Bertie W00ster goes on holiday to Spain

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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:07 am

Quote:

Thsnk you BERTIE,
IF YOU CAN TRAVEL TO SPAIN,IT WILL BE BETTER.I WILL TELL YOU ALL THAT IS REQUIRED OF YOU AND WILL GIVE YOU A SCHEDULE TO TRAVEL.PLEASE CALL ME ON 011.3465801XXXX

Time to get out and dust down the old charabanc (a type of horse-drawn vehicle or motor coach, usually open-topped, common in Britain during the early part of the 20th century. also used colloquially to describe a run about), don't you know ? Laughing

I think this scammer could find handling the penniless English upper class a headache, but he invited me. Very Happy

I suspect the car could end up breaking down on the motorway in among all these people who don't speak English. Shocked

Quote:

Dear Mr Francisco

I thank you for your kind invitation and, as I have got the old charabanc out of the garage for the first time this year, It'll be nice to give it a run out to Spain. I have to put it away for the winter as it doesn't drive well in the snow.

I fancy a jaunt to foreign parts as I haven't been abroad since I was in the army and we were invading places. Is there a tunnel to Spain as I cannot fly in planes since I saw them going up in flames all the time.

I seem to recall that all these foreign people are very welcoming and I can always ask directions if I get lost but it would be helpful if you can provide directions.

Let me know what clothes I should pack and I'll call you later.

Don't worry I'll give the car a wash before I set out.

Best Regards

Bertie W00ster

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:25 pm

Gomer, don't forget to pack your riding coat, leather cap with goggles, and elbow length leather gloves. Have fun on your motor carriage trip! Very Happy

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:33 pm

I suspect you must also have a collection of very rich aunts, too Smile

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 2:03 pm

I've sent him the picture of my car. Very Happy

Next he'll get a picture of me being served a brandy by Jeeves before I leave.

Do you think he'll notice they're waxworks dummies ? Very Happy

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 2:18 pm

GomerPyle wrote:

Do you think he'll notice they're waxworks dummies ? Very Happy

Well, I thought they were typical Englanders. Wink

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:28 am

Yes, I thought they were real, too, Gomer. The British are so stiff. Wink

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:47 am

slappy wrote:

The British are so stiff.

Arf!
(Did you know the British are also fond of double entenders?)

Have a simply spiffing journey, Bertie old chap, try not to dent Johnny Foreigner too badly along the way. Pip pip!

I do love the idea of him giving you directions - from England to Spain - I do hope they're detailed enough - perhaps he can send you maps of the whole route?

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:11 am

I say! Ripping, what? Don't those French chappies drive on the wrong side of the road? Bounders! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:17 am

I've used Bertie Wooster several times myself. Last time I evidently went over the edge as I droned on and on about Sir Watkin Bassett and lost my lad.

Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:47 pm

Clearly you pushed it too far angus.

I quite like my Bertie Wooster character. It's worrying that I play an English upper class bumbling old fool so well. Laughing

I have a recording of my call to him with a few small gems like "Spain's abroad is it ?" and "You mean I have to go through France ?".

I have found that I can only do impersonations if I try to get the throat and mouth correctly aligned, and in this accent it involves pulling your lower lips tight with thecheeks and flexing your throat muscles rigid, and without moving the lips, speaking using just your tongue Shocked

which is why I appear to be gasping for breath when I speak, but that suits the character brilliantly.

http://Gomer.fileave.com/BertieGoesToSpain.mp3

He is so polished and smooth, and his nerves are grated nicely by the end. Laughing

I had an uncle who spoke an even more extreme version of this, but I won't try it on a smarter Spanish Lad. The funny thing is that the extreme version is virtually unintelligible. Anyone who has seen the 'Fast Show' will know what I mean.

I sent him this message afterwards

Quote:

I have had the car serviced and topped up the petrol tank and will be leaving home, by car, on Monday.

I have obtained a map, as you suggested, and have worked out a route and should be able to get to you by the end of the week. (That could be an over optimistic estimate judging by the car in the picture) I have stocked up on food as I doubt they have items like toast and marmalade in the hostelries that I will find en route, but if I have to make do with goats' cheese and other local delicacies, I'll try to do my best with them.

Do they serve English breakfasts in Madrid ?

I'll be holding a small dinner party prior to departing and will send you a photo if I have time.

I bet you HE likes the photo.

Anyway, he appears to have spoken to his pals and has been advised that this is an encounter he should avoid at all costs. Laughing

Quote:

i dont understand you.are you with the fees for clearance and other payments.I will not want your coming to Madrid to be in vain and moreso,we are not for a party.So know what you are coming for and call me before any move is made to enable me give you guidelines of what you should expect.

No such bloody luck. Very Happy

I've purchased new goggles for the trip.

I'll drag him through every bloody mile and guest house, with brushes with the gendarmes and border police. Perhaps I'll start with an encounter with a hovercraft. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:29 pm

He is rude. Tourist information and not so good weather... Shocked

GP, your accent is absolutely fabulous. Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:35 pm

This one really tickles my funnybone. Great bait, Gomer. I like the voice too. Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:45 pm

I think you should get your man Jeeves to give her a good polish old man. Can't let the side down don't ye know!

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:53 pm

Nice call Gomer.

he seems to have an attitude problem.

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:55 pm

I was really pushing it to try this on a European 419er so I'll pick a West African one next time. I have a few on the go to choose from.

Quote:

I JUST DISCOVERED THAT YOU ARE A BIG,BIG FOOOOOOL.
DO YOU THINK I AM A GAY LIKE YOU.

I got the reply in today, not quite actual size. Very Happy

I told him that I thought croissants must the result of the cook sneezing into an oil filled frying pan. Very Happy

I was even complaining about 'Johnny Foreigners'.

What I like is "I just discovered...". You mean I did something to give myself away ? Laughing

I think that translates as "I just discovered what a fool I am". Laughing

I can't wait for Bertie's next escapade.

Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:32 pm

have a care old man don't proceed without the red flag man

Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:40 pm

Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:53 pm

GomerPyle wrote:

I can't wait for Bertie's next escapade.

Neither can I. Very Happy

But is it that the lad didn't want to be in contact with someone who he thought was a gay? Confused

Everybody is after pink money nowadays...

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