Stanley: SPANKER - Insanity's Protoge'

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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:53 am

A few of are probably familiar with Stanley (aka Captain Insanity) by now. Stanley just recruited a new lad to join Mr J's "The Network". We call him AGENT SPANKER.

AGENT NAPALM (The Network's HR person) just received most of Spanker's The Network(tm) application ... he's a noob - scamming for 2 weeks and has 1 client (Titania Shocked

). He hasn't made any money yet and is interested in learning Loan, Next of Kin and Real Estate scams. He occasionally gets STRESSED while scamming, exhibiting symptions of sleepyness and sadness. Curiously, he doesn't remember if he should have received treatment for drug/alcohol dependance or mental illness in the past 5 years.

He has indicated a willingness to travel. He will not commit murder for $50,000US but is willing to take any assignment for $1,000,000US except suicide.

He wants to join The Network because he can contribute wisely and rationaly (?) to the growth of the Network. He wants to make much money so he can fix his needs.

Here's his application ... (well, 1/2 of it)

Links to the PDF
It's easier to see the questions

Links to Full Size Images
You'll probably have to save and zoom. SPANKER only sent 2 OF 4 pages, so he will need to finish the forms and send new images

I am appealing to the Eater community as he has complained to our HR Department and to his Mentor - love scammer WICCA JEET (Titania) - that he doesn't have enough clients.

He is willing to scam any format you wish and can work full-time from home. His emails are below, won't you please help him out?

PM me or Titania for contact details.

Quote:

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 7:58 AM
To "The Network"
HELLO AGENT NAPALM

Am so sorry for not replying your mail for some time now, everything is cool . As for captain INSANITY i can cope.
I really got no any client yet am only working on the client Mr J gave me.I can work next of kin and loan and still will appreciate any other format you can introduce me into.I need work and clients coz i got net on my laptop in my house and so can work for a good no. of hours in a week.

Thanks again for ur care. Expect to hear from you soon.

ONE LOVE

SPANKER

Quote:

Tue, Sep 23, 2008 at 11:41 AM
Subject: can handle few more
HELLO WICCA JEEST

ACTUALLY ITS BORING BUT I KNOW I CAN ALWAYS MAKE IT FUNNY FOR MYSELF.
IF YOU GUYS CAN GET W FEW MORE CLIENTS , I THINK I CAN STILL FIX THEMCOZ I REALLY NEED FUND TO KEEP .
EXPECTING YOUR UPDATE SOON

ONE LOVE

REGARDS

Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:15 am

pm sent. Jane needs a new lad. Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

I'm willing to be the target that he practices his leet new scamming skills on. After all, Kevin's got so much money and he's practically giving it away, right?

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:32 am

Here’s the lineup of Spanker’s “victims” so far. I’m sorry I haven’t kept track of who’s playing which victim.

Quote:

Emi1y Geise1 – 52, virgin, successful businesswoman, heiress

Bishop H@rold Br0wn – 55, closet gay, unknown source of money

K3lli J0nes – 20, perpetual sorority girl, heiress

J@ne Ab@ttoir – 24, nurse, teaches aerobics and kickboxing, heiress

Ch@ssie Adk1ns – 20, model, heiress and dealer in stolen (or fake) handbags

E. D1ckinson Geise1 – 42, (Emily’s brother) investment advisor, heir (and possible embezzler?)

The list continues to grow. Spanker is a really good student so far. He will do anything Wicca Jeest tells him to. She has some really good instructions coming up for him. Twisted Evil

edited to disguise the names Embarassed

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

Titania: K3vin C0nrad would love to participate in whatever investment opportunity, etc. that Spanker has for him.

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:52 am

Bob, please PM me with Kevin's details - age, occupation, source of wealth, and a little about his personality.

I can't guarantee an immediate bite. I'm trying to get the Insanity crew to recruit a woman or female impersonator for my male clients, or failing that, for Spanker to impersonate a female. That may be a hard sell, but I have confidence in Spanky. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 1:17 am

I think Spanky would do a capital job! And I look forward to the game! Very Happy

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:32 am

Do you have room for another model? is always ready for action...

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ Aargh! Not !!!

It's a good thing that Melinda is still in jail. C4mmy can be a handful! Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:58 pm

can always be trusted in these types of deals. Wink

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 1:23 pm

Spanker is getting a little overwhelmed with romance clients. He has asked for a break for now. He wants to concentrate on what he has so he can get a little funds.

Stanley wants Wicca Jeest to get him some loan clients.

Wicca Jeest is preparing a spanking for Spanker. He's not following directions. He has been sending notes and pics to Jane without clearing them with WJ, and he's been neglecting Emily and the gay Bishop. He's supposed to write a poem for Emily - handwritten and scanned into the computer. He hasn't done it yet.

He's also frantic because Stanley hasn't found a girl to take on the men WJ is sending. And Stanley asked WJ if she thought he should force a girl to work with him. No, Stanley - but we need a female or someone pretending to be female. Get the picture?

*sigh* It's much easier to mentor a baiter than to mentor a scammer. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 2:08 pm

Titania: I'm glad you mentioned about the hand-written poem. That was one of the ways I was going to lead him. Since that modality is already being undertaken, I will work some other angle. I planted a few seeds in my last mail to him. It's still early yet.

When I didn't see a mail from him this morning I thought maybe he was being pulled elsewhere. I'll amp up my mails to him, then. Being the spoiled girl that Jane is, she doesn't like to be kept waiting. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 4:47 pm

@Jane, don't worry - you'll get your poem Very Happy

And I saw your latest email to him - he has been directed to send all his incoming emails to me, and then I tell him more or less how to respond. So, I guess you could say you're baiting me. Mr. Green

Spanker sent two emails to Wicca Jeest. One contained the text of the poem he wrote Emily. The jury is still out on whether he wrote it himself or did a copy/paste job. Short of standing over him as he created and wrote it, I can’t prove anything. When Emily gets the scanned copy, I’ll post it. Meantime in the other email, he whined about wanting something other than romance clients. I think he’s dreading the prospect of romancing the gay Bishop. Twisted Evil

Wicca Jeest is not sympathetic.

Quote:

Spanker,

Are you only sending to these two? I have sent you at least five clients. I want you to write one email to each of the five clients every day - no more, no less. OK? And keep me posted on all of them. This is so I can prove to J that I am on top of things. He always knows what's going on, and when he asks questions I wanna be able to answer him right.

The other clients are waiting to hear from you, and if you don't write to them, J is gonna be unhappy. And you know that when J is unhappy, everybody in the Network is unhappy. So, let's get cracking.

The poem looks good. Be sure you write it out and scan it. And draw hearts and flowers around it. Women go all melty inside over that kind of thing. Maybe even draw a couple of wine bottles on it.

Lemme tell you a story. My grandmother had a big nose - I mean like an elephant. She was very shy about that nose, and when she met my grandfather, she kept trying to hide the nose. Grandpop sat her down one day and said, "Sylvia, you know I like button noses. Well, sweetie, you got the BIGGEST DAMN BUTTON NOSE I've ever seen!" They were married for more than 60 years, and Grandma was proud of her giant button nose. So, when you write back to the Geisel lady, tell her you like fat and frumpy women cos they remind you of your favorite aunty or something.

Go ahead and give your number to Jane. But don't get on her case about calling you. If she wants to call you she will. American girls like to make their own decisions on things like that. What pics did you send her? Why don't you go ahead and change the poem a little bit for her, and write it out with some different pics drawn on it and scan it for her, too? Do you have a "special name" for her like you do for Geisel?

If you get going on the 5 or 6 clients I've already sent you, I'll talk to J about gettin' you some loan or investment clients. See, gettin' the loan and investment clients only comes when the romances are off and running. OK?

You got work to do, Spanky, and I got my eye on you. And J's got his eye on me.

One love,
Wicca Jeest

Stanley is getting anxious about the money he’s not getting. J isn’t giving him any satisfaction, so he tries an end run to Wicca Jeest.

Quote:

Hello Baby,

Get me some client who needs Loan

Lets make some money. Can you go visit client and get money from them?

Urgent

Captain insanity

Wicca Jeest is not compliant.

Quote:

Insanity, She was almost mad enough to call him Stanley

You really are insane! Visit clients and get money??? We don't visit clients! You get the money by bank transfer. That's how it works. Do you know how long I'd be alive if J found out I visited a client? Not even for my favorite guyman would I do that - and believe me Insanity, you ain't my favorite!

I'll talk to J about finding you some loan clients. But I won't promise anything. J brought me in to send you romance clients, but some of them need loans, too.

Get a grip, dude. If you ain't gettin' money, you ain't doin' your job right.

One love
Wicca Jeest

Stanley was not pleased with WJ's slap.

Quote:

Hello Gee baby,

I don't care if i aint your favourite. U can go ahead and say whatever you like.

I have been working with J, but its just that they Nigerian bank account are so frustration when it comes to collection of Fund.

Bye.

Said email has been forwarded to J for proper handling. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:16 pm

And here it is – Spanker’s magnum opus. His penmanship sucks, and he didn’t draw the pictures WJ told him to, but it is in his handwriting and scanned as required.

He just got a slapping, and he’s trying to comply, although for the most part he’s simply very trying. Very Happy

So I’ll let this little lapse go. I’m sure he’ll mess up again sooner or later, and then I can give him a good going over.

Spanker’s poetry

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:40 pm

I'm having real trouble reading it, larger scan next time perhaps?

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:47 pm

Sorry - I have trouble reading any scanned document, so I didn't know it wasn't really readable. Sad

Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:58 pm

No worries I'm just wanting a lad slapped because of me that's all Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 57

@Titania: Looks like I'm way too late to PM you the details of my new lovelorn victim.

Is spanky supposed to have written this? (well, he has written it) If so, he may want to chop the dolla of one Jim Caspary, who stole his work and 'repackaged' it as his own Wink

That's probably not the original source of the poem, btw, but it's close enough.

Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 3:26 pm

Agent Sp4nker replied to my last mail in only hours which makes me think he's not talking to his mentor again. Bad, bad boy!

I do have to share a couple quotes. Like a stripper, I've been slowly revealing my hot body Rolling Eyes

. Here's what he said about my last picture (an attractive African American woman in gym clothing):

Quote:

I must admit you are perfectly pretty for my liking and you body build-up makes it more lovely coz i always appreciate looking at hot bony ladies on the magazines.

Here's what he said about his work:

Quote:

modeling doesn't pay well here that why i took to business and i think am god in public relations and communication

Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:23 pm

Well, he may think he's god, but WJ keeps him down to earth! He has forwarded your email to WJ, and she has given him permission to reply. But he's only supposed to send one email a day - no more, no less.

He's been neglecting the gay Bishop, and in every email to him, WJ asks him about it. He will eventually have to break down and put on that wig and dress and take the pic for the Bishop. WJ is buttering him up by saying she's sure he has it in him to do this.

Insanity and Spanker keep asking WJ for other types of clients. She's had to explain that she sends them only romance clients - they have to go to J for loan and investment clients. And J takes his sweet time. Twisted Evil

Insanity has whined to WJ that J isn't writing and he's not seeing any money. Here's a recent exchange.

Insanity wrote:

Hello Baby,

Get me some client who needs Loan

Lets make some money. Can you go visit client and get money from them?

Urgent

Captain insanity

Wicca Jeest wrote:

Insanity,

You really are insane! Visit clients and get money??? We don't visit clients! You get the money by bank transfer. That's how it works. Do you know how long I'd be alive if J found out I visited a client? Not even for my favorite guyman would I do that - and believe me Insanity, you ain't my favorite!

I'll talk to J about finding you some loan clients. But I won't promise anything. J brought me in to send you romance clients, but some of them need loans, too.

Get a grip, dude. If you ain't gettin' money, you ain't doin' your job right.

One love
Wicca Jeest

Insanity wrote:

Hello Gee baby,

I don't care if i aint your favourite. U can go ahead and say whatever you like.

I have been working with J, but its just that they Nigerian bank account are so frustration when it comes to collection of Fund.

Bye

Gee?!?!?! He called me GEE?!?!? Shocked

And in a slight panic:

Insanity wrote:

Hello baby,

How is your day today? hope cool?

Baby, I need client for Loan. I will have SPANKER hock the rest of the Clients. So if any of the romance baiters wake up in a pawn shop, you'll know why Laughing

Get Me contact for Loan urgently.

Best day to you, say me well to J. He have not written me for sometime now.

whatz wrong???

Captain insnaity

I was kind but stern.

Wicca Jeest wrote:

Insanity,

I'm sorry, but I asked J about sending you some loan customers, and he said, "Wicca Jeest, you don't do loans, you only do romance." Sorry, dude, but there ya go. If you want loan clients you gotta go to J.

Keep your pecker up, dude. The golden payday is just around the corner.

Wicca Jeest

Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:40 pm

Does the golden payday mean what I think it means? you're going to p*ss on his dreams of vast wodges of cash? Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:06 pm

Agent Sp4nker is now using the pet name I gave him:

Quote:

Till i hear from you lol.. I love you so dearly

your lovely fudge nugget

Sometimes it's just the little things that make my day Smile

Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 4:29 am

He and Emily call each other WINE. Emily saw a purple teddy bear in the toy store and bought it and sent a pic to him. What he doesn't know is that the purple teddy bear is a Gay Pride Bear. Twisted Evil

Any other pet names for Spanky out there? (That's what WJ calls him, and how he signs his emails to her now.) Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I had an elderly character once that constantly called a lad different things. One time he was a "rump ranger", another time he was a "buttered bread", another time he was "sweet pea" and so on. It got to the point where the lad loved it, and I think he forgot he was trying to scam me.

Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:45 pm

I don't know how "fudge nugget" could be beat. I love that one Laughing

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