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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 Oct 2008 Posts: 9

geller wrote:

Do I have to like soccer, though?

No, as a Brit you would call it football.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:11 am

Awesome, I'm gonna see if I can live of government handouts... preferably paid by Western Union.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:10 am

The important thing is not to stand out from the crowd and look out of place.

So If you intend to arrive through Heathrow I'd advise you dress as a 'Pearly King or Queen' like the locals. Very Happy

... and don't forget to have spent the previous week feasting on mushy peas and faggots to avoid detection by any sniffer dogs.

Americans shouldn't be too alarmed by the use of word 'faggot', it's not what you think - it's worse. Everyone should eat a plate of Brain's faggot before they die - usually just prior to dying - YUMMY ! Laughing

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:54 am

Malcolm Reynolds has just written...

Quote:

Your offer of British citizenship has been drawn to my attention.

As a retired United States Marine Corps officer, I can guarantee to be a stable and productive citizen. Please tell me exactly what is required.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:55 am

I was not aware that faggots were something you eat. I thought you only smoke them. I've never heard of any other kind.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:59 am

I thought faggots were something burned on fires (as fuel) or used in bundles for filling ditches and the like.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:00 am

catjan wrote:

I was not aware that faggots were something you eat. I thought you only smoke them

No, too damp to smoke - they're like meatballs. You're thinking of fags (ciggies), it's perfectly respectable to "bum a fag" in the office smoking area, despite what your corrupted American minds think.

Just remember, we own the language, you're all wrong by definition Smile

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:15 am

At the risk of having to warn myself to keep on topic,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:19 am

Recipe for faggots.

Shoot and kill any animal with four legs and then eat all the good stuff.

Anything left over - cook and turn into meatballs and serve with thick gravy and onions. Boil peas until they become a wet soggy mess.

This is MAN cooking. Laughing

Caution - known to promote gasses that would kill anything you leave in your greenhouse.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

The bundle of sticks definition is correct but is now archaic.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:33 am

I had to explain what Toad In The Hole is to a French Australian the other day. It didn't go well. Crapaud Dans Le Trou doesn't have quite the same ring about it.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:35 am

good job it wasnt spotted dick then Wink

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:57 am

GomerPyle wrote:

Recipe for faggots.

Shoot and kill any animal with four legs and then eat all the good stuff.

Anything left over - cook and turn into meatballs and serve with thick gravy and onions. Boil peas until they become a wet soggy mess.

This is MAN cooking. Laughing

Caution - known to promote gasses that would kill anything you leave in your greenhouse.

I think I'd rather eat the sticks.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:17 am

Got this kind offer too: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=149601

Application has been sent, but I have to say I don't like porridge. Hope this won't be a big problem.

Eniac

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

@ Zenya, Thank you Laughing

@ Gomer you stalking my son?

Oh wonder if they'll accept Kingdom of Fife applicants

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:22 am

I got my reply this morning. Quite quite awesome!

WTF is this all about??!?

DESCRIPTION OF BRITISH CITIZENSHIP AMNESTY:

It has called and occurred to the British Government that we have neglected given freedom and Citizenship to different people of the world after the European Union has bounced on our freckles of granting free Citizenship to the people for so long now. Gideon Brown Parliamentary House in combination with Queen Elizabeth of England came out after 5 months meeting and decision that there will be gratification of British Citizenship to the people of the world irrespective of their culture, tradition, tribe, sex, marital status, Nationality or Location, but the Offer is mandated to last for weeks.

(good, we've got weeks...!)

Oh and I love the Victorian £5 stamp at the bottom...!

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:33 am

Gideon Brown hasn't bounced on my freckles, Laughing

so you'll have to keep us posted as to your progress, Foxhat.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:50 am

^^^^ I would have thought that Gideon Brown would have been too busy bailing out the banks to bounce on anyones freckles Smile

Ushas, my genetically engineered talking horse charachter, has written and asked if he can become a British citizen. He did tell the lad that he might have a bit of a problem squeezing into one of those photo booths to get his passport picture taken and asked if there was a way around that.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:54 am

Much less literate than the first email. Understandable if they're using a borrowed script, but this seems to be a new modality.
I've had no replies yet.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:05 pm

I haven't received a response yet either.

Since it's a new modality and one that ALMOST looks halfway believable, I wonder if they're sorting through a ton of responses right now. Half of which would probably be 'What is a CV?' I've never ever heard of an American use CV, except when referencing British stuff.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:18 pm

Ah! Got a response about 5 minutes after posting the above. Went straight to Gmail's spam folder, too.

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:46 pm

catjan wrote:

Half of which would probably be 'What is a CV?'

10 year old Agnes asked him that. Aa did another of my replies. "CV? Is that what you Limeys call a Resume?"

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:02 pm

or a very small french car

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:47 pm

streaded wrote:

or a very small french car

The 11 CV wasn't that small but known as the gangster car in Europe... Wink

Meanwhile I've got a reply from the lad too:

Quote:

blablablablablablablabla
...
PROCESSION OF A BRITISH CITIZENSHIP AMNESTY:

After submitted the required documents listed at the end below, your
informations/details will be install here in the British Home Office
Department to process and produce your BRITISH CITIZENSHIP CERTIFICATE
and your BRITISH CITIZENSHIP INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT within 144 hours (six
days).

NOTE: You will be receiving e-mails from us(British Home Office
department) appropriately and you are require to respond accordingly.

...
blablablablablablablablabla
...

THE REQUIREMENTS THAT WE NEED TO PROCEED TO YOUR APPLICATION AND ISSUANCE
ARE STATED BELOW:

(1) Original photocopy of your true Identity(National Id Card/Driver's
License)

(2) One of your picture/photo-passport photograph{ Your photograph must
be:
(45mm high x 35mm wide)
• A recent and true likeness, showing
full face, with no hat, helmet or
sunglasses, although you can
wear everyday glasses
• Printed on low-gloss, plain-white
photo-quality paper (with no
watermarks or embossing)
Photographs that do not conform to
these standards will be rejected and
may cause a delay in processing your
application}

(3) Relevant and supporting documents of your cv content

(4) Please Provide the following vital informations in case they are
omitting in your provided cv:
a) Your Full Name:
b) Your Place of Birth:
c) Your Date of Birth:
d) Your Original Nationality:
e) Your Specific/Direct Contact Phone Number:
f) Your Current Home/Office Address:
g) Your Gender/Sex;(Male/Female):

Note: Please attach your picture/photo-passport photograph in a single
attachment without any file/document in it for an easy downloading and
fixing.

You are required to provide the above listed requirements which is needed
for your further proceedings to this effect for your fast British
Certificate and Passport Productions.

Congrats

Eniac

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 3:22 pm

One of my baiting characters has had two of these replies. This is an odd scam.
No request for money, and I think that catjan may be correct in thinking it's just identity theft.
Who's Gideon Brown, I wonder?
And what is an original photocopy?

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