Hessie is back...and her hairbrush too!

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Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:45 pm

Finally! Hessie is back - and she is rarin' to go!

Since I started back up with baiting again, I've been trying desperately to get some mugu to follow my preferred modality, which is: to make him fall in love with my character, Hessie. Whether it's a lotto, NOK, charity scam, whatever...what I like to do is make them send me a photo (usually some stupid stolen passport is all I get), and then I fall in love with the man who is helping me to get a fortune, and essentially demand that he fall in love with me. This takes the bait to a whole new level.

But I've been having trouble getting any of my latest baits to bite. I've had several twig, and the others just don't take the love bait. A couple of them insist they are happily married, and refuse to cheat on their wives. Another one dropped me like a hot potato the moment he saw my photo. I think I introduced it too early. Fortunately I nabbed one who said he is divorced, and I've got him in my hooks! Here it is so far - in case anyone wants to see how to get a lad to fall in love with you:

Starts with a standard NOK format:

Quote:

Attention:

I am a Solicitor and a Business Consultant here in the UK. It is indeed my pleasure to write you this letter which I know is absolutely going to be of a great doubt and distrust in your heart as so many individuals have taken possession of the internet to facilitate their selfish interest, thereby making it extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate business class persons to get attention and recognition.

I discovered that a late client of mine who died along with his wife and two children in a car accident on the 11th of January 2006 has no one to stand for claim on a deposit he made with HSBC BANK PLC (US$14,689,000.00)Fourteen Million, Six Hundred and Eighty Nine Thousand Dollars. He wanted to set up a Gas Plant project in Asia with this fund as record showed.

(blah blah blah... you know the rest...)

Hessie:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Hofffman,

I'm sorry to hear about your client. I'm not related to him, so I'm not sure if I can stand in as his relative. But I would like to find out more. I don't have any liability and I can give you my surety and ascertain my credibility and resourcefulness. I have an avocado ranch that would be a good investment for funds, and with the economy the way it is right now, we could sure use the money.

Sincerely,

Hester D3mollester

Harry:

Quote:

Thanks for your respond to my business proposal. Please note that I am awear you are not related to the deceased but I want to assure you that all the legal documents which will authenticate your claims have to be secured in your name and address to ensure that there is no hitch in transfering this fund into your account. However, could you please send me all your contact such as your full names, contact address, tel and fax numbers to enable us proceed.

Best Regards,
Barrister Harry Hoffman.
MD. Harry Hoffman & Associates.

Hessie:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Hoffman,

Okay, if you say this is completely safe, then I'm in. But I need to know if I can really trust you because I don't want to get in any kind of trouble. I'm a single woman and I don't have a man to watch out for me to make sure that I don't get taken advantage of. I've had men take advantage of me before and I don't want that to happen again.

My full name is Hester Enid D3mollester. Here's my address:

324 Mountain View Dr.
Santa Paula, CA 93061

I'm sorry to tell you that I don't have a telephone. I am hard of hearing, due to a parasitic infection a number of years ago. But if we need to have phone communication, I can make arrangements to go into town to use the TDD (telephone service for the deaf) at the library. I just need to know exactly when to schedule that, because they aren't always open.

I don't have a fax machine. I life in a small house on a remote ranch, and we don't have a need for fax machines here.

Please tell me what to do next.

Sincerely,

Hester

Harry:

Quote:

Dear Hester Enid D3mollester,

Thanks for sending me all your contact information to enable us forge ahead. However, you are required to fill this form correctly and send to the bank email address and please ensure that you send me a copy of the filled application form.

Below is the text application form.

Hessie:

Quote:

Now hold on just a minute there bucko. I may be a single woman trying to operate on my own, but I wasn't born yesterday. I want to help you with this, because damn that's a lot of money and I could sure use it. But I can't just send out my bank account information to anyone! I need to know more about you, so I'll know if I can trust you. I really appreciate you picking me for this, and I mean WOW it would be great if this all works! But I don't want to give out my banking numbers until I know you a little better. I realize that you are putting a lot of trust in me for this, and that you say it's all legal and I can't get in trouble. But I suspect it's not completely legal. Like I said earlier, I'm okay with that - I've been known to bend a few laws in my day. I just want to make sure you are trustworthy.

How about this: send me a picture of yourself. Make sure it's a picture where I can see your eyes. I need to look into your eyes to make sure that you look trustworthy down to your soul. Please send me a picture asap, because I don't want to hold this up.

Also, I want to know more about you. How old are you? Where do you live? Are you married? Do you have children? Here, I'll tell you something about me:

I'm 52 years old, and I'm a widow. My late husband Harvey passed away some years back, and left me with this avocado ranch. We never had any kids. I like to exercise and keep my body in top physical condition. What do you like to do for relaxation?

Please answer my questions and send me a picture of you, and then we'll go from there.

Sincerely,

Hester

Harry:

Quote:

Dear Hester Enid Demoll3ster,

Sequel to your request, I hereby attached a scan copy of my international passport for your perusal and mutual understanding. I was once married but right now, I am no longer with my wife. I had two kinds and they are in school right now. I lived in United Kingdom and I like visiting beach whenever am on vacation or watch football if I when to relax.

However, I will advise that you please fiil the form and send it to the bank email address. Also remember to sand me a copy of the email too.

Have a great day and GOD bless.

Harry Hoffman.

And he included this really pathetic passport. OOOH! He is SOOO handsome! Hessie just can't control herself...

Hessie:

Quote:

Dear Harry,

Thank you so much for sending me your photo! I wish I could see your eyes better, though. But even so, you are a VERY handsome man. I'm sorry to hear that you are no longer with your wife. I'm single now too - my late husband passed away a few years ago, and I can get very lonely sometimes. I live on a remote avocado ranch, and the only men I ever get to meet are roughneck farm workers. You look like a very dignified man. I really like your tie!

I'm wondering what you plan on doing after this deal is done. I mean, we'll both have a whole lot of money. Maybe you can come visit me on my ranch, and we can watch some football together!

Please tell me more about yourself. I think maybe God is bringing us together! What do you think?

Oh, about that form - I lost it, can you send it again please? Thanks Harry!

Love,

Hessie

Harry:

Quote:

My Dear,

It will be a wondeful time meeting you in person after we have concluded this transaction. Here is the form again. Kindly fill it and send it to the bank email address. Note that you are also advise to send me a copy of the filled form too.

Below is the form.

Standard stoopid bank form attached. I filled it out and sent it to the "banker's" email addy.

Hessie:

Quote:

Dear Harry,

I'm so glad you want to meet me! Okay I went ahead and sent off my bank information. I sincerely hope you turn out to be the kind, trustworthy man you appear to be in your photograph.

Harry I have to tell you that I couldn't give them a phone number. I can't talk on the phone, and I'm so sorry. I hope that's going to be okay. I have been hard of hearing ever since I got a parasitic infection in my ears some years ago. But I am fully healthy in every other way. Please tell me about coming to visit me! I have a lovely avocado ranch, and we could have a fabulous time. If you want, I could cook you some nice dinners, and you never know...maybe we would feel a little bit romantic about each other! Hey we're both single and unattached, and we'll both have lots of money. I get lonely on the ranch here sometimes, and you look like such a wonderful man.

Okay so tell me what I need to do next!

Love,

Hessie

Harry:

Quote:

My Dear,

I am begining to feel that same way you are feeling. I believe that GOD want to bring us together for a good purpose. I don't mine visiting you and spending some nice time with you but that will be after we have concluded our transction. It think it is going to be wonderful thing meeting you in person. We shall have a good time together. Can you please send me an attached copy of your picture.

However, I want you to believe in me and I will never fail you. I am indeed a trustworthy person and I assure you that I am here to protect your interest and mine.

Meanwhile, you are advise to get back to me as soon as you hear from the HSBC BANK LONDON.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman.

Next I received an email (all in caps, HOW annoying is that?) from the bank. The name of the dear departed keeps changing from Mark Craig to Mark Graig.

Quote:

ATTN: HESTER D3MOLLESTER,

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR APPLICATION HAVE BEEN RECEIVED. NOTE THAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH YOUR INFORMATION AND WE ARE VERY PLEASED TO TELL YOU THAT IT CORRESPONDED WITH WHAT WE HAVE IN OUR RECORD WHICH HAS SHOWN THAT YOU ARE THE BONAFIDE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED PERSON (MR. MARK GRAIG).

(blah blah blah - ten more paragraphs of this drivel...they tell me that I need some documents that are going to "cost money".)

Hessie:

Quote:

Dear Harry,

This is so exciting! Okay I heard from the guy at the bank, and he says that I need to get a lawyer to get some documents. It's all very confusing to me. Can you figure out what needs to be done?

I'm so thrilled that you want to meet me! I'll go look through my pictures and see if I can find one to send you. Can you send me more pictures of you? It's hard to have good fantasies about a passport photo, you know?

I will treat you right, I promise. I am a good woman. I do have to ask you, do you have a healthy sexual appetite? I ask because I've been alone for so long, and it's been a very long time since I had a man make love to me. Once I meet the man of my dreams, I'm going to want to spend a LOT of time in bed, making passionate love. Do you feel the same way? Please tell me!

I can't wait to hear from you again!

Love,

Hessie

Poor Hessie...she hasn't gotten laid in ten years. As is the usual with Hessie, getting laid is WAY more important to her than any tens of millions of dollars!

Harry:

Quote:

My Dear,

I am just coming into my office right now. I was in a court room since today. Could you please send me a copy of the email you received from the bank today? This will enable me know what we are going to do next.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman

I forward him the message:

Quote:

My Darling Harry,

Here is the email they sent. Please write me back, and I want you to tell me that you'll help me take care of all this, and then we'll get our fortune and you can start planning your visit to see me on my ranch. I need to hear from you that you really do feel like this is meant to be, that we might have a chance at a romance. This is so important to me! I stare at your picture all the time now, I really feel like we are getting closer and closer, and I feel an intense connection every time I look deep into your eyes.

Love,

Hessie

Harry:

Quote:

My Dear,

I have gone through the forwarded email you received from the bank and I found out the we need to secure these two document before the bank can approve and transfer this fund into your account. However, by tomorrow, I will be going to the Federal Hight Court of justice to find out how much these documents will cost and thereafter, I will get back to you. Please bear in mine that whatever the cost of these two documents will be, we are going to share it.

Meanwhile, I believe strongly in mine hart that GOD has a good purpose for us and that is why he is bring us together. I will nevr wait to meet you in your country as soon as we are through with this transaction. I want to let you know that I am begining to love you more and more and based on that, I have decided to call you my Angel. Is that okay by you?.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman.

Hessie:

Quote:

My Darling Harry,

Oh YES! You can definitely call me your Angel! This is so wonderful. I feel like my life has been so difficult for so long, and now you and this deal have been given to me like a gift from on high, like twinkling stars falling down from heaven. I will wait for your email about the cost of these documents, and I am so happy that you will share it with me. We can start talking about sharing a LOT of things now! We can share wonderful meals together, we can share walks on the beach, we can share a bed. One thing I've been thinking a lot about is having you brush my long hair. I have beautiful long red hair, and it falls down my back like silky threads of gold. I like to fantasize about you using my wooden hairbrush to brush my hair tenderly...and then you kiss my neck...and then...well, you can imagine what happens next!

Please let me know what happens after you get back from the Federal High Court of Justice. I can't wait!

Loving you,

Hessie

So, I've got him calling me "Angel", and I've already introduced my famous hairbrush. Note that I haven't sent him my photo yet - I like to wait until they start telling me all the wonderful things they are going to do to me in bed. Once I've got them debasing themselves to that level, then I like to spring my pic on them...and watch them try to keep up the charade of being in love/lust with me. LOL! Let's see what happens next!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:02 pm

Cachuma.....

is......

BAAAAA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-ACK!

Hairbrush and all!

happy crowd

Has he seen a photo?

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:41 pm

Not yet. I need to get my hooks in him a little deeper before I spring that on him. Laughing

I would LOVE to get another safari out of this. Oddly enough, he actually does appear to be in the UK - both his and the bank's IP's resolve to UK. I suppose there are some lads in the UK, but it's the first time I've ever baited one there.

So...does Simb@ Safar1 resorts have any UK locations? Wink

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:45 pm

Hide thuh hairbrushes, Hessie's on uh rampage!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:34 pm

you always write such lovely things, Cachuma Smile

btw, in your absence, Hessie had a change of name and became Justine Laughing

thanks go to Doc Williams for providing me with the photo in your absence!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:47 pm

OHMYGOD! That is so funny - I can't wait to read that whole thing! Good to know that Hessie lived on in my absence (even if under a new name).

One thing I noticed right off, however, is that your Justine didn't think she was beautiful! WTF? My Hessie knows she is an absolute stunner, and can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise. In fact, wherever she goes, men fall in love with her. She's so damn attractive that...

(get ready for it....)

You can't AFFORD her! Laughing

(Sorry, couldn't resist...)

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:25 am

Harry is SOOO romantic!

Quote:

My Angel,

Thanks for your wonderful email. To be sincere with you, I won't wait to meet you once we are through with this transaction. You are making me feel happy every day by day. I thank GOD for bring such a wonderful person like you around me. What I will assure you is this. My sincerity, honesty and love I must give to you. You are gradually becoming a part of me. I don't mine moving down to your country just to live the rest of my life with you. Guess what will happend the very first day I will meet you. Can you feel how I feel my Angel? GOD will make it happend soonest.

Meanwhile, by tomorrow morning, I will be going to find out what the total cost of the two documents will be and thereafter, I will get back to you. Have a very wonderful day.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman.

I have to say I find it surprising he hasn't already sprung the request for money. What's he waiting for? Maybe he wants to see just how gullible I am, to determine how much to ask for. Or...he has his modality all laid out for him, which requires that he wait a day...and he needs to follow script or he'll get all confusled. That seems more likely.

Now that he's professed his undying love for me, I'm going in for the debasement. Remember - he hasn't SEEN me yet. I'll wring a few more pukey professions of love out of him...and then he's gonna have a feast for his eyes. Damn, I forgot how much fun this is!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:33 am

I'm so glad to see Hessie back in full swing!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:50 am

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

I'm so glad to see Hessie back in full swing!

Speaking of which has Hessie ever has any inclination to 'swing' ? It might make for some interesting emails. You could say that you were part of the local scene, but have been unable to participate since your dear husband's death due to the lack of a partner. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:11 am

I wasn't around for Hessie Mk I but this is really funny.

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:50 am

@ Cachuma: Justine had self confidence issues Wink

until she was stood up by Joe, of course.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:01 pm

Cachuma, Hessie, Love, and Hairbrushes. What could be better? Laughing

Welcome back! Cool

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:42 pm

The Hessie with the brush? Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:46 pm

^^^That would be me! Very Happy

(Well, not ME, but, you know, my baiting character.... Embarassed

)

Just want to make sure none of you actually think that I PERSONALLY have such an intimate connection with my hairstyling implements! Shocked

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:49 pm

^^^No, Girlfriend! Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:50 pm

Well, some of them are rather attractive, but...

Oh forget it! Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:01 pm

Forget it???

Not now! Razz

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:13 pm

And more of the Hessie-Harry saga: the request for money has come in! Woohoo!

Hessie:

Quote:

Oh Harry! I'm so thrilled that you feel as I do. I too believe that God is working through us in bringing us together. He wants us to be happy, and to enjoy the pleasures that he has put on this planet for us. I mean, why would he put this deal in front of us if he didn't want us to take it? What would happen to this money if we didn't work together to make sure that it was claimed by someone who could use it? It would just sit in the bank and rot, right? Instead, you found me and we are going to use this money for GOOD!

And on top of that, we're going to create something really special between us. I feel it so strongly. You told me to guess what will happen the first day you meet me. Well, I don't want to guess - I want you to TELL ME! Please, Harry darling, tell me what is going to happen the first time you see me...the first time we're alone together, counting our new riches and figuring out how we're going to spend it. I know how I want to spend it at first - I want to buy myself some new and really sexy underwear to try on for you, so you can see how hot my sexy body is! No man has laid a hand on this body for so many years, and it is just thrumming with excitement in anticipation of all that you will do to it.

Please, Harry darling, tell me what is going to happen the first time we are together. I need to hear it!

I can't wait to learn about the two documents, and I know you will take care of them quickly. I totally trust you now. I'm hoping that it's not too much money. If you can go ahead and cover the costs for now, I promise to split it with you once we're together. Of course, by then we'll have so much money that none of that will matter!

Write me back very soon! And since this should all be done very quickly, maybe you should go ahead and buy your plane ticket to come visit me!

Love from your Angel,

Hessie

Harry:

Quote:

My Angel,

Thanks for your email. The very first day I will meet you will be wonderful. I will never disclose how that beautiful day will be. Let us just wait till that faithfull day. But I assure you that it is going to be a memorable day in your life.

However, I was at the Federal High Court of justice today and the total cost of these two documents are £1,600.00. Right now, I have just the sum of £500.00 and we are looking at rasing the remaining balance of the money which is £1,100.00. Please my Angel, I will appreciate if you can assist me here to enable us conclude this as soon as possible. I will be looking forward to hearing from you now.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman.

Hessie:

Quote:

Harry Darling,

I'm so happy to hear from you! I've been sitting by my computer waiting for your email, brushing my long red hair with my favorite boars-bristle brush, wondering how things are going over there.

I can help with the cost of the documents. But I don't have British pounds, I only have American dollars. You really only have 500 pounds? You can't put it on a credit card or something? I mean, we're going to be so rich very soon, I don't see why you can't just cover it for now, knowing that we'll have millions of dollars at our disposal in just a few days. Right?

I mean, I want to help, but we want to get this done quickly, and the quickest way right now would be for you to just go and take care of it yourself. If I was over there, I'd do it myself in a heartbeat. But I'm not - I'm here on this remote ranch.

Oh but I so WISH I was over there right now! Harry I'll tell you, I'm a little disappointed that you won't tell me about what it's going to be like when we first meet. I mean, what's a girl supposed to do to keep the fantasy alive? I just need to hear a few words from you about what will happen that day. Just a few suggestions of what you think it will be like, and what will you do, and how it will feel. Please, darling, just indulge this lonely sexpot here, won't you?

And if you really can't come up with the money, then please tell me what to do to get it to you, and how to go about changing it to British pounds.

Love and hot kisses,

Hessie

Expecting great fun with this lad...stay tuned!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:21 pm

Here's more, for Hessie's fans:

Harry:

Quote:

My Angel,

Thanks for your respond. Just to give you a tip of what will happend the very first day I will meet you in person. While meeting you at the airport, I will first hug you and give you a sweet kiss my Angel and on getting to your house, I will then take my shawer, eat a nice meal which you will prepare for me and thereafter, I will make you feel like a woman you are. Just don't worry, you will never forget that day. It is indeed an experience that will last in your memory through out your life time.

Meanwhile, concerning the cost of the documents, I only have the sum of £500.00 and if you can assist me with the balance of the money which is in US$2,200.00, I will appreciate it. If you can please let me know my Angel and I will send you the name which you will use and send me the money through any Money Gram or Western Union agent location that is nearest to you. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I will forever love you my sweetheart.

Best Regards,
Harry Hoffman

Hessie:

Quote:

Darling sweet Harry!

Thank you so much for telling me how our first day together will happen. This warms my heart - and a few other places on my body as well! Oh my, just the thought of your hug, your sweet kisses, your freshly shawered body on mine fills me with quivers! I'm going to have to take a short break now, my hairbrush is starting to look very attractive to me...

OH YES that is so much better. Now I can think clearly. Okay I don't know anything about Money Gram or Western Union, I'm not even sure if there are any of those places near me. Remember, I live on a remote farm in the countryside. How would I find one of them?

That's quite a bit of money. That's the whole amount I have saved up to spray the orchards for pests. And that is really an important thing to do on a ranch. Remember that the reason I can't hear your sexy voice is because I had a parasite infect my ears one season, and that's why I have to spray poisons every year, so that they don't come back. If this deal doesn't come through, and I've spent all my poison money, then we'll get overrun with critters and I could lose everything! I'm supposed to start spraying the orchards this weekend.

Can't you find anyone to loan you the money?

Love and kisses from your sweet Angel,

Hester

I'm shooting for a safari. Oh, and he must have switched internet cafes - his latest IP resolves to Lagos, which makes a lot more sense than the UK. The plan now is to convince him that I will do whatever it takes to get the money to him. Unfortunately, neither WU nor MG will let me send it - the offices near me know that I'm a bit daft, and they refuse to send my payment. Hopefully I'll then be able to nab some bank accounts out of him to send to Alan - and of course the transfers will fail. I'll finally throw my hands up in the air and say the HELL with it - I'm just gonna buy a plane ticket and bring the money to him. At that point he's gonna have to figure out how to convince me to fly to Nigeria...but I'm sure he'll come up with something.

If I can get things to go that far, at that point I'll be pulling in my buds at Simb@ S@faris. Methinks I need a nice safari-style vacation. Wink

This is the exact same scenario I used on my Botswana safari. Why mess with success?

I have a good feeling about my darling Harry!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:26 pm

as they say in the classics, when you're on a good thing...

love your work Cachuma!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:52 pm

typical lad wrote:

I will then take my shawer, eat a nice meal which you will prepare for me and thereafter, I will make you feel like a woman you are.

Sexist pig..... Wink

So, when does he get to feast his hungry eyes on the ravishing Hessie's photo? Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:06 pm

^^^Juan, I knew you were gonna ask me that!

I'm thinking it's rigth about time. I'm throwing up just enough of a fight over paying the fees to get him fully hooked into the fantasy. Now it's time to reveal myself to my new lover, my soon-to-be life partner. I want Harry to know who is Angel is. Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:19 pm

"Hessie" wrote:

Oh my, just the thought of your hug, your sweet kisses, your freshly shawered body on mine fills me with quivers! I'm going to have to take a short break now, my hairbrush is starting to look very attractive to me...

OH YES that is so much better. Now I can think clearly. Okay I don't know anything about Money Gram or Western Union, I'm not even sure if there are any of those places near me. Remember, I live on a remote farm in the countryside. How would I find one of them?

Cachuma, you appeal so strongly to my inner twelve year old... Thumbs up

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:31 pm

^^^I know, Doc, I know...that's why I do it. We aims ta pleaze here, yes we do! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:06 pm

dr stephen williams wrote:

"Hessie" wrote:

I'm going to have to take a short break now, my hairbrush is starting to look very attractive to me...

OH YES that is so much better. Now I can think clearly.

Oh dear, now I have soup all over my keyboard. Note to self: don't have soup or coffee while reading though posts on eater!

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