I'm thinking of becoming a scammer.

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Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:02 am

How does this sound for a modality?

Dear Sir:

This letter may come to you as a surprise, due to the fact that we
have not ever met before, eh, not even once. This message may sound
strange, but it's real. All I ask is that you read this letter, out
loud if you want, or by moving your lips, silently mouthing the words
the way that some people do--which is funny.

I am Jean-Louis St. Martin, son of rebel Quebecois president
Pierre-Jacques St. Martin of Canada, who was killed on the 22nd of
September, 2008 in a Montreal uprising. We're really pissed about
that. I found you name on the internet, and we are hoping that you
can help us out, eh.

Presently there is over $500 (CDN$) in beer empties stashed away in a
secret location known only to me and one other member of my family.
Oh, and this one neighbourhood kid, who's always hanging around. I
think his parents like to nap in the afternoon.

My late father was raising money for his political campaign and he
acquired these great quantities of beer bottles through several
illicit transactions with Canadian breweries and bottle depots, a
couple of decent-sized parties, and that one night where he drank
himself silly after the Canadiens lost in the playoffs.

The untimely death of my father has caused great upheaval in Quebec,
and I fear that my family and I are in great danger. We're basically
screwed. So I am soliciting your help to help us recover this
inestimable wealth.

I am willing to share the money we get from cashing in the bottles,
say 30/70. After all, they're still our bottles, eh? what we need
from you is your car, so we can get the empties to the bottle depot.

Before you can access this fortune in recyclable materials, I have to
give you the necessary documents, which include the directions to the
location of the bottles, a Canadian passport or reasonable facsimile,
and a PASS card which will help you avoid the frickin' long border
line-ups. I'll also provide you with suitable clothing, capable of
withstanding the harsh Canadian climate.

I am requesting that you travel to the Canadian city of Ottawa (Oh-
tah-wah) with a car that has a sizable trunk-maybe even a minivan,
or a pick-up with a canopy. Nothing too obvious, but something that
gets good mileage--I'm not paying for all the gas! When you get to
Ottawa, I will give you instructions on how to access the amassed
stock of empty Molson's and Labatt's bottles, and you can slowly
exchange the empties for Canadian "money," which you may be
able to transfer into your own bank account through an ATM;
there are at least seven of them in Canada. I am asking foryour
favour to do this, as the Canadian government will not be able to
trace these bottles to an international traveler such as
yourself.

Time is of the essence; already, my father's enemies are searching
for the secret location of the empties. Hockey season is upon us, so
you may be able to use that as a distraction.

My reason for asking your assistance is an unselfish one.The
political climate in Canada is sensitive and unstable. My father
devoted his life to his country, and he would wish
that his family were able to live safe and comfortable. The money from
these bottles would would see his wish fulfilled.

Please, I ask that you treat this matter with the highest confidentiality-
-so don't go blabbing it to your girlfriend or putting it on your
website, okay?

Yours sincerely,

Jean-Louis St. Martin

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Feb 2009 Posts: 62

Hahaha gold. If you hadn't posted that on this site, and it landed in my inbox one day, I would have probably gone along with it, you dirty scammer!

Well done.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:08 am

It's not quite believable though.
If I got a letter from the prince of Canada, I would expect him to mention Flannel at least once.
Not to mention the NHL playoffs.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:15 am

I am interested tell me more

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:27 pm

Can i pay for the documents with some of my own empty bottles?

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:15 pm

Ummm, honestly, I don't see where it would be used...

If you send it to a lad, they will not read it because it does not say that you will send money to them with minimal effort on their part.

If you are hoping to get lads to use this as their new script... good luck. Confused

I want the lost five minutes of my life back, eh.

What you wrote is to a select audience (people who have a limited understanding of Canadian culture or linguistic style). I could be really really wrong, but I have NEVER gotten an email from a citizen of Canada why enters "eh" into written communications (unless they are quoting or teasing as in your case). Rolling Eyes

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

That's it Para - tell it like it is! Wink

Join Sleepless's Oga modality, over in Hints & Tips, and try it out on a lad Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:22 pm

The lad types ",eh"!!! Now that is classic. I think you should find a translator that gives evry thing a French accent. What a hosehead, eh! Gimme two cases of Toubor and crank the Rush! No offense to real Canadians....

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:35 pm

Well *I* liked it! Razz

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:31 pm

I'm not sure why a lad would respond to something so like a script he might have written himself...

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:43 pm

I think the majority of you have missed the point of this. It is a joke. Perhaps not being from Canada plays a part in that.
A parody...

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:54 pm

drbo wrote:

I think the majority of you have missed the point of this. It is a joke. Perhaps not being from Canada plays a part in that.
A parody...

That is why I asked to get my time back... 'eh Rolling Eyes

Might I suggest that this would have been better placed in the Jokes thread, or funny stuff you wrote thread... 'eh

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5413

[/back seat mod mode]

ETA a couple of 'ehs

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:56 pm

I'm not from Canada and I still liked it. Cool

(It probably should have gone in the General Chat forum, tho...)

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:39 am

Indeed I should have posted it in a more appropriate thread.
Please accept my apologies.

(if a mod could, please move this)

And ParaNoid... I owe you for five minutes... I will send it to you via MG Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:43 am

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 1:39 pm

this should be a competition. The funniest scam letter mock up

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 5:09 pm

Quote:

It is a joke

Bud i waz verzy zerioush *hick* i haz gazzered sesesooo manyyy botzzlesh alreadzy*hick*

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:15 am

See? SOmeone else is slagging off Canada. That Viagra guy is going to get pissed off again.

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 4:35 am

I would make the empty beer can collection worth more -- make it worth the while - they are offering you millions, you are offering 500$...not that I think they have a concept of what a million dollars is, or what it would mean to their lifestyle...

A couple thousand dollars might get some interest Wink

And instead of a mini van - why not say it's in a trunk (they put millions of dollars in 20$ bills in trunks all the time) and you need to safely get it out of the country Wink

Some of them are quite collectible...

You might get a couple to pick up the script Twisted Evil

I had a lad tell me today that he wanted to send me money next week (I know cash baiting is a major NO NO)...I keep telling him while I'm broke all the time I make ends meet and that's all I need until I have a real husband who can help support the household. Proud woman and all...it was pointed out to me that he might want to send stolen goods or bad checks....