My barrister died :(

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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:30 pm

Yeah, I think I've exhausted the "running pictures" idea. Time to move on to the "wicker man" plot.

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

Well, I suppose those pictures will do. I'm disappointed that there is no banner in the running picture, but I'll try to convince Gov. Pillock that with the other pictures, it proves this was a charity run.

Also, those pictures are quite blurry, did you take them yourself? I think your camera might be on the fritz. I think Mr. Drax will be able to clean up the pixels though.

I will meet with Gov. Pillock Monday morning and get back to you. In the meantime, please work on the cleansing ceremony.

Sincerely,
Hank

P.S. I had no idea you had such lovely beaches in Ghana. I love the dunes in the latest photos. It seems a perfect place to set up some hammocks. Perhaps you can purchase some once you receive the money. There is nothing better than a hammock! I should know, I frequent the Cypress Creek hammock district quite often. I can pick some up for you if you like.

What cleansing ceremony? Did I forget to tell Mrs. Bello that all Globex beneficiaries are required to conform to the pagan religion? Well, I just assumed she knew . . . Wink

And there's always the descent into WU hell, with the delays and the incorrect MTCN's and the forms . . .

Master Baiter Joined: 02 Nov 2008 Posts: 116

Nice, I love it so far!!! Good luck! Kind of a noob to this but maybe something along the lines of:

Quote:

I will get arrested for fraud if you don't get me some pictures holding a banner, while doing something that can actually be a fundraiser

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:41 am

Worf wrote:

Time to move on to the "wicker man" plot.

My church has been trying to have this done for over a year now. Our last attempt at this, the man was only 1 foot high. The second attempt was 4 feet high. I really need to dedicate more time to baiting.

However Worf, we may need to discuss the logistics of my idea. I have all the designs and construction plans available for this. I shall send you my modalities. PM me to collect.

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:54 am

You could try a safari as you need a photo opp to hand over the money to her. She may have to meet you at an out of area airport to collect the funds and a quick picture taking on your stop over to well anywhere!

Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 6:28 pm

I think I'm going to try both the wicker man idea and WU complications. Hank can pressure Bello on the ceremony, while Globex's accountant can introduce Bello to the complicated process of receiving a WU payment from Globex Smile

Quote:

Dear Hank,

Thank you for assisting me. Please have you met with the Governor?
Have a great day and Godbless the entire GLOBEX team.

Regards,
Mrs. Bello

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

Good news. I did meet with the Governor late yesterday and everything is okay.

I have forwarded the money to Globex's accounting department, headed by Mr. E. S. Blofield. Please contact him at [email protected] with your payment information.

I trust that you have begun to gather the necessary wicker for the ceremony.

Sincerely,
Hank

eta: Ugh, it was supposed to be "Blofeld" not "Blofield." Evil or Very Mad

Oh well, Blofield is the supervillain's cousin who went into accountancy Wink

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:04 pm

NN said:

Quote:

I have all the designs and construction plans available for this

For a Wickerman? Why should I be shocked?? Laughing

Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:25 pm

^^^ I had to draw them up myself. I also provide pictures of the completed project. I've been trying to get my lads to make a portable wicker man they take on pilgrimage to one of the pyramids of TWAT. There they shall burn the wicker man. Maybe I should de-mod myself and just bait. Very Happy

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:16 am

^^That's the best bit of Modding advice I've ever seen! Very Happy

Going back to baiting yourself...I wanna see you get a Wickerman Burning Ritual video!
Now, all you have to do is find a vict--, umm, I mean volunteer to take your place.

{SH hightails it on outta here fast....

Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 5:06 pm

^ Agreed. A wicker man/TWAT bait sounds awesome Laughing

Especially since Mrs. Bello keeps ignoring me about the ceremony.

Quote:

Dear Hank,

I thank you once again. i will contact Mr. E. Blofield as soon as possible, reamain blessed.

Regards,
Mrs. Bello

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

No problem. As I've said before, we at Globex are always happy to help.

By the way, you did not answer my question about the wicker. Do you think you have gathered enough for the ceremony?

Sincerely,
Hank

Quote:

Dear Mr. Blofield,

My name is Mrs. Joy Bello the wife of late Barrister Mohammed bello.

Sir, Mr. Hank Scorpio directed me to contact you on behalf of the funds generated by GLOBEX from the 1st annual Barrister Mohammed Bello Globex memorial fun run.

Which i hereby thank you and the entire GLOBEX team for assisting me.

Regards,
Mrs. Joy Bello

Quote:

Dear Joy,

Please call me Ernst. I am happy to hear from you.

Of course Mr. Scorpio has told me all about you and your sad plight. Might I extend my sympathies as well?

I heard about the fun run. Unfortunately, I was not able to participate because of my bad eye.

Mr. Scorpio has handed over to me the sum of $21,492 in U.S. Dollars. I will need from you your preferred method of payment. Once I receive that, I will gather the necessary international monetary transfer forms.

Sincerely,
Ernst

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

Somehow I feel western union will be the preferred method of payment

Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:15 pm

Yep

Quote:

Dear Ernst,

Thank you very much once again. i will be very glad if you can send the funds to me through western union money transfer. Please you can send it in tranches.

Regards,
Mrs. Joy Bello

What the heck does "in tranches" mean?

Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:54 pm

I think "tranche" is French for a slice or segment or similar. So Mrs Bello wants payment in installments.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:59 pm

No, no, yastreb. "Tranches" means "trunkboxes" of cash. I'd send it that way, Parcel D1r3ct. Smile

Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:52 pm

Yastreb knows her french Smile

Quote:

Dear Ernst,

Please Mr. Ernst I am sorry with the spellings and the english. I mean you can send it bit by bit eg $9,000 Dollars twice and $3,420 once through western union money transfer. Please i will be glad to receive it that way and i appreciate your effort.

Regards,
Mrs. Joy Bello

Quote:

Dear Joy,

I have been out sick for a few days with a horrible head cold. I was fine when I woke up Thursday morning, but by lunchtime I had a very sore throat and the cold progressed from there.

Thank you for your explanation. I will gather the necessary forms and get back to you next week, right after I take my cat to the vet.

Thank you,
Ernst

The first part about the cold is true. I am functioning through a Nyquil haze right now Crying or Very sad

Meanwhile, Mrs. Bello has no idea what a wickerman is:

Quote:

Dear Hank,

Great, but i dont understand what you mean by the wicker man please can you explain to me better. hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,
Mrs. bello

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

Here at Globex, we traditionally build a small wicker man and set him on fire for good luck. We call it a cleansing ceremony.

I can send you instructions on how to build one if you would like.

Sincerely,
Hank

Quote:

Dear Hank,

I am interested.

Mrs. Bello

Oh goodie

Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:28 pm

Quote:

Yastreb knows her french

I'm XY, not XX. But yes, I do know French*.

*The language - there are double meanings lurking everywhere if you're not careful!

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 12:18 am

Quote:

Dear Hank,

I am interested.

Mrs. B3ll0

I bet her interest will wane considerably after she sees the detailed plans and ritual. Gotta be a video ritual though. That's a lot of cash to give away without one. Smile

Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:20 pm

Quote:

Dear Ernst,

Thank you Ernst, please respond to treatment and take good care of yourself.

I will be expecting to hear from you have a nice day and God bless.

Regards,
Mrs. Joy Bello

Quote:

Dear Joy,

Thank you for your kind words. I am still ill today, but I should be back at work tomorrow. I have a very good doctor, Dr. No Singh. I really like Dr. No.

Sincerely,
Ernst

NN is going to send me the wicker man specs Wink

Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 6:31 pm

Gods, this is the best. Worf, you are a genius! I've been sitting here giggling like an idiot over this entire thread. Bravo to you, NN, and anyone else who has had a hand in this. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 7:13 pm

Worf

Five thumbs! Fun race, hahaha!

NN, nice, too.

Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:52 pm

Worf is doing the baiting. I'm just here for eye candy.

Just copy and paste the wicker man pictures Worf and send the better ones. I have uploaded the basic plans here:
Basic Plans on frame

I am still trying to find the instructions Worf. Don't hold your breath. Just make it up as you go along.

Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:19 pm

^ Thanks

I just sent her an e-mail telling her to go gather a bunch of twigs (step 1 Laughing

)

Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:39 pm

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

How are you? How is the twig gathering going. Let me know when you have a bunch and then I'll send you the schematics.

How are things progressing with Mr. Blofield?

Ciao,
Hank

Quote:

Dear Hank,

A Twig can be defined as any small, leafless branch of a woody plant.

I am very sorry for not written you all this while. As for the twig i have not organized any but i promise you i will do that soon.

I am still waiting to hear from Mr. Blofield and I wish the payment will be made today.

My Regards,
Joy

Phew! I'm glad we now have the definition of a twig Rolling Eyes

I love when lads through in random sentences like that Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Bello,

Yes! Correct! That is indeed the definition of a twig. Now what you need to do is gather a lot of them. If you think you have too many, you don't. You will need a lot of twigs.

I just ran into Ernst in the employee break room and he said he e-mailed you yesterday that he was preparing your forms. Did he not contact you yesterday? If not, I will give him a piece of my mind!

Later,
Hank

Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:17 am

Nurse Nasty wrote:

Worf is doing the baiting. I'm just here for eye candy.

Here is the site I never use to get my wicker men made. If you go to the donations page you will find the best ones.
www.church-of-saint-dilldoe.int.tc

Just copy and paste the wicker man pictures Worf and send the better ones. I have uploaded the basic plans here:
Basic Plans on frame

I am still trying to find the instructions Worf. Don't hold your breath. Just make it up as you go along.

Google "Burning Man Festival".... I am still trying to get my lads to dress up like the fruits there..No luck Sad

The reason I mention this is it is a really big faux wicker man and has an easy design to build....
4 meters....try 10 meters! Twisted Evil

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:51 pm

The definition of a twig....man 'o man is Joy a lazy, stalling lad. Wait till they see those schematics, and start counting how many twigs they are going to need... Smile

Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:17 pm

Quote:

Dear Ernst,

How do you do? Please i am still waiting to hear from you. Please Ernst i am pressed can you tell me when the funds will get to me?

I will be a happy person to receive this funds please Ernst.

Regards,
Joy

Speaking of stalling . . .

Quote:

Dear Joy,

Hello, I am fine.

Regarding the funds, I am still working on the paperwork. Unfortunately, due to the holidays this time of year, a lot of Globex's employees are on vacation and that is causing the process to move more slowly that I would like. Also, our offices are closed next week due to Thanksgiving (Mr. Scorpio gives all of his employees the entire week off instead of just Thursday and Friday. He sure is a generous boss).

I will try to move as quickly as possible to get the needed forms today. However, since Ms. Klebb is on vacation, they might not be ready until when we re-open, December 1st.

Please be patient with me, I am working very hard on this.

Sincerely,
Ernst

It really is the most wonderful time of the year Smile

Also, Joy knows how to google "wicker man" but apparently not "Hank Scorpio" or any names of James Bond villains:

Quote:

Dear Hank,

How do you do? Mr. Hank Please from my own understanding the word WICKER MAN i will have to gather enough twigs to form an image or a statue of a person.

I am interested in the ceremony but please you will have to give me time to gather enough twigs and secondly please you know i will like you to also contact Mr. Blofield to send the funds to me.

Regards,
Mrs. Joy Bello