The Official Valentine's Day Thread

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Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 5:27 am

Summary for lotta:

jojo started your Valentine's thread.
There was silliness.
Declarations ensued.
PF started to woo me.
Bluth started to woo me.
jojo started to woo me.
PF dropped me like a hot potato for another.
There was more silliness today.
Now I have two suitors.

Very Happy

Oh, and some other people declared, woo'd, accepted, and changed their minds.

And it is only the 5th.

Juan's stalker Joined: 28 Aug 2008 Posts: 1423

Murry wrote:

Quote:

You know I only ask this because I care about you

Well that is so sweet. Your the best Murry. Yes I know what kind of DR. my Doc is Embarassed

.....

I hope you are wrong and our romantic twist will make it to the end.
I would hate to be sitting here all alone on Valentines day.
Watching everyone else have fun. He really says he loves me and will be back.
So I will just trust that he wont get lost in cyberspace and will come back and woo me some more.
But your sweet concern is much appreciated.
Im my opinion you have proven to be an excellent Valentine for a very lucky Eater girl. Your poetry is wonderful.( except for the whore part,lol...)

@Lotta we have been having fun, lol...
This thread has more twists than a pretzel.

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:32 am

Well Lotta, it has been like this

There were lovers aplenty from the first day
As well as some fighting in the usual way
We have laughed and we have loved
And one lovely girl was even seen to be gloved

We have had woos and we have had flowers
We have had some posts that probably took hours
There were pictures of things that money cant buy
Like some kitchenware for Harry's girls to try

There were posts that ended in bitter tears
And some poems that will be remembered for many long years
Some have tried wooing for the very first time
some have been sickening, it should be a crime

There have been some who think love can be paid
and there were others who justed wanted to be laid
Frank thought that love can be brought
some of the others thought it a rort

Some have tried wooing with a hell of a fuss
I wont mention a name but commercial bus
There have been some tactics that have never been tried
and in at least one case a wooer has lied Shocked

There was an offer of massage for a squirell named slightly
But it was ignored and perhaps rightly
There were even some posts that you would have missed
that could swoon a gorilla into a mist

There is even something to do for those without dates
To spend a day partying and boozing with mates
For men without the partners that they were wishing
They can spend a day with Irish fishing

There is one thing we have longed for no doubt
and that is our lotta who we've been without
so pull up a seat in the valentines day place
that has all the excitment of an around the world race

edited again as I keep finding mistakes, I did write it in a hurry while having other things on my mind

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:00 am

Cute and Twisted wrote:

edited coz I wanted this post to be perfect

And perfect it is. Nothing melts my heart like a properly punctuated post. Nothing. (Sorry Skyhook).

Sweet Bunny Rabbit wrote:

Please do not twist my heart though, it is tender and fragile, but it is the heart of a polar bear.

I could never twist your polar bear's heart. Or even leave it stranded on an ice floe. In case there is any doubt of my good intentions, I wrote this poem in your honor:

When another my heart destroyed
I felt in me a great deep void
I thought I’d call on Sigmund Freud
But now I have met ParaNoid.

They say he is one twisted dude
Tender, sweet, and oh so shrewd
And his avatar, so yellow hued
Has charmed me since it first debuted.

I’ve travelled this oblate spheroid
With my heart some have toyed
But I will no more be annoyed
Now that I’ve met ParaNoid.

He saw straight into my sad mood
That happiness did me elude
Due to my husband, so lewd and rude
And often crude and nude and stewed.

So I will say it unalloyed
That his pursuit is much enjoyed
And all my skills shall be deployed
To make a happy ParaNoid.

Now this poem must conclude
And I hope it won’t be misconstrued
When I say that by him being wooed,
Has really put me in the mood. . .

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:04 am

Very touching and inspiring Mrs S&S
I do hope your twisted one appreciates your efforts as I am sure he will Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:09 am

To Scarlett:

Thank you for tonight. Thank you for holding my hand and just listening to me. You are without a doubt the sweetest person I have ever known. You ask for nothing yet give everything. Thank you for the kiss…you took my breath for me. I wanted to answer you…but I was speechless. I thought I might be dreaming and didn’t want to speak in fear of waking up. What I wanted to say to you was… I didn’t want to let go either.

Now that I am alone…thoughts in your direction stray,
Stricken by love I won’t deny, helpless I am but hard I try.
Your presence can ease my restless mood,
You voice is a special treat to my ear,
With you beside me there is nothing to fear,
Because you are real…I love you my dear.

If there is another like you…I don’t know where,
What others think of you, I do not care.
All I know is that you are real,
If you were not… I’d love you still.

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:40 am

I was to load photos but the bucket was down
I now have my hot tub the best in town
Perhaps it is just a lovers fate
That once again I patiently wait

I have a girl who is in my mind
the type of girl loving and kind
I will tell before its too late
who will be my virtual mate

I have done plenty to make everything right
for my valentine on a special night
the food I have chosen is absolutely first rate
And the girl I choose will not nead a plate

I believe if you love something it should be free
and if she loves me she will wait for me
I have scented candles packed in a crate
and the aroma from them will be great

I have more lovely things to prepare and do
and when the bucket is fixed Ill post pictures for you
The name of the girl for that perfect date
Her name is sweet and she would be well advised to write of loving things over the next 2 days and enjoy other pitiful wooing from the less romantic men of Eater Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:45 am

Murry Guru wrote:

... and enjoy other pitiful wooing from the less romantic men of Eater Wink

...

Oh, come on now. Jojo's been making an effort. Look, he's even lost weight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FefWp_4B0k&feature=channel

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:17 am

I see the usual losers are using their idiotic smear tactics in weak attempts to tarnish my spotless reputation. It should certainly go without saying that the only way I could possibly stomach spending time with a woman dumb enough to believe anything these losers say is by...

Wait...

Forget all of that for now.

Ahem...Hi, lotta.

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Sep 2008 Posts: 236

I've been watching this thread, wondering if the one that I admire would post. I saw the big names of the baiting world come and go, and find their mates, but still no sign.

I saw suggestions that I should wait, and let the men come and woo me, but I was too afraid, that as a newbie I would be rejected and cast out into the cold.

But then he came. And I realised that I would have to speak up, before someone else did.

To the One:

I will be your henchwoman.
I will hold your pen for you while you think of names to add to your list.
I will defend you against all detracters, and add their names to my own list.
And when you take over the world, I will source the boiling oil for your enemies. And the thumbscrews. And the leeches.

But if I am not good enough for you, and you reject me, humiliating me with your sharp wit, then I will rejoice that I had this much of your attention and withdraw, to simply admire from a distance.

After all, you are a little bit of a bastard.

Yours

MeridianAlicante

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:46 am

@Meridian,
I am pleased to see that you sport a zipper and that you are fury looking and about the hieght of a squirell, perhaps your post will bring out a male with similiar attributes.

You may further lure your male by revealing a little bit of what is behind your zipper, I am sure he would appreciate it Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:02 am

@Lotta, How could I ever beat Murry's recap? He nailed it. It's been the usual. As a matter of fact, you could probably cut and paste the entire thread from last year.

BUT..........I seem to recall a conversation with you last year after the dust settled (via PM, no, I would never reveal the words spoken) where we talked about this year. Let me just say this.........I am ready, willing, and able to make this your best Valentines day ever. I know you are the caliber of woman that the others here could only dream of achieving. That's the beauty of it.......I am the caliber of man that the other so-called "men" here long to be. I can promise you that I will not stoop to their level.

In closing, please tell me that I did not waste the entire year re-decorating my palace in the "I love Lotta" theme. I have arranged something no one else could possibly pull off........I have gotten Led Zepplin back together (Jason Bonham will be filling his fathers shoes, even I can't raise the deceased) for a farewell tour. The only song they will play is Whole Lotta Love.

I will be waiting by my PM inbox for your reply. Cool

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:10 am

****looks at watch****** Hmmmmm....it's been 4 minutes, I bet she must be really busy........

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:28 pm

@ Murywoo.

Quote:

@Kate, as Jojo seemed to overlook you when welcoming the ladies to this thread, I would like to extend the warmest of welcomes to you

Thank you for your gallant welcome.

Laughing

Maybe slipping under the radar will pay dividends in that I avoid, and thus waste little time with those frequenting this thread that are vulgar (shudder), and their methods mere froth and ridiculously crass.

@ jose Really funny PMSL.

@ Reapie You are correct, I am very scarey, ask the lads. PMT time is anytime I choose. Award yourself a point though for honesty. A trait not often admitted to in this forum.

Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:19 pm

Photo bucket is working so the first thing to do
Is post up the hot tub made just for you

But if my love would prefer a spa
For one better than this you will need to go far

For when you are thirsty I have bought you a drink
I took some time to decide but this one I think

I must go and get more things ready
but one last gift I have found you a teddy

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:34 pm

^^^^mmm...do I see chocolate? Smile

ladies, don't pay attention to the spas and pools he shows off. I heard that he takes all his women there.

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:41 pm

^^@ Just Jane,

Please it would be unladylike to tell Cool

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:06 pm

DoraTheExplorer wrote:

And jojo: So many negative things have been said about you today; there is no way they could all be true! And your actions this afternoon show the true gentleman in you others choose not to see. And to welcome all the new ladies as you did! Thank you so much! Your rose is beautiful. Pretty Rose

I accept it along with your apologies. Let's not discuss it ever again. Thanks for the lovely afternoon. Wink

To jose, the crazy squirrel, PF, and others: Why must you continue to malign jojo? He has shown he can be a man of his word. His actions today affirm this. With friends like you... Laughing

To Harry: I don't see where I ever tossed jojo aside. (And you must be speaking of me since I am the only one he is woo'ing.) I told both of my wonderful suitors that I needed time to decide and if they would kindly wait until the eve of the holiday. Neither expressed displeasure. However, if they feel the need to bow out, I will understand.

The smear campaigns mean nothing to me. It just so happens that I will find a rose among thorns. It is true that others will try to curse my name, as jealousy and Harry turn their ugly heads. I will no longer be distracted by such.

I must apologize in advance my dearest Dora, as I will be out of town over the weekend. I need to go and prepare my quaint little place on the water, for next weekend. I am just trying to tidy it up so that next weekend it is perfectly organized. It's nothing special, I hope you like it.

@Dora

Girl, when I thought of you getting wooed by some other man, I nearly went out of my mind. As you know from the many PMs I left in your box, I did little during this time but cry out in anguish while lying on my circular bed. But when I heard this wooer of yours was arrested for indecent exposure shortly before your V-Day, my heart skipped a beat. While I knew that your heart was breaking because one of your wooers would do that, which made my heart break as well, it also showed that there was another chance for us. I knew this arrest meant that the stars themselves were telling us that we were destined to be together. We two, who freak like two sides of the same coin, could soon be familiar with every room in my penthouse apartment.
But then, girl, instead of returning to my strong but unintimidating arms to enjoy heights of pleasure that few women will ever experience, you chose to ignore the fact that Bluth is not a suitable wooer.
Damn.
I will not dwell on the extremely painful and bewildering fact that this man of yours is silly enough to be tricked by a Burkina Faso lad. To add insult to Jojo's injury, he looks like a straight-up chump, the kind that would work at the most undignified gas station in town, one that I would never stop at if a lady such as you were riding in my car. At this point, I would like you to imagine me down on both knees with my hands folded together in front of my full and very satisfying lips. I am begging you, girl. Leave this man before it is too late, pay him no more attention. Even if you were to date Harry, whom you know I cannot stand, it would hurt me less than to see you with this man Bluth. I do not mean to be petty, for you know that is beneath me, but I must point out that he once wore a winter hat in the middle of the summer. What kind of man does this? The summer is a time to dress in light silk finery. It is not a time to bundle up. Everyone knows this.
Please, girl, come to the sexy side before it is too late. If you would only come back to me, I would take care of you. We would lie on my luxurious bearskin rug and watch cinema of your choice until late in the night. When you were hungry I would hand-feed you a meal, starting off with spring rolls and other finger foods, and working our way up to exotic fruits and other things that are covered in chocolate.
It pains me to say it, but this other man will damage you.
Excuse me. Jojo has to take a deep breath. He is very upset.
I know from experience that there was no woman in the city finer than Dora. And I know that all that fineness is waiting to spring forth once again.
You just need some time with Jojo to get you back on track. If you are willing to go through my sexy 12-step program, I know that we can once again take stinging to the next level. When you are ready, we will be like lustful warriors riding two black steeds, traveling from kingdom to kingdom, conquering with our love until we control a vast empire that we will rule with a fair hand and smoldering sensuality. We will also have a pair of black panthers that will lay at our feet and won't attack anyone unless we command them to.
I am once again on my knees and I am begging you to realize that this man will will not bring you the overwhelming ecstasy that I can.
Hit me up on my PM box, girl.

@Ima- hush you. Very Happy

@Jose- Brilliant letter.

@Kate- My apologies for neglecting to mention your name in welcoming the newer ladies to the thread.

@lotta- You have indeed missed some wonderful wooing (mostly by me). However, I must put in a good word for Ghost as well, since he gave me his blessing and all.

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:43 pm

@Lotta The only thing worth summarizing about this thread is that, as per usual, I got the best of the bunch. My sweet Grand Poobah JMR has been spoiling me rotten with various luxuries including a sparkly pimped out Benz fit for dictatorial megalomaniacs such as ourselves. And there is PF, who on top of sending me poetry, made me gold. Yep, I definitely got the cream of the crop. Other than that the guys, as usual, identify the same girl to preen & fight over, nothing special to report there.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

^^ Nothing special to report -- other than how special you are my snookums.

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:15 pm

^^ I love how you recognize my amazingness JMR. xoxo

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:57 pm

Murry Guru wrote:

Please it would be unladylike to tell Cool

Oh Murry, you had to bring up that painful memory. I am but a empty trunkbox of a woman ever since you left. You used me for my awesome beautiful shapely body and then discarded me once I became too old for you (on my 26th birthday no less!). You spurned me when I was most vulnerable which caused an everlasting dull ache in my heart since I wept at your feet that dreadded day. When I see you here wooing the next bimbo I just want to shout out 'beware of this man, he will steal your heart only to stomp on it the next day!' But alas, I cannot do this because you will always be my first true everlasting love. Every one of the men who has come after you have been mere pretenders since you've been gone. Now that I've realized that I can't have you all to myself I have resorted to buying love. Bought love is better than no love at all!

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 5:44 pm

MeridianAlicante wrote:

But then he came. And I realised that I would have to speak up, before someone else did.

Who is your object of affection? Prof?

EDIT: Bluth, are you sure you are a one woman banana?

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:16 pm

Oh Mrs. So and So,
Your poem was so touching
I don’t’ know how much you needed
The hand of a real mano.

Your words have started
To melt the ice flow that is my home
I know that I couldn’t roam
Even if you farted.

I am glad that you see
That to me
Your happiness is paramount
And I promise not to pout.

Your eyes how they sparkle
When you are in the mood
I don’t want to seem rude
But I hope you don’t cry

When you realize that my bed is cold
As you know I live on an Ice Flow
It takes me where the wind will blow
The adventure keeps me from getting old

I will make room
For someone who has that look in her eyes
I will make sure that your cries
Are always one of pleasure
Because your heart I will treasure

How I view our future:

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:33 pm

MeridianAlicante wrote:

I will hold your pen for you while you think of names to add to your list.
I will defend you against all detracters, and add their names to my own list.
And when you take over the world, I will source the boiling oil for your enemies. And the thumbscrews. And the leeches.

You've set yourself up for a lifetime's work there. The list is never-ending. You might want to practice writing "I hate Jojobean" a few times as well, as that features prominently.
No need to defend me either. Their attacks are like the beatings of a butterfly's wings against a grizzly bear's asshole - they're insignificant to me.
And when I take over the world, I've got something a lot more gruesome than oil, thumbscrews and leeches. Believe me. Some of these goppers will be begging for oil, thumbscrews and leeches.

That said, I like your style. We could get on like a house on fire (smoke, screaming, people running away and shit).
But before we go any further, I gotta ask you - are you a hot chick? I must warn you I don't dig sea-monsters. It's hot or not I'm afraid.
Oh yeah. Please check that you're not a guy either. Like that filthy pervert Callum.

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