The Official Valentine's Day Thread

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Thank you for the wonderful words, kind thoughts and heart, my lovely Ima.
Very Happy

I thought that I was going to have to have 'James' IP forever blocked...but now see that I, too, misread the heart the first time around.

I'm puzzled how I missed that big, giant SNERD in the middle of it....I think I was thinking of other things. Embarassed

Edit: Again, why do I keep being at the top of the page?

I told you, I have it rigged that way, my sweet. Wink

-Ima

Another edit: I see now that Jose waits until the rest of us are away...beware Jose, he may be a tout and loiterer. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:08 am

What a day I had

It started early this morning. As I was walking to my hybrid vehicle, which I bought to lessen my impact on global warming and greenhouse gasses, I noticed my neighbor, the poor old 87 year old widow Mrs. Murphy out in her yard collecting small twigs and leaves in her yard. Bear in mind it was only 17 degrees F here. I asked her why she was out there doing that and she told me that her meager income from Social Security was not enough to pay her heating bill, so they shut off her natural gas and she could no longer heat her house. She even went so far as to say "Those gosh darn dummies shut off my heat"! I was appalled. Never before had I heard her cuss like that. My ears were ringing from hearing those bitter words. She told me she was going to burn the twigs and leaves in her bathtub to try and keep warm. A tear started to well up in my eye.

I asked her how much she owed on the gas bill, and she told me $300.00. I reassured her that I would take care of the problem. I went back into my house and called the gas company and instructed them to come over to Mrs. Murphy's house and turn the gas back on. They asked who was going to pay the money she owed, and I told them I would. I went over to my "Citizen of the year" trophy on my mantle and picked it up. Under it was the $300.00 I had saved up to donate to the homeless shelter in my city. I took the money and went to Mrs. Murphy's house and waited for the gas company to show up. When they got there, they turned the heat back on and I handed them the $300.00. After I cooked her a breakfast of hotcakes and eggs, I headed to the Orphanage.

I had only gotten about three blocks when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a kitten trying to cross the road, nearly being run over by some jerk in a gas guzzling station wagon with wood grain on the side. Of course I stopped and scooped the kitten up. The kitty was cold and wet. She was shivering uncontrollably. I could feel a tear welling up in my eye. I told her "don't worry little kitty, I will find you a safe place to live." I drove to the animal shelter and brought her inside. They were more than happy to provide food and shelter for my new friend. I asked them "Is this a no-kill shelter?" Sadly, they replied "No." I was not about to leave that poor kitten there, knowing there was a chance she would be put to "sleep". I told the kitty "Don't worry little kitty, I will bring you home with me." I felt good. A tear welled up in my eye.

Off to the orphanage I continued to see my "adopted" little brother. It is where children with disadvantages are kept on the off chance someone will adopt them. I visit my little buddy Timmy 4 or 5 times a week. This visit was special. I found out he had always loved fire trucks, and had stopped at Wal-Mart on the way home yesterday and bought the biggest fire truck they had. I brought the neatly wrapped package into the orphanage and went straight to Timmy's room. They had just gotten him out of bed and into his wheel chair. I placed the package on his lap and he asked me "Is this for me"? "Yes" I said. He opened it up and the look on his face was indescribable! He was beaming! I felt a tear well up in my eye. After a several hour visit, I had to leave. He begged me not to go saying "Please uncle Harry, don't leave. I don't like it here!" I reassured him I would be back tomorrow. Little did he know, I am working on finalizing the adoption papers. He will soon have a loving home.....at my house! When I think of it, a tear wells up in my eye.

I left there and came home, got on the internet and came to this site. I saw this thread and wondered "Maybe I could get someone special to be my valentine." The more I thought about it, the more I talked myself out of it. Surely there were other men more deserving than me that needed a valentine. I decided not to ask any of the beautiful, smart, charming Eater women to be my valentine. Thinking about how happy they would make some deserving Eater guy brought a tear to my eye.

Well, I have to go now. I am due at the homeless shelter where my job is to clean the restrooms. It can get quite nasty in there, but I realize that homeless winos need a nice clean place to urinate too.

I hope you all find a mate here that will make you happy. I know you Eater guys are far, far more deserving than me.

May God Bless each and every one of you!

Your friend,
Harry

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:19 am

I'll take another crack at it:

My darling Jane
You are not just any Jane
In the millions of Janes
Who have walked this earth
You are my Jane.

My only regret
Is that we are mortal
And payment delaying modalities
Are ineffective in stopping
The endless march of time.

I only wish we could watch the end
When the universe reaches critical mass
And explodes like Shorty's chicken farm
Stars raining across the cosmos
Like singed chicken feathers.

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:28 am

A tear started to well up in my eye when

Harry Bawls wrote:

I know you Eater guys are far, far more deserving than me.

So true, Bawls .. so true ..

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:34 am

DoraTheExplorer

My darling Dora, as you know it is bitter cold in the Midwestern United States. Staring out at the vast expanse of ice and snow, I thought of you and suddenly it was springtime in my heart. At that moment I was inspired to try to bring that same feeling to everyone else, so I created an ice sculpture of my one and only. It pales in comparison to your true beauty, but when you accept my humble request to call you mine this simple ice sculpture will no longer be needed because springtime will have arrived.

Pretty Rose

Dora, I adore you. Pretty Rose

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:54 am

Dutch wrote:

So true, Bawls .. so true ..

My good friend Dutch. I certainly hope you get everything you deserve.

Your friend,
Harry

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Quote:

If you were going for anonymity then you just blew your cover yourself!

Oops.

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:16 am

For Scarlett

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:43 am

thefife wrote:

From: [email protected]
To: “Jose Cuervo” [email protected]

Subject: UR ATTENTIONS PLS!!! Date: Thu, 6 Feb 2009 03:34:47 -0800

You have my attention please...more.

i have on good infors that ur not serios of this transaction but becos of my transparancy i offer u my prooves below

Cathartic Kate wrote:

Jose.

I am confused. As I was reading your second mail another mail popped into my box from your half-brother Mr Jose GOmer instructing me to use his more sucure mail to respond to.

His claim of also possessing a dong as long as a stallion went right to my head.

this are merely untruths ,ok. ther is no mr jose gomer with a stellion donk ooo

Ima Baeder wrote:

From: [email protected]
to: [email protected]

Dear Josey Curvo

I don't understand about the security place you're talking about. Can you please explain what I have to do? I don't want to write to someone else at that company but I do want to help you with this.

Ima

is where the trunkbox is place for security purpose ,ok.u most fiil out the form and forwars to me fit i go send am to security company in ur place.

Pastor Frank wrote:

Beware of these EaterValentineThread.com jokers. I am conducting a complete investigation as we speak.

MISTER MAN U MOST GO PARISH THREE DAY FROM NEXT TOMORROW...KEEP OFF MY JOBS OOOOOOOOOOO

Quote:

From: “Jose Cuervo” [email protected]
To: <undisclosed recipients>
BCC: Ima Baeder, Nanny Ogg, Cathartic Kate, Dramaqueen, DoraTheExplorer, Corona, ChainYanker, Just Jane, Chibuike, Trixi, Scarlett, thefife, Mrs. So and So

Subject: MY TRANSPARANCY Date: Fri, 6 Apr 2009 03:34:47 -0800

My dearest only beloved,

It is vry importance that we most trust one and other.this way we will get to kno ourselves better over the cours of this transaction. I have scan in the forms to show u my proves of the lagitimacy of my valentine funds.pls tak time to duly note the contence of this mail and reply me soonest.

ur one only love,
jose_cuervo

NB* DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY OTHER THAN THIS MY PRIVATE MAIL AS THERE ARE HUCKSTERS AFOOT TRYING TO SPOIL US

EDIT> to incorrect some ladspeak Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:54 am

Dearest Ghort,
Last night will be a night I will remember always.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHqAllSQ_eM

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

jose_cuervo wrote:

is where the trunkbox is place for security purpose ,ok.u most fiil out the form and forwars to me fit i go send am to security company in ur place.

Dear Josey,

You didn't send me any forms. Please send the form and I will try to fill it out.

Ima

PS. Love the RHOT. Laughing

Hi Sners. :sigh: You're welcome. xoxo

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Dear Josey...or should I maybe call you, 'James' Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:42 am

@PF What a wonderful serenade! You are a true blue valentine my sweet.

jose_cuervo wrote:

i have on good infors that ur not serios of this transaction but becos of my transparancy i offer u my prooves below.

Who have you been talking to? I thought this transaction was just between us. Now I find out you have been dilly dallying with someone else behind my back. And you have the nerve to talk about "trust"?? The forms look reasonably risky free, but now I have my doubts liar.

Immediate reply demanded.

thefife

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:59 am

sir scam alot wrote:

When the universe reaches critical mass
And explodes like Shorty's chicken farm
Stars raining across the cosmos
Like singed chicken feathers.

Sir Scam Alot, I don't know if your poetry is working on JJ, but I am likeing it...

...in a real manly kind of way! Very Happy

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:17 am

Oooh. I love a man who can appreciate poetry. Particularly when it's appreciated in a manly sort of way. . .

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:02 am

I have just been practicing some poetry to nobody in particular

In this thread romance is flowing
Harry's soft side even had me going
Jojo's been pleasant and so has slighty
an unusual thing not taken lightly

We have had the lovely ladies, dressed so well
and the gents aftershave even the old spice smell
The romance has started and the poems are here
And even the boys nearly forgot about beer

The Doc has found love in a queen
He wrote some odes and made a scene
Ghost wooed Ima and she refused
He went away and felt used

Scarlett made her own vow as well
To love a ghost who has seen hell
He agreed and had no doubt
That the lovely Ima wanted him out

Along came another mod in green
His name is Snerd who before I have seen
once before he took a mod named Baeder
and keet wooing her 12 months later

There was a lady with a name like iffy
Who snapped up paranoid in a jiffy
What a wonderful way to go
I think her name was So and So

Trixi came along she knew what she needed
she needed reaper and he instantly heeded
and if there is one thing i know about Reaper
He will do his best to love her and keep her

Dora remains the most wooed lady
some of the woos seemed a little shady
But she has managed to to bring the gents together
they have been nice like Aussie weather

The fife was wooed by a paster
he made her gold but it spelt disaster
Because a mod came along and sank
All the loving hopes of paster Frank

We had a woolen girl come along her name was Alicante
She may get the squirell if she would dress more scanty
We have a yellow banana his name is Bluth
He may get the girl if he can keep telling the truth

And who can forget Jose who tried to mass mail
surely his plan is destined to fail
He is getting replies and having a shot
at all the Eater girls who are very hot

Just jane I am very sorry for that night
I left you all alone and it wasn't right
But I had found a sir of scams and he confided
That the 2 of you would not stay divided

I left you there to seek another
To be my valentine and my lover
I found one now and will woo her soon
and hope to be with her under stars and moon

I have been lonely since last years day
when beside me no girl would lay (notice I resisted the urge to put an "I" in there)
Some have asked of the other W things i have been doing
I havn't told but I have been practicing Wooing

I practiced long and learnt to write
Of loving things for miss right
I found some places to behold
the girl of my dreams with a heart of gold

My search has been long and I have been busy
To find a blonde who makes me dizzy
I have looked all over this fine site
and have found a girl I know is right

Sorry, Out of time now but I will continue after I have been shopping for the valentine banquet

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:20 am

Scarlett sweetheart, I forgot to ask. What is your favorite color?

@Dora -Kiddo, I think your under pants need to be adjusted.

@All -The below shirt was turned in at 419eater's lost and found. Will the owner please claim it. I cannot figure out who it belongs to.

@Bluth -You left your laptop on again.... also, I think you and I need to have a talk.

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:23 am

My dear jojo:

For you:

Your weekend place looks grand. Very tempting since you know how miserably cold I am right now. The snow, the ice, the 5 F weather, just doesn't make Dora a happy camper. You may have just found the one thing that could sway my decision in your favor. Though I remain displeased that you continue to tarnish your competitor's reputation. Bluth has assured me via repeated PMs your accusations are not true and that banana in the picture is his twin brother. Please try to woo again tomorrow without the slander. Look at Harry for guidance. From his posts today, he is beginning to look very attractive to me.

Darling Bluth:

Your ice sculpture is great! Everyday you find the right present for me! Since Ima chose to ignore my request for her oatmeal cookie recipe (quite possibly it is a secret recipe that she doesn't want to share because Tsnerd will fall in love with the baker), I made some special Valentine's Cookies for you today.

They may not seem like much. But if you knew how much I absolutely hate, repeat, HATE the kitchen (even more than I hate winter), you would know how much they are worth. Maybe we could share some as we walk to see your scultpure? (I can't look sexy dressed in 14 layers to go outside, but I see no other way.) After that, maybe a nice evening in front of the fireplace?

Very Happy

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:26 am

Ghost my dear friend, I thought you would know her favourite colour

I know the girl I will be asking has a favourite colour.

She prefers Red, something about it going faster I think Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

@Dora: I forgot about the recipe. Sorry. It's Snerd's wooing. I'm all distracted. Embarassed

I think I see the name James in your cookie frosting. Shocked

Whoever this guy is, he's really going to be in big trouble here. Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:37 am

Ghort:

Thanks bro. I know you are just watching out for me. Is it the color that is wrong? I can wear these instead:

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:03 am

Trixi, your kindness is amazing. I shall have to repay it in full. When you're tired from a hard day at work and finding it difficult to stand, sit down, my hands will do what you please:

@Harry, who....who are you? Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:17 am

@Dora -If you are going to see Jojo tonight I prefer you wear this

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:36 am

Dearest brother Ghort:

Please check the calendar again. It is Bluth I am meeting tonight.

Very Happy

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:37 am

@Ima, I can stay silent no longer...... You didn't catch my not-so-subtle hints, but the Dom Perignon is still cold and the hot tub is still, yes indeed, hot. But let me add something you will understand, and hopefully appreciate, and lead you to forget Snerd, who doesn't deserve you:

Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine,
Et nos amours
Faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne?
La joie venait toujours après la peine

Vienne la nuit, sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont, je demeure

Les mains dans les mains restons face à face
Tandis que sous
Le pont de nos bras passe
Des éternels regards l'onde si lasse

Vienne la nuit, sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont, je demeure

L'amour s'en va comme cette eau courante
L'amour s'en va
Comme la vie est lente
Et comme l'Espérance est violente

Vienne la nuit, sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont, je demeure

Passent les jours et passent les semaines
Ni temps passé
Ni les amours reviennent
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine

Vienne la nuit, sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont, je demeure

Yes, it's true: no matter how many jours s'en vont, I will always demeure for you.......... Let the world know.........

*Sigh*

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