknowledge dhis mail and waited for him to continue. He mailed the next day with another stall and a new plea for money.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

To your mail.

I will try and do exactly what you have said, as soon as she recieve
the consiment from mr evans we are supose to live together but i will
live her to a hide hotel and then live for Edo start Nigeria, but is
very hard for me here since my debit card can not work here in Nigeria
and i have to meet up with my bank in uk before the nigeria bank will
activate my debit card here, i must tell you my friend here in nigeria
is waiting for me to return so i can verify before sending to you, is
very very hard here since she is very selfish to give me money to take
care of my self.

i will keep you inform.

Regards
Roland

Fat chance. I ignore his money plea and try to introduce another character—after all he traveled with Gedmeov. He has to know others in the party, right? I bring back Gedmeov’s bodyguard, Samson into play. I wrote:

Quote:

Roland,

I have word that Samson landed in Monte Carlo this morning. Is Gedmeov still with you?

Also, what is happening with your Nigerian man?

The relentless lad tries again for money.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Greetings to you Pat
How are you doing today, i just want to inform you that am now in Lagos and i have meet with my friend i will send you the Id and the picture tomorrow first thing, in regards to your mail Gedmeov is still with me in lagos but as for Samson he went for another business, i will like you to know that Gedmeov will be going back to Italy by next week and i will not go with her deu to our plan, i have make all arangement with a friend here who will help me get a good apartment in EDO STATE NIGERIA, as i have told you before i will send the picture first thing tomorrow morning, like i also told you am very broke here in nigeria because my bank has not activate my debit card to nigeria bank, i real need help from you, can you please help me with $800usd to enable me meet up with my arangement in Nigeria, i dont want you to look at it as task or any job fee, i real need this help from you as you know i have also try my best to help you also, i dont want to ask Gedmeov because she will want to know what is the money for and she mint suspect me also.
Kindly get back to me as soon as this mail is recieved.
Regards
Roland

What a weenie. Who does he think I am?
SLAP:

Quote:

Roland.

I am not about to give you any portion of the money that Gedmeov owes you, and I am not a bloody charity. Get your money from Gedmeov before she leaves.

Where are the materials from your friend? I have work for him once I am satisfied.

The lad stalls some more.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Am very sorry for the late mail, like i told you i have finnaly ran away from lagos so she can not see me, i will get back to you am in a public cafe to send mail please be patient.

roland

This is starting to drag. I decide that this is a good time to introduce Bruin’s excellent “Orphaned MTCN’s “Modality. I copy and paste bruin’s script altering it only slightly to fit my character. THANKS BRUIN!

Quote:

Roland, I have some orphan MTCN jobs for your friend as soon as he sends me the materials I require.

I have connections with an auditor working for Western Union. Every year, thousands of Western Union cash transfers are never picked up by the recipient. Most are small ($50 to $200) but some are over $1,000.00. Even though many transactions are small, if you pick up a lot of these, you can make a lot of money quickly.

The usual reason a transaction was not picked up is this: A tourist gets robbed or loses his wallet. He asks relatives in the USA to send him money via Western Union Secure. Somehow in the meanwhile, he gets home without picking up the money. Once he is home, he either forgets about the money or discovers that the money can only be picked up in the country where he was traveling - it is not worth his time to travel back for $100, so he forgets about it. These abandoned transactions are called "orphans." There are thousands of them!

After 180 days, the MTCN number drops off the web and can no longer be checked on the internet. It is "sleeping" but it is still a good MTCN that my contact can reactivate for a 12-hour period without anyone noticing." Through my contact, I can get access to all orphan MTCNs for eight different nations.

Ususally I travel and hire a local to collect these transaction, then I split the money with my collection man and my contact -- My contact does not travel: it would be suspicious for a man in his position with Western Union to travel around the world to locations where a lot of orphan transactions are getting paid out. As you know, Roland, I've been limiting my travel because of Gedmeov's constant threat to my life. I was going to go to Africa, but now that she is returning to Italy where she will have better resources to track me, I am staying hidden here.

What I can do is give your friend the MTCN's for the west African transactions. Do not go yourself. A white, western man traveling to small WU outlets will attract the attention of thieves. I'll give you the question and the answer for each transaction, and you can change the name of the recipient to your name.

As a test, I will arrainge to get 20 relatively small MTCN numbers (total about $2,500) for whichever country you want out of my set of eight countries. You have your Nigerian friend go to the pick-up locations, email me and then pick up the money. You send me one-half BY MONEY GRAM so that it cannot be traced to me.

Once you send me one-half, I will send you another set of 20 MTCN's. Once this works, you can hire other friends for later jobs. Then another. Then another. And then another. There are thousands of these orphan MTCN's in each of my eight countries. Many of these transactions are larger than $500, and some are in excess of $1,000.

If you fail to send me 1/2, you will never hear from me again. But if you are faithful in sending me my percentage, I will send you lots of MTCN's.

Keep me informed and get me your friend's ID and pledge photo as I require.

My lad is suddenly interested, even lapsing into ALL CAPS EXCTEMENT.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

In regards to your mail.
I have head all that you have said and i have take it to be very good job for us, i will like youn to proceed with the MTCN send them to me as soon as possible then we both can make a lot money from this, let me inform you Pat am not that kind of selfish type that keep money of other people that have business, let me tell you Pat the reason why i have not send my friend Id that you have ask for is that i want the best for you because i dont want any complain from my side.
Just give me a try and see how i meet up with your demand by sending the first set of the mtcn, i have contact friend in NIGERIA, ITALY UK, SPAIN, CANADA, US, CHINA.
GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND SEND ME EACH MTCN DETAILS.
REGARDS
ROLAND.

Ah, but it’s not that easy. Still, I do try to give him an out for having a Nigerian send his ID instead of him.
I wrote:

Quote:

Roland:

I can get orphan MTCN's for Italy, France, Spain, Cote d'Ivoire, Burkina Faso, Ghana, Egypt, and South Africa; however, I already have collectors working in Europe and Egypt. If you want to be involved you would have to travel--that's why i figured you'd want to get your friend to do the leg work. The secure orphan MTCN's can be activated only in the countries they were intended to be delivered to. Whoever picks them up will need to visit multiple outlets in that country in order to avoid suspicion.

Let me know which country you are willing to visit (ot have your friend visit) and what name you or your collector is going to use to pick up the money. My WU contact will need to put that name as recipient in the computer for those numbers later when he activates the orphan MTCN's.

The first 20 MTCN's I get you will bring you between 1 and 2 thousand. This is a small payout to start, but remember, if I do not get 1/2 of the collection you do not get any more work.

Good luck wth this. My man in Italy keeps between 5 and 8 thousand USD a week. My Egyptian makes half of that, but then he seldom takes more than 10 MTCN's a week.

Also, I want either your friend's ID and pledge photo, or I want yours before anyone collects anything. Those who do my work must pledge to Pat DuTuschie--no exceptions. Again, let me know what country you are interested in and the name of the recipient. I will send you the trial 20 MTCN's and the questions / answers.

Ciao,

Notice I insisted he send me my trophy first. He tries to run around it.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

regards to your mail,.

I will take the job for ghana, south africa, if you also have the one for nigeria then send down also, i will like you to send the one for south africa and then the one for ghana as soon as you recieve this mail to enable me start the job and get the money fast.

Do this and keep me posted.

i await your mail and mtcn.
regards
Roland.

SLAP time again:

Quote:

Roland,

You disappoint me.

By now you should have sent me mail via a new yahoo or hotmail account with your ID and your picture of yourself holding a hand written sign that reads, "I pleadge to Pat DuTuschie."

I have given you every opportunity roland, and you have not produced.

I will not have those MTCN's activated. The deal is off.

Alas, I do not have the exchange in which he begs forgiveness and we move on. Let’s skip ahead. Nevertheless, he keeps stalling the trophy pic.

At this point I realize that if he does take a safari, his gmail account will make it difficult to prove. I decide to get him to open a more track-able email account. I also try to sweeten the pot with some more of Bruin’s script (slightly altered to suit my personal humor):

Quote:

Roland,

(1) I got an email from a friend today, warning me that your old boss is trying harder to find me. I am concerned that Gedmeov might be aware of your "FBI" account since you used it for her attempted scam on me. I don't need her Russian goons getting involved. You must use a different email account. Open a new Yahoo or Hotmail account (Not GMAIL). In the future, include the code phrase, "I pledge to Pat DuTuschie" in your subject lines so I know the mail is truly from you.

2) I am including 20 orphan mtcn's for Ghana (See below.). THEY ARE NOT ACTIVE RIGHT NOW. YOU MUST SEND ME YOUR ID AND PLEDGE PHOTO, or I will not have these MTCN's activated.

Once you send me your ID and pledge photos, you can go to Ghana for the money. When you get to Ghana, send me an email so I can activate the numbers. I will have my contact activate each when you are ready to pick them up. Remember, they will only be active for 12 hours and you should NOT collect more than three transfers at any one location, so you will need to move quickly.

These total $3,090.00. Once you have sent me 1/2 of this amount ($1,545.00 - you may deduct the cost of the Money Gram transmission), I will send you 20 more MTCN's - - and these will be much larger.

All of these will be directed to recipient, "Williams Moore."

(1) 04-18-22-66-47 amount $165.00
question: How old are you? 47

(2) 38-21-35-65-49 amount $215.00
question: What color? Green

(3) 73-54-26-19-09 amount $100.00
question: magic words? Please and thank-you

(4) 31-17-91-64-12 amount $550.00
question: What is love? God

(5) 71-82-41-90-33 amount: $150.00
question: What did I tell you? Mom is always right

(6) 37-24-16-88-59 amount: $75.00
question: My birthday? February 23

(7) 11-04-69-81-20 amount: $50.00
question: we met in this city: Paris

( Cool

49-34-23-71-77 amount: $125.00
question: Pet's name? Doggoneit

(9) 17-00-12-65-45 amount: $600.00
question: Why? Wallet stolen

(10) 29-11-18-90-61 amount: $150.00
question: Why? Because I say so!
m
(11) 01-54-73-26-94 amount: $160.00
question: What color? Blue

(12) 37-19-21-46-07 amount: $50.00
question: Where? Ghana

(13) 99-69-31-16-88 amount: $120.00
question: Name of the President? George W. Bush

(14) 79-62-81-33-35 Amount: $100.00
question: Who do I work for? UN

(15) 60-00-36-70-12 amount: $100.00
question: Who is Boxer? a dead dog

(16) 27-17-94-35-51 amount: $80.00
question: Who? Uncle Ray
(17) 31-28-08-75-16 amount: $100.00
question: What name? Janet Allia

(1 Cool

91-22-45-13-87 amount: $100.00
question: The best ever? Star Wars

(19) 50-03-41-59-12 amount: $150.00
question: your boat? Sea Spider II

(20) 62-46-88-71-73 amount: $100.00
question: Who rules football? Arsenal

Ciao

Pat

My clever lad wants me to activate the MTCN’s before he travels. I uspect he hopes to try and access them locally. He still uses the FBI gmail AND he gets cheeky.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

In regards to your mail.

I will live for Ghana now for me to enable the payment pick up, just go ahead and activate the mtcn so i can pick up the money as soon as possible, i can not send you my pics because of mrs Gedmeov. she mint locate me with the ID just go and activate the mtcn be free with me but you have to know that mrs Gedmeov has arive italy.

I told you to send the one for ghana and south africa but you send ghana alone, do send the one for south africa the i will move at once to get the money.
Regards
Roland

In retrospect I should have simply said OK and let him waste a trip to his local WU, then slap him for being an idiot and not going to Ghana. Oh well. I m a relative newbie you know. I didn’t like his tone, so I replied:

Quote:

Follow my instructions. You will do this my way, or not at all.

I hear nothing back for few days, so I decide to send an ASEM to another one of my “associates” (named HyLo) to let my lad see what he’s missing:

Quote:

Hy,

I'm sending you this in a hurry--moving to a new safe house in a few minutes. The big blonde gorrilla just arrived in NYC. If you don't hear from me by Monday, have Pallin see to your account.

The man I had for Africa is either too lazy or too stupid to follow simple directions. This was a disapointment: If I told you who he had been working for and in what capacity, you would be amazed.

You have the SA job. Your instructions are the same. If you are going to use a collector other than yourself, he MUST pledge the same way you did before he picks up any transfer. And be sure he does not make more than three in any one place. We don't need another "Santiago" on our hands.

Let me know when you are in place for the first 50 MTCN's for SA, (but no sooner than Monday). You're going to need to use all of them if you really expect to send me $7000 by Friday! Good luck my friend, and keep your hand no matter what. You're worth much more with them both, right?

Ciao,
Pat

Quote:

On Thu, Apr 15, 2009 at 2:06 PM, Pat DuTuschie <[email protected]> wrote:

Let me get back to you Hy. I'm testing a potential cappo for the area. If he fails to produce, the territory is yours. How you manage J-brg and Naples is your business so long as you produce. Also, do not write me in Italian. You come off as uneducated..

Ciao,
Pat

On Thu, Apr 14, 2009 at 1:58 AM, HyLo
<[email protected]> wrote:

Saluti Patrick matrice. Ho esaminato il potenziale della
Sudafrica. Diami il contratto e gli porterò $7.000 ogni
settimana. Se vengo a mancare, gli dò la mia mano destra.

Rispettoso, sono il vostro servo,
Hy

I’ll let those who want to bother to translate the Italian. I didn’t expect he would bother, but what the heck. One hour later I sent this to my lad:

Quote:

Roland:

Ignore the last letter. It is not for you. I sent it to you by mistake.

Naturally, even after this hint, he didn’t realize this was sent “by mistake”. The dolt writes back:

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Pat

How are you doing today, am very sorry for not getting to you fast by
mail, i have head you am now in a safe house, you have to send the 50
mtcn now so i can move on with the business before is too late.

Roland

The friggin moron! He is too stupid to bait properly, but at least he is getting more desperate. He writes again:

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hellom Pt

Why up till now i have not recieve your mail and the mtcn for south africa, do get back to mewith this and lets be fast about all transaction.

ROLAND

I reply:

Quote:

Roland:

You have not followed my instructions. I cannot use you.

Ciao,

The lad actually tries to make me feel guilty! What stones! You gotta admire his brashness.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello Pat

Why do you have to betral me like this, i gave you all info and now you want to live me alon, you would have told me this so i can still work with her and follow her to italy, is very bad pat.

ROLAND

I slap him:

Quote:

I told you, if you want to work for me, you must follow my instructions. If you do not obey, you do not work for me. That is your problem, not mine.

If you cannot follow instructions on simple, small things, I know you will not produce in the bigger things.

It is all up to you, Roland.

He begs, sort of
HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD:

Quote:

Hello Pat
What do you want me to do now, i have got a new email address as you said what else do you want me to do, like i told you before i dont want my picture dispose because she mint see it some days and know i work for you then i can not get more info about her any moore, just try and understand me now ok.

Regards
ROLAND

I let him stew a few days. I ignore his IMs.

Finally he at least creates a traceable yahoo account and sends me an email from “Roland Williams.” Apparently he forgot that “Roland” is his last name.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD ROLAND / MAFIALAD Williams

Quote:

Like i told you before i want to carry out your job but am afriad that i dont want to dispose my pics because she mint find out some days with his hackers friend they can hack your box or mine and fine out all this is going on with us.

Roland

I try to encourage him and slap him a little too:

Quote:

Roland

Good start. I m please you have begun to follow instructions.

I am alive and I am living in comfort after over 24 months since the Russians targeted me. I know what I am talking about. Gedmeov knows what you look like. If she gets your picture it will not change anything.

Regardless, this work will require you to go out in public. If you're afraid Gedmeov will get you, then you'l need to do as I do, and get others to do your footwork.

But no matter what, you will get no work from me if you do not obey me. If you cannot follow my instructions, you cannot work for me. I can find others who are able to do as they are told. I need to know that when I tell you to do something it will be done.

I have given the South Africa jobs to a man who is based many hundreds of miles from there because I know he obeys orders.

Send me what I require and I will see about activating the 20 Ghana MTCN's I sent you last week.

This is the last time I will offer you an opportunity. If you fail, you are out. If you follow my instructions I will have those MTCN's activated.

Send me a scan of your clear photo ID and also a large, clear photo of yourself holding a hand-written sign that reads, "I pledge to Pat DuTuschie." Note well: this means you are to send me two (2) different photos. Do not try to send me a forgery. I will know.

Ciao,

He is desperate now.
HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD

Quote:

Hello Pet
I will like to infom you that dispise i want to work for you, you too have to understand my side of it that my life will be in danger is she find out, i fi want to send you my pics it must not be this elier time that we just stated, mean while you have to have it to my side, know it that i have also help you, if you forget me how do you want me to work with her aagin and live my normal life when you have promise to help me then?
Regards
Roland

He wants the money but he is dead set against sending me my trophy. I am worried that he does not know how to deal with the problem that his ethnic appearance will blow the deal. Here I make the mistake that truly twiggs him, thinking that I can let him off the hook with the ethnicity problem, I let him know that I know he is not an Italian.

Quote:

You knew the kind of woman Yivanna was when she hired you. What do you expect? You were a hired gun: a killer working for another killer. It's a risky business. If you work for people like her, you will live in danger.

I'm almost saddened by what you have become, Roland. Do you actually think that I have not had my own resources start to track you? I already know that you are not a native Italian as I had thought, but you are a young African man. I know about the Lagos Internet cafe you used today in order to contact me. I know you are socializing with the riff-raff scammers who try to con a few dollars a month from old women. Do you want to become one of those poor dogs begging for scraps?

If you don't like what you see, go back to Gedmeov, or else, work for me, if you can obey my instructions.

No pledge, no work, no exceptions.

I scared him off instead.

HITLAD / FBILAD / MAFIALAD

Quote:

i can see you want to black mail me, go i dont need it.
roland

Alas, the rest is silence. I tried to tweak him from time to time, but he seems to be too worried that I present a real life danger. I did throw a parting shot for humor and effect:

Quote:

Roland:

I have good news for you. There is high-paying work waiting for you.

I have heard from a reliable source that Gedmeov is looking for some muscle in the Lagos are of Nigeria. I'm told that she needs a man to "make an example" out of someone who has been impersonating a member of her business group. Since you are already there, I'm sure you could get back in touch with her and take the job.

Ciao

Well that’s all folks.

fini

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:57 pm

oops

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:57 pm

oops again

Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 1:56 am

Ha ha, excellent! Great work, thanks for posting! Laughing

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