Does it sound like lad is going to safari? Let's try again!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:22 am

Quote:

How i wish i can get out of here today and get is head off.

Aww, my first death threat! And I never even spoke to him. Nice work, Becky and Corona; he's all sorts of riled up.

I think maybe the nurse should plead his case to the doctor. He doesn't work weekends, and he refuses to use a phone for religious reasons, but on Monday, he'd respond...

Quote:

Mr. J@m3s is in the hospital, too? How terrible. High blood pressure at such an early age... that's what killed my father. I wish you'd told me this before, Nurse.

Yes, of course; under these circumstances we can certainly make different arrangements. Please ask Mr. J@m3s the name of his hospital, and contact the hospital administrator through MediServ, and ask him to contact me. Explain the whole situation to him. If he's open to the idea, I'd like to transfer Miss P@tr1c1@ to his hospital in Lagos. They'll be together, and the proper release procedure that I described before will still be required. I think that should make everyone happy.

Oh, by the way... it looks like I got another contact regarding this patient over the weekend. Will you do me another favor and ask Miss P@tr1c1@ if the name "Daddy Bear" means anything to her? Thank you.

MediServ is something I made up; a proprietary e-mail and database program only available to hospitals. So he's locked out of impersonating the administrator through a Yahoo account to contact our rule-sticklin' doctor directly.
That part about Daddy Bear seems rather cryptic... but the lad should immediately understand it thanks to this e-mail...

(Edit incoming)

Quote:

Howdy, pardner! Mind if I call you J1m? J1mmy? J1mb0? My name is
Hxxxx Sxxxx, but my friends call me Hxxxx. You, though... you can
call me Dad. But not Daddy Bear. Only my li'l girl can call me
that. That's right, son; I'm your new father-in-law! Right nice to
meet you.

Speaking of my darlin' P@tt13, how's she doin' out there? I've been
having trouble reaching her, so I'm gettin' a mite worried. I
understand you don't have WiFi and cellular coverage everywhere out
there, so maybe she's just not able to get my smoke-signals right
now. I thought I'd best check in with you, too, just in case. I'd
hate to think anything happened to my baby girl. I cain't be held
li'ble for what I might do if'n I git riled up. She's all I got
since her mother done passed.

I had a fella keepin' an eye on her, real sneaky-like, when she
first got to Abuja, but she done got away from him somehow. I
reckon maybe I taught her how to take care o' herself a mite too
well, huh? That's my girl, though, and I love her like a muskrat
loves his musk. Like a rattlesnake loves his rattle, that's how I
love my li'l girl.

At any rate, please have her get in touch with me quick as she can.
And a'course, you can reach me through this here e-mail address,
too. We're kin now, after all, and I'd like to get to get to know
my new son-in-law better.

I might not be able to get in touch with you again this weekend.
I'm fixin' to go to a conference in Yazoo City, Mississippi. The
yazoos they named the town after absorb them cellular signals, so
there ain't no coverage out there. And I'll be on my feet most of
the weekend, so checking my e-mail might be out of the question,
too. But I'll be back in touch, soon as I can.

Happy trails to you!

-Dad

P.S. I'll send you a picture of me later if'n I can figure out how
to make this dang fool contraption work.

Notice the "man keeping an eye on her" part? Heh. Let's see if the lad remembers the man who scared our heroine by following her all over town.

Edit: changed message for the lad to fit the story better.
Edit: Changed the fake software name to MediServ after a quick Yahoo search found hundreds of results in several different languages. I don't think the lad would find this thread with such a search.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:48 am

Monday, I tell ya!

clapping

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Oops...my mother is dead. Dad...did you up and marry as soon as I left town? I'll bet it was that scheming Miss Maudie at the A & P. She's always had the eye for you and I know exactly what she was saying when she asked if you wanted to test the firmness of the melons!

Welcome aboard Bombast..if the 3 of us can't get this guy to S1mba S4fari Camp.... Very Happy

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 4:37 am

I've sent the message after getting the story as straight as possible. I edited the post to reflect the actual message sent.

Edit: I'm getting the feeling this lad has a lot of irons in the fire, and probably doesn't leave his internet cafe all day. Still, I'm hopeful that we might get a safari out of him. I think letting him figure out on his own that all his other options are drying up will do the job if anything will. And even if he's the type that wouldn't leave the cafe if it was on fire, you are wasting a good bit of his time and resources. Not that I'm one to know, but I'm guessing hired muscle isn't cheap. It is asking someone to take a bullet for you if necessary, after all.

Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome, Becky and Corona. I'm having a lot of fun so far.

Another edit: changed "we are wasting" to "you are wasting." (change bolded) Becky did all the ground work on her own, after all.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:50 am

Yes she did and a good job of it. Wink

Glad you are enjoying! Very Happy

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:33 pm

You are all doing a brilliant lad pain job here.

Congratulations am enjoying and laughing buckets.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:54 pm

I got a response.

Quote:

Hello My in-law.

How are you today? i hope you are all doing fine over there? I really appreciate your daughter she's a very nice woman. Now that she's my wife, i promise to take good care of her, and always make her happy... We are coming for visit very soon. We are trying all we could to reach you but the mobile network is not working fine here. But we are coming to the state this next week...When i get there we can talk much more better. I can't wait to meet you my in law. I have been willing to speak with you and i think this will be a wonderful time when all the new family were coming to say hi.. Please we are coming in full so be expecting us.

We love you dad. and we will see you soon..

Thank you

I'm thinking a quick response between conference events might be in order...

Quote:

Good to hear from you, son. Do you have any wedding pictures? I'd sure like to see 'em if I can. I wish I could'a been there myself, but I was dealing with an outbreak of Asperger's Syndrome amongst the cattle. Only lost six head; we got lucky. I trust the dowry arrived safely, too? I handled it real careful-like, and only gave it to my girl as she was fixin' to get on the plane.

I'll try to talk for a spell later; I'm fixin' to give a four-hour demonstration on nerfherding techniques later, and then I'll probly get dragged to every bar in town by the other cattlemen here. You know how cowboys are; they got 'em all over Canada, too. Thank you for settin' my mind at ease, J1mb0; now I won't be worryin' about my girl. I feel like she's in good hands.

Please tell P@tt13 her Daddy Bear loves her, and I look forward to meetin' you in the flesh soon, son.

Take care!

-Dad

Edit: So, the lad's story for Daddy is that the happy couple is together and doing fine. Looks like he's still holding out hope of a $30G payout, and probably a nice fat ransom, too. Or maybe just the ransom; we'll have to see how his story changes over the next few days. Since I bring up the dowry here, I wonder if he'll want to say part of it was lost and he needs a little more.

I mention Canada in this message because I don't think the lad ever came clean over his real nationality, did he?

Edit: I was just about to send Daddy's response to the lad when I got an e-mail from "our heroine!"

Quote:

Hello Daddy,

Am sorry for not contacting you for days. How are you today? i hope you are doing fine ? I miss you so much too daddy. I really appreciate your support dad. Jxxxx and I we doing fine. is just that Jxxxx Had an accident on his way coming to the Abuja to picked me up, But his doing fine now, in fact we had the wedding yesterday. And everything when on successfully. ..

Jxxxx And the hole family is saying hello to you, we will be moving to safari camp on Monday. From there we will join you in the state latest Thursday.

But dad Jxxxx and i will need your help, when we finish the wedding dad, we don't have much money with us. And we need to pay for some bills and as well for the flight. And James need to renews his visa. Jxxxx Kids are here with us as well. so we are all coming together to say hi to you.. Before we go to Ontario...

So dad please can send us $5,000. Please daddy.

I should have send you Jxxxx Phone number as you already knew that the battery of my phone is not working fine. But Jxxxx phone is working fine but we are not in a network area.

Daddy please you will have to send the money to us through Western Union, before latest Tuesday. Because we need the money on Wednesday. Daddy this is the information that you will send the money to.

Name: Pxxxxxxx Sxxxx.
Address: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
City: Ibadan
State: Oyo State
ZIp code: 23402
Country: Nigeria

Daddy when you send it kindly forward the full information to me.

The Question and Answer should be:
Question: My husband Name
Answer: Jxxxx Axxxx.
Send me the MTCN Number:
The sender Name and Address that you use.

I will be waiting for your message daddy. and make sure you take good care of your self when you get to Mississippi...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DADDY AND I MISS YOU TOO..

Bye For now daddy...

Yours P@tt13

I think Daddy's cash reserves are a bit low right now. He just paid the dowry, and then there's this convention to pay for. I'm gonna have to sell some cattle to get that money; that'll take a few days. And I'm a little hurt that she didn't use her special name for me. I think this e-mail alone gives Daddy reason to think something's fishy and use other means of finding his girl, like searching the hospitals and running across Dr. H1ghw@y.

And instead of sending my reply to the lad, I might need to send a modified version of it to P@tt13. I have plenty of time to think about that, though.

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

^^^ Liar liar pants on fire!

The audacity of the lad! I like to think that I can construct sentences and spell a bit better than that. Plus...if lad had paid any attention to my emails, he would have known that I always refer to my father as "father". Obviously it is time for me to regain some of my senses and sent an email to my father.

ETA - Just PMed. Father is quite a computer noob so I am trying to send him an email through my friend Camilla who obviously set him up with an email address...but I wouldn't know that. So "Father", you can forward this to the lad and slap him for his brazen attempt at extortion.

Quote:

Dear Camilla -

Would you please get this message to my father? I'm sure he has been worried about me but I haven't really had a way to get in touch with him. I'll explain everything to you later. Patricia

Dear Father -

I am so sorry not to have called you before this. There is something wrong with my phone and, since you don't do computers, that was not an option. I hope Camilla can get this message to you right away.

Father, there has been some sort of accident and I hit my head. I'm still in Nigeria but I'm having some memory problems and am not sure why I am here. I have a feeling I came to get married...but it is all very confusing and I have just impressions and partial memories, not full details. Feelings like I know I came to get married and of waiting at the airport for someone. Right now I am staying at the house of a very nice nurse who helped me in the hospital. Her brother is very nice too. I don't believe I came to Nigeria to marry him...at least he hasn't said anything about that.

I hope this letter will not make you worry. I am okay...the doctor here is very good and assures me that I should regain my full memory soon. I also know that financially I am set so you do not need to worry there. I also have the distinct memory that I was planning to go to S1mba S4fari Camp in Cameroon...isn't that odd that I would so clearly remember that? As soon as the doctor gives approval, I believe I will go ahead and go there.

Love,
Patricia

PS Say hello to Tillie for me.

BTW - Tillie is my horse but don't tell the lad that...see if he messes up. Very Happy

BTW again - you can ask him "man to man" to explain the dating site profile where he was looking for a man to share his life with...lad and I had a small bump in our courtship about this.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:00 pm

Actually, Becky, I have another idea, too...

Forget the friendly e-mail I was planning to send before. Daddy's very angry now.

First, a big slap to the fake daughter (who he hasn't seen through just yet)

Quote:

Baby Bear,
Why does he need a visa? Just in case you got chickpeas stuck in your ears and couldn't hear that, let me repeat it a little louder. WHY DOES HE NEED A VISA? He is a Canadian returning home. HE DOES NOT NEED A VISA.

You may be a big girl now, but you're not too big for me to turn you over my knee and tan your hide.

Now, I want you to go and stand in the corner for one hour. When you're done, write back to me with TRUE answers to the following questions:
1. Why do you REALLY need this money?
2. Why is it so crucial for me to wire you this money three days from now when the Axxxxs, his own parents, just had $30,000 handed to them on a silver platter, along with the greatest treasure I have?
3. What happens here at the ranch on the first Monday of each month? I'll give you a hint: It rhymes with PAYDAY. Who should I tell that I can't pay him this month? Zeke, whose daughter just got braces? Clem, who's still paying for his liver transplant from last year? Alfonzo, whose horse died last month after accidentally drinking turpentine? Don't you feel bad for him, having to walk around straddling a broom and making "clippity-clop, clickety-clop" noises just to do his job until he can afford a new horse?
4. Why aren't you calling me your special name for me? I didn't stop being your Daddy Bear just because you got married.

I'm very disappointed in you, P@tr1c1a Mxxxx Sxxxx.

-Daddy Bear

And a little something for the lad...

Quote:

Son, your wife is going to stand in the corner for awhile now. This is her punishment for telling me a lie. Please do not interfere with this, or else you can go to bed without supper.
-Dad

Neither message has been sent yet; I wanted your opinion first. These could, after all, be a little too silly. We can certainly go with your idea instead. Hey, maybe we could do both! No reason Camilla's message couldn't arrive after those have been sent.

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:22 pm

Like both ideas! Mr. Green

Nurse has not heard from the boi. Sad

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Bombast - Definitely do both! Send your slap and then later forwarded him the email from me. I'd love to see his explanation!

Corona - he probably hasn't written to you because you're not a perceived cash cow and daddy is. Very Happy

I need to add that I love your cowboy talk.

Quote:

Just in case you got chickpeas stuck in your ears and couldn't hear that, let me repeat it a little louder. WHY DOES HE NEED A VISA?

Quote:

Don't you feel bad for him, having to walk around straddling a broom and making "clippity-clop, clickety-clop" noises just to do his job until he can afford a new horse?

You're playing your part superbly. clapping

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 12:11 am

Okay, my two messages have been sent. His reaction should be fun, having his household interefered with by his father-in-law and all that.

Edit: I think I'll forward the message from Camilla tomorrow morning.

And thanks, Becky!

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:32 am

Quote:

"I ain't had this much fun since the pigs ate my little brother." - My Paw Paw

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:58 pm

No reply from the lad or the fake daughter yet, but I just noticed something that would make Daddy very suspicious... in addition to all the other grammar and spelling errors in that e-mail from the fake daughter, she spells her name Patrica.

I can still forward Camilla's message later tonight (Mountain Time, GMT -8, I think). Also, I can write the lad to inform him that someone is impersonating Daddy's little girl. You know, just to keep him in the loop.

Maybe at the same time, our real heroine can suddenly remember the money, and, having already remembered about the camp, she gets the idea to send the dowry there for pickup by her fiance. She plans to be along later, of course. She asks Nursie to make the arrangements, and Nursie can inform the lad AFTER it's been sent, so there's no way for her to send it to Lagos instead. Just in time, too, since Daddy's finally starting to unravel this scheme. The lad can still get his money, but he'll have to act quickly.

Edit: Message for the lad:

Quote:

Dear J1mb0,
I felt I should let you know that it seems someone out there is
impersonatin' our Patricia. This person asked me for $5000 to
"renew J@mes visa." What kind of fool does he take you and me for?
A Canadian goin' back to Canada don't need no up-to-date visa. And
P@tricia is not spelled "P@trica"; my daughter knows how to spell
her name.

Don't worry or nothin'; I intend to get to the bottom of this. I'm
gonna make him think he's got me good and fooled. Needless to say,
you can ignore my previous message about P@ttie havin' to stand in
the corner. Please convey my apologies to her.

In the meantime, do you happen to have any wedding pictures? I'd
sure like to see 'em if'n you do. Seein' my little girl as a
radiant bride on the biggest day of her life would sure warm my
heart.

You take care now. And tell P@ttie I love her.

-Dad

And for the "daughter":

Quote:

Baby Bear,
I'm awful sorry I flew off the handle like that. But you know I don't like bein' fed a load of bull. Please tell me why you really need the money, and I'll see what I can do for you.
-Daddy Bear

Edit: I changed the plan for replying to the fake daughter.
The idea here is that Daddy knows there's something fishy, but hasn't tied the lad into it yet. As usual, I'm holding off on sending anything for the moment. I have a little while before I need to go out for the day. I'll probably send these before going; I'll confirm it in this thread if I do.

Edit: I sent both messages. I'll forward Camilla's message tonight unless plans change.

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:13 pm

Do you think my mail was too mean??? Shocked

Well, it is the weekend! Smile

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:34 am

Edit: I misunderstood Corona's question. Rewrote the post after figuring that out.

I'm sorry, Corona. I'd forgotten all about your big slap. No, of course you wouldn't want to do anything nice for the lad, not unless he took your patient off your hands while he was at it. Or, at the very least, apologized to you.

Unless you meant it more rhetorically, wondering why the lad hasn't contacted you again, in which case I think it's more that he saw that road as a dead end. That could be my fault (again, I'm sorry if that's the case), since I was the one who suggested laying down the law by way of doctor's orders. From what I've seen in my short time here, these guys will take just about any abuse you give them as long as they think there's money in it for them.

By the way, I got a new response from the fake daughter:

Quote:

Dad am sorry,I should have explain everything to you but i don't have much time to spend online. I understand everything you have just told me. but i will try and explain everything to you when i get there. James don't need a visa, we just need the money to get our ass over there, you know we are coming with all the kids.

Dad am sorry if i made you angry.
But please try and get us the money.

I will mail you soon.

Thanks dad. I miss you so much

I think he might still be holding out hope of getting the $30G. He knows he's not getting that $5G because Daddy's not fooled by the fake daughter; I told him that flat out already. Unless... maybe he's not checking the lad's e-mail anymore? That might explain everything; he may have decided to leave his "wife" hanging and start all over again with Dad to get whatever he can before the jig is up. I'll think some more on how he can be steered back toward the $30G just in case that's the problem.

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Quote:

we just need the money to get our ass over there

Well, this proves that the letter is a fake..you raised your daughter to be a lady and I don't ever talk like this! Very Happy

Time to forward him the Camilla letter and see if he goes back to working Corona/nurse. What email address is he using for fake daughter? (PM me)

Quote:

Maybe at the same time, our real heroine can suddenly remember the money, and, having already remembered about the camp, she gets the idea to send the dowry there

Great idea! Because I am nervous about traveling with all that money....except it can't be for pickup by "my fiancee" because I don't really remember who he is...but I'm sure my memory will come back at just about the same time as the money is safely deposited at the camp....and I'm sure lad will be thrilled to hear from me again. Twisted Evil

Corona - we'll have to talk about getting my money to the camp...can your brother help me? Because once he sees all that cash, I'm sure he will want to come to the camp too.

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:05 am

Good ideas! ^PM sent. And with that, it's way past my bedtime. I'll forward the message from Camilla before I go to work in the morning; that way the lad can have a few hours to ponder the new development you're throwing at him.

Edit: Of course, I'll check back here before sending the message just in case something changes.

Got a reply from the lad...

Quote:

Gd morning my in-law,

How are you tday? I hope you are feeling good, we are feeling good here, and everything is going on fine.
But i just don't know who the hell is this fuckng person, i am confused. i can't just guess. can you please forward this fraudulent email to me? As i will be willing to know this hll person. Oh, my wife was telling me that she can't get access to her mails this days, and i was wondering why..well i have inform her that You mail me, and she was very sorry for anything she did wrong. And i am plead on her belief too. We are sorry sir.
, If we need your help , i will cntact you myself,...so sir, and i know she won't do that without my concept.

Sir. once again we are really sorry, and i know very soon, we gonna tell you when we are coming over there for visit.

We love you all dad.
Yours in-law.

James

Edit: I was starting to write the next message per Becky's request when I noticed a potential new development. I'll send you a PM about it, Becky and Corona.

I'm holding off a little longer on forwarding Camilla's e-mail.

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Quote:

i am confused. i can't just guess. Can you please forward this fraudulent email to me?

No wonder lad is confused...I think I am too. Very Happy

Isn't he asking you to forward his own (fake Patricia) email?

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:21 pm

Weird, I tell ya! Confused

This morning:

Quote:

Hello how are you girls doing today? i hope you are all doing fine? Am really sorry for not getting in touch with you since, my doctor just came in this morning form his weekend off. So i am really sorry.
Ok i agreed with you and i apologize for that, but i want you to understand that what the doctor said is not really ok..but since you people knows best about her situation.

And more over how is she now? I have discuss this issue with my doctor and he told me that they will see what they can do. so i guess some times this new week i may get in touch with you over there, i and my doctor. What about that?

I told you the camp is called safari Camp.

I can't just pay you for what you are doing for her, but i know that God will surely bless you for everything you are doing for me.

Please don't let your brother smile to her, as your brother is your lover, likewise Pattie is my lover and she's the only one love. Please....

I want to know more...

Thanks

Got an apology! Very Happy

Master Baiter Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 128

Something you could do would be to tell him that you did send them the money, but that you've changed a few things, namely the test question and answer , it should be something that Patricia and you have in common, something that only she knows?? ie What is your Grandmother's maiden name?? or the name of her first pet puppie? of course since she is not really there ..... this could be a source of frustration for the lad?

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 9:08 pm

Maybe it's time for the nurse's brother. Twisted Evil

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

^^^^I've forgotten brother's name (and deleted the PM with it).

Yes, I could use your help. Once Bomcast has forwarded my email to my father, could you please help me retrieve my money and send it for safe keeping to S1mba S4fari Camp Camaroon? Then I think it would be perfectly okay to tell lad what your kind brother has done and how he is willing to drive me to the camp. M0tti, would you like to come along to make sure your brother doesn't smile at me too much....cracks me up how lad keeps telling you not to let your brother do that. He doesn't seem to have a problem with the brother/lover thing though, does he? Confused

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:42 pm

^^^I will help you retrieve the money and send for safe keeping. Very Happy

Going to come up with a first and very short mail from brother M00t. Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

That's right! M00T! M00t with the lovely smile. Very Happy

Does it sound like lad is going to safari? Let's try again!	View next topic View previous topic