The Mysterious Kelvin Smith

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 45

Hi everyone! I'm new to the site, but I recently finished my first scam-bait. Tell me what you think!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: KELVIN SMITH <[email protected]>
Date: Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 1:21 PM
Subject: INVESTMENT IN YOUR COUNTRY!!!
To:

Attn: Sir/Madam,

REQUESTING A DISCREET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

I am a freelance, independent investment broker based here in Britain.Due to my privileged African background,I have been consulted by an erstwhile top-ranking member of a front line liberation movement in Liberia,whose organization had engaged the Liberian government in a protracted civil war since 1985.My client now wishes to channel $20 million into productive or real estate ventures instead of war.

He looks to make this investment discreetly under discretionary asset management arrangement.I am seeking a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund, even an empty account can serve this purpose,or you help to seek an
honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us.

I have contacted you on the consideration that I could discuss with you on the possibility of my client placing this fund with you for management either in your existing establishment or other venture to be undertaken at your discretion under terms to be agreed upon.He prefers that this investment be made in your country.

would be expecting your response in order that we may discuss further in detail.

Please send your response to my personal email:[email protected]

Yours faithfully,

Kelvin Smith

Jonathan 0mbudsman to kelvin_smith_60
show details Jun 6

Dear Mr. Smith,
I would be delighted to help participate in your venture. I discussed it already briefly with my wife Samantha and she is on board as well! We actually have a vested interest in this project succeeding, because our oldest son Immanuel went over in the early 80's to do aid work in Liberia, and when the civil war began he took up arms to defend principles that were quite dear to him. But that's neither here nor there.
Although I am sure that you must be as discreet as possible, is there anything that I could possibly know about your client or the group that he formerly supported?
Please just let me know what information you would like me to provide, and how exactly we can do business. I will sign off with my full legal name, and we can consider that a beginning.
Have a superb weekend!
Jonathan Horatio 0mbudsman

kelvin smith to me
show details Jun 8

Dear Jonathan Horatio 0mbudsman,

    Thank you for your prompt response.
I can assure you that there are lots of benefits for you after this transaction is over.It is going to be in two transactions,we will start the first transfer with $15,000,000 which you will be getting 10% of the the funds transfered into your account.My client is highly interested in property investment in your country.So If there is no hitches or disappointment from your side after the first transfer is being made,i will instruct the bank manager to direct the remaining funds to your account immediately.

I want you to introduce yourself to me,

(What do you do for a living?Are you married with kids and can you handle the property business for my client in your country without exposing him?),I need an answer from you so that by this week we will start up the transfer of the fifteen million Dollars [$15,000,000] into your account.

What I seek from you ar e :
(1) You partake with me in the transfer of this funds to your account as you would provide a bank account or accounts to safely accommodate the money.

(2) You are to manage the net balance in secured
Property and real estate managment (which you will be in charge of) in your country.

(3) You will further earn a 20% of the accrued profit on resultant investment of my clients funds.

(4) Provide me your full names, the nature of your business, and your private telephone and fax number.

I will like to seek your opinion asking you if you can travel to London for documentations covering you as the beneficiary of the funds or more so i can arrange for a lawyer in London to stand in as your legal representative and have him prepare the transfer document in your name and contact the bank in London where the funds are deposited on your behalf

I will forward over to you some document which you wi ll send to the lawyer to enable him contact the BANK in London where funds are deposited if you insist that the option of the lawyer should be used.

Yours faithfully,
Kelvin Smith

from
kelvin smith <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 10:42 AM
subject
Acknowledgement
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 8

Dear Jonathan Horatio 0mbudsman,

    Thank you for your prompt response.
I can assure you that there are lots of benefits for you after this transaction is over.It is going to be in two transactions,we will start the first transfer with $15,000,000 which you will be getting 10% of the the funds transfered into your account.My client is highly interested in property investment in your country.So If there is no hitches or disappointment from your side after the first transfer is being made,i will instruct the bank manager to direct the remaining funds to your account immediately.

I want you to introduce yourself to me,

(What do you do for a living?Are you married with kids and can you handle the property business for my client in your country without exposing him?),I need an answer from you so that by this week we will start up the transfer of the fifteen million Dollars [$15,000,000] into your account.

What I seek from you ar e :
(1) You partake with me in the transfer of this funds to your account as you would provide a bank account or accounts to safely accommodate the money.

(2) You are to manage the net balance in secured
Property and real estate managment (which you will be in charge of) in your country.

(3) You will further earn a 20% of the accrued profit on resultant investment of my clients funds.

(4) Provide me your full names, the nature of your business, and your private telephone and fax number.

I will like to seek your opinion asking you if you can travel to London for documentations covering you as the beneficiary of the funds or more so i can arrange for a lawyer in London to stand in as your legal representative and have him prepare the transfer document in your name and contact the bank in London where the funds are deposited on your behalf

I will forward over to you some document which you wi ll send to the lawyer to enable him contact the BANK in London where funds are deposited if you insist that the option of the lawyer should be used.

Yours faithfully,
Kelvin Smith

Editor's note: And thus began Kelvin's custom of sending me multiple e-mails had begun- sometimes completely identical, sometimes slightly different.

from
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
to
kelvin smith <[email protected]>
date
Sat, Jun 14, 2008 at 11:16 PM
subject
Re: Acknowledgement
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 14

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your original letter. I have quite a backlog here at work. To answer your questions, I am semi-retired real estate agent, age 65. I live with my wife Samantha in Manchester. We have three wonderful children- 1) Albert, who (as I mentioned in my previous letter) served in Liberia for some time 2) Leslie, currently married with two children and 3) Robert- he's still trying to find his way.
I definitely will be able to handle the real estate investments in a professional and discrete manner- it is the manner in which I was trained. What sort of properties is your client looking to buy? Large estates? Condominiums? Shopping Centres? I need information as soon as possible so as to start working with my network of resources (we may have to go a bit slower so that no one catches on to what we're doing, if you know what I mean).
As regards to the information that you request my full name (as I have mentioned before) is Jonathan Horatio 0mbudsman, and I used to work Manchester Mansion Realty (now bankrupt, but through no fault of mine), but now am self-employed in my new semi-retired state.
I also have a few queries that I wonder if perhaps you could respond to. Will the money transfer be made all at once? Not to get pushy, but I was wondering how much of it I will be able to keep as commission in the end? Also, I would really like to give some of my share to you, for putting me in touch with your contact. I was thinking of giving you around 20 percent or so. Do you think that's reasonable?
Have a splendid night,
Jonathan 0mbudsman
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
- Show quoted text -

from
kelvin smith <[email protected]>
to
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
date
Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 5:46 PM
subject
Re: Acknowledgement
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 16

Reply

Dear 0mbudsman,
I have gone through your mail and appreciate your interest and idea towards the succesful of this transaction.
 My client will be interested in Large estates,Shopping Centres and any lucreative business that will be supervised under you.I could understand that you have got experience in good investment. This is the reason why we want to work with you.
 I need your details so that i can start with the paper work to enable you contact the paying bank for the release of funds. I need to give you a Power Of Attorney and the Certificate Of Deposit to give you full legal right to carry on this project on my clients behalf.
 I need your direct telephone and fax numbers including your home/office address in order to secure documents with your righful details.
 As soon as all the releasing documents are ready, i will forward to you along with the bank contact.
Waiting for your response.
 Best Regards,
 Kelvin Smith.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
[email protected]
date
Thu, Jun 19, 2008 at 2:13 AM
subject
Attn:Jonathan 0mbudsman
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 19

Reply

Dear Jonathan 0mbudsman,

Please from now on, contact me via my private email address [email protected] with your direct phone number so that I can call you to discuss on how to move the funds to you for investment purposes.

Waiting to read from you and to have your direct phone number.
 Best Regards,
 Kelvin Smith.
Personal Private Email:[email protected]
Business Dealings

from
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Thu, Jun 19, 2008 at 11:47 PM
subject
Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 19

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
How are doing, old chap? Things up at the farm are doing quite well. We're planning quite a get-together this Saturday. Perhaps you'd be interested in joining us (we understand if that's not possible- it's quite a drive from London). Samantha is planning on making an American style "barbeque", and my job is to prepare the roast beef. All of the children and their families will be there.
I am quite confused- it certainly seemed as if your gmail account was your personal one. Do you possibly work for Google, and as such have your gmail account is work-related?
With your regards to your request for a direct phone number, I regret to inform you that currently our phone line is having a bit of trouble. There was some misunderstanding with the phone company, and they accidentally disconnected our line. I spoke to them, and they apologised profusely and said that the worker who was responsible had been fired already, but that it would be a week or so until the line is back up. I personally think that they're not telling me the whole truth (how could it take a week to put in a phone line?), and that there's something more serious going on. Do you think it's possible that my association with your client will cause the government to insert listening devices on my phone, because if so I may have to reconsider our dealings.
Either way, I hope things are well, and please do tell me about your Saturday plans.
Sincerely yours,
Jonathan Horatio 0mbudsman

"All your base, are belong to us" Corinthians 2:13

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
date
Sun, Jun 22, 2008 at 1:11 AM
subject
Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 22

Reply

Dear Jonathan 0mbudsman,

I've been very busy making plans to move the funds from Africa to London by a diplomat,the funds will be packaged as a consignment to you and it will be brought by a diplomat but content of the consignment will not be disclose to the diplomat,so you adive not to disclose the content to the diplomat when claim the consignment funds.
 The diplomat will move on 25-06-2008 from africa with consignment funds and he will arrive London on 26-06-2008 and you are to travel down to London to claim the consignment funds.
 If you are Ok with this plans do reply me so that I can go ahead with the new plan.
Waiting to read from you.
Regards, Kelvin Smith.   --- En date de : Jeu 19.6.08, Jonathan

Editor's note: This whole coming to London to meet the diplomat kind of freaked me out. What were they planning on doing? Mugging me? Making me sign forms? Putting me in a comfy chair? I had to get out of England, and fast.

from
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 2:01 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 23

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith
I am truly sorry that I did not inform you of my upcoming vacation sooner- I thought they type of business we would be doing could be taken care of over the phone and Internet. Samantha and I are going on a three week cruise tomorrow in the Bahamas- I will be unable to meet your diplomat friend later this week. Is there any way I could get in touch with him to set up another meeting or one of my associates to collect the money from him?
Even though I am traveling, I still we checking my email regularly.
We missed you at the barbeque! Samantha would really love to meet you, when you have a chance. Would you perhaps like to join us for part of the cruise?
Sincerely,
J.H. 0mbudsman
"There's no crying in baseball" James Dugan, April 14, 1944 Normandy
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
date
Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 5:15 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 23

Reply

Dear Jonathan 0mbudsman,

This is sudden information that you are traveling to bahamas for crusie and there is no way I can stop the diplomat from coming to London,I will advice you to extend your trip to bahamas so that you can claim the consignment funds from the diplomat by tomorrow,I have called the diplomat to leave africa this night so that he can arrive London first thing tomorrow morning.

This is a million dollar deal and we need to take it serious,plesae extend your trip for just two days so that you can claim the consignment from the diplomat,I need a phone number to give to the diplomat so that he can call you as soon as he arrives London with consignment.

Wating to read from you soon.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.  

from
Jonathan 0mbudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 8:38 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 24

Dear Mr. Smith,
I am very sorry, but by the time I received your email we were already on the way. Is there any way I could arrange for someone else to meet the diplomat in my stead? Thanks muchly,
J.H. Ombudsman
- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 2:41 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 24

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
I once again want to apologise for what just went down. Is there another way that I could get in touch with the diplomat, and ask him to meet when I come back? Is there a way he can drop the package off with some associates of mine? Please let me know very much. I am still very much looking forward to doing business with you and your client.
Yours truly,
J.H. Ombudsman III
"Never tell anyone outside the Family what you're thinking again" Sicilians 4:72
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 10:44 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jun 24

Reply

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

I don't like the Idea of your business friend to claim the consignment on your behalf,I have a better plans,the transfer will done online via Bank to Bank.

The Diplomate arrived London today and the funds has been deposited in HSBC BANK LONDON and you are to fill the attached bank transfer form below with your bank account so the funds can be transfer into your personal account.
 Fill the bank transfer form and send it to back to the bank via email and your account will be credited within 72hrs

Bank: Hsbc Bank London Plc
Name: Mrs Jane Freedom
Email: [email protected]

Keep me posted as soon as contacted the bank with the Bank Transfer Form..

Regards, Kelvin Smith.
- Show quoted text -

HSBC BANK TRANSFER FORM.jpg
288K   View   Download
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Forward

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 10:51 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 24

Reply

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

Pls fill the Bank Transfer Form with your bank account details and send the form to the bank via email below and your account will be credited within 72hrs:

Keep me posted as soon as the fill the bank form.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.
- Show quoted text -

HSBC BANK TRANSFER FORM.jpg
288K   View   Download
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from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
date
Thu, Jun 26, 2008 at 11:30 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 26

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
Thank you again! I've received your form, and have filled it out, but there are two concerns that I must first share with you. Firstly, I am slightly bothered by the fact that I have to pay 1500 pounds to complete the transfer- will I be refunded for that? However, I am more disturbed that you seem to be ignoring many common pleasantries- you did not even acknowledge my invitation to our barbeque, you have not asked me about my family at all, nor as to how our holiday is going. I am a family man, Mr. Smith; I run a family business. I am offering you a bond of family that very few real estate agents can understand. I have business connection so I can buy real estate in large quantities in a very short time period. I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there. As a family man, I insist on running my business a certain way, and would really appreciate much more if our relationship also had a personal aspect to it. I'm not asking for too much- I don't think we need to be best mates, but I quite resent your lack of responsiveness to my friendly advances. Until you agree to rectify this, I won't be able to continue doing business with you, though I really would like to.
Awaiting your response,
J.H. Ombudsman
Director
Plainview Estates
- Show quoted text -

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Editor's note: The "I am a family man, I run a family business etc." is a paraphrased quote from the character Daniel Plainview in the movie "There Will Be Blood", which I highly recommend.

yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 28

Reply

Dear J.H. Ombudsman,

With all due respect,I'm very sorry for not acknowledged your invitation to your barbecue and for not asking after your family,please accept my apology.

How are you and your family? I hope you and your family are having good holiday trip in Bahamas,I wish,I'm not busy,I would have love to join you with my wife (Jane smith) and my kids (Larry,Gift and Paul),but I'm very busy,I'm sorry.

There is nothing to be bothered about,the 1,500 pounds is refundable and the money is for the Bank Administrative charges Fee to transfer the funds from HSBC BANK into your personal account within 72hrs,so you are advice to go ahead and make the payment to the bank.

I'm very glad to hear that you are connected to buy real estate in large quantities in a very short time period,and I don't want to loss this big opportunity,I'm willing to do business with you,I have now taken you as my my family friend,when you return back to Manchester I will come with my family to pay you and your family a visit so that we can get to know each other more better and also discuss on how to invest the funds in real estate business,I'm looking forward to meet you and family soon.

Please fill the bank transfer form and send it back via email to the bank along with the bank transfer fee (1,500 pounds).

Thanks once more and God bless you and your family.

Best Regards,
Kelvin Smith

- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 12:28 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 30

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
Your last email made me joyous to no end. Thank you for having God bless me and my family. Brother Kelvin (now that we are formally entering into this business relationship, I feel comfortable referring to you as my brother), I am looking forward to doing business with you as I have not looked forward to many previous dealings.
Unfortunately, I don't have all of my banking details on me. As you know, I am on holiday, and don't save secure information like that in my mobile computer. I have sent an email to my bank to get all of the details necessary to fill out the forms properly. This should take a couple of days. In the mean-time, we can get to know each other a bit better.
Samantha and I are quite enjoying the holiday- there's fishing every day, and we're getting a fabulous tan! There seems to have been some misunderstanding- from your email it seems apparent that you think my whole family is here, while it is really only Sam and I (we're taking holiday to celebrate our fortieth anniversary). No worries, old chap!
I was born in a poor town in northern England to a family of coal miners. We had things very difficult whilst I was a youngster. I won't get too much into the family history at this point (it's quite tragic), but through my God given talent and perseverance I was able to climb out of the stink-hole that was the mine town my family lived in and built a vast real-estate empire. I was constantly spurred on by an Ombudsman family adage "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the respect." I live by this motto.
May I be so bold as to ask some questions of your family? I noticed that you and the wonderful Mrs. Jane Smith have three children- Larry, Gift and Paul. I hope they are doing well. Gift is such an interesting name- I am ashamed to admit that I have never heard of a girl having that name (my son Trevor does have a few school friends named Gift, but they're all male). Is she named after someone? Perhaps a late relative?
Looking back, I realise that the email I've written is quite long, but I have had quite a few pina coladas, so I'm feeling a bit tipsy. I think I'm going to go lie down.
Wishing you all the best, and may God bless you, your family, and your family's family forever more
Yours truly in Brotherhood,
J.H. Ombudsman Esq.
P.S. I was assured by my bank assistants that they would send me the information as soon as humanly possible (I pay them quite well after all).

"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant" Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg 1865
- Show quoted text -

Editor's note: The Ombudsman family adage was also taken by the movie Scarface. We're still trying to get restitution for that.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 12:37 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jun 30

Reply

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

How are you and Sam? From your last message I know you guys are having a great fun in bahamas.If I may ask,is there a way I can reach you on the phone??

You have a wonderful family me like me,,,,Gift is my only daughter and she is a gift from God to me and my wife,that is why we named her Gift.

I just got a call from the bank (Hsbc Bank London) that the form should filled as soon as possible and return back to them,plesae I will advice you to contact the bank via email and explain to them.

Waiting to read from you soon.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.  
- Show quoted text -

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from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 2:08 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 30

Reply

Dear Blood Brother Kelvin,
I am still awaiting a reply from my bank. I can barely wait until we close this deal! I will speak with the captain and the first mate to see if there's a possibility of having a phone line open for you to call, but it will probably be easier for me to call you (there is no place for me to wait by a phone).
It is good to hear that you view your daughter Gift as a gift from Above. Are you a believing man? My faith has guided me through many difficulties in life, as I've mentioned before, and as my father said "Ask not what Faith can do for you, but ask what you can do for your Faith."
How old is your daughter Gift? My family believes in arranged marriages, and my son Thadeus is approaching that age where he would be ready to settle down. I would of course like to meet you first, but do you think that yourself and Jane would be open to discussing this matter? I've talked it over with Samantha, and she seems to think it's quite a good idea- she says you can clearly see from your letters and generosity that you come from good family. I would not think of it as losing a son, but as gaining a daughter. My grandfather always said "Walk softly, but carry a big stick".
I must go! The pool awaits!
Best wishes, and God bless,
J.H.W. Ombudsman III
P.S. I await your reply in regards to the possibility of my calling you, but I will also be checking with the captain- an old friend of mine.
- Show quoted text -

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from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 5:50 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 30

Reply

Dearest Kelvin,
I just spoke with the captain, and he informed me that the only phone they have on board our cruise ship is for procedural use only, and even though we know each other from long ago he can not allow me to use it. We are docking at a port tomorrow, and I will be able to use a pay phone there when I get in. Is it urgent that we speak? Would I be able to call you? If not, maybe there's some other option we can think of.
Yours truly,
Jonathan
- Show quoted text -

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from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 5:51 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jun 30

Reply

Dearest Kelvin,
In addition I want to apologise profusely for speaking of your daughter in my last email. Although I would be honoured if you would consider the idea, it was totally out of place. Would you think about it?
Jonathan
- Show quoted text -

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from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:17 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Dear Brother Jonathan,

Keep me posted as soon as you have your bank account details and fill it on the bank transfer form.

My daugther is just 19yrs old June 23rd,she's too young to marry now but after her schooling,but nevertheless,when you come to manchester we will sit down to discuss on that,I will be glad to give my daugther to your son,because you are a good family friend.
 I'm a strong believer,a deacon in my church and a God fearing person..

You can reach me on my phone number +447024092321,waiting for your call.

Regards, Kelvin Smith.  --- En date de : Lun 30.6.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:24 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Hello Brother,

There is nothing wrong asking after my daugther in marriage for your son,is a good idea,we will discuss on that when we meet,but be rest asure that I will be glad to give my daugther to son,as long your son will take good care of her.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.  --- En date de : Lun 30.6.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :
De: Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
Objet: Re: Re : Business Dealings
À: [email protected]
Date: Lundi 30 Juin 2008, 14h51
- Show quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

Reply

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:28 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Dear Brother,

Since there is no way I can reach you,You can reach me on my phone number +447024092321,waiting for your call.

Regards, Kelvin Smith   --- En date de : Lun 30.6.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :
De: Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
Objet: Re: Re : Business Dealings
À: [email protected]
Date: Lundi 30 Juin 2008, 14h50
- Show quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

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Editor's note: Since Kelvin had given me his phone number (twice actually), I decided to call the London Metropolitan Police Fraud Squad and tell them everything (excluding the existence of Jonathan Ombudsman). The officer who took down my report was quite thrilled that I didn't give Kelvin any of my bank account info. I asked him if it was okay if I tried to find out more about Kelvin, and he said he didn't want to bother me. I told him it would be my pleasure...

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 5:52 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Dearest Kelvin,
I called your office approximately three hours ago, and was a told by a Mr. Jonny (I didn't catch his last name) that you were in a meeting, and that I would be fine if I were to call back in two and a half hour's time. At the end of our conversation, he wished that God blessed my family. It seems that not only are you a great man, Kelvin, but also your male secretaries as well. Either way, I've been trying to reach you, and cannot get through. Is there a time that I could call you?
Thank you very much for accepting my request that your Gift marry our son Thadeus. We are most honoured! We have docked for a bit, and Samantha is out shopping at the local Caribbean shops. She said she would be looking for a good souvenir for you and your wife (she said it was a surprise, but I hope you don't mind). She was thinking of these brilliant novelty "T-Shirts" that I've heard have recently become popular- something like "My (Blank) went to (Blank) and all he got me was this lousy t-shirt" Have you ever heard of anything so funny? Har Har! She said she would look for one where the first blank would say "Blood Brother" and the second would say "the Bahamas". I'm sure I don't need to tell you what the final makeup of the sentence would become.
I would really like to speak with you before sending in the forms that you've sent to me.
With love and affection,
Jonathan
P.S. The captain asked me a riddle last night, that I haven't yet been able to figure out. Maybe you can help. It starts "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?" I was a bit mystified by it, and (based on our bond of brotherhood) thought that perhaps you could shed light on it. God bless!
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 7:18 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Hello My Dear Brother,

You can call me now,the meeting is over,I'm waiting for your call now,I'm close to the phone.

Regards, Kelvin Smith.  --- En date de : Mar 1.7.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :

Editor's note: And thus, I called Kelvin. We spoke for quite some time, though we kept getting cut off and it was difficult for me to understand his heavy accent. There is a video of my favorite parts. The Mysterious Kelvin Smith Not included in the highlights is a sequence where I tried to explain to him that I wanted his postal address as well, so that I could send the form by post as well as by e-mail. This was explained as my normal business procedures. It took him about five minutes to understand that I wanted his address, which he promised to send. Also, since we kept getting cut off, I asked if he could kindly send me a land-line number so that we could speak again (the number was a net-phone, and I wanted the police to get this fellow). He promised he would. I also told him I wasn't sure about how to send the bank transfer fee. He said we could "worry about that later". Afterwards, he told me he'd send me a name to wire it to. I gave him a description of the places I was looking into investing, including a five million dollar shopping centre. He thought that sounded good.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:40 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

It was nice speaking with you on the phone today,this are the information's below:

(1)This is the address below to send the Bank Transfer Form to:

Address: HSBC Bank plc 8 Canada Square London E14 5HQ

and

(2) You are to send the Bank Transfer Fee via Western Union Money Transfer to the bank accountant name below:

Name: Micheal Brown

Address:London/United Kingdom

Make sure you post the bank form to the bank and also send the bank transfer fee via western union money transfer and the process of the funds will take place within 72hrs.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

- Show quoted text -

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:43 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Brother Kelvin,
How joyed I was that you agreed to enter into the Blood Oath with me! In my native Kosltlewick, this event is viewed very seriously, and will doubtless make my family proud.
You mentioned that you would write me an email, but it looks like I beat you to it! Har har! Either way, as soon as I get the postal address and the land line number that I can call you at, I will be forwarding the bank form to the bank, and sending you a copy as well. Please be in touch with me as soon as possible- I too would like to end this deal by the end of the week.
Yours always and forever,
Jonathan
- Show quoted text -

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:48 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jul 1

Reply

Kelvin-
it looks like you beat me to it!
I still need the land line number before I can send the form
Multitudinous thanks,
Jonny
- Show quoted text -

Reply

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:13 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 2

Reply

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

This is my postal address below:

Address:12 Sherwood Street Piccadilly London W1F 7BR United Kingdom

This is my office Land phone number +448700111740 for security reason,it will not be wise to call me on it because all calls are recorded.

Thanks and Remain Bless

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.
 --- En date de : Mar 1.7.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :
De: Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
Objet: Re: Re : Business Dealings
À: [email protected]
Date: Mardi 1 Juillet 2008, 17h43
- Show quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:17 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jul 2

Reply

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

This is my postal address below:

Address:12 Sherwood Street Piccadilly London W1F 7BR United Kingdom

This is my office Land phone number +448700111740 for security reason,it will not be wise to call me on it because all calls are recorded.

Thanks and Remain Bless

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.  --- En date de : Mar 1.7.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :
De: Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
Objet: Re: Re : Business Dealings
À: [email protected]
Date: Mardi 1 Juillet 2008, 17h48
- Show quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

Editor's note: I checked the Internet for the address and phone number- the address is of some hotel, and the number is one that's been used in many scams (and no one answers). I had been betrayed! Nevertheless, the show must go on.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 4:49 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jul 4

Reply

Dear Brother,

I have not read from you for the past few days,what is going on? I hope all is well with you and your wife?
 Reply me back as soon as you read this message.
 Thanks, Kelvin Smith.
- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 6:31 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details Jul 4

Reply

Dearest Blood Brother,
I am sorry for the delay in my sending-in of the form-of-which-you-speak-so-highly. Meow. There was this terrible sand storm in the Bahamas the last few days, and all of our communications were knocked out. It was just dreadful outside, but we were able to have ping-pong and croquet tournaments inside to keep us busy (Separately, of course- you can't play ping-pong and croquet together! Har har! Meow!). Either way (sorry for getting off track), the point is that I sent the form in approximately two hours ago, and simultaneously posted to the address-of-which-you-speak-so-highly. I am making preparations to have the transfer fee wired to Micheal (are you sure he doesn't spell it Michael) Brown. Please tell me when the form is finished processing. I am sorry for the delay in this business- as we'd mentioned we BOTH wanted to have this whole thing patched up by the end of the week, but it looks like that won't be happening meow.
With best wishes for a warm and comfortable weekend meow,
J.H. Ombudsman
Frontiersman
"Tis not to the one who meows the most, but to the one who meows last" Confucius circa 1923
P.S. I might not necessarily be able to check my email over the weekend, but please let me know when the transfer goes through.
- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

Editor's note: Truth be told, the form had not been sent in.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 8:58 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details Jul 4

Reply

Dear Brother,

Thanks my dear brother for the update,I was very worried for not reading from you but know my mind is at rest after reading from you.

I'm glad you have send the form and by Monday the bank will get the Form and the process of the funds will take place and I will advice you to send the transfer fee on Monday so that as soon as the bank is getting the bank form,they also getting the transfer fee,please keep me posted as you wired the transfer fee.

The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction.

Name:Micheal Brown

Address:London/Brown

I hope we round up this transaction by next week.

My Regards To Wife,

Kelvin Smith.

- Show quoted text -

Reply

Forward

Editor's note: I'm not sure what's funnier- that he once again spelled the guy's name "Micheal", or that he thought I would actually send it.

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Sun, Jul 6, 2008 at 10:54 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details July 6

Dearest Kelvy,
I knew that you were worried for not reading from you. Since we have made this bond of friendship, our souls are linked in the intergalactic battlefields, and anything you feel, I feel as well. In addition, anything you can do I can do better. It is all related, and in the end is part of the Master Plan.
Please let me know when the transfer goes through, and when Michelle Brown receives the transfer fee. Are there many Michelle Browns in London? Will she have trouble receiving the fee? These questions and more continually haunt me at night, despite the fact that I am on holiday (and sleeping like a baby). However, because of the intergalactic battlefield connection, I'm sure you already knew this. Please forgive my doubting you.
Thank you for your regards to wife. She many appreciative.
We've spoken to our son Finnigan about your daughter (Gift). He wasn't so thrilled at the time, but we'll soon have our way. I'm sure you know how to discipline children (you continually ask them nicely).
I eagerly await the end of this stage of the transaction, and the bond of blood that awaits us when we return from the cruise.
With warm regards,
J.H.M. Ombudsman
"The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?" -King Arthur, circa many years ago
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 5:06 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
signed-by
yahoo.fr

hide details 5:06 PM

Reply

 Dear Brother,

How are you and your family? I hope you had a lovely weekend?

Your last message was not well understood by me,plesae explain in details and make yourself very clear.Have you send the transfer via western union?If yes,update me with details and If no,they why?

This message below is not well understood by me:

Please let me know when the transfer goes through, and when Michelle Brown receives the transfer fee. Are there many Michelle Browns in London? Will she have trouble receiving the fee? These questions and more continually haunt me at night, despite the fact that I am on holiday (and sleeping like a baby). However, because of the intergalactic battlefield connection, I'm sure you already knew this

Waiting to read from you soon.

Best Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

 --- En date de : Dim 6.7.08, Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]> a écrit :
De: Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
Objet: Re: Re : Business Dealings
À: [email protected]
Date: Dimanche 6 Juillet 2008, 19h54
- Show quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

Editor's note: Now I was confused. Was Kelvin just confused about the part with the transfer fee, or was the intergalactic battlefield connection bothering him?
from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 12:36 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details 12:36 AM

Reply

Dearest Kelvin,
I am truly sorry that you did not understand. Your confusion is my confusion, and the confusion must end. I will shine light upon this matter so that it shall be eminently understandable. For in truth, it is my fault that you are confused Brother Kelvin. I have not explained myself well. But I have learned an important lesson from you. That lesson is that one must take responsibility for mistakes. You may not remember, but just a few emails you go you told me (and I quote) : "The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction." That quote really showed me what kind of a man you are, Brother Kelvin (I didn't mention it at the time for fear of jinxing it). A man who can, in a few short, sweet words, eloquently accept responsibility for his actions, and fix them! This sentence of yours really touched me, and I will add it to the bank of quotes with which I finish off emails.
I'm sorry for getting off topic, but I just felt the need to express my gratitude to you. Either way, I'm sorry for confusing your confusion, and in so doing disrupting the interstar satellite hook-up time-link we have going on between us. Without further ado, I will explain what I meant:
Yesterday I went to wire the transfer fee to one "Michelle Brown" of London. When I went to the transfer office they informed me that "Michelle Brown" is a somewhat common name, and London is a fairly large city (but not as good as Manchester! Har!). This is what I intended in my email to you. I think I had met a Michelle Brown who works for HSBC a few years back. I was able to describe her fairly well to the transfer office official, and he said he'd see what he could do about it. The Michelle I recall is 5 foot 4 inches tall, wears her brown hair in a bun, and usually walks around with a peacock feather tucked into this bun. He said that he didn't think that would be enough- do you have more information for me? Is it possible that you and I are thinking of TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MICHELLE BROWNS? I must let you know that it is entirely possible that the official was saying something else- our conversation took place in an ancient Mayan dialect, in which I am not completely fluent, although I can get by.
In regards to the form, it's been now a few days since I sent it in. Has it been processed yet? What's going on? When can I give the go-ahead in regards to the investments? The shopping-centre owners have informed me that we must act hastily!
I also have a question for you, Kelvin, that Samantha and I have been debating on the cruise. It is something that I've been thinking a lot about, and we need you to settle the issue so that I can fully devote myself to our business relationship and growing friendship. We are planning on buying a yacht when we come back (you and Jane are invited to join us whenever you please), but we're still debating the name. We've decided that YOU should be the one to decide (although I'm sure you've already heard all of this through the battle center). Here are the choices: "Chicken of the Sea" or "Apocalypse Meow". I won't tell you which of them Sam chose, and which I chose (I don't want to influence your decision), but I cannot stress how important this question is (although I'm sure it seems silly to an important person, such as yourself). You MUST decide. Please hurry
Thank you, and God Bless
Jonathan
"The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction." The Honourable Kelvin Smith, July 4th 2008.
- Show quoted text -

Editor's note: I wasn't sure if maybe I was pushing Kelvin a bit too far in this last email. I'd already felt that I was pushing the boundaries of the believable, but this last email was a bit over the top, even by the standards of Jonathan Ombudsman. Less than an hour later, I had the answer.

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 1:36 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details 1:36 AM

Reply

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

Stop playing games with me,you not a serious business man,your message makes no meaning to me,I will look for somelse...You are just a Joker.Har Har

Take care.

Kelvin Smith.  --- En date de : Mar 8.7.08, Jonathan Ombudsman

Editor's note: His "Har Har" is classic. Kelvin has quite a sense of humour. I was going to miss him. Unless...

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 8:37 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details 8:37 AM

Reply

Dear Mr. Smith,
I agree that now is not the time to play games. Please excuse the joke I made in my last email (regarding the peacock feather).
Have you received the form I sent in?
I just went over our last few emails, and realise that I made yet another mistake- you said I should transfer the funds to Micheal Brown, not Michelle. I believe that the Western Union will require more information than just that- after all, London is quite a large city, and Micheal Brown is quite a common name.
Waiting for your reply,
Jonathan Ombudsman
- Show quoted text -

Editor's note: Now I just needed to wait and see if he'd come back, or if my over the top message had suddenly put every odd thing I'd said in the proper perspective (that I was trying to drive him crazy). A few hours later, I found out...

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 11:18 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details Jul 9

Reply

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

Just go ahead and send transfer fee via western union to the name and address below and send me the western union 10 digit control number and stop all this question and answer,this is a million dollar deal,I have no time to waste :

Name:Micheal Brown
Address:London/United Kingdom

Enter the western Union office and send the transfer fee,there is no way any body can receive the money than the real Micheal Brown because the secret 10 digit should sent to me and I will forward it to Micheal Brown in the bank.

Waiting to read from you.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

Editor's note: Boy! Someone's a bit antsy. He needed to be put in his place, and if he didn't want to do business MY way, he could take a hike.

from
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
to
[email protected]
date
Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 10:51 PM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings
mailed-by
gmail.com

hide details 10:51 PM

Dear Mr. Smith,
I do not at all appreciate your bossy tone. On the advice of my accountant, and after checking with the HSBC, I have been told that I do not need to wire the transfer fee until AFTER the bank has already processed the request. Has the form gone through? It's been many days already! It appears that I should be the one who is doing the bossing around- I have been working very hard to make this deal go through, making countless phone calls to various real estate brokers (on my holiday, no less!). If you do not wish to acknowledge the blood and sweat that I have poured in to this endeavour, I would not want to continue doing business. I am not threatening you Kelvin. I love you as a brother (as I'm sure you know). I would love nothing more than to continue with this deal, and wrap it up as soon as possible. However, there are certain rules and protocol that we must follow, and I feel that you are disregarding them. For example, the process fee is not required until AFTER the processing.
Please inform me as to your decision regarding our future dealings, and whether the bank has processed the form.
Waiting impatiently,
J.H.M. Ombudsman V
"You're making me very angry" -Marvin the Martian
- Show quoted text -

from
Kelvin Smith <[email protected]>
reply-to
[email protected]
to
Jonathan Ombudsman <[email protected]>
date
Thu, Jul 10, 2008 at 12:57 AM
subject
Re: Re : Business Dealings

hide details 12:57 AM

Reply

Dear Brother, I'm sorry for the bossy tone but we need to act very fast to move the funds into your account by this week and according to the Bank Transfer Form stated below that the transfer adimintraive Charges shoud be sent along with the fee before transfer. I got a call this afternoon from that bank that they have received the Bank Transfer Form and the process of the funds will take place as soon as you send the transfer fee,please make sure you send it today to avoid delay. There is nothing to be worried about,everything will work out according to our plans,make the payment today via western Union and keep me posted with the MTCN money transfer control number 10 digit so that I can forward it to the bank. Thank you for making countless phone calls to various real estate brokers,you will be rewarded after the funds is transferred into your account,I promise. God Bless you and your wife. Regards, Kelvin Smith.

More to follow! Still in progress!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Kelvin Smith. I work with the Halifax International Bank
as an account officer in the Treasury/Credit Control Unit.
I was the accounting officer of a national of your country,
who died with his wife and their only son in a motor accident.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track
his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his
family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist
in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at £12,540,000.00
Million pounds (Twelve Million,Five Hundred and Forty Thousand Pounds Only)
left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared
unserviceable by the share holders of this Bank, so that they
can share his funds as dividends amongst themselves.

The Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or
have the account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days.
Because as at the time of his demise I was his accounting officer,
but have since been promoted to the position of Treasury/Credit Control
Unit,
ever since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for sometime
now,
I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since
you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can
be paid to you.Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall
then discuss modalities for transfer.

As soon as I receive an acknowledgment of your acceptance, I will furnish
you
with the necessary modalities of the transaction. I assure you that this
transaction is 100% risk free, and as soon as we succeed in getting this
funds to your account, The money will be shared on a 50, 50 basis.........
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that
will protect you from any breach of the law.

I am waiting to hear from you soon.

Ensure you reply to my private email : [email protected]

Best regards,

Kelvin Smith

The annoying thing is, this doesn't even come up in my spam folder! It goes directly to my inbox! Evil or Very Mad

Not quite a Newb Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 45

Well, he's a fun kinda guy, at least. Enjoy Smile

I just realized that I never posted the end of this bait up here, and I think it'd be a little annoying to reedit to and post it here, but if anyone wants to check out the rest of it, you can go to:

http://ombudsmanreport.blogspot.com/

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