please rev benjamin dover help me out, am really suffering.

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Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:51 pm

I know. It's really hard to believe that TWAT could cause suffering. I have always enjoyed TWAT and it has never made me suffer. Sadly, this lad has found that dealing with TWAT is harder than he thought.

Good thing that Rev. Dover is there to pick up the pieces. I think that it is time for Rev Dover to hit the road again and meet this fellow in person. Laughing

I will have to find a nice place now.

Quote:

NO!, how did it hapened?.no wonder i have nt heard from him for a while, may his soul rest in peace. while like i said before now, am longe oluwaseun precious, a member of the TW@T church down here in lagos Nigeria.to cut the story short, i been assigned to head the twat church in Nigeria.
Rev, it will interest you to know that, ever since my initiation into the TW@T church, i been living a life of misery,promises of coming down to Nigeria was all i heard from rev brian jacks, to conclude on the church building and my wellfare.till date i ve not seen any. so i decided to complain to the church. thank GOD you finally told me the truth, i was taking it for a scam.
so, what do we do now, since rev brian jacks has gone to meet with the lord. He was my best friend and a man of honour, though i ve not seen him facially. please rev benjamin dover help me out, am really suffering.

my regards.
longe oluwaseun precious.
TWAT CHU8CH, LAGOS,NIGERIA

Quote:

Dear Brother Precious,

I am so sorry to hear about the problems you have encountered. I had no idea any of this was going on. I have spoken to Rev. Phystme about all of this and he has instructed me to immediately travel to West Africa to help fix this unfortunate situation. It has been a number of years since I have been there. I will need to renew my travel visa. This should take no more than a couple of day. I will be in contact shortly to let you know of my arrangements.

Blessings,

Rev. Benjamin Dover

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:12 pm

Quote:

thank GOD you finally told me the truth

When did you start doing that YW?? Confused

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:07 pm

Well, I for one am thrilled to hear that Rev. Dover is on his way to ease, uh, I mean increase, this lad's suffering.

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:12 pm

Oh dear... is this starting all over again? I just recovered from laughing too much after that last safari...
Well, if that's the case... I really hope everyone involved will really enjoy this new adventure (some a bit more, some a bit less probably..)
Will this be another YW, prof and JJB joint-effort again? Hope so, that last safari was absolute amazing...

But good to see he already had some practice as 'since my initiation into the TWAT church, i been living a life of misery' ... I can tell you my friend, that was not misery, that was heaven!... wait for Rev. Dover to come to your rescue...

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:15 pm

He hasn't seen the dear rev. facially? So it's a facial he wants? Riigghhtt....

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:51 pm

Quote:

rev brian jacks has gone to meet with the lord. He was my best friend and a man of honour, though i ve not seen him facially.

I'm sure YW can pull a full strings and bring them together Waaaaait a minute.... wouldn't that mean sending said lad off to his maker? Ah well, that's the way the cookie (or lad) crumbles.

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 9:16 pm

What is about half way to Nigeria from Namibia? Gabon!

Quote:

Brother Precious,

I have some very good news. Rev. Phystme has asked that we make you and your church in Nigeria a priority. This means that we will postpone the construction of the cathedral in the Philippines until the construction of yours in completed. In other words, instead of waiting 2-3 years to begin construction of yours, we will begin this year.

I will need a couple of pieces of information from you as soon as possible.

First off, I will need the name and contact information for whatever public official that I will need, to secure private or public land for purchase. I will look to you for the final location but to get the correct officials on our side, I want to start lobbying them now. We do not want any bureaucratic delays slowing us down.

Also, I will need you to find a place for us to store the hand carved altar that is being shipped for your cathedral. It weights just over 12 tons, so we will need a fairly large, secure location for it. You will love the altar. It is hand carved out of granite from the African nation of Namibia. It is made in the town of Omaruru. The altar that was going to be headed to the Philippines is now yours. I will let you know as soon as I have all of the details how we will need to proceed.

Once again, I apologize for all of the problems that you have encountered. But I think that there is a silver lining to this cloud. If it were not for the hardships that you have suffered, it would have been years until your cathedral would have been completed. Now, it will be much sooner.

Keep the faith Brother,

Ben

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:16 pm

Quote:

It weights just over 12 tons, so we will need a fairly large, secure location for it.

Huh?

Can't wait to see where this is headed... Are you going to ask the lad to secure a truck, get paid in advance, and then beaten to a pulp by an outraged truckie? You bastard you...

12 tonnes of granite is only 1.6m cube BTW. I guess the altar is therefore hollow and has something 'special' inside...

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

I truly have tears in my eyes. NO, not for the lad being sent to his Maker (after all, it's a better place!)or for how he's already suffereing, but for

TWAT
Rev. Phystme
Rev. Ben Dover

and the though of a lad being beaten to a pulp by an irate trucker.

He needs to learn that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 4:14 am

Glad to see you are back at the helm, YW. Show him some good lovin'. Very Happy

Adamu's soulmate Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 337

another wicked evil safari - bring it on!!!!

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:17 am

The answer to every living in misery lads dreams, a 12 ton granite alter. Shocked

Tell you something YW, you're spoiling those TWATS Laughing

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:28 am

i love the pain in his mail.

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:41 am

I'll just nip out and warm the camel up

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Sep 2008 Posts: 236

This is brilliant. Smile

*settles down with popcorn*

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 18 Mar 2009 Posts: 80

I can't wait to read what you have in store for the weary sufferer. Give em' hell!

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:17 pm

This is gonna be fun. Laughing

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:46 pm

I'm pleased to see that you are taking a break from scamming the entire world in order to look after this poor lost little lad(why do it small, if you are going to do it at all?)
note the picture when you scroll down

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:50 pm

From the lad (Precious)

Quote:

rev i contacted the person incharge of the land and he is ready anytime we aretoo.he asked me some questions on how many
plots of land we wanted i could not give him an answer since i do not know the capacity at which the cathedral will contain so i would send
you his contact info so you can both talk on the issue.

And another

Quote:

Rev, greet you in the name of the lord God,Amen. am happy to say thank God i ve been heard. thats nice of your help rev, i will do as you said.but rev,you did talk about my wellfare. i was about collecting an advance pay of my salary before rev brian jacks died.the advance pay was to clare my debt i ve be owing since later year 2008, rev, it will interest you to know that,i ve been sent packing out of my apartment,since my rent was due. i ve been putting up with a friend since the beginning of this year. and thats not fair.
please rev, help me out.the omly person who knows my pain has been taken away by the hands of death. well i bless God things will be fine soon, i can see it.
my regards to the TWATchurch.

Rev. Dover wants to meet the lad in Gabon, present the lad with his hand carved altar, ordain him, and give him piles of cash.

Quote:

Brother Precious,

I have been in contact with Rev Phystme. He has given me instructions on how to proceed.

First off, I have been instructed to ordain you as a TWAT minister. I hope that you realize what an honor this is. All of our ministers are required to perform 4 years of foreign missionary service before they can be ordained. This is to prove that their faith and willingness to serve the Lord is strong enough. Since you have experienced such hardship already, you are NOT being required to perform missionary service. You are the first, and only ministry-candidate that I have ever heard of that has been given such privilege. I believe that Rev. Phystme has big plans for you. You have a very special place within the folds of TWAT. Enjoy its loving embrace.

Second, your altar is ready to be shipped. It will be trucked as far North as the equator. From there, you and I will greet it, and guide it the rest of the way home as has been mandated by the Church doctrine. You may or may not be aware of the ceremony that takes place when an alter is being handed over to its minister. Just as Christ had to carry his cross, every TWAT minister that receives his altar, symbolically carries it back to his church. As all TWAT minister before you have done, you are required to "carry" your cross as well. During the journey, you will fast and reflect on Christ's journey with his cross.

You are very lucky that you are so close to the equator. Some ministers before you are much farther North than you. Their journeys were far more difficult.

So, in accordance with Church doctrine, we request you to meet us in Libreville, Gabon. There, you will be presented with the altar for your cathedral and ordained by its side. For the rest of your life, no matter where you serve your Church, your altar will go with you. Like the Lord's cross, this altar will be yours for life.

Once you are ordained, I will entrust you with the funds that will pay for the construction of your cathedral. Not taking into account the exchange rate, this amount is usually in the amount of one and a half million U.S. dollars. The funds will be in the form of U.S. currency. This will be enough to acquire the land and begin construction.

[child mode]
Our TWAT construction engineer will be there to oversee the TWAT erection. He will make sure that the erection is handled properly, so that any member that enters the TWAT, will feel its warm embrace and enjoy being inside it. Being a member yourself, I do not know if you have ever been inside a TWAT, but let me tell you, once you have been inside one, you will never want to leave, even if you enter through the back door.
[/child mode]

I should have my visa any day now. I will not be traveling alone. There will be at least 4 other TWAT priests traveling with me to witness your ordination. We will all accompany you home with your altar.

Let me know when you have made your travel arrangements so we can establish a date for our arrival.

Remain blessed,

Rev. Benjamin Dover

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 6:03 pm

Quote:

Benin is a primary source country for boys and girls trafficked for forced labor in Nigeria's granite quarries.

He might even find a job. Very Happy

Doesn't look as if the pay's too good though.

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:55 pm

Can't wait to see how this one turns out. Laughing

Going to have to stop reading this at the office though... getting strange looks from the co-workers at the strange bursts of laughter coming out of my office...