Swift Couriers nerves are tight

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:40 pm

Swift Couriers - UK & Worldwide Parcel Delivery and Courier Services company benefits fleet clients
Same Day Delivery Next Day Delivery International Delivery News & Offers
15th April 2009
Swift Courier Services
UK & Worldwide Parcel Delivery and Courier Services

Professional Valeting Service Title

SWIFT HOUSE
Hambridge Lane
Newbury
Berkshire
RG14 5TU.
United Kingdom.

Attention

After making stringent verifications, we are now in possession of a package with a certified cheque and other documents from the The Monday Lottery, U.K which is to be couriered to your name and this address that you have provided us with, you are to please confirm your alternative mailing address to enable us dispatch your parcel immediately.

Note: It is the usual practice of our organisation to conduct a proper verification of all parcels that we are to deliver to ensure that they are valid. Be rest assured that your cheque has been confirmed valid and true and delivery will be made once you have meet the necessary requirements by chooseing your preferrable and affordable delivery option and make the payment for your chosen delivery option. We are a well established company offering courier and transport services 24 hour a day for priority delivery of letters, parcels and consignments to any destination by road, air or sea. We have a substantial team of couriers available for motorcycle dispatch plus van driver couriers in all size vehicles from small vans up to 7.5 tonne and international couriers for dispatch by road, sea or air.

Description Of Parcel to be delivered
Weight of parcel ............0.53kg
Color of parcel ...........Brown
Lenght of Days .............Pending on your choice of delivery

Below are our mandatory charges. You are required to choose one of our four specified shipment options.
Kindly Note that we rate our postage charge depending on the high sensitivity of the package to be delivered.

Parcel Delivery Option;
Delivery within 24 hours:
Courier charges ............. 95.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............307.00 Pounds
Insurance ......... .........300.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 712.00 Pounds sterling

Delivery within 48 hours:
Courier charges ............. 60.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............250.00 Pounds
Insurance ...................300.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 610.00 Pounds sterling

Delivery in 3 days:
Courier charges ............. 45.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............200.00 Pounds
Insurance ...................300.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 545.00 Pounds sterling

Delivery in 5 days:
Courier charges .............45.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............150.00 Pounds
Insurance ................... 230.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 415.00 Pounds sterling

This company decline reverse payment for these charges, stating that it is against our professional policy towards ensuring the safe delivery of the cheque to you. That if a reverse payment is made, and something goes wrong, that you cannot sue the courier company or insurance company to recover the full value of the fund as stipulated in the cheque since payment for insurance cover was not made at point of mailing.With the above reason, reverse payment is ruled out.

Note: That your prize is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the money before it has been remitted to you. This means that the above charges cannot be deducted from the prize and hence must be provided by you before your prize is transferred to you.

Send your response to indicate your option within the next 24hrs. All orders not delivered within seven (7) working days from the receipt of this email will be returned to the lottery organisation, your cash prize will be deemed to have been forfeited by you and will be re-used in the drawings of the next edition of the lottery as stated by the lottery organisation. Write back immediately with your choosen option for the delivery of your parcel to enable us give you the details of how you can will the payment for the courier charges. As soon as we receive confirmation and evidence of payment of the above charges, we will deliver your parcel immediately to you in your location/country. The date and time of departure and expected date of delivery will be sent to you. It will take not more than the choosen delivery options stated days to get your parcel delivered to you. You will be required to sign for the parcel and to do this, you will need either your international passport as identification or your driver's license.

Regards as we await to hear from you soonest.
Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
------------------------

Mr.Jerry Smith

Good afternoon,hoping you are well.
I choose delivery in 5 days,so can you kindly send those
details whitch needed to pay this delivery.

--------------------
Lad write

Attention

We are in receipt of your chosen delivery option being the 5 days delivery option with 415.00GBP

But for now you will have to proceed with the payment for the cost of delivery with the information below:

Parcel Delivery Option;
Delivery in 5 days:
Courier charges .............45.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............150.00 Pounds
Insurance ................... 230.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 415.00 Pounds sterling

Sequel to this development we wish to make it clear to you that our courier service do not operate Cost on delivery so be aware that you are to make the payment for the cost of delivery of your parcel before we can dispatch your parcel and have it delivered to you in your country

Be aware that you are to make the payment of 415.00GBP being the cost of delivery of your parcel / winning cheque to you.

You are to locate any western union agent location closer to you and make the payment of 415.00GBP to our accounting officer Mrs. Daisy White with the with the following details below :

Name : MRS. DAISY WHITE
Adress : Unit 4, Delta Way
Thorpe Industrial Estate
EghamSurrey TW20 8RX
United Kingdom
Possition : Accounting Officer
Amount :415.00 GBP

You are to immediately send us the following payment information on the payment slip

SENDERS NAME
SENDERS ADDRESS
AMOUNT SENT
RECEIVERS NAME
M.T.C.N

ALSO REQUIRED IS A SCANNED COPY OF THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT RECEIPT AND YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO RECONFIRMED YOUR COMPLETE DELIVERY ADDRESS ALONG SIDE WITH YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION.

Be noted that your parcel will get to your door step 5 days immediately we confirm the receipt of your payment. and you can cash your cheque from any bank in your country.

We await your payment details so that we can provide you with the best of quality delivery services to your door step.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
---------------------

Thank you of your instructions.
But I need to ask something.
What is this western union thing that you speak of?
Does it have anyting to do with those Russians?
I understood that 415 pounds,but how do I send that money to you.
I´m sorry,but I´m 79 years old and just a little behing all new things,and my memorie is
not so good any more.

-------------------------
Lad write

Attention

You ask if western union is for Russians? for your information western union is an office were money is been transfer to any were in the world so Proceed with the payment for the cost of delivery so as we can deliver your winning parcel / winning cheque to you in your country / Finland .

And you are to make the payment to the name of our account officer MRS. DAISY WHITE with the Adress below.

KINDLY LOCATE ANY OF THESE WESTERN UNION AGENT LOCATION CLOSER TO YOU AND MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE COST OF YOUR CHOSEN DELIVERY OPTION.

1.51 miles 1 THE ROCK AFRICAN FOOD /FEXCO AGENT
NAYTTELIJANTIE 14
Helsinki,
+358-800-141414
Map and Driving Directions

2.06 miles 2 AFRICAN SHOP BLESSING /FEXCO AGENT
TAITEEN TEKIJANTIE 7C
Helsinki,
+358-800-141414
Map and Driving Directions

2.34 miles 3 BABS TELECOM/ FEXCO AGENT
KALLIO
TOINEN LINJA 9 B
Helsinki,
+358-800-141414
Map and Driving Directions

Proceed with the payment for the cost of delivery with the information below:

Parcel Delivery Option;
Delivery in 5 days:
Courier charges .............45.00 Pounds (VAT inclusive)
Administrative ..............150.00 Pounds
Insurance ................... 230.00 Pounds
TOTAL: 415.00 Pounds sterling

Sequel to this development we wish to make it clear to you that our courier service do not operate Cost on delivery so be aware that you are to make the payment for the cost of delivery of your parcel before we can dispatch your parcel and have it delivered to you in your country

Be aware that you are to make the payment of 415.00GBP being the cost of delivery of your parcel / winning cheque to you.

You are to locate any western union agent location closer to you and make the payment of 415.00GBP to our accounting officer Mrs. Daisy White with the with the following details below :

Name : MRS. DAISY WHITE
Adress : Unit 4, Delta Way
Thorpe Industrial Estate
EghamSurrey TW20 8RX
United Kingdom
Possition : Accounting Officer
Amount :415.00 GBP

You are to immediately send us the following payment information on the payment slip

SENDERS NAME
SENDERS ADDRESS
AMOUNT SENT
RECEIVERS NAME
M.T.C.N

ALSO REQUIRED IS A SCANNED COPY OF THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT RECEIPT AND YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO RECONFIRMED YOUR COMPLETE DELIVERY ADDRESS ALONG SIDE WITH YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION.

Be noted that your parcel will get to your door step 5 days immediately we confirm the receipt of your payment. and you can cash your cheque from any bank in your country.

We await your payment details so that we can provide you with the best of quality delivery services to your door step.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563

------------------------

Thank you Mr.Smith.
This is a bad age,it makes me kind of suspicious,and even more when those Russians are so near to our country.
But allways want those winnings,by the way how this shipment is happening,when it´s time to me to get it.
It´s coming to my door,but cos I´m living so far from culture,do you use snow mobiles in your company?
When you have this kind of difficult delivery,you should buy that kind of machine,you maybe need it later anyway.
I can sell those to you,or do you like more living creatures,like reindeers,I got those as well.
Let me know if you want to buy them.
Below you see my personal details,can you kindly send address of nearest Western Union,so I can
travel and send that money to you.

Have a nice evening and God bless you.

----------------------
Lad write

Attention :

I got your mail and would like and since the location given to you is in the south as you have stated then you have to travel just to make the payment as that is the only acceptable medium by our courier company.

I will advise you to kindly forward me your complete details as listed below so that i can provide you with western union agent location in your precise region.

House address:Aivohalvaus 770
City:Nuorgam
State:Lapland
Country:Finland
postcode:99990

Kindly forward me with the above details so that i can provide you with the listed of western union agent location closer to you to enable you make the payment without further problem.

I look forward to your fast and urgent response so that we can serve you better.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
---------------------------

Attention :

Once again we have received your mail and would like to inform you that there is no western union agent location closer to you, so kindly proceed in travelling to the nearest western union agent location closer to you. well i am really sorry that the journey will take you about two day as you have mentioned in your previous e-mail all the same you need to embark on the journey today to ensure that the payment is done on time.

With regard to this current development you are to proceed in making the payment. so that we can provide you with the best of quality delivery services.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
------------------------

Mr.Smith.
Thank you of these informations,I need to harness my reindeer tomorrow morning.
There is a problem with my reindeers,the whole herd got mysterious stomack flu yesterday,
I really hope they are allright tomorrow when I´m starting my trip,otherwise me and my sled will
be all over of doodoo,untill I reach Western Unions office.
I have to say that reindeers doodoo is smelling extremely bad.
But now I need to go, kind of hurry to give to all 48 reindeers rectum flushing.
Mr.Smith,I will be more than happy to sell you few reindeers,I believe very strongly
that your company needs them.Maybe you have to deliver things even more north.

Have a nice da and God bless you.

------------------------
Lad write

Attention :

I got your mail and honestly did not understand all contents of your mail but what ever the case may be i would like you to proceed with the payment so that we can provide you with the best of quality delivery services.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
-----------------------
needle

Mr.Smith
What was so hard to understand?
I´m tryind despertly replace my snow mobile by reindeers,so I can start my trip to nearest Western Union.
I´m not living near colonization,even my computer is working by wind power,and when there is no wind,I have
to use bicycle.
We still use squirrel furs like money in this area,so is it still so hard to understand???
I´m an old man,and I don´t need any games in this age.
Please take a map and look where this country is!!

Sincerely
----------------------
Lad write

Attention :

Good day to you once again,

We received your mail and would like you to know that our courier company is a reputable courier company and will immediately effect the dispatch and delivery of your parcel to your door step as soon as we receive your payment all the same kindly proceed with the trip to the nearest western union agent location and make the payment as instructed to enable us provide you with the best of quality delivery services.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563

------------------------
interrogate again

Mr.Smith

Good day to you as well,I need to ask something.
What is going to happen after I pay to you by Western Union,I live so far away
from everything,so do you have a deasant map you can find my tent.
Or do you have any good ideas that you don´t get lost,cos I want my delivery.
And I don´t want to spend my time by trying to find your errand boy and that delivery from
middle of nowhere.
I need to be shore,cos that delivery is very important,I hope you understand that?
Maybe you first let me know when you´re coming and I will give some smoke signals.
Do you have those GPS equipments,those people in civilized world tell that it´s a jovial apparatus.

Can you tell me where is that nearest Western Unions office,cos I can´t find it with my computer,
(I´m doing maybe something wrong)
Nearest town which I know is called PIRUNKAUKANA.(f****ng far away,freely translated)
Thank you of your help.

Sincerely

ps.If you still want to buy those reindeers,I will give to you a discount of 15%.
-----------------------------
Lad´s nerves are tigh

Attention :

Good day to you,

I received your mail and would like to further make it clear to you that we are a world leading courier company with great ruputations and as a matter of fact we would call you immediately we arrived your country so that we can be directed to your destination just in case we are having problems with the location.

As for the nearest western union agent location you are to kindly check your mail and find any of the listed agent already sent to you in my previous mail.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563
---------------------

Mr.Smith

How big is that delivery?
Does your company have helicopters,if have,take big enough,so you can take those reindeers to your country.
If you buy 1-5,discount will be 15%,5-10 is 17%,and over 10 is 20%.
The storm season started allready and the weather is very bad,how can you find me,if you can´t see nothing.
It´s snowing at this moment,and God knows how long it´s going to be like this.
I mean by this,when it´s a storm season,it can rain snow over 2 meters in one week,just wondering how
can you find my tent?
I´m sorry Mr.Smith,but I´m very worried of that valuable delivery.
Are your employees enough professionals,to do such a work,can they navigate.
I red something that you have a queen in England,have you met her in person?
We have here a king,King Albee,he´s real name is Albee Persus.
Have a nice evening and can you answer to my questions,cos I´m still worried.

Sincerely

Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:39 am

Quote:

We still use squirrel furs like money in this area,so is it still so hard to understand???

Ha ha, I understand! Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:31 am

This vlad must be exstremely stupid,if belives things like this Laughing

Quote:

Mr.Smith

I´m on my way to Western Unions office,I left this morning with my snow boat.
I´m going to meet soon(next morning) my good friend Santa,maybe you heard about him?
He´s a great fellow,unbelievable boozer and cocksman.
In next summer we are going to create a brand new company over here.
Name of it will be Global Watermelon and Cotton Ltd,these local farmers are going to rent to us those
farms and we need to employ all immigrants we only can find,specially those who came and are coming
from Africa.We need very professional skills to take care of those fields.
Why I tell to you this all,cos I´m counting on that money your company will deliver to me.
I let you know later this evening,how my trip is going.
I can sell to you stocks of this new company if you want?
It´s going to be a great invest.
Do you know what Sauna is?
I need to continue now,but I will tel to you later what sauna is.

Have a nice day

Peter Pulimov

Quote:

SWIFT HOUSE
Hambridge Lane
Newbury
Berkshire
RG14 5TU.
United Kingdom.

Attention : Peter Pulimov,

Good day to you,

Once again i got your mail and would like to wish you a safe journey to the western union agent office.

At this point we shall be looking forward to your payment information.

Furthermore be noted that i hall provide you with any assistance you need regarding the bussiness you intend to set up.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 124

These got me laughing:

Quote:

There is a problem with my reindeers,the whole herd got mysterious stomack flu yesterday, I really hope they are allright tomorrow when I´m starting my trip,otherwise me and my sled will be all over of doodoo,untill I reach Western Unions office. I have to say that reindeers doodoo is smelling extremely bad. But now I need to go, kind of hurry to give to all 48 reindeers rectum flushing.

Quote:

I´m not living near colonization,even my computer is working by wind power,and when there is no wind,I have to use bicycle.
We still use squirrel furs like money in this area,so is it still so hard to understand???

Quote:

I live so far away from everything,so do you have a deasant map you can find my tent.

Quote:

Maybe you first let me know when you´re coming and I will give some smoke signals.

Quote:

I red something that you have a queen in England,have you met her in person?
We have here a king,King Albee,he´s real name is Albee Persus.

Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:43 pm

Quote:

Mr.Smith

I hope I can reach that Eastern Reunions company today,when I asked from Santa,does he know
where it is,he put that direction to my compas.
So I´m starting my last period of this adventure in one hour.
We had a huge hang over this morning,maybe I´m a little screwed still,just wish that don´t have any conflicts
with police.
By the way,do you know the fellow named Albert Ainstein ,I think he´s a prime minister of your country.
Our prime minister is Mr.Kierto Kanki.
Have a great afternoon.

Peter Pulimov

ps.I let you know later those details of that money transfer from Eastern Reunion.

Quote:

Attn : Peter Pulimov,

I got your mail and wou8ld like to further make it clear to you that i just left the board meeting and the management of the courier company will be returning your parcel back as unclaimed and forfeited prize should you fail to provide the payment by tomorrow morning.

Have a great day.

Quote:

Mr.Smith

I´m very near to Southern Unions office,in fact I just erect my iglu behind the door.
I was 15 minutes late and they closed the door before I get here.
You can say to those people that "in Peter we can trust".
The payment is there tomorrow,but can you give me some extra time,about afternoon would be fine.
I don´t use a clock,never.
Don´t send my winnings back.
I have an idea,now when I´m here far away from home,why to waste our time.
Maybe your company can use the jet,so when you pick up the money,you can call thereafter to pilot and
give cordinates to him.
Do you charge that flight?
Those cordinates are:60*27`5`` northern latitude
22*16´1´´ eastern latitude

Please drop the package when you see my signal fire!

Peter Pulimov

Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:35 pm

Wonder if he replies...

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 124

Ha ha, you are funny. I would like to be able to write as funny as you Twisted Evil

. These got me laughing:

Quote:

I left this morning with my snow boat.
my good friend Santa,maybe you heard about him? He´s a great fellow,unbelievable boozer and cocksman.

Quote:

I´m very near to Southern Unions office,in fact I just erect my iglu behind the door.

Quote:

Please drop the package when you see my signal fire!

Quote:

I hope I can reach that Eastern Reunions company today,when I asked from Santa,does he know where it is,he put that direction to my compas.

Quote:

By the way,do you know the fellow named Albert Ainstein ,I think he´s a prime minister of your country. Our prime minister is Mr.Kierto Kanki.

"Kierto Kanki" = translated into English > You know when you make number two (shit) and it's sufficiently long and soft so that you see that it forms a ring when it settles down. Then you have seen a "Kierto Kanki" (if my Finnish is not too rusty).

Btw, you promised to tell him about sauna. Wink

Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 5:10 pm

Hambridge Road Newbury, is next to race course. So I think you've pulled some bookies.

Peter you are brilliant, the imagination is without price.

Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 6:29 pm

I´m not shore how long this lad is going to eat crap like this any more Shocked

Quote:

Mr.Smith
Hoping you are fine.
I´m affraid I didn´t see your jet today.There is two small problems now.
You need that scanned copy of payment,okay,I understand it very well.
But I need to scan copy,and all the places are closed,so I can get it tomorrow morning.
When I was in this Southern Unions office today,some officers allmost kicked me out,very rude people.
I wasn´t smelling that bad.
But they let me do my things very fast,just wonder why.

But there is still a problem,I broke the chains of bicyckle which is charging batteries of
my computer.
So there is no use to pedal it with a broken chain,naturally.
First thing in the morning I have to find a garage and that wise and talented man
from this village,who can fix it.
It´s Santas wifes bicyckle,so I can´t give it to morons hands.
By the way,her name is Bettina Firdaus Santa,what a women.
If you want to meet her and Santa,you are so wellcome to our beautiful country,when ever you want.

Anyway,when that bicyckle is working again and the battery is charged,I send right away that copy to you.
Lets say about afternoon again,never know how weird these people are,I don´t trust them.

Have a wonderfull evening.

Peter Pulimov

Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:50 am

Quote:

Attn : Peter Pulimov,

Be advised to give up your game because your parcel will be confisticated tomorrow morning because of faking an M.T.C.N.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563

Quote:

Excuse me,what are you talking about Mr.Smith.
Are you accusing me?
Give up a game,what game?You are the one who is playing games with me.
What will be the mode of transport I get my delivery over here,
even I live in the middle of nowhere,never heard or seen your companys cars or whatever.
I asked that several times,so can you finally give an answer.
What kind of vehicles you use in my country???
Mopeds maybe,or skates,or pidgeons,I think you are playing with me.
I want that delivery!!!!
Faking an MTCN,that was just the right code I gave to you.
Say to your bell boy,that he need to clear his spectacles before he goes to Northern Unions
office.
I will do a favor to you,cos you seems to be a nice fellow,I will check
out and send that payment slip to you.
It´s getting warmer here,my iglu melted away last night,and I was sleeping naked,
people saw my balls this morning,well wimen passed out naturally.

Have an amazing morning.

Peter Pulimov

Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:56 am

You're very funny indeed clapping

Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:04 am

Quote:

Attention : Peter Pulimov,.

This is to inform you that this office had a meeting, regarding your winning parcel/cheque that was send to this company by the Monday National Lottery Payment officer Mr. Jerry Smith.,I belive that this company have tryed to hlep you ,Same you can not comeup with fee for delivery charges ask you know we do not work for free.

Well as the case may be will have you know at this point, that we have decided to remit your winnings back to he Monday National Lottery,due on able to meet up with our couirer company coirier charge's.

However, attached to this mail is a scanned copy of a "Disclaim Form" which has to be filled and return back to this office, in other to notify us that you are no longer interested in claiming your winnings,so that we will arrange on remitting your winnings back to the lottery organization, for the re-use of next lottery edition.

Note that if by the end of this week we did not receive your payment for the delivery of your winning parcel/winning cheque then our attorney shall sign the disclaimers form on your behalf and your insured cheque will be forfeited.

Regards as we await to hear from you soonest.

Mr. Jerry Smith.
Dispatch officer,
Telephone : +447031971308
Fax : +447031971563

Quote:

Mr.Smith
You can´t do this to me,why are you rushing and hurrying like mindless.
We can reach the cemetery less of ramping.
I said to you allready that I sended the money to you,are you saying that I lie??
Take your words back,or I sue you and your company.
I will call to your prime minister Andy Gibb,and cos he´s a loyal Babtist like me,
he will listen and return my winning.
Calm down Mr.Smith,I think you need to go to Sauna and relax!
I can come to England and build one to you,if you want.Do you have rocks in England?
I need them,when I´m building that sauna to you.
Is it okay,if I take my own bricklayer with me.
Do you wan´t it to the sea side or inland?

I have to rent a fishing boat to me,cos I never use an airoplane,they drop easily from the sky
if the pilot forget to refuel it.

You maybe have some questions in your big head,I believe it´s big,cos when you are an Dispatch officer of your company.
You need a lot of information and bigger brains than ordinary stompers.
Man with a small head can´t fit your shoes Mr.Smith

Sorry Mr.Smith,I went totally to a wrong track with my speaking.
This sauna which I will build to you,it´s a very hot place,it´s ment specially to people who are suffering example
brain damage,hot temper,retard,mental desease,or to people who just like to be in a hot athmosphere.
Allmost averyone in my country needs sauna,sometimes we are very unstable people.
That is the main reason why people of foreighn countries don´t come and spend their holidays in here.
Too much violence.
Sauna is a room,very big,there can be at the same time over 200 people.
In the middle of the room is a several boulders one on the other.
There is a fire under the lowest boulders,after they are enough hot,and the temperature of the room is about 120 celcius,
the master thrower throw water on those rocks.
That is very relaxing

No windows,and few armed guards outside of the door,they have usually machine guns and few hand grenades.
These guards,cos local host usually serve some home made "moonshine" to people,and they try to come out of the sauna.,with force.
It´s not allowed,so it´s very normal that after weekend(normal sauna time)there are several bodies near the sauna.
And other people can´t remember a single thing,cos of the booze.
I think you will like this sauna,but do you want bigger,I can build it to 500 people,but you need more bullets to keep people inside.

Have a pleasant day

Peter Pulimov

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 124

Ha ha

, my favorites (almost all text):

Quote:

I can come to England and build one to you,if you want.Do you have rocks in England?

Quote:

You maybe have some questions in your big head,I believe it´s big,cos when you are an Dispatch officer of your company.

Quote:

This sauna which I will build to you,it´s a very hot place,it´s ment specially to people who are suffering example brain damage,hot temper,retard,mental desease,or to people who just like to be in a hot athmosphere.
Allmost averyone in my country needs sauna,sometimes we are very unstable people.
That is the main reason why people of foreighn countries don´t come and spend their holidays in here.

Quote:

Sauna is a room,very big,there can be at the same time over 200 people.

Quote:

No windows,and few armed guards outside of the door,they have usually machine guns and few hand grenades.
These guards,cos local host usually serve some home made "moonshine" to people,and they try to come out of the sauna.,with force.
It´s not allowed,so it´s very normal that after weekend(normal sauna time)there are several bodies near the sauna.
And other people can´t remember a single thing,cos of the booze.
I think you will like this sauna,but do you want bigger,I can build it to 500 people,but you need more bullets to keep people inside.

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:54 pm

Lad is still awake and answering,even he is boiling and furious,
hoping he´s business is going to suffer...

Quote:

RE: FROM Mr. Jerry Smith. OF THE SWIFT HOUSE COUIRER DELIVERY SERVICES‏
Lähettäjä: SWIFT COURIER WORLDWIDE DELIVERY SERVICES ([email protected])
Lähetetty: 24. huhtikuuta 2009 19:57:28
Vast.ott.:

just listen to your self. idiot like you
------------------------------
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: FROM Mr. Jerry Smith. OF THE SWIFT HOUSE COUIRER DELIVERY SERVICES
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:46:57 +0300

Mr.Smith

You can call to office,which sended that slip to you.
Northern Union Riemurasia/Finland +358 700 94010
Officers name:Helmi Kuukuna
Please,speak clearly and loud.

Peter Pulimov

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:20 pm

Quote:

Mr.Smith
Why there is no emails from you,I´m waiting for my delivery!
I hope you got a payment slip,it was sended from Northern Unions office by officer.
So like you see,there is no problems any more.
I have to start my trip back to home,snow is melting and my sled is going to be useless
soon,I have to shoot reindeers and give the meat to church and they give it to the poors
and pregnants.
My winning is mine,are you going to steal it??
Mr.Smith,what kind of personal life do you have?
I heard that in England men can have several wifes,about 5/man.

Mr.Smith,you need to answer,cos you get that money allready.
Have a nice evening.

Peter Pulimov

I´m not an idiot,I´m just doing my best to waste his time,and trying to drive he grazy.
Laughing

Quote:

Mr.Smith

Did you call to Northern Union?
I hope that lovely lady officer Helmi Kuukuna was talking with you,she is a single and a good looking women.
What do you think Mr.Smith,if you want to meet her,and get that original slip,instead of copy.
I believe she is very agreeable person.
I can arrange your meeting.
I´m still waiting my delivery,I´m keeping a fire in the middle of the forest,and using Santas bicyckle like
a sewing machine,these emails to you are sucking all the power from my lap-top.
Is there something wrong,maybe family problems?

Do I call Miss.Kuukuna to my camp fire and ask her to take that original slip with her?
She can take some sausages with her,and when you´re coming,we can grill them and sing some
cheery camp songs together.
One condition,you take the mustard.

Have a nice evening.
Peter Pulimov

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:01 pm

have some mercy on the poor lad Sad

Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 10:31 am

This might be the last email to my good friend Mr.Smith.
I hate goodbyes...

Quote:

Mr Smith.
I´m starting to believe little by little that you don´t have clean flours in your pouch.
Or is someone extorting you?
Some dirty details from your childhood,and now you have to focus on that.
Well,that is not a good reason to neglet my delivery,I was on the line first!
Mr.Smith,take care of your personal things when you are not working,
please don´t mix that blackmailing to this.
I´m still in the forest with Miss.Kuukuna,she has your original slip.
We are hungry and waiting for sausages,don´t forget mustard.

God bless you and let me know,when you will arrive.

Peter pulimov

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 124

Ha ha

, good work clapping

. And funny!

Swift Couriers nerves are tight	View next topic View previous topic