Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer - a lad production

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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:20 pm

Some of you might have heard of a strange lad named Emmanuel, who is a budding screenwriter. Several of us have baited him because of his brilliant script for his movie "Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer."

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=153200

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=154247

After a break from baiting, I checked my "Stephen Colbert" character's mailbox and a new e-mail from Emmanuel was there waiting for me Smile

The last time I heard from him was August of last year. He wanted to know if I was still interested in helping him make his movie.

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
You have to look inward as to your company investing into this production. There is no fear as to the success of this movie.
I have decided to get across to you this one more time to let you know the level of the production preparation I have achieved. I need you to invest in this production right here in my country Nigeria as I have many things in place, good number of casting crew I have penciled down.
I have the shooting locations in place which you should read from the web link below. Jos shooting location is very suitable as its population comprises of both black and white as its weather is cool. Abuja has a world class golf course called IBB GOLF COURSE - Abuja and other good shooting locations.
I need a co-producer from USA there as I need some casting crew from USA there to complete the needed cast for the production. . Production equipments are needed.
Good movies shot in Africa do well in festival circuits.
The script is far beyound what You have with you as it is a must success movie considering the level of the script.
There are golf scenes, fist fighting, family rankle, love and hate, snake scenes, club scenes, sex scenes, drug scenes, Police shoot out, gangstar, hovercraft, Apache helicopters and Belgian attack dogs. The script is over 120 pages.
I need you to come down and invest into this production. I can offer to come for negotiation if you so wish.
My good regards.
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.

Of course I'm still interested!

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
I have been so busy in respect of the production as to getting some notable Nigerian casting crew pencil down for the production.
It is good your company are ready to make a block buster production with this aesthetic movie, considering the thrill of the story vehicle, which is a must watch by all.
You will let me know the convinent date for you and your co-workers to come down to Nigeria , as I will have to make the necessary arrangement for your accommodation and transportation. With us full completing negotiation by putting pen to paper for the project and your company fully ready to carry out the production, then we will be able to travel down for the different shooting locations.
NOTE: You and your co-workers will spend days here in Nigeria as we will have to travel down the different shooting locations, which are far from each other.
Having the combination of American casting crew and Nigeria casting crew will make a great wave for the script, as the Jos shooting location will match that.
I have no objection as to you finding an actor for the role of Jones, I think it will be nice for you to include him in your travelling trip to Nigeria. With your readiness and your crew that will accompany you, you will let me know how many of you are travelling down and we estimate the number of days you are likely to spend, as that will enable me know how much money you will send for preparation, "accommodation, feeding and transport". There is no fear as to the success of this movie project, because it has all it take to make a good return on investment capital.
You are free to call for any discussion in respect of this project.

Let me know when you will be coming and how many of you are making the trip? That will enable me plan for your trip.
It will be nice to have you come with an experinced PRODUCER.
There is need for us to proceed straight to the nest line of action, with you confirming an authentic date for me.

My good regards,
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.

So I need to get a co-producer too? What about actors? And those Belgian attack dogs?

Quote:

I will need some more actors and actresses from USA there too. When we are throught with the negotiation and finalise our paper work "partnership agreement signing" and your company ready to take up the shooting, with the Co-producer that will come with you, I will let him have an audition over there in USA for those roles.
The golf scenes, fist fighting, family rankle, love and hate, gangstar,snake scenes,club scenes, sex scenes, drug scenes are no problem. The equipments for these areas are what I need to know from you how we are to have them: Police shoot out, hovercraft, Apache helicopters and Belgian attack dogs. I need to have your phone number so we can be discussing as need arises.
My regards.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

Make that 4 Apache helicopters.

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
We need two hovercrafts. Four helicopters. One high class powerbike for Jones. Five other powerbikes. It is nice that you are already working towards getting the production equipments. There a lot of equipments that we need but when you finally come, then you will see for yourself the need for those items.
I know for sure that this production will make a global success with all my analysis. The project is better done than just say.
I would have love to have you come MAY 2009 with a producer along with you as he will be in a good position to carry out the audition for those casting crew from USA that we need, after our due analysis of the script. Having a PRODUCER accompany you for your trip is of more importance to us than a casting crew.
You can reschedule for MAY 2009 instead of JUNE 2009, after which, I don't need to ask or speak about the urgency of the project. The success that this movie will make will be beyond your wildest imagination. "Guns blazing as the drug cartel gang fight the government troop" You have to let me have your phone number so we can discuss as need arises.
My good regards.
PRODUCER

Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

Where O where would I get another producer and actors for this movie?

Twisted Evil

Time for an ASEM (sents to lads from the mass insult thread - always a good source of not too bright scammers).

Quote:

Subject: Wanted - Producing partner for independent action film

Hello,

I am a independent film producer working with a bright, young and talented screenwriter - Mr. Emmanuel. He has sold me his script, "Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer" and we are looking at making it into next year's big hit. It is all about Jones, a young man who dreams of being the next big golf star, but has many family difficulties that get in his way.

I need someone to help me with this project and act as my co-producer. Do not worry, you do not need to put up any money or capital, I have plenty of that. I just need someone to help me film this exciting new project in Africa. I am willing to pay you if you help me co-produce this film.

Please e-mail me if you are interested and we can discuss this project further.

--
Yours in Truthiness,
Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

I honestly didn't think I would get any responses. Never underestimate a greedy lad with stars in his eyes Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:27 pm

First up is a lad who calls himself "Mr. Fred"

Quote:

Subject: Regarding your project

Hello Dr. Stephen T. Colbert.

i'm in receipt of your mail and i wish to state here that i'm very interested your co-producer in your project. Actually, i'm based in africa and i have ideals regarding as i'm presently a part time movie actor and would like to go into it fullu if i have the opportunity.
So, i'm interested in becoming your partner.

You can reach me back quickly to proceed.

Yours sincerely
Mr.Fred

Perfect! As I had another lad on the hook for Jones (a lad by the name of Victor who once did a fun run for me), I thought that part had been taken. Unfortunately, Victor stopped writing me all of a sudden - so it's your luck day, Mr. Fred!

Quote:

Dear Mr. Fred,

Wow, that is great news! It just so happens that our lead actor, Victor, has just dropped out of the project.

What films have you worked on in the past?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:29 pm

Loves it!

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:35 pm

I still needed a co-producer. Enter Mr. Robert Nelson.

Quote:

Hi Stephen,
Can you please tell me more about this project of yours? Maybe I might be interested.

R. Nelson.

Quote:

Dear Nelson,

Thank you for your quick response.

The film is an indepedent production. I already have the financing in place.

As I said before, it is about an African man, Jones, who dreams of being a professional golfer. Unfortunately for Jones, he has problems with his family, particularly his brother and his mother. Due to unforseen circumstances, Jones also begins running drugs. Meanwhile, his brother Kenny (the one with whom Jones has the most difficulty) is quite jealous of Jones and accuses their mother of not loving him enough. Tragically, at the end of the movie, Jones accidentally kills Kenny. It is a great script written by a promising young writer, O. Emmanuel.

There are a few additional characters - Jones's father, Kenny's girlfriend/wife, members of Jones's drug gang.

I think this will be a big hit and do very well on the film festival circuit. We are looking to start location scouting in Africa sometime in May. The writer wants me to travel to Nigeria along with my co-producer (hopefully you) to start working as soon as possible. As I said before, I have more than enough money to finance this project but need someone familiar with the location to help me.

Cheers,
Stephen

Quote:

Hi Stephen
I quite understand your mail and I think it will be interesting to work this out with you, so tell me what role will I be playing in the production of this movie.

Regards,
Robert.

Quote:

Dear Robert,

I have a meeting with Mr. Emmanuel tomorrow and I will get more information about your role in the production.

Casting has already begun. I have two potential candidates - one for the role of Jones and one for the role of Kenny. I anticipate needing your help with locations. I know Mr. Emmanuel has some ideas of where certain scenes should be shot, so I will get back to you tomorrow on that.

Cheers,
Stephen

Who will play Kenny?

Quote:

Subject: YOU CAN COUNT ON ME SIR

Good day sir,

I am writting in receipt of your email as of on Apr 27, 2009. I am an organised nationality of Nigeria that has so much connection here in nigeria and could run anything that is possible for me and that can bring me money so far it is legit.
I hope this is legit because i will not indulge myself into any inlegit business due to my personality in this place.

If your are really serious about this please get back to me on how to commence on this.I very good in any thing i lay my hands on and i have been looking forward to go to the United States and have any opportunity to become a movie star due to my Physical build.I am 6 feet 3inch tall,very fast in learning and also have the look of a model.

Please i will be so grateful if you can give me a chance to sure what i have.I really want to make my family proud,though am from a very rich and well know family but my dad is very poor and can hardly feed,at my age at the moment i do all the expenses and is not been easy for me.I dont want any body to assist me because no body will but if you bring what will give them money or you fall into any problem they will gladly assist you but to help you in maybe doing business or help you in what will help you in life they will pull out.

I am telling you this because of the proporsal you have sent to me,i am a very serious minded person i run my things and they all give me that respect because i owe nobody anything and i take care of my self and my entire family.Am into musik,me and my friends have a studio in his house which we do practice and all that because very soon the light will be very full and every body will see us.we write poem and songs.
I have a very good life story about the african school,experince on the campus in nigeria.How the the life in the school goes,how they count scores on human beings that are been killed by cult arrivals,cultism in nigeria,the mad governments,millitants how they operate and other issues.
I do not believe in an african man because we are still far behind thats why i can not do anything with the black man.Am just waiting till i get an opportunity to round up my school in the states were i can go into all this things i just mentioned to you and put them in sense os people to see.

do not mind by mad writtings and wrong spelling because am still learning but can speak simple english,and thats why i am still saving so that i can travel and have a very good education for my self.

Please if you aree real do not forsake me,i need your help so much try and understand my person we have everything here that you can use to make a very good film. i mean good stories and good places.

I will stop here sir ,God bless you for at least sending me this.

Yours faithfully

KELE ODUM

Perfect!

Quote:

Dear Kele,

Thank you for your quick response.

From the background you have described, I think you would be perfect for the role of Jones's brother, Kenny. Even though Kenny is the title character's brother, it is still quite a substantial role. In many ways, Kenny is the pivotal character in "Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golf3r."

You mentioned your experience in writing poetry and songs. Do you have any examples of your work that you could send me?
Sincerely,
Stephen

It looks like things are falling into place - better update Emmanuel.

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
I am still working round the clock to make the project move forward. It is good that you are already searching for a CO-PRODUCER that will join you in your trip to Nigeria by MAY 2009.
It will be nice to speak with your secretary, so we can get some issues fast going. Getting a good and experiene CO-PRODUCER will do the production much good. This will be a world of unique and aesthetic production. The success of this movie will speak for itself from the sales turnover and high return on investment capital. I need to know if your company has a good network of distribution?
I look forward to speaking with your secretary soon.
My regards.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.

Quote:

Dear Emmanuel,

I believe I may have found the co-producer for "Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer."

His name is Robert Nelson and he is very interested in this project. He wants to know what his role in the production would be. What would you like me to have him start working on?

Sincerely,
Stephen

Well, that's about it so far. Rankl3 Jon3s the movie is still in it's infancy, but I'm sure with the help of Robert, Kele and Mr. Fred, Emmanuel will one day have his dream fulfilled . . . stay tuned Smile

eta: Looking back on my blog, it appears Jones's brother is named Ray, not Kenny. Oh well, creative license.

warning: No computer monitors or keyboards will be replaced if you read this actual scene from the script of "Rankl3 Jon3s: The Golfer"

Quote:

SCENE 19

Ray Soliloquize: The floor is quit dirty. Since I’m less busy, I just have to clean it up.

Ray is mobbing the floor.

Cassandra: Ha! Ha! So today is my turn to be insulted by your action. You have stepped on my

toe!

Ray stares at her and continued with his cleaning.

Cassandra: You want Mum to come back and praise you, evil genus!

Ray: Damn your ill soaked stinking life style

Cassandra: You fuck that look calm

Ray: Get out of my sight

Cassandra: I will not!

She came closer to him

Cassandra: Okay do your worst

Ray angrily slapped her

Cassandra: Oh my God! How dear you son of a bitch slap me.

Cassandra slapped him back

Ray slapped her again

Cassandra hooked him on his collar; their problem is still on, as Jones burst in

Jones: Hold him; let him do his worst today! His actions are unbearable in this house.

Ray: Mind your stinking mouth

Ray is trying to force her hand off his cloths, she tour his cloths. This made him slap her again.

This made Ray slap her again.

Jones: Enough of your fuck! Nutty angel!

Ray: Damn you!

Jones got hold of him as he seized Ray's hands together to his body.

Jones: Return his fucking slap to him!

Cassandra slapped Ray like a kid and this made Ray to loose his temper on Jones as both to starts

fighting.

Jones took a stool and hit Ray on the head and he slumped. Blood start to drip from his head as it

was forced open.

Cassandra: No! No!! No!!! Oh my God! Jones why this smack! You have killed Brother Ray.

Jones stood speechless and after a few seconds he ran out. Cassandra weep bitterly as Ray is still

in soma state. She holds him to herself, shaking him to wake up.

Cassandra: please Brother Ray, don’t die. He did it on his own. She was stained with blood as

she holds him to herself. Cassandra carried Ray into the car and drove pass Jones.

Jones: Stop! Stop!! Please stop.

Jones uses his hand to flag her down.

Jones run after them

Cassandra stopped and reversed. Jones joined them as Ray is lying at the back seat.

Jones: Cassandra, you have no say as to what happened to him

Cassandra: Why!

Jones: I’ve instructed you and that is final

Cassandra: Hae! You lie. Pray that he revive, if not!

Jones: If not what! Don’t dear me!

Cassandra: I will let the cat out of the bag.

Jones: And what has that got to do with me?

Cassandra: Everyone will know expertly what transpired

Jones: You are joking

Cassandra: Soonest you will know that I’m serious. Only pray that the eventuality don’t happen

They got to the hospital. Ray was carried to the VIP/Private ward.

I guess Cassandra is the sister Confused

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:23 pm

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
Nice for me to welcome Mr. Robert Nelson to the production of our joint project RANKL3 JON3S THE GOLFER. He will commence work immediately after your trip with him to Nigeria but for now I think he should keep in touch with you often. I need Mr. Robert Nelson to let me know one or two productions he was involved in. Has he agreed to make the trip with you by MAY 2009?
Your secretary have not spoken with me.
Good for your update.
Regards.
PRODUCER.
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.

Quote:

Dear Emmanuel,

Thank you. I have extended your greeting to Mr. Nelson and have asked him to get back to me about his prior movie making experience.

As for my secretary, she has been out sick with the flu.

Cheers,
Stephen

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:25 pm

Yes! Yes! I am an old film has-been who needs to get back into the big time via an action flick with Apaches and Belgian attack helicopters to revive my brain-damaged career.

This could be the vehicle to revive my career after the tragic flop of Teddy, the Bicycling Goldfish.

With my well-known Hollywood name of B. Richard Bradford, I can raise $20 million immediately, but I think more will be needed as I anticipate more extras than Ben Hur to do justice to the work.

My personal script doctor, C Niall De Mentia, may have some teensy little tweaks to make to the script, though, nothing that can't be ironed out in a decade or so.

Cast! Crew! Lighting! Cocaine! Action!

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:48 pm

Quote:

Cassandra: No! No!! No!!! Oh my God! Jones why this smack! You have killed Brother Ray.

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 8:27 pm

Wright B Hindyou wrote:

My personal script doctor, C Niall De Mentia, may have some teensy little tweaks to make to the script, though, nothing that can't be ironed out in a decade or so.

Yes, the script needs a lot of work.

Quote:

Dear Kele,

Just to let you know, the character of Jones's brother, Kenny - well, his name has been changed to Ray in the script. Our script doctor, C. Niall DeMentia, thought it sounded better.

So the part you will be auditioning for is the brother, Ray.

As stated in my previous e-mail, please send me some examples of songs and poems you said you have written. Mr. Emmanuel and my co-producer, Mr. Nelson, wish to see them.

Cheers,
Stephen

Do you want me to tell Emmanuel that you've been hired to help him iron out the script problems once you, the script doctor, arrive in Nigeria.

He seems eager for the entire Colbert production team to get there in May Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:17 pm

Is a military advisor required here, given the hardware mentioned (Apaches, mines, and presumably loads of guns)? Captain Mal would be available to discuss the issue and advise further.

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 2:30 am

Yes, C Niall should be able to get there at some stage. He's working on various projects at the moment -- Star Trek 11, The Nutty Professor meets Shallow Hal, and The Big Bang, a $100 million blockbuster starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jean-Claude Van Damme as a couple of gay marines who sink the Somali Navy and rescue the First Dog.

But, given the obvious strength of the Tinkle Jones project, he will be available for consultations at any time on this work. Very Happy

Worf, I've PM'd you the great script doctor's private e-mail -- can't make it public, or everyone will be sending him their lame efforts... Laughing

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 5:43 am

I'm probably stating the obvious here but you are going to ask for screentests made by the lads and location scouting safaris.

Quote:

Cassandra: I will let the cat out of the bag.

That'll be the golf bag will it? Those Belgian attack dogs will go bonkers!

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:07 am

Quote:

....location scouting safaris

I envisage a dramatic shot of the Belgian attack helicopters appearing over the summit of Mount Cameroon, where some Apaches are playing golf.

It's only 4,040 metres (13,255 ft) high and pretty close to the Nigerian border, they'll need to research weather conditions at the summit. Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 7:32 am

Worf!!!! Great to see you back in the saddle and firing on all 4 cylinders I see Very Happy

When do we hope to get the first scenes read out by the lad just like last time...? It's a great way of auditioning them....

Happy to help out if you are recruiting Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 7:44 am

Does this character poses some James Bond-esque tools and toys? High explosive heat seeking golf balls, ballistic katana 5 iron, Gatling clubs and rocket launcher golf buggy?

He can't be an epic action hero without cool one-liners... especially after he takes out a bad guy with some sort of golfing paraphernalia.

Blows up the enemy with a grenade and yells 'FOURRRR'

Destroys an entire encampment with his hellfire and turns to mildly amusing sidekick/stunt goat and says, "My short game is better."

After exploding through the wall of a bunker in his tank/golf buggy, the dust clears and yells, "I hate Sand Traps."

All these are a necessity. I have a film production site already up and running. It doesn't get nearly enough traffic. Very Happy

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 12:16 pm

OMG! Something woke up this lad! It must be Spring in the air in Nigeria. Wink

M@rcel0 C@stelli, who worked with Stephen Colb3rt last year, just got this message in his box last week from our dear friend. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mr. Marcelo,

I will need you come into partnership for this production as the production is now slatted to take place in Nigeria.

You have to look inward as to your company investing into this production. There is no fear as to the success of this movie.
I have decided to get across to you this one more time to let you know the level of the production preparation I have achieved. I need you to invest in this production right here in my country Nigeria as I have many things in place, good number of casting crew I have penciled down.
I have the shooting locations in place which you should read from the web link below. Jos shooting location is very suitable as its population comprises of both black and white as its weather is cool. Abuja has a world class golf course called IBB GOLF COURSE - Abuja and other good shooting locations.

I have been so busy in respect of the production as to getting some notable Nigerian casting crew pencil down for the production.
It is good your company are ready to make a block buster production with this aesthetic movie, considering the thrill of the story vehicle, which is a must watch by all.
You will let me know the convinent date for you and your co-workers to come down to Nigeria , as I will have to make the necessary arrangement for your accommodation and transportation. With us full completing negotiation by putting pen to paper for the project and your company fully ready to carry out the production, then we will be able to travel down for the different shooting locations.
NOTE: You and your co-workers will spend days here in Nigeria as we will have to travel down the different shooting locations, which are far from each other.
Having the combination of American casting crew and Nigeria casting crew will make a great wave for the script, as the Jos shooting location will match that.
You are free to call for any discussion in respect of this project.
I need a co-producer from USA there as I need some casting crew from USA there to complete the needed cast for the production. . Production equipments are needed.
Good movies shot in Africa do well in festival circuits.
The script is far beyound what You have with you as it is a must success movie considering the level of the script.
I can offer to come for negotiation if you so wish.
My good regards.
Mr. Onyem@ Emmanu3l.

Wow! He sure sounds raring to go! Laughing

Good luck, Worf! I hope you can get some real quality work out of this lad and the others you have hooked so far. Very Happy

I'm glad you are back!

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Quote:

SCENE 19

This is SOOOO cliche...every other movie has a "death while floor mopping" scene. Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 7:55 pm

Quote:

Good day sir,

Please i will do that in receipt of this email.But please where are you at the moment? your country.I do want to speak with you if it will be possible.

Here is my number +234***, +234*** we could talk on phone the other number is my cousin's number we do everything together in life in as well into what am into and we have discussed about your propursal

I await your urgent response

KELE

Nice to have a phone number for new auditions Smile

Quote:

Dear Kele,

Thank you for your quick response. What is your cousin's name? Perhaps he would be good for the role of Jones.

Now that characters of Jones and Ray do not get along. Do you think you and your cousin could act like you hate each other? That is very important for the movie.

I will be out of town this weekend at a film festival to promote my other movie, but I will try to have my secretary Shelly call you - if she has recovered from the flu by then. If not, then next week.

In the meantime, I am still awaiting your sample songs and poems to show Mr. Emmanuel and Mr. Nelson.

Cheers,
Steven

I think I will just offer the part of Jones to every other lad that comes along. Kele's a shoe in for Ray though Wink

Wright B Hindyou, I'll send Emmanuel C. Nile's e-mail. I think Nurse Nasty is right, the script really needs some James Bond type one liners Laughing

Yastreb, if you send me Captain Mal's e-mail, I can also send it to Emmanuel or Kele. If Kele is going to be part of an action movie, he really needs to practice with the instruction of a professional such as Captain Mal.

Nurse Nasty, if you could pm the link to your production site, it might come in handy Smile

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 2:27 am

The great C Niall has been in touch:

Quote:

My dear Emmanuel Onyema,

May I introduce myself? I am Charisteos Niall De Mentia (my friends call me Niall!) and my dear, dear friend Steve Colbert has asked me to consult on the script for your exciting project.

Now, as anyone round the traps will tell you, I am very busy on some big Hollywood vehicles (Arnold is making a comeback, let me tell you!), but Stevie is one of my closest, closest chums, and he says you have a winner here with Rank Jones, so I have promised him I'll do everything I can.

Now the first thing, dear Emmanuel, is for me to see the script! I need the whole thing, so I can get the perspective and vision, and so suggest a treatment. Of course, I wouldn't dream of making more than teensy changes here and there, but we want to have the best chance of success and that is my strength and forte, dear Emmanual.

I assume the script is in the correct format? That is important, for I simply can't read work that is not presented correctly.

So just send it on over, my dear friend, and let me cast a practised eye on it.

To our success!!

Warm regards,

C Niall De Mentia.

Of course, he hasn't written it in script format, so it looks like he's going to have to rewrite the whole thing, for starters.

And I have a feeling that C Niall has the potential to become much more peevish and bitchy than this mail would suggest..... Smile

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 2:10 pm

This is brilliant! I am excited to see the fruit of this bait. Nice work!!

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 8:45 pm

Could i suggest a love interest of some description for Emmanuel? Perhaps a revelation from the secretary that the good Doctor isn't quite the perfect gentleman and she could use a shoulder to cry / big strong Nigerian man to come over her and deal with him for her.

Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 2:57 pm

I tried to call Kele to try to set up a phone audition, but his first number was busy and his second number isn't correct.

I've also told Robert Nelson to get back in touch because we need to get a move on this project.

Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 6:49 pm

Belgian Attack Dogs

Shocked

Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 5:05 pm

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
You are working earnestly for the success of this production and likewise myself. Mr. Robert Nelson will work with you in that aspect of getting some of the needed casting crew. Nice you have started getting some of the needed casting crew. I will need Kele send in his resume and photograph to enable me access him just a little pending our audition. I appreciate you effort.
It is nice that Mr. Robert Nelson has agreed to accompany you on your trip to Nigeria.
The script with you is like 40% of what the script is now, there is no need for me to talk any longer about the script as you will see for yourself. I have no fear whatsoever as to the success of this project.
Thanks for contacting Mr. C Niall de Mentia, actually what you said is right but I think that will be very proper after your trip as it will be nice having his calibre work with us.
Obudu ranch in Cross Rivers will be another good shooting location for some of the scenes.
What is your scheduled date for your coming? I love working ahead of time.
Regards,
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

Quote:

Dear Emmanuel,

Well, we are trying to get the necessary permits and arrange travel schedules, which is a big headache. Can you recommend an airline from New York to Nigeria that can accommodate 4 crew members, 2 Belgian dogs, two hovercrafts and 4 Apache helicopters? It is a big pain in the neck to find an airline willing to fly all of us plus the equipment out to Nigeria.

I guess the Apache helicopters could fly themselves. I'll have to ask our technical advisor, Captain Mal. Actually, I think I should put you in contact with Captain Mal. He has a great military background and can help you get things ready for us before we land, since you said you would like to work ahead of time.

We hope to travel by Memorial Day weekend, but we have to get the necessary permits first. Did you write Mr. de Mentia back? It's very important to get that work done before we arrive to see you. I don't want to be wasting time on script re-writes when we are supposed to be busy shooting.

Cheers,
Stephen

Meanwhile, Robert Nelson is getting cold feet about co-producing this opus.

Quote:

My wife told me this might be a scam.....so I m not interested again, unless you can prove to me otherwise...thank you.

But Robert, that's not what you told thedevguy67 in the mass insult thread!

Quote:

Brother na wa 4 u oooooooooooooo, no be you teach us this level, anyway, back to sender....kiss

and

Quote:

U DEY CRASE, U GIVE U CHIEF SELF, U USELESS OMO YIBO, U BE UR MATE 4 LEVEL, OR U TINK SAY I GET UR TIME, I DEY BUSY WITH MAGGA THAN TO DEY REPLY UR USELESS MAIL.
UR ENGLISH SELF NO CORRECT, U GO SCHOOL AT ALL?...ABI,U BE AGBERO WEY DEM TEACH GUY JOB, IF U WAN LEARN, COME BEG N I WILL TEACH U RUNS..
U WEY NO FIT DRIVE SAY U GET HUMMER, NA 4 UR DREAMS U DEY DRIVE AM?....
I NO GET PROBLEM WITH UR FAMILY, SO I WILL NOT SAY ANITIN TO THEM, BT WEN NEXT U SEE UR MAMA, IF SHE NEVER DIE OF HUNGER, TELL AM SAY WHY SHE NO TEACH U HOME TRAINING, AND I KNOW SAY NO BE HER FAULT, NA POVERTY NO LET AM TEACH U, FOR SHE NO GET TIME FOR U SHE AVE TO SELL PURE WATER FOR STREET FOR MORNING AND DO ASEWO FOR NITE.....
LEVEL PASS LEVEL, THIEF INNOCENT EMEKA, ABI WETIN U DEY CALL UR SELF...
GO FUCK UR SELF

Hmmm . . . .

Quote:

Dear Robert,

I'm the executive produce my own television show. Here's a screen shot from the credits. I don't know what else I can say. What kind of proof do you need besides this?

Cheers,
Stephen

Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 4:10 am

He hasn't replied to me yet with the rest of the script.

Perhaps he's scared I might rip it off? Hmmmm, interesting idea.

EDIT: I also have a text-mangling script which produces interesting results for Scene 19.

Quote:

...your ill soaked stinking life style

Cassandra: No! No!! No!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh my turn to drip from his collar; their problem is still in soma state. She tour his body.

Jones: Stop! Stop!! Please Brother Ray.

Jones got to the cat out of the head and praise you, evil genus!

Ray: Damn your action. Ha! Ha! Oh my turn to do with blood start to him back seat.

Jones: Return his collar; their problem is still on, as Ray slap me.

Cassandra stopped and praise you, evil genus!

Ray: Damn your stinking life style

Cassandra: please Brother Ray.

Jones got to do your worst

Ray is still on, as Jones as she holds him

Cassandra: Why!

Jones: I’ve instructed you son of the head and this house.

Ray: Damn you!

Jones got to wake up.

Cassandra: Oh my turn to force her

Cassandra: No! No!! No!!! Ha! Oh my sight

Cassandra: Hae! You have killed Brother Ray.

Jones uses his cleaning.

Cassandra: Ha! Ha! Oh my turn to drip from his cleaning.

Cassandra: Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh my God! Ha! Oh my God! Ha! Oh my God! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh my God! Jones burst in

Jones: You

When I get the rest of the script, I'm sure I can develop a truly incomprehensible movie..... Very Happy

Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 12:10 am

Quote:

Dear Dr. Colbert,
The script is fully ready as there is no problem with the script. Where you and Mr. Robert Nelson able to get the lead role actor for the role of Jones? I have not received the resume for Mr. Kele who will play the role of Ray as you rightly said. Please include an elderly man who is good also for the role of Kenny "Jones's father". We need to have a round table discussion so we can get things in proper order relating to the shooting locations, equipments, which role should be played by a black or white actor as we are using Jos because they have areas with mixed people. I know your company has all the needed production crew requirement as I will wholly need your full company production, so I ask, is the crew members your production crew? Please clarify me on the issue of the full production crew and casting crew. As for Nigeria casting crew I can call upon anyone whom I have pencil down and they won't hesitate, considering the magnitude of the production.
I know that getting traveling permit is not easy but I know it will definitely be granted to you and your crew members.
I know we can easily have some speed boats here for the production. Two flash convertible cars for Jones and another for Hilda the Nurse who will latter get hooked up in love with Ray. Remember Jones Power bike. We can rent some other equipment that you cannot afford to come up with.
It will be very nice to have Captain Mal be part of this as he will play a vital role in the production. Thanks for that!
I have communicated Mr. De Mentia.
You can check Virgin Atlantic or British Airways.
Regards for your update.
PRODUCER
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel

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