Dan is not too happy

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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 4:30 pm

Now you all know Dan, star in his own right, bit part player in the Stanley threads, could be in line for a visit from Shorty.
Hated by Agent Jones. (sometimes played by Jayhawk, sometimes by me)

I've recently been telling him that all sorts of people are after a computer program he is supposed to have a print out of.

Quote:

On Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:06:43 +0100 Dan Danino
<[email protected]> wrote:
>
>Please you people should leave me alone ok,i am a new man in
>Christ please,just leave me for Jesus please i beg you,i am on my
>knees please just let me be please i am begging you with God
>please leave me alone and face reality ok please i am a new man
>ok,i don't stay there ok,but please stop sending me e-mail and
>leave me for Jesus christ please.
>
>God bless you as you do and bless your family too.
>
>

All I did was tell him I could save his life in exchange for the program. I'll try again

Quote:

Back to Danni Boi
Oggetto: Re: R: Captain Insanity
A: [email protected] edit to remove the addy
Data: Martedì 7 ottobre 2008, 18:33

Dan,
Get off your knees, you make too easy a target.

You have to understand that you have everybody from the Russian
Mafia to the Kosher Nostra after that program. They don't care
about you. Once they have that program you are worthless to them.
Now, unless you give me that program you are history.

Time is running out.

Agent Jones

Quote:

Dear Jones,

please i am on my knees please i am begging you with the name of God just forget about me and face the future please jone with God's name thats what i am begging you for.

regards

Just replied

Quote:

Dan,
Stop your snivelling and face your future, what little there is, like a man.

Just give me the computer program and all your troubles will go away, this I promise.

You'll be getting offers from these hyenas but they'll not mention the bit about tearing your arms off when you've given them what they want. I am your only hope of survival.

Now, get that computer program to me, even the Axeman is after you, Gomer Bois too.

Time is almost up.

Agent Jones

So who wants to play a bad guy and makes Dan an offer he can't refuse?

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

I'll bite. I've been keeping up on this one; he's got the "doomsday program" that's been attacking J's Network, right? This could be fun.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

"Kosher Nostra" -- Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Poor Dan.

The basic story on this one is that Jones is convinced that Dan is the head of a national terrorist syndicate, and is involved in drug smuggling, arms trading, prostition and illegel gambling, just to name a few items.

Dan has/had an ally in Interpol in Agent Cletus. Cletus tried to warn Dan about all of this, but Dan responded by lying to Cletus. After the nice little visit from Stanley and the boys Dan is scared to death, and begging Cletus for the documents (100 or so pages) that everyone is after. Cletus has now become a hardass, and is now demanding some nasty photos from Dan, as Dan made a fool of Cletus, so Cletus will make a fool of Dan. We can play the angle that the documents are the program codes that all of the big boys are after.

Dan has refused to do what Cletus demands, and has told Cletus that he has left the country and is no longer checking his email account, both of which are lies.

If anyone has a lad in Benin City that can take some photos of Dan's house let me know. Stanley's boys took Dan by force somewhere(?), but released him because they came to the conclusion that Dan was too stupid to be involved in any of this.

If Cletus could send Dan an email with some photos of his house and tell him that every organized crime syndicate in the world is after him I think I could get Dan to do pretty much anything.

How about if we use the following names for the crime syndicates ( I am open to other suggestions):

Kosher Nostra - The Orthodox Jewish mafia
Mini means - The dwarf mafia (They always write in small letters)
Rhode Island Reds - The mafia of Rhode Island. They aren't big, but they're trying!
Hatian Mafia - Big on vodoo curses!
Amish Mafia - Call themselves the "Mafish." Their torture devices are old school.
Smurfs - Simply because we've got to get them in there somewhere!

And, of course, any other ideas anyone else has.

Pick one and respond in this thread, or come up with your own! Dan honestly believes anything you tell him, and he's been involved with Jones and Cletus for so long that he believes 100% that they are real.

So who has a lad that can take some pics of Dan's house and do a bit of survelliance? Is Shorty still going to get us the pics?

Cletus hasn't emailed Dan in awhile. I think it's time for Cletus to warn Dan of this upcoming assault.

edit - Cletus just send him the following email:

Quote:

I just thought I would let you know that Jones has pulled out all of the stops concerning you. He is very frustrated, and has planted information with various organized crime units that you have in your possession a very important document that contains encoded computer program code. You can expect to hear from some very scary people in the near future.

Just remember, I tried to help you, and I can get you out of this, but you are too much of a dumbshit to do what I tell you. I have the documents that they want but I will not send these documents to you.

Jones has told these people where you live, and I would not be surprised if they have agents watching your house right now.

Just thought you should know this.

Interpol Agent Festus Cletus

Dan season
Wabbit season
Dan season
Wabbit season
Wabbit season
Dan season - shoot!
.
.
.
.
.
You're despicable!

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

Dibs on the Mafish. Amish Mafia in da house, yo.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:21 pm

I'll take the Kosher Nostra. Mr. Green

Gotta brush up on my Yiddish - oi!

PM sent, Jayhawk.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:25 pm

Can I be head of the Turnbull AC's please?

Even the Riffs are afraid of going toe to toe with the AC's Wink

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

3z3kiel N0bsh1ner of the M@fish has offered Dan 1 kg in gold bars (the Mafish do not use government-backed currency) for the printout. Dan has 24 hours to accept this agreement, or face the consequences.

Of course, if he accepts, there will have to be a physical meetup; can't exchange gold bars electronically. And if Dan doesn't bring those papers...well, we have a mule trained specifically for these circumstances.

EDIT: And by mule, I don't mean "guy who delivers things."

** Retired ** Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 750 Location: Air

Hatian Mafia - voodoo curses - thats right up my street !

I'll get an email off to Dan - let him get a feel for some of our more traditional information extraction techniques.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

If you want to get involved and don't have Dan's email address shoot me a pm. Vic, the AC's sound good. Do they have constant fights with the DC's? Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

smartbomb wrote:

a feel for some of our more traditional information extraction techniques.

I'll put your voodoo curses up against our donkey any day of the week.

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Dec 2007 Posts: 128

I wonder if the Spanish inquisition might join the fun too?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ I have to say, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Very Happy

Go for it!

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:31 pm

if the spanish are in it maybe someone should join in as the british legion ( before the french foriegn legion get here too ) not that I am capable of doing it myself Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ Why not? It's simple. Just email Dan as your character and threaten to do terrible things to him if he doesn't immediately turn over the code to you. Dan is easy to insult. Fun too.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:51 pm

No one expects the Spanish Inqusition!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gldlyTjXk9A

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:53 pm

Dan just got an email from Saul Shalom of the Kosher Nostra. Now some of the words are in Yiddish, but if he puts his mind to it (unlikely, I know, but one can always hope) he can figure out what he's being offered. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:53 pm

Yeah, do it Very Happy

Last week I tried to get him for mewing_ghecko´s modeling company but after 3 emails, Dan bailed out Sad

yet another another failure and sad mistake in Dan´s life, he´d really have enjoyed the 5lmba-sponsored extravaganza in Benin ... Sad

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:17 pm

Cinnamon, Dan's on again/off again hooker girlfriend, is still in communication with him.

Just by coincidence, I sent him this the other day:

Quote:

Baby,

I am sorry not to have written you. There are these men who are outside my aunts house everyday. I am scared now.

-Cinnamon

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Dan to Cletus:

Quote:

Please just help me please,just send me the documents i beg you in the name of Jesus please.

Dan is scared to death. Keep up the pressure!

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 1:42 pm

^^^ Good! But only 2 times 'please' in one email...?? Dan can do much better than that! Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

One of my favorite Dan posts ever. He is done begging, and now he is simply beaten and broken:

Quote:

You see because of the wickedness of Jones,my cousins mother has decided to threw me out of the house what kind of diseaster are all this,and you promised to help me?

is this the kind of help you are giving me?to making me lose a place were i begged to stay?

now i have even no place to stay,because no mother no father,why have you people decided to treat me this way,i'm really lost,where do you people want me to stay now,after tormenting my life.OOh my God i wish i have never come to this earth,so you people have succeeded in ruenning my life rite?

God will not let jones go unpurnish for doing this to me.

Cletus responds:

Quote:

Oh please, give me a break.

I tried to help you many times and each time you lied to me. You want my help, you give me what I want. I'm tired of trying to help someone that thinks it's fun to lie to me time after time.

All of this is your fault. Not Jones's fault, but your fault. If you would have turned yourself into the police for 419 scamming like I told you to many months ago none of this would have happened. But you didn't do that, did you? You fucking lied to me and told me that you did, but you didn't do that.

You have nobody to blame but yourself. You ruined your own life. Deal with it. If you give me exactly what I want I will give you the document. If you don't give me exactly what I want and do exactly what I say you will be hunted down and dealt with by some of the many nasty people that are after you.

Your choice

So what pictures does everyone want of Dan? Cletus holds the cards here.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:58 pm

^Indeed Dan can. Today's 2 messages to Agent Jones

Quote:

Date: Thu, 09 Oct 2008 10:22:34 +0100
I told you before i don't have them please in the name of Jesus i am begging you just leave me for Jesus please i beg of you,i don't have them,i don't even know what you are talking about,please i beg you,leave me alone,i am not staying there anymore i told you before,please you just leave me alone please Jones i am begging you please

that's 6 I think.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:22:45 +0100
You see what you have caused right?

my cousins mother and everybody has decided to throw me out of the house because of what happened that last time all because of you,where do you want me to stay now?

everybody has rejected me because of what happen,and now i don't have anywhere to stay nor even sleep just because of you,well i think i should move out to port harcourt and stay with my friend,but note that the almighty God i serve will not let you go on purnish and all the damages you had cost me,God must sholly pay you back.

God must pay you back for all the Evil you hav cost me,you have made me useless in life and everybody has rejected me,just because of what happen,you will not go on purnish.

Does anyone want to put Dan up for the night?

I've replied :

Quote:

Dan,
You are being such a wuss.
You know we'll all follow you to Port Harcourt. What you have is
far too important for us to let it go.
I can only restate my offer.
Give me the copy of the program and I will help you out of this
mess you've got yourself in to.

If you choose to go down to Port Harcourt you will be an open
target and likely to get picked off on the way.

Just tell me where and when you want to meet and I'll get you to a
safe house.

Agent Jones

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

Dan's not responding to the Mafish at all, which is too bad. I think he's taking an if-I-ignore-you-you-won't-pursue-me line. Which is false. Twisted Evil

I start shipping my trained donkey to Africa this afternoon. If Dan hasn't agreed to my terms by the time the donkey gets there, then it's torture time.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:13 pm

Dan has a short reprieve from the Kosher Nostra. It's Yom Kippur today. But if he hasn't responded by tomorrow, Saul Shalom will be back on his case. Twisted Evil