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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 3:43 pm

Gideon Brown has bounced on my freckles at last, but they ended in the spam filter.

Quote:

Thankyou for your email,

I am very keen to make a new life in Britain, living in the Home Secretary's cleavage.

If my passport photo has to be printed on low-gloss, plain-white photo-quality paper (with nowatermarks or embossing), how do I make it fit into an email with no attchments?

I look forward to the simple freedom to have my hair dressed.
Roy Cr0pper

There will be a processing fee, but not until we all think we've nearly got citizenship.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 3:52 pm

Roycropper wrote:

There will be a processing fee, but not until we all think we've nearly got citizenship.

I agree. Sooner or later the lad will come with his anti-terrorism certificates, sworn affidavits and all the unavoidable fees for these.

Eniac

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:34 am

So I checked my email earlier and got a response to the question of what a CV is.

Quote:

We are in the receipt of your email. CV simply means all your personal data. It means all the true informations about you. Please follow our needed requirements in our last email when providing your CV to us, and include your passport photograph according to the needed size.

Somehow, I don't think that quite explained it properly. I think a very long autobiography is called for here.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:16 am

This from Captain Mal:

Quote:

I don't understand "CV". In my old career it meant Aircraft Carrier. What does it mean for your purposes?

They're going to get Mal's full service history if they ask for "all the true informations..."

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 13

Hope I'm not to late as the reply has just gone off, its been Edmunds dream since the age of 3 to become a British Citizen and can often be found dressed as the Queen.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 13

[email protected]

Is now no longer working, emails are bouncing back.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:39 pm

I told a friend about this particular scam and they had an idea:

Writing in as someone who's already a British citizen and asking if there are "other nationalities available". Personally, I love this idea and I'm going to set up a fresh email account just for that. Anyone else in? At the very least, I think it will confuse them. If they get enough of these, maybe they'll send an interesting response.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:39 pm

I am well going to England! Oh wait, I already live there! Any way, I'm gonna apply. I don't have a CV because mummy & daddy are so minted I have never had to work.

Hopefully I will be able to live in a £1.2M mansion in West London and have the council pay my £14K rent every month, just like that lovely lady I read about yesterday!

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:48 pm

catjan wrote:

I told a friend about this particular scam and they had an idea:

Writing in as someone who's already a British citizen and asking if there are "other nationalities available". Personally, I love this idea and I'm going to set up a fresh email account just for that. Anyone else in?

Hm, me thinks it's worth a try.

Letter sent.

Eniac

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:35 pm

Well, first I have received a ORDER FROM THE BRITISH PARLIAMENTARY GOVERNMENT HOUSE

Quote:

United Kingdom
This article is part of the series:Politics and government ofthe United Kingdom
10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AAFax: 020 7925 0918.Phone Number: +44 (0) 7045799851

Attn: H3lmut Bratb3cker
With a good delight in our heart, we the entire member of British Parliament Government House are announcing the sincerity of the British Amnesty Citizenship Offer awarded to any applicant who completely meet the required provisions. With whelms, we have gone through your provided Informations and Details and we are informing you of the acceptance of your application and we have given order to the British Home Office to commence on the Production and issuance of your British Citizenship Certificate and your British Citizenship International Passport.Note: You will be inform by the British Home Office of the Approval Passport fee to proceed with the Production of your mentioned British Documents.

Appreciation. Incumbent:Gordon Brown

Farnborough, Thomas Erskine, 1st Baron. (1896). Constitutional History of England since the Accession of George the Third, 11th ed. London: Long mans, Green and Co

Wow, personally signed by be british PM. I'm really impressed. Laughing

And the fees comes here:

Quote:

Apt: H3lmut Bratb3cker,

Your email received along with your needed attached documents and we have been processing your British Citizenship
Application and we have believed that you have granted the approval to
issue you the necessary Certificates and British Passport, but before we go further of your services, you are to meet with the appropriate fee for the approval which is stated below: The fee that you
have to pay after submitted your fully informations and supporting documents is £515. only.
Visa and Passport Fees

All the fees are quoted in pounds sterling.

Guidance notes and fees for visa extensions, nationality and right of abode
applications.

These fees are effective for all visa applications made from 1 April 2008.

Dependents are charged the same
fee as the main applicant.

INSTRUCTION ON HOW TO MAKE THE £515 BRITISH PASSPORT APPROVAL FEE PAYMENT:

You are to make the Passport Approval fee payment of £515 with the following receiving details via Western Union or Money Gram:

Receiver's Name: James Hall

Receiver's Address: 2 Marsham Street, London SW1P 4DF, UNITED KINGDOM

Please when you make the payment endeavor to send us the followings details to receive your payment:

1: The scan payment slip issued on the Western Union
2: Name of Sender
3: Address of Sender
4: The Secret Question and Answer
5: MTCN Number

Make this payment as fast as possible and we will issue you a clarify approval fee remittance receipt to dignify your clearance in the approval fee payment and to enable us fasten your Productions as narrated above.

Sign by:

James Hall, Chief Executive of the Identity and Passport Service

Sir David Normington, Permanent Secretary of the Home Office

Jacqui Smith - Home Secretary

To be continued....

Eniac

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 720

Quote:

The fee that you
have to pay after submitted your fully informations and supporting documents is £515. only.

Cheap at half the price, you will get that back in no time on the Gravy Train of Benefit Britain

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:10 pm

Watch the politics, please, DB. Smile

Eniac's lad wrote:

With whelms, we have gone through your provided Informations and Details

Nice to see that us Brits finally have just the right amount of whelms. For as long as I can remember, we have been under or over. Laughing

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:44 pm

Yep...

Quote:

CV simply means all your personal data. It means all the true informations about you.

They want all, they get all, including details of his war injuries and wounds, his kill details, and his decorations.

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:25 am

Quote:

United Kingdom
This article is part of the series:Politics and government ofthe United Kingdom
10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AAFax: 020 7925 0918.Phone Number: +44 (0) 7045799851

Oh what a give-away!

And isn't Gordon Brown going to be upset that he's been turfed out of No. 10 to make way for the civil servants of the British Parliamentary Government House.

Anyway as all our money just went down an ice crevasse in Iceland so there's no point coming here any more - we're broke Smile

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:20 pm

Well I'm sorry but I just had to laugh,
apart from the £5 orange stamp, the coat of arms belongs to;

British Cars of New Hampshire Ltd.

Another good document spoilt by laziness.

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:35 pm

Do they know that under a new government directive, you must be fully cognisant of the rules of cricket, and be able to explain the offside rule, in twenty words or less to gain entry to the UK these days?

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 2:35 pm

H3lmut now has sent his CV.

Quote:

Daer Missus Smith,

many thank for all what you for me do.

Yesterday went I to the authoritis to my travel permit get. I must
dispense my passport to the autorities so I can not sent you a copy of
the passport. Sorry, I hoppe that will be no a problem. But I have sent
you a copy of the travel permit. Want you a real photo from me to sent
by postal mail or can I sent by emaill?

Here is that CV of my life you wanted:

1970: born
1970 - 1976: child
1976 - 1980: basic school
1980 - 1986: special schuol
1986 - 1988: aprenticeshipp as Bockwurstkellner
1988 - 1990: army service, rank as Stabsoberdepp
1990 - 1996: work in a stone pit
1997: in jail for sex offender (I am NOT proud of this but I got amnesty)
1998 - 2002: umemploied
since 2002: work as Schiffsschaukelbremser

Well, that's my life. Now I am happy to soon become a brittish cityzen.

When must I this fee of 505 britisch Pound Sterling pay?

many regard

H3lmut Bratb3cker

As a "travel permit" I have sent the lad a post war document issued by the allied occupation forces in Germany which I've found somewhere in the internet.

Seems this was OK for the lad Laughing

BTW: In the letter sent before I gave my birthday as February 30th 1970 - no problem for the mugu.

Quote:

Apt: H3lmut Bratb3cker,

Regards to your email; we have received some of your required CV, so all the required documents must and should send to us through email attachment. so send us your required passport photograph through email attachment in our email, and please try as fast as possible to email us the remaining requirements from you to proceed to your British Citizenship productions and accomplishment, also endeavor to make the required approval fee payment of £515 as faster as possible while sending your remaining requirements.

Sign by:

James Hall, Chief Executive of the Identity and Passport Service

Sir David Normington, Permanent Secretary of the Home Office

Jacqui Smith - Home Secretary

http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/about-us/organisation/ministers/jacqui-smith/?version=1

{If
you have any inquiry please do not hesitate to contact us through any
of the emails written above and or call the hot line number
provided above}

With
all respect we do protect and respect your personal data's to the law
governing the British Home Office and we honor all the request for all
removals and changes in personal data's to the respect of your opinion
and image stated in the subsection of Immigration law 1987 of Great
Britain.

To be continued...

Eniac

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 2:47 pm

Ah ha. I was wrong. There are incidental fees popping up. Nice.

Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:54 pm

Where are these lads located?

I have written to them but no reply so far.

Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:55 am

I sent him 3 dll's as my cv, passport and photo. With whelms, they have accepted me! eeeeeeeeee!

Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:29 am

The last email I got from them was in Nigeria. They take 2-3 days to respond, so I think they're awfully swamped. I have a horrible feeling that they've gotten a bunch of responses from actual victims.

Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 12:49 pm

You can bet on it, people in poorer countries get fleeced by cons like this one, or the 'work in Canada' ones. Hopefully a lot of his 'victims' are people from here though.

Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:58 pm

Alright. Got a reply. Everybody's having trouble, though.... forgetting to attach the photo, attaching a .jpg that might not run on his computer, not having a passport...

Took a few days to get a reply for me... one of the characters was highly offended at the CV mention, which is a pretty high-octane perjorative, in their part of the world. Apparently has a form letter defining CV to everybody who asks about it.

Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 12:21 am

I've offered to pay in whelms, but I'm not sure if Western Union is OK with that.

Every time I see the Prime Minister on the news, I think 'Gideon Brown!' Laughing

Edit: I had to put the bouncing on our freckles bit in my sig, but anyone in this bait who got that reply is entitled to it as well. Laughing

Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:54 am

I hope they like Major Mal's CV (I had to promote him for this one...)

Quote:

COMPONENT ACTIVE DUTY INACTIVE DUTY
USMC - ENL 15 DEC 87 - 21 SEP 90
USMC - OFF 22 SEP 90 - 06 APR 04
USNR - OFF 17 APR 04 - 30 OCT 04
30 OCT 2004 Honorably released from active duty
27 NOV 2004 Resignation accepted and honorably discharged from USMC
Date of Birth: 12 August 1968
Place of Birth: Charleston, South Carolina

PROMOTION HISTORY
19 JUL 1988 Corporal, U.S. Marine Corps
15 JUN 1989 Sergeant, U.S. Marine Corps
22 AUG 1990 1st Lieutenant, U.S. Marine Corps
11 NOV 1990 Captain, U.S. Marine Corps
14 JUN 1997 Major, U.S. Marine Corps

MEDALS AND AWARDS
Silver Star
Bronze Star
2 Purple Hearts
Marksmanship

SKILL RATINGS
Attack Helicopter Pilot Excellent
Marksmanship (rifle) Excellent
Combat wheeled vehicle Good
First Aid Exceptional
Unarmed Combat Excellent
Demolitions Good

LANGUAGES
Arabic Good
Russian Fair
Spanish Excellent

OPERATIONAL SERVICE
Saudi Arabia/Kuwait/Iraq November 1990 – April 1991 Operation Desert Storm/Desert Saber
Somalia December 1992 – April 1993 Operation Restore Hope
Iraq March 2003 – April 2004 Operation Iraqi Freedom

PERSONAL DATA
Wife: None
Children: Cami11e Miche11e Wh1te (Daughter)
Born: 14 November 1982
Senior Education: Hartmann College, Fort Jejeune
Military Government and Administration

Height: 178 cm
Weight: 85 kg
Blood Group: A+
Vision: 20/20
Hearing: 20%

And yes, Cammy is his daughter. Dunno why I did that; moment of madness, I suppose...

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