The worst TW@T Ever! (3rd Attempt, still crap!)

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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:53 am

Glad to see the lad working hard to make you happy. once you finally get the monument out of the way (if ever) it will be interesting to see what is next.... Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:58 am

Quote:

(if ever)

Don't say that! I'm getting my little pink T.W.A.T

if I have to go over there and beat it out of him!

Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 5:02 am

I would be happy to send a vote to the mods to give you that pink triangle anyway just because of the amount of grief you have put these guys through. It really is the amount of the lads wasted effort that counts.

It is nice to see the lads doing as they are told. For that you deserve a pat (or two) on the back (or head if you are under 18 ) Very Happy

Cheers

Edited for my terrible English (and some dislexia problems)

Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:43 pm

Insist that you only have to confirm its 3-D nature. Once you confirm that it is 3-D, then all is well. That should put a fire under his arse.

Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:21 pm

Pr3cious wrote:

thanks for your encouragement rev.i will get back to you as soon as i finish.GOD BE WITH YOU.the children sent regards the TW@T family.

I'm really not keen on children being involved, but don't want to sound too nasty about it.

Father B wrote:

Dear Precious,

I hope you are well. It would be most helpful if you could send a few
photos taken during the construction of your Monument, as well as one
or two showing it in it's entirety, top to bottom. I'm very glad to
see that you have so many of your brothers and sisters to help with
the construction, and trust that after your ordination as Minister, a
good number of them will be joining with us in the TW@T.

While we welcome children into the TW@T family, we strongly recommend
that they are not involved in the construction of the Monument. Rather
it should stand as an example to them of the adult's faith and
determination. An example for them to look up, and aspire to.

LOVE and BEST WISHES to you ALL

Father Brian

He's not responded to sister B3tty's message on the chat site where they met..(lucky for him, she'd probably only chew him a new exit!)

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:01 pm

"Hey, I know what we'll do, let's just kneel in front of it and cut the pic short so it looks like it's much taller."

Quote:

rev,these what i could get.we all ready taken pictures before i saw your last message.well hope this time am right.my regards to the TWAT family.

This is becoming an exercise in, How many ways can a lad try and get out of doing it properly. Crying or Very sad

I just want my little pink TW@T... is that too much to damned well ask? Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:08 pm

IMHO three medium-sized TWATs are very well worth one pink (isn´t it violet?!?) icon Cool

I like your laid-back lads. Are they going to build a club around the monument? Very Happy

(Chill!)

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:30 pm

Well I would like to move him onto the next stage of inauguration. I'm thinking of a tattoo instead of the usual ceremony. Who has the final say on these things, is it YW?

I must say the setting is much nicer than in previous attempts. I'm torn between complimenting him on it, and slapping the living daylights out of his sorry ass. Twisted Evil

Father B has sent him an encouraging reply,

Quote:

Dear Pr3cious,

Thank you for the picture. That does seem like a much more sturdy construction, you should be very proud of yourselves. It's just a pity your photographer didn't stand a little further back, I would like to have a full length picture to forward on to the elders, and it would be a shame for you to loose credit purely for the sake of a picture.

Have you given any thought to the location of your church building? It might be as well to start getting familiar with land prices and keep an eye out for a suitable plot. You will be glad to know that we don't expect followers to construct the church themselves, but you will be required to submit a rough design of your requirements so that we can have it drawn up properly by an architect, and a break down of the expected cost of land, materials and labour etc.

I'm really look forward to welcoming you into the ministry as brother Precious, and watching the TW@T family grow and grow.

Fond Regards and Best Wishes

Father B

Maybe it really is tall enough. If you look at the guy on the left he does appear to be standing, there would be no room for his legs if he was kneeling down. But you can see why I'm skeptical.

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:27 pm

I think an ordination ceremony is in order. Perhaps he'd put a little more work into that pile if he knew he had to climb it.

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 9:22 pm

A tattoo will do in place of a ceremony. I suggest something simple like I AM A TWAT. Then a drawing that goes below it would be quite nice.

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:08 pm

I've already got a tattoo in mind, something I've been mulling over for a while. I'm not sure what it says, something religious in a long forgotten language I think.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:13 pm

That's definitely a better monument, but he did say he took them before he saw your email. Which means, he's willing to do more. Smile

A tattoo is worth five feet, isn't it? A drawing of the all-seeing eye would be nice.
There are quite a lot of people watching them, afterall. Very Happy

edit: ^^^OOOO! Roger! You don't know what this will bring out! It's an incantation of the worst kind!

Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:05 pm

Roger The Cabin Boy wrote:

I've already got a tattoo in mind, something I've been mulling over for a while. I'm not sure what it says, something religious in a long forgotten language I think.

Yikes! You want to be careful with that one!

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 1:37 pm

^^ Yes I've heard it's a very powerful spell, which can be used to raise daemons. Laughing

I think it'll fit better on his arm like this.

ETA

Quote:

am very hapy to recieve these mail,but my problem now is how to reconstrut the m0nument of fa1th again.i wouldnt the photographer atall.but all thesame cant there be anything done to it?.i have seen a land before my journey into TW@T started,it was actually meant to build a charity home,though not bought.i think i will contact the land owner on the price. am so glady to be welcome into the TW@T ministry.once again thanks to you rev brian jacks.

He's pulled it down already! OH well, it's going to have to be rebuilt for the ceremony, or he can choose the tattoo option if he prefers. Rolling Eyes

Quote:

Dear Pr3cious,

Oh dear, does that mean that the m0nument has been taken down already? It is meant to be left to stand, as you can see from the attached file it forms a central part of the 0rdination ceremony. Why did you take it down so quickly, surely you know that a monument should last more than just a few days. This is terrible news, I will ask the elders for advice on this.

Regards Father B

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 8:59 pm

First off, I would have to say that you qualify for a pyramid in your signature. Congrats.

Secondly, that is not so much a as it's more a Mockery of Faith. Is putting in less than a minumum effort going to be a pattern here? Is that any way to live a righteous and pious life? Fuck no!

I assume that you sent these idiots the momument construction manual. Perhaps they can tell you how this piece of shit qualifies... especially when you compare theirs to the others that are pictured on the TWAT website.

They are insulting you and every other TWAT with this. You must demand better.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:36 pm

Yep they got a manual, and a link to some fine examples of what it should look like. I think they're just lazy TW@Ts. Much as I like saying "Do it again." I think three pathetic attempts is about as much as I can stomach. Time for another tac. Twisted Evil

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:52 am

Congratulations on your MOF, Roger. Very Happy

Great effort with a bunch of worthless TWATs! Getting water out of a stone would have been an easier task for you than getting a proper pyramid out of these lazy lads. Laughing

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:20 am

Although I have no authority on this matter what so ever I personally would think you definately deserve that pyramid for their attemps to pile up a couple of sacks... It is not your fault they are complete useless twats after all Smile

So, I tink it is time to move on now, there are many challenges ahead and problems to overcome... The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America... Wait... I have been watching CNN too much lately....

Anyway, isn't it time they get to see something of the world...? And wasn't the twat setting up a new church in Abidjan, N'Djamena, Ghana or any random hell-hole over 750 miles from Lagos? I'm sure there will be vacancies for two motivated new reverends... they can get their tattoos during their trip...

Nice bait! Good luck Very Happy

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 9:07 am

Well after being sent the 0rdination manual the lad doesn't seem phased at all. This is just too easy. Laughing

Quote:

rev i have seen the file you sent and i would do as follows.i wanted be sure i get
everything correctly,thank you very much and am also greatfull.having discussed with the owner of the land we agreed on 2880000naira(24000dollars) since the exchange rate of a dollar to naira is 120. it is a two plot,so i would send the plan to you, to make a proper evalution on it.i was thinking we acquire the land before another buyer comes and take the land.thank you for supporting Gods work, i know you are blessed in Jesus name.AMEN.

Time to start sowing a few seeds for future lad abuse.

Quote:

Dear Brother Precious,

Welcome to TW@T, I hope you are well.

Please have another read through the booklet I sent you, so as to
become familiar with the ordainment ceremony. I should also mention
that there is a requirement that all ordinations shall be witnessed by
at least two church elders, however it is not always practical for
them to attend in person, so in recent years we have extended this to
include witnessing via a video of the ceremony.

I'm glad that you have been able to find a suitable piece of land for
the church and missionary buildings. The price you quoted seems very
reasonable. There are just a couple more steps to complete before you
will be able to submit your request for funds. AS previously
mentioned, we will need is a break down of the construction, and
yearly running costs including wages for domestic staff, gardener,
cleaner etc. I will send you the appropriate form nearer the time.

There is also the option to take the mark of TW@T in the form of a
permanent tattoo, this is not compulsory, but it shows a degree of
commitment which confers high status within the ministry. Marked
Ministers are automatically granted a level 4 salary and are permitted
to vote on all matters of importance to the church.

I don't want to overload you with too much information at once, so
let's leave it at that for now. Feel free to ask me any questions you
may have, and I will do my best to answer them for you.

Love and Best Wishes

Father B

He doesn't sound happy. Laughing

Quote:

rev i most confess,this is UNGODLY to me.i mean it looks satanic and sinnful.first the the monument of faith,second the ceremoney am yet to perform.i mean am tried rev, i dont think i ll be able to do these again.do u know i ve been mock because of these,my charity home is now tiring apart,i thought you were going help me out,but yet you keep telling me these and that. rev you ve disapointed me for cry out loud.YOU BETTER THINK OF HOW TO REORGANISE MY FOUNDATION BACK.sorry if i sound so rude,but you wont understand what am going through over here.i help this is no scam?.am not rev,am not atall.after all i ve gone through.hmmmmmmmmmmm.give it a second thought and reply me well. goodday.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:05 pm

Why would anyone mock him?

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:48 pm

UNGODLY?!?!?!?! WTF is so wrong with the cerimony?

Take this passage for example...

Quote:

2a.) The Staff of Righteousness must be polished to a satin luster. Grasp the staff by the base and begin to rub it with either a fine sandpaper or a rag if the staff is already smooth. While grasping the base, make long, sure strokes along it’s entire length while clearing your mind and allowing the spirit to take you. You may choose to chant a mantra to The Lord while doing this. We suggest the sacred “Mmmmmm,” sound as it is pleasing to the ears.

2b.) Special attention must be given to the tip. The top of the staff should have a slight knob or bulge to it to later facilitate the torch wrappings that will be tied here. Make sure the knob is polished, but do not spend too much time on it, as it can be overdone and the rest of the staff will have to be gone over again to match the polish of the knob.

2c.) When the stroking is completed, your Staff of Righteousness will be
nearly ready. This is the time to apply any type of natural finishing oil to it. However, we suggest Tung oil as the Staffs of our highest level ministers benefit greatly from a good Tung application. Dip a rag in the oil and again rub the staff, but this time use a gentle twisting motion to ensure that the entire staff is getting Tung’ed properly. As a new minister you must learn to demand the very best for yourself, and a good, well-oiled staff is key in the entering of a new TWAT ministry

Sounds perfectly holy to me.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:52 pm

^^YW, that is so funny. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:24 pm

So far I've bitten my tongue and played him gently, but now I've got what I wanted out of him, he can look out!

Quote:

Dear Pr3cious,

Well, I don't know what to say. What do you mean it's sinful and
ungodly, what is ungodly. I can understand that you are tired, but if
you had followed the instruction booklet I sent you, you would only
have needed to build the m0nument once instead of 3 or 4 times. I've
done my best to explain things as clearly as I can for you. I think
you are being very rude and silly about this.

I was going to speak to the elders to see if we could wave the
ordination ceremony, as you've already put yourself to so much
trouble. But frankly I don't see why I should help you if you're going
to be so rude.

Maybe you need to reflect on things for a little while, I find that
prayer often helps in times of trouble.

Regards Father B

If he doesn't want my imaginary cash, there's plenty more who do. Evil or Very Mad

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:43 am

Are there any pictures of happy TWATs, holding a pile of cash? Or can one be photochopped, and sent to this TWAT for encouragement? Smile

Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:55 pm

Looks like he responds well to a little slap.

Quote:

sorry for my rudeness

Yes,now your're taking.its like my prayers are at work.prayed to God that if this is the right way for me and the way forward for my ministry;He should touch you to give these(my ministry)a thought.and am happy you did. i know it was all my fault from the onset.but praise the lord for his strenght upon us,you know mistakes are meaatnt to happen,so that correction can be made.sorry if i acted rude,i should nt have said those words,i was scared .so whats the next line of action?

...now let me see, what's next. Hmmm Twisted Evil

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