The great charity scam *dolla chops aplenty*

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Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:15 pm

Got it. Thanks Reverend Peter, sorry for making you delay the conference but these worthy recipients absolutely must show up for the presentation of the check. Granted, we'll be wiring them the funds, but they have to show up to collect that big paper check.

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:58 pm

No problem. Seems many of our delegates were stredded at the last minute, but they'll get over it.

Hey, any chance that Betty might have showed for the conference, not knowing the dates changed?

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 12:03 am

We've put Betty on the back burner for now but you never know when she might just show up to cause trouble.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

The Rev wrote me:

Quote:

Dear Sage ,

Try and arrange the document so that we can get the visa to attend the programme . Please a little donation can be made at leat $10,000 so that we can start up something . please consider us .

bless you

Rev W1lmer H4yes

So, what kind of document do you want me to compose? What are the dates? Where is he going? Who is inviting him? Details please.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 4:44 pm

Make it a date about two or three weeks away and use Howard as the inviter. These lads and their visas, I almost want to introduce a competing church to get them off their asses and on the road.

Master Baiter Joined: 04 May 2007 Posts: 187

<strike>The Bishop has been busy cleaning house for Passover, and now that the holiday is here will be even more unavailable.</strike> The Bishop had a terrible accident and is in hospital, in a coma. It is unknown whether he will recover.

When he has his miraculous recovery in two weeks, his memory will have suffered, so, “can you remind me what the donation is going for?”, etc.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

I've been travelling a lot lately but am back and ready to resume punishing our lad.

Somebody please give me the details for the letter that Sage will write this afternoon.

Where are we sending him?
What organization is hosting the conference?
What dates?
Anything else that needs to be in the letter?

I'll fire it off today once I have the details.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:06 am

We need a generic church org to host it, one in the US, and then make the venue in Liberia, at SSC. Even if they don't make it into Liberia, they will travel across Benin, Togo, Ghana and Ivory Coast. If they end up IN Liberia, well, shit happens.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:25 am

Let me know if you want Rev. Peter's email address for the invitations.

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 1:15 am

The whining about not being able to cash a cheque shit has to go:

A frustrated Raphael wrote:

Reverend WIlmer,

If Howard gives you a cheque, then, by golly, that cheque will clear. I just spoke with a representative of First Bank of Nigeria, at the main office, and he assured me that they would be perfectly willing to accept a cheque from Howards small private bank, Robbin Steele Financial, Ltd. They have a branch in Port Harcourt, too. Maybe some other bank, like CitiBank, or Manufacturers Hanover might have a problem, but a cashiers cheque from Robbin Steele FInancial will clear at First Bank of Nigeria on site.

That cheque would clear automatically, and once cashed, the funds could be forwarded to any bank you choose.

I suggest that you do whatever needs to be done to collect that cheque. I am sure there will be a signing ceremony, Howard loves that sort of thing, the photo of him being generous.

Let me know when you can meet with Howard to receive the cheque.

If you are not serious, and I am beginning to wonder as this has dragged on so long, then maybe I will suggest another church.

Please let me know if you are willing to receive the cheque or not. If not, Howard will be going over there to meet with another church that has expressed interest in the funds.

Best wishes,

Raphael C Musa

Lets get these assholes to Liberia.

Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:26 pm

I think we've also told them that we can wire the money to the bank account of their choosing, we just need them to show up in Liberia first for the fancy ceremony where I hand them the big paper check for the cameras.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

Quote:

Reverend H4yes,

We have not heard from you for some time. Howard is losing patience but we continue to urge him to meet you for the signing ceremony.

As you know, Howard must return to America to meet with the IRS in order to help us clear up some of Betty's questionable financial dealings. The longer Howard is kept away the longer we are unable to access the church's donation fund. Please, assure me that you can meet with Howard as soon as possible. I will draft up a quick document confirming the date and place for the meeting once you assure me that you will be there.

Please Reverend H4yes, too much time and energy has been put into this relationship to allow it to fall apart. Howard is prepared to donate $200,000+ dollars to your church. I cannot imagine why you would not meet the man for such a healthy sum of money. I am sure that arrangements can be made so that you can receive cash or a bank transfer. The most important thing now is for you to meet with Howard; he insists on shaking the hand of the man responsible for spreading the word of Christ throughout Africa.

Please let us finalize this transaction so that you can build a right honorable church for your congregation.

Peace,

Sage

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

We might want to work out a plan B. If we can't get him on the road right now, we should work out a new way to torture him. I'd hate to see this bait wither on the vine.

Master Baiter Joined: 04 May 2007 Posts: 187

Bishop Lαvαn Hα’αrαmi is back.

If there are new actors in the Scared Hart, can I get their characters’ emails?

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

I sent two letters two our lad imploring him to get off his ass to meet Howard and I have gotten no response. Is anybody else trying?

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 2:28 pm

I must say, Rev. Pete is most upset at not being able to set a new date for the conference due to the unknown disposition of the award recipient.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

So, I gather from today's e-mail that our lad is still in touch with some folks. He hasn't responded to Sage in quite some time.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

What is going on? He stopped responding to my e-mails.

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 3:19 am

I sent something back yesterday I think. I don't know if our lad has given up or if he just fell off the face of the earth.

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

Got this today:

Quote:

Dear Sage ,

We really tried our bests to see that the visas were given to us , Our last attempt was rejected yesterday , We have been trying to see that the visa is issued that was why you had not heard from me since few days now . Please try and understand becuase the Embassies here are very strict becuase of the fraudlent nature of our people here .

God has his own ways of doing things i believe is his will ...

God Bless you all

Rev W1lmer H4yes

Lets get back on this. We need a full frontal assault to get them to move. If a safari is out of the question they need to do something to appease Howard. A video or a shrine may have to do for now.

I refuse to let this die a quiet death!

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

My response:

Quote:

Dear Reverend Hayes,

Please tell me what we can do to help you. It is very important to Howard that he meet with you or, at the very least, receive some sort of recognition for his donation. If there is a way to help you travel we will do whatever it takes. The members of our congregation really want this to work; we need it to work for church morale.

Where can you travel without a visa? Maybe Howard can meet you at one of our many camps spread throughout Africa.

Peace,

Sage

Master Baiter Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 210

From our lad this morning:

Quote:

Dear Sage ,

Thanks for your understanding , Presently now , The Nigerian Goverment are running the new passport scheme , This takes at leat 30 days before our new ECOWAS passports are out . presently we cannot travel to anywhere even the ECOWAS countries without this passport unless issued a VISA . and there is no much time . Please tell Mr Howard to understand and help us make a TT transfer .

God Bless you

Rev W1lmer H4yes

Raphael responds:

Quote:

Sage and Howard,

I do not think this church is serious. I am suggesting we ship funds to the other church, and maybe some day in the future, we fund this church, when they become serious. I asked Bernie about this passport business, and he says that is bullshit, excuse my language (that is what he said!).

Howard, my advice is do not send any money to these people. You need to meet with them. This passport business they told you is a lie. Nigerians can travel to either Cameron or Benin without a visa, Bernie told me so. Nigerians get a 90 day entry into any ECOWAS country.

I am disappointed in these people. I do not understand why they would lie.

Sage, see you this afternoon at Bingo.

Best wishes,

Raphael

I try again:

Quote:

Dear sirs,

I would hate to give up on a project in which we invested so much time. It is possible that the Good Reverend Hayes merely misunderstood the travel restrictions.

Please Reverend Hayes, go back to the visa office and try again. Ask them which countries you are free to visit under the ECOWAS agreement. I implore you to do this so that we may get the donation to your church. We are talking about $250,000 here. That is a lot of money. Do what needs to be done so that we may assist you in spreading the gospel of Christ in Africa. I fear that time is running out. Raphael is not the only church member losing patience. Plus, we need to get Howard home to sort out the IRS mess.

Do what you can as quick as you can, I beg you.

Peace,

Sage

I say give him a few more days and then we call Howard home. Then we can come up with plan B. Maybe Betty needs to back-channel our lad to let him in on the best ways to manipulate the church. She'll demand a cut of the money.

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 3:11 pm

If he refuses to go to Liberia, perhaps we can get him to Lake Chad. I hear there are some lovely hotels there. It's not Abeche but it's the next best thing.

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 3:43 pm

I'd be happy to get them to Cameroon or Benin....

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 3:47 pm

I'd like for them to end up as streaded as possible. Where is a lovely (and by lovely, I mean hellish) place in Cameroon? Benin seems too nice to send them to.

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