Pathetic!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:28 am

Here's a lad that came to me as part of the M00seknuckle Modeling bait, but I don't think he's going to be enjoying a long career with the company. Or even getting a foot in the door.

Lad wrote:

DEAR MR JACK
I AM CHARLES DlGBOS FROM BENIN REPUBLIC
I WILL LIKE TO BE AGENT IN WEST AFRICAN
THANKS
CHARLES

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles Dlgbos,

Thank you for contacting M00seknuckle Modeling and showing an interest in becoming an agent for the company.

I have attached an online brochure for your information and an application form for you to complete and return to me when you have answered every question. Take your time and make sure you are happy with all the answers before returning it. We appreciate attention to detail not speed here at MM.

I look forward to receiving your application,

Jack

I attach some lovely documents for him to read, and to print out and write on.

Lad wrote:

MR JACK
I HAVE SEEN THE APPLICATION FORM YOU KNOW THINGS IS HARD HERE IN BENIN REPUBLIC I DONT HAVE MONEY NOW TO PRINT IT.µMY MOTHER IS IN HOSPITAL NOW AS I AM WRITING TO YOU NOW SHE HAVE CANCER.
SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT I WILL LOVE TO BE YOUR AGENT CAN YOU HELP ME OUT
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
CHARLES

Could it get any more blatantly "Send me money for nothing, NOW!" than that?

Well, let's see...

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles,

Please don't beg. It looks horrible. Now, be a man and make the most of the situation.

I await your prompt action, not your small boy emails grovelling for money.

regards,

Jack

Lad wrote:

i am not begging is what situation bring
so if you can borrow me 50 dollars i will be gratefull

THANKS AND GOD BLESS

50 dollars? I'm insulted! Such undignified begging for such a small amount.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 13 Feb 2009 Posts: 36

Offer to ship him ink and paper.

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 1:17 pm

Offer to ship him a stone tablet and a chizel.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 12 Jan 2009 Posts: 55

Tell him that you now sympathize with his mother, but you'll only pay the hospital/doctor directly, see if you can force this lad to create a half-assed doctor character.

Then, prod him to the exact nature of the cancer, and say that you'll only donate money to the cause if its a specific kind of cancer, because you're relative suffered from the same thing. Make up a type of cancer.. like Autoerotic-Asphixiagial Rectal Cancer in the Fohonine gland.

Or you can tell him if he doesn't have enough money for paper, he can just print out your forms on the back of his mothers will, I'm sure she won't mind.

Master Baiter Joined: 14 Feb 2009 Posts: 209

Tell him you have a Doctors without borders friend in Benin or Chad or something and that he will give you the money personally (or take a look at your mother and see if there is anything he can do).

If this lad is really as pathetic as he sounds, I'm sure he won't actually go on a safari, but I'll bet he'd tell you he'd be willing to leave his poor dying mother in a hospital while he heads off across the border.

Who knows, maybe he'll be smart and use the mother as an excuse as to why he can't leave. It'd be interesting to find out.

I'd just love it if he said something to the effect of "oh yeah, sure, I'll leave my dying mother here to go pick up $50".

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:15 pm

Tell him he is always going to be a po' boi if he hasn't got the gumption to invest in his future and fill the form in.

Or you could pass him to my charitable foundation for a grant. The forms for that will really make him sick.

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:36 pm

Some good ideas there, thanks!

I like Vulcan's the best, though, at the moment. I can foresee the most mileage in it.

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 8:20 pm

I decided to mellow out a bit and reply to him in a more considerate tone...

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles,

Okay, I read what you are telling me, and that you are not begging but it is a serious situation you are in.

I don't like to see enthusiasm such as yours wasted but we have rules and regulations here that operate across the whole company to protect the interests of everyone who works here. I can't be giving out charity donations to everyone who asks, no matter how desperate the situation, before that person is an employee of the company.

But I still want to help you. My conscience wouldn't let me walk away from your situation, with your eagerness to work for us and with your cancer-riddled mother.

Charles, if I can help you and your mother in whatever way I can in a private non-company way, would you be willing to try your best to turn a bad situation into a good one? If so, read on. If not, then stop now and delete this email.

Charles, what kind of cancer does your mother have? This issue sounds like it could be very close to my own personal life and if it is then I am very touched and moved by your story. I want to make a donation to a cancer charity that operates in your region, it's the least I can do. Can you put me in touch with one? I do hope so. Let me know, okay, if you know of any cancer charity in your area and ask one of their representatives to contact me.

I hope you can help me with this. If you can, then I will do my absolute best to help you get employment with my company.

thanks,

Jack

Next morning, less than 10 hours later, I get this email...

Lad wrote:

winners charity home
03 BP 2082, Cotonou,
Republique du Benin,

Attn:Jack

I am Pastor Mike Nku the pastor incharge of living faith church ;a.k.a winners chapel intl cotonou .
I reiceve your message, through Charles D1gbos Agoha whose mother is in our charity home that is suffering from cancer of the breast.
Sir he inform us that you want to make a donation for her and we at the church are highly impressed that a good samaritan still exist in the world today.
So what you have to do is you will made the donation through the son of Mrs Janet Ag0ha that is Charles and you have to inform us what you give to her then you give us your phone number we will pray for you.
But i say surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of you life and you shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever.....AMEN

YOURS IN THE LORD
PASTOR MIKE NKU

Charles D1gbos wrote:

sir i have done what you tell me to do

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles,

Thanks for writing to me again. I am glad that you took my request seriously and did what I asked.

Sir, I must ask you... can you confirm the name of the person you spoke to with regards to this matter? I am aware of the internet being full of online hoodlums, scarmers and fraud stars, and I have been contacted by someone claiming to be a representative from a cancer charity house where your mother is staying. I do not wish to question this person directly as it may offend them, but I am aware that hoodlums can hack a man's email account and read his correspondence, then see what his business is and try to divert the money from that business by lying and cheating. I want to protect myself against this, so if you could give me the name of the person whom you spoke to and who probably contacted me this morning, I will know that they are real.

thanks,

Jack

You've got to be careful these days.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 10:52 pm

Lad wrote:

SIR
THE NAME OF THE PERSON IS PASTOR MIKE NKU OF THE WINNERS CHAPEL COTONOU.
HE IS THE PASTOR INCHARGE OF LIVING FAITH CHURCH ;A.K;A WINNERS CHAPEL INTL.
INFACT THE PASTOR HAVE BEEN GOOD TO ME HE IS THE ONE THAT HAVE BEEN FEEDING MY MOTHER THERE HELPING ME TO BUY WHATEVER THE TELL ME TO BUY.GOD WILL SURELY BLESS HIM FOR ME

SIR I AM LOOKING FORWARD FOR YOUR MESSAGE AND GOD WILL SURELY BLESS YOU TOO
BYE
CHARLES

It is him? Hooray and saints be praised! I do so hate dealing with internet fraud stars. Good to know this Pastor Mike Nku is the real thing.

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles,

Yes, the man who contacted me earlier was Pastor Mike Nku of the Winners Chapel in Cotonou. I am very relieved that this is the man you found for me.

I will write to him and ask him how I may help his home, and in doing so help your mother.

best wishes,

Jack

Lad wrote:

That is ok Sir

Now for the Pastor...

Jack wrote:

Dear Pastor Mike,

My apologies for not replying sooner. I am a cautious man when it comes to internet communication, and I had to confirm that your previous email was genuine and that it was not an attempt by fraud stars or scarmers to trick me into sending my money to them. I am glad and uplifted that I have confirmed you are a genuine man.

Mike, may I ask about Mr Charles's mother? How is she? You can speak plainly to me, even if you may be keeping certain unfavorable things from Mr Charles himself. Will she live through this cancer? Or is it looking likely that she will die because of it? If so, how long does she have left, do you think?

Finally, what sort of donations will you accept, sir? I have been really touched by Mr Charles's case (he wants to join my company as an employee but cannot afford things because of the costs of his mother's illness), and I want to help him and the people he cares about. Please let me know what you are willing to accept.

thanks,

Jack

Lad wrote:

winners charity home
03 BP 2082, Cotonou,
Republique du Benin,

Attn;Jack

MR JACK CHARLES MOTHER IS GETING BETTER EVERYDAY WHAT SHE NEED MOST IS PRAYER FORM YOU PEOPLE.
THE CANCER IS AN EVILL ATTACK BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND DONATIONS FROM PEOPLE SHE WILL OVERCOME THE SICKNESS
BECAUSE GOD HAVE PAID FOR HER SINS IN THE CROSS OF CALVARY

SIR WE CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT YOU WILL DO FOR A CHARITY HOME LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT WE REQUIRE DONATIONS IN MONEY OR IN KIND LIKE FOOD ITEMS.CLOTH etc.
BUT AS CHARLES MADE ME TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE FROM UNITED STATES WE CANNOT TELL YOU TO GIVE US FOOD ITEMS OR CLOTH BECAUSE TO SEND THEM HERE WILL CAUSE YOU MONEY.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO FOR US IS TO SEND MONEY TO US THROUGH CHARLES AND TELL US THE AMOUNT THEN HE WILL BRING IT FOR BLESSING AND SPECIAL PRAYER FOR YOU.
WE ARE NOT MANDATING YOU TO GIVE US MONEY BUT BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS GIVE AND IT SHALL BE GIVEING UNTO YOU.AND BLESSED IS THE HAND THAT GIVETH THAN THE ONE THAT TAKETH

SO I CHALLENGED YOU MR.JACK GIVE ANY AMOUNT YOU LIKE EVEN ONE DOLLAR AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT THE LORD WILL DO FOR YOU.
SO I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE THROUGH CHARLES.
MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST BE UNTO YOU FOREVER AND EVER..........AMEN.

YOURS IN THE LORD
PASTOR MIKE NKU

Money... is there anything it can't cure?

Hellish Taskmaster Joined: 31 Dec 2008 Posts: 537

You should tell him that he is talking too much about money and that you are skeptical of him. Smile

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:10 pm

Quote:

GIVE ANY AMOUNT YOU LIKE EVEN ONE DOLLAR

You should send him $1 and see what he comes back with. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:11 pm

Tell him that you only want to contribute to charities that work with terminal cancers. So if his mother isn't dying, then you will need to find another charitable organization with needier patients.

She might just take a decided turn for the worse on that news! Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:42 pm

There's got to be more than one dying person there surely - can you get some photos of the wards and dying?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 12 Jan 2009 Posts: 55

Any donations welcome, eh? Twisted Evil

Tell him you wish to donate a really bizarre object, but be real casual about it. If he reacts negatively towards it, mention that the object is worth over $100,000.00 or something.

For example.. you wish to donate an armadillo statue carved out of petrified manure. Haha I don't know.. use your imagination.

Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 11:54 am

Lad wrote:

WHAT SHE NEED MOST IS PRAYER FORM YOU PEOPLE.

Forget donating just send him a prayer!

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

^^^ maybe he wants to fill out a form before you say a prayer.

Master Baiter Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 186

Can you get him to send you a pic of the breast to verify it? It could be for your medical modelling! !

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 02 Dec 2008 Posts: 518

You should demand to talk to the doctor treating her, then ask lots of technical questions about the procedures, methods and medication she is getting. Smile

Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 4:07 pm

Lad wrote:

SIR MY MOTHER IS DEAD SHE WILL BE BURIED ON FRIDAY 27 MARCH
SHE DIED YESTERDAY.

Jack wrote:

Charles, I'm so sorry! Our computer system was down because of a fault and so I couldn't access any emails for over a week. I am SO upset about the news in your last email.
I am devastated. I feel so helpless.
I will think about you and the rest of the your family tomorrow. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help in any way.
Again, I am truly and deeply sorry.

Jack

Lad wrote:

THANK YOU FOR SYMPATHISING WITH US

SIR I AM INVITING YOU FOR THE BURIAL CEREMONY WHICH IS ON 27 MARCH

Jack wrote:

Dear Charles,

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

I appreciate your invitation to your mother's burial ceremony, but the 27th is very short notice for me. It would be very unfair of me to say that I will be able to make it when in reality I probably can't. I don't make promises that I know I can't keep.
If there is any way I can make up for not attending, then let me know. I will have a moment of silence on the 27th in honour of your mother.

Jack

Lad wrote:

SIR THANK YOU FOR SYMPATHISING WITH US AT THIS TRYING PERIOD OF MY LIFE.
THERE IS NO SPECIAL THING FOR YOU TO DO.
IF YOU WANT TO SEND US CARD OR CONSOLIDATORY MESSAGE OR GIFT YOU CAN USE THE ADDRESS I WILL GIVE YOU BELOW

NAME:AG0HA CHARLES
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY:COTONOU.

BYE AND GOD BLESS
CHARLES

Only two days later...

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: you are not a good man

you are not a good person when my mother dey a life you promise to help her she die you didnt do anything,that shows you are not a good man.

Jack wrote:

Charles,

I totally resent that last email you sent, calling me a "bad man". I have been trying my absolute best to locate you with the information you gave me in your email previous, but I am not having much luck. If you knew how much effort I've been putting into getting in contact with you, you would feel very ashamed for writing such an evil email to me.

I forgive you, however, since you are still in mourning for your dear mother, and I expect when you have had time to reflect on things you will reconsider and see the insult you threw at me.

regards,

Jack

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: it is unfair

i will say it more you are not a good man how can you promise that you will help my mother but you didnt do so even when she die you dindnt send ordinary card.

Jack wrote:

Charles,

Send a card WHERE???? The contact details you gave me were incomplete.

Please, let's not argue about this. I feel awful about it already without you piling on more guilt for me to feel.

Jack

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 8:39 am

This lad is still writing to me and telling me how evil and wicked I am. Why doesn't he just get over it and get on to his scam? I mean, what's his point with these emails?

Lad wrote:

i am not begging you for money again i know that i am owning due to my mother illness but i will pray GOD will help me i will see people that can help me,because you are not the type someone can trust.
please when you know my address is incomplete did you ask to give it back to you.
i know my GOD WILL SEE ME THROUGH.

Jack wrote:

Charles,

You're a very difficult man to discuss things with, but I expect this is because of your recent experiences. I will pray that you find peace and calm, and that things will become much easier for you.

Jack

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: GOD will not answer that prayer when you dont want to help me

when you are in the postion to help me you didnt help me how can can you help me
GOD will not answer that prayer when you dont want to help me

Jack wrote:

Charles,

No mortal man is in the position to deny the rights of another's prayers to be answered. I really wish you were not being so hostile towards me because of a really bad coincidence of unfortunate events.
Take a few days to calm down and think about things, then get back to me. I hate to see you in so much turmoil and pain like this.

Jack

I wonder how much longer this will go on before he either gives up or switches to a format...

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:27 pm

If he does switch formats, I'm willing to be it will be "I need money for my mother's burial." I've had a couple of lads pull that one on me.

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:26 pm

^^^ He's already claimed that the funeral has taken place.

So the question remains: How much longer can he continue before he gets to a scam? Latest email from him...

Lad wrote:

please i am not in any can of worry in my life again GOD have paid for my sins in the cross of calvary.
though i am owing some people but i know that GOD will make a way for me.
But i want you to understand that what you did to my late mother is not good.

Jack wrote:

Okay, Charles, we agree that what I did was not a good thing, BUT IT WAS NOT DELIBERATE. I feel really bad about it, and your continual telling me about how bad I am is helping no one, you and me both.

Now, are you ready to forgive me? I'm as apologetic and as remorseful as any mortal man is possible to be. Are we going to get past this so that we can start doing positive things instead of just trading mild insults?

Jack

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:25 am

Ah, a small breakthrough with Charles!

Lad wrote:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR APOLOGY.
NOW I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU KNOW I AM NOT WORKING HERE NOW,SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO

So, he's now asking me for something to do to earn some money.
Oh, Charles, you are such a gift!

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 18 Mar 2009 Posts: 80

tell him you're looking to hire a grave digger. if he starts to bitch about you being mean and insensitive, give it some astronomical salary.