Stupid/Funny or RANDOM Link/Joke of the Day

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Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:22 pm

For all you "Chuck Norris" fans.... Wink

Chuck Norris is here to save America!
He wrote a book!
This is great! So damn funny! Laughing

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?pageId=86308

Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:26 pm

Old news, but I just got an email about it:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

Not that I'm a fan of the violin, but I'd be kicking myself just for walking past a guy who charges $100 a ticket when I coulda got a free concert!!!

Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:29 pm

@Slightlyoutofit
that took some time to read but wow what a story we all need to take the time to smell the roses Wink

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:35 am

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (and for lovers of words, too!) Wink

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit
me.

Police were called to a daycare where a 3-yr-old was
resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cutoff?
He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand-alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner..

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in
the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:20 am

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow , Pink and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green ,
and I pink it up, and say,
' Yellow ' , this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:42 am

How to securely kill a hard drive.

LINK

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:34 pm

part of an email i got tonight from lad hum wonder what hes up to with it if he ever gets it from me hahahahaah may be hes thinks he has the g@mer bug Wink

Quote:

The only thing you will have to do is to get the two hard disc( CALLED HD120 GIG) to enable me re-copy all your information in place of the old one that will give me an avenue to destroy the previous one and punch the computer to reflect into your account within 24 Hours.

Each of the hard disc costs $265 here in Nigeria but I dont know how much it costs over there in your country, try your best and get it today to enable me commence immediately as I am still waiting to hear from you or if you can not get the hard disc send the money to enable me obtain and so that your fund will reflect into your account immediately before the closing of the day.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:19 pm

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:17 pm

Here are some sites you guys might enjoy reading in your "spare" time from the Eater:

http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_signs/
http://www.greencats.com/
http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/shizzypage1.html
http://www.notla.com/ebay/feedback/left/?phpMyAdmin=0ca9a30a087bdb03c9fdffbe66b3ab8f

I am still gathering pictures so I will just start you guys off with the sites and reply back with the pics.

Have a good laugh!!!!

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:29 pm

Nope, pulled this one - making fun of child abuse goes too far. RC

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:34 pm

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:38 pm

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:43 pm

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:47 pm

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:53 pm

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

A Moo -ving story from the BBC

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:16 pm

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. Razz

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 4:27 pm

Amazon is selling uranium ore. Check out the customer reveiws.

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:09 am

Belgium doesn't exist! It's a conspiracy!

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:39 am

The Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'

'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

Moral of the story: Women are cleverer than Men

Send this to a clever women you know, or a man with a good sense of humour

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:27 pm

$7 SEX

A Florida couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrongth the way you have intercourse.'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.< BR> Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married so we can't go to her house.

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

ONT>The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and
I get $43 back from Medicare
Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Quote:

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major went to a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am, he replied." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955." The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:29 pm

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks. 'What happened?'
His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat,

' I do not have a headache '
' I do not have a headache '
' I do not have a headache '

'Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'

Well , that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?' Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning 'OH MY GOD' she proclaims.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back..'
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.

'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife '

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:55 pm

Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:12 am

VOCABULARY WORD FOR THE DAY

LIQUIDITY: When you look at your investments and wet your pants

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