So Sorry

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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:09 pm

This ASEM sent out 3 days ago is starting to produce a lot of fun:

Quote:

RE: I Am So Sorry About Your Proposal

Regarding your proposal, it doesn't matter now, my friend. Since all that money was sitting in a bank, it's gone now.

I am so sorry.

Alvin

This is typical of many resulting exchanges:

Quote:

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your message.
How are you this wonderful day,i hope all is well with you and your family ?
I got your message now as regards to the compensation cheque which my Boss Mr.David 0w0mah instructed me to send to you before he left to Paraguay.

In this respect Sir, I will like to notify you that what was given to me was cheque of the sum of Eight Hundred thousand Usdollars ($800,000.00usd) and not cash. So you have to correct the impression of collecting cash or transfering cash to you and this cheque is in your name which authomatically means that it is only you that can cash it..........etc.,etc.,etc.

Again, the bad news:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Ir0queh:
If you are aware of the international financial crisis, you can expect third world banks to begin failing this week. It is unfortunate that all the money is trapped in such a bank.
I am so sorry that all of the money is lost.
Regards,
Alvin F4nnyc0x

He's desperate to help me:

Quote:

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your message.

I heard what you said and i can help you to send your cashier cheque to you so that you acn cash it in your Country

Not a chance:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Ir0queh:

The US Government has stepped in to rescue banks in America but will not rescue any banks in Africa.
Cashier's cheques from African banks are about to become worthless.
Again, I am so very sorry about all this.

Regards,
Alvin F4nnyc0x

I have a number of these going at the moment. I just love breaking the news to widows, orphans,cocoa merchant's daughters and especially "CHUCKIE" himself.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!

Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:14 pm

Hahahahaha! That's really funny. I love it, because the humour will just be lost on them.

** Retired ** Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 750 Location: Air

Good stuff Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

I just about lost it when I first read that e-mail in the other thread. Soooo funny. Laughing

Glad it's paying off too

Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:16 pm

"Betty" (refugee camp orphan) has been taking this pretty hard:

Quote:

Dearest one.
I thank you somuch for your mail you sent to me .i want to let you know that the money is still in bank it just that i need someone who will help me got the money from there. since my parents die i have noboddy who can take care of me; i leave in refugee camp here in Togo. My dear all i needed from you is to assist me get the money please....... Blah, Blah

No it's not:

Quote:

Dear Betty::
If you are aware of the international financial crisis, you can expect third world banks to begin failing this week. It is unfortunate that your money is trapped in such a bank.
I am so sorry that you are losing all your money.
Regards,
Alvin F4nnyc0x

If I would only just hurry:

Quote:

Dearest love.
thank you for your mail i receive now Horny Shocked

i really understand what you mean by that.
it just that am really soffring here that is why i needed your help please horny Shocked

i write a letter to the bank yesterday and gave the bank your contant so that the contact you as soon as possible please try and let me know if their have contacted you i will be waithing to hear from you.
yours love.
Betty

But it's too late:

Quote:

Dear Betty:
The US Government has stepped in to rescue banks in America but will not rescue any banks in Africa.
Deposits in African banks are about to become worthless. You will not be able to transfer money out of a failed bank.
Again, I am so very sorry about all this.
Regards,
Alvin F4nnyc0x

Quote:

So that means you are not able to help me trasfer the fund to your acount please am really need you help ok.reply now.
Betty

Precisely!!

Quote:

Dear Betty:
Since your money is trapped in an African bank, it will probably be gone by the end of the week if not sooner.
There is really nothing I can do for you other than wish you well.
Again, I am so sorry.
Regards,
Alvin F4nnyc0x

WHAAAAAAH!!!!

Quote:

Dearest one.
that means you are not wiiling to help me;
Honey please here in the camp,i am seeing hell no good water to drink and good food to eat i am only survive by the help of frineds here and the people that love God please i need to come out from africa to somewhere where i can be happy,complet my education and get married,so all i need from you is to transfer the money into your account by contacting the bank ,i will also wants you to help me get international passport and join you there in your country,please i am earnestly waiting to hear from your positive response ok.
i dont have another pictures here with me so if you need more,may be when i have money i will take and scan and send for you please,as as you see me now i am counting on you as my helper so i am seriously in need of help and as i am now i need someone to take up my monthly mensuration problems puke

and also take care of myself so please i need your assistance.

i am seeing my mensuration now,i need not to tell you this because as a woman you will not understand but why i am telling you is that i dont have money to even buy what i will use to take care of it puke

and myself too so i can not have someone like you why all this will be problem to me please try to get me understood and i am dieing here please i need your help now

regards love

betty

SOOOOOO SORRY!!

Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:44 pm

Why do sanitary products for "mensurations" always come into it? You would think they're some sort of major investment. I remember Wayne had a similar line in his siggy for ages.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:00 pm

Funny and gross stuff, Tuco. Laughing

I guess they will tell you anything if you believe their banks are failing, but that was an idiotic unexpected excuse to hurry up there...

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

Is that B3tty M@rk? She's been complaining to me about menstruations too.

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:02 am

^^^^^ Yes it is. Are you doing anything to "help" her?

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:16 am

Tell her to put a sock in it Laughing

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:06 am

What you think about you bring about. I hope you understand you are contributing to the world wide spread of the financial meltdown/depression. I would expect a run on many African banks and sanitary napkin supplies in the very near future.

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:48 pm

This should either crank her up or finish her off:

Quote:

Dearest Betty:

Now that your $7 Million USD have slipped through my fingers and vanished, I can only console myself with the fact that my bank accounts here in the US are safe and my stock holdings went up 11% on Monday.

That being said, I am very concerned about your plight there in the refugee camp and want to help you. I am particularly touched by your menstrual sufferings and it is obvious that something needs to be done prior to your cycle next month so that you don't have to suffer again.

There is a product that is commonly used here in the states called "Icy Hot Gel" which may help you immensely. It remedies all minor and moderate afflictions of the genital area, male and female. It comes in 2.5 oz tubes, I don't know if it is available there in Togo. Your camp director may be able to order it online for you and others who may be suffering.

Please do keep me informed of events in your life there. Again, I am so sorry about the money.

With fondest regards,

Alvin

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:34 pm

Keep up the good work, dad.

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:26 pm

Tell Betsy there is a cheap and effective way of dealing w/ her mensuration problems: Pregnancy! 9 months mensuration free!! that means only 3x a year she has to be bothered w/ that mensuration issue. It's like double packing on the pill but FREE!! Very Happy

Tell her she needs to act now before this international crisis gets any worse. Soon she won't be able to get any little swimmers if those witch doctors don't stop stealing/shrinking all the penises.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

Sorry for the delay, my tampon e-coupon had disappeared from my eater web-space. It is back now - link below.

Caution: very tasteless.

... but an excellent return volley for the lad's menstruation serve. (Of course, like all fun and games, it may lose the lad if he isn't fully invested.)

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:33 am

ICY HOT GEL it is:

Quote:

Dearest love.
I thank you for your love and care you have on me, Horny (did she pick up this mispelling from some other bait?) the cy Hot Gel is here in Togo is also the kind of help i needed from you please since you are not willing to help me transfer the money into your acount. want i really need from you is that you will help me by sending something to me please l dont have any orther person that can help here in camp please horny try and hear my cry please help me out of this situation God will bless you more and more.I thank you so much for you carering i will be wailthin to hear from you.
love
Betty

Maybe some group compassion will stir her to action:

Quote:

Dearest Betty:

I am so glad that the Icy Hot Gel is available to help you with your affliction. I don't know if you have ever used it before, but its effects are felt immediately. If you are unable to get some to help with your present monthly cycle, I hope you can get some before your period next month.

If you can get me some information about the camp that you are in, I will appeal to some friends here to get together and help you. Can you get me some pictures of the camp with yourself in the pictures for me to show people? If your menstrual problems are visible in the picture, that would be very helpful to convince my friends of the urgency of your plight.

With fond regards,

Alvin

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:17 am

Think she's trying to say 'honey'.

I like her version better. Very Happy