Jeff gets engaged, in 2 e-mails, to Tatyana

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 6

THIS IS ONGOING:

IT STARTED LIKE THIS:

HER:

RE: Hi
Sunday, August 31, 2008 6:49 AM
From: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>
Add sender to Contacts To: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>
Message contains attachments63855.jpg (46KB), 68183.jpg (29KB), 90503.jpg (41KB), 179222.jpg (94KB), 203807.jpg (88KB) No virus threat detected File: 179222.jpg Download File

Hello
I have forgotten to attach the photos

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ME:

I am not sure who this e-mail is from, perhaps you have the wrong
> e-mail address. Nice pictures though.

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HER:

Re[2]: HiThursday, September 4, 2008 1:59 AM
From: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>Add sender to Contacts To: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>Message contains attachments179227.jpg (83KB), 203806.jpg (52KB), 265740.jpg (40KB), 298530.jpg (50KB), 309632.jpg (74KB)

Hello my dear, thank you for your answer! What is your real name?
At first I think I have to say that I am new in internet and I have only good intentions. you should know that I am not very good writer in english, please be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes. to be fair I don't know what you want to know about me,in principle
I am usual girl.I think I should tell you about me, my interests,tastes and hobbies.I think I will tell you about things I want to know about you and you will know my future questions. I am 25 years old,my birthday is December, 25, 1982. I so much don't want to get older ,when I can see old women I am getting crazy to think that it is my future .I do all the best to keep my youth and I keep my body well.In spite of all
difficultes here I am trying to be in good condition and I do a lot of exercises to be in good shape!

I am about 172 cm tall (5.6) and my weight is about 56 kg. I've been told I look well enough ,and I think that all women have own beaty. I have never been married and I don`t have children.I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only two rooms flat.you can't imagine what does it mean to be born in small town in Russia,there are not any chances to live well,to get a good job.All young people leave towns to search great luck in big cities but nobody waits for them there. I want to leave Russia,I know it sounds ugly but I know that I
will be lost here like many young girls before me. It is not place to grow children and have stable future.I want to meet my right man .
I think in future I can work as fitness trainer I have a certificate. My mother is my great problem too,she has a great dream to see me
married and she wants to make me happy but I think it is only my business I am not a little child. She tells me every day
that I should get married very soon... To be fair I am not sure I am able to explain all in first message I want to say so much! I just want you to know that I am not afraid to work,I am fairly goal
oriented and I am sure you will be not disappoined to meet me in real life.I am going to spend three months
abroad to work in any good place,agency promises to help me because it is only the way I can leave Russia.I will have all documents
to travel in a few days and i will travel to moscow then,from moscow I will travel to you and they ask me about name of the city i am going to work,
if you don't mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from moscow!
I think it would be so great to meet my love and stay there forever.I know that it is not so easy like I think but I think it is possible that I meat my real love.
I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness,only me and my man there. I don't smoke,I tried to smoke when I was younger.
I may have a glass of red dry vine,sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take care of my body and face. I know it is all I have.
My soul may have any itnterst for you later, I thinkso.I am not a little girl and I know that at first almost all men look
at body ,legs and face.God created males such persons. Well,I think I am lost in my letter,I am not sure you
understand my goals,please feel free to ask.
I live in Russia,town Angarsk, Kirova street 27,flat 15,it is near big city Irkutsk.
My town is rather far from Moscow. Moscow is a capital of my country. I want you to reply if you understand my mind,my intentions,my soul,if
not please reply too, I will continue my searching. Well, I will close this letter,I think you are tired to read
it.and If you think that I should write shorter letters please tell me. I write from internet cafe in
Irkutsk because there are not cafes and possibility to use internet in my small town,we have 4 digital phone number and we
can't call abroad.Even to call in any big town here in Russia I have to order the call in advance.and I would like to say
please don't worry if I keep silence sometimes I have no time to travel ,it is about 25 minutes by bus from my town till Irkutsk
Please tell me more about you,your tastes,likes and dislikes .also I have a few impotant questions do you
like strong drinks too much?can you be very drunk?very ofthen?can you be rude with women?
Well,I have to stop or I will write without ending.Kiss you !see you later. In my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and
more details about my trip and work. I will miss you, your Tatyana

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ME - I wanted to see that I am entranced with her beauty, want to help, and am somewhat odd

Hello my love!

It is so nice to see your lovely face and know that soon we will be together! I am not a man of strong drink or rude behavior, but a man of great passion and vibrant insight. I know your e-mail shows you as a woman of great character and high expectations. Your pictures are heart beautiful and make my erection swell like a newborn flower...unfolding and truthful, lovely in intentions, and desirous of getting married and having 3-4 healthy children by your perfumed loins. If you were to fly to Washington DC and I were to pick you up, if your pictures were to show a beautiful woman, then I would return to my home with you, spend 3-4 hours making vibrant love to you, tasting your beautiful scent from sitting for 8 hours on cushions that old men have farted on, licking fully the erect nipples of your wondrous breasts, doing things doggy style and stimulating, then having a glass of dry red wine for evening fulfillment. I am attaching my photo for your loving eyes...

Is it possible you have some lovely pictures of you in a bathing suit or naked? I need to feel myself stilumated to see you...

Your love forever,

Jeff

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HER:

Re[4]: HiFriday, September 5, 2008 5:02 AM
From: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>Add sender to Contacts To: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>Message contains attachments63853.jpg (37KB), 63856.jpg (32KB), 84598.jpg (29KB), 123113.jpg (66KB), 203809.jpg (65KB), Irkutskmap.png (11KB)Hello my dear Jeff
I am so glad to see your letter again,I think I am a lucky girl to meet such man and I will do my best to meet you in real life!
you know I can work in any city of your area because it is free choice and agency only helps me to get
only travel documents and ticket, and I do hope that we will like each other and now I have the destination.
The agency will also suggest some places to work in. I do hope I have met my right man!you know I have told you before one
of my friend worked abroad last year and have met right man,now they live there and they are going to
marry. by the way now they are arranging the trip to Russia,(he wants to meet her parents and friends)
I think if I feel that you are my dream and you have the same feelings we could think about our future together.
if not I will just work and return back when the time to travel back. you know I am new here and I am afraid to make any mistake.
I have one great lack,I am very impatient sometimes I can act without thinking.
Sometimes I think that my dream is getting for real and it is so bad to be disappointed later.
I want you to know all small things about me because it shouldn't be any misunderstandings between us.
I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my character.And I don't wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind man .
I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I can't forgive if my man sleep with different woman, I don't know many nessesary words in english.
I hope you can read between lines. A little more about myself!
my favorite activity is fitness. I wanted to be as fitness trainer but
I finished The Irkutsk State Univercity, trainers faculty as fitness
trainer but I don't work on my profession because there are no good fintess clubs in my city,
I used to sit at home and to do all housework,helping my mom. I would like to have good job,
I may work dancing teacher, or trainer of fitness,you know I have a certificate. I worked as a trainer a year ago .
and I would like to do it again .you know how many more younger girls want to get this job too!Alot of competition here. I want to tell you about things I like:
I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace.
usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not problem for me to cook something tasty and I don't like to visit cafes and restaurants,
at first usually they can't cook weel(maybe only here) and second too high price.
I like warm weather. and my great dream is to live somewhere on tropical island. Also I want to tell you about my dislikes:
I hate our long winters it seems to me they will never end. I hate lies and unfaithfulness.
I hate evil people and politicans I think they like to play wars, I hate any ars.
What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty. He has to be open- minded and open-hearted, also easy-going. and much more important he is kind,kindness makes our world!
Are you kind and gentle man ?????
I think my man should be kind ,it is great feeling after love,only kind person may be happy, all rude people are unhappy.
or must be. A few questions yet, agency tells that I will have a room in nearest hotel near my future
work but if we like each other may be is it possible to live together?I think we will enjoy life together. do you have your car?animals? I
can't drive and I do hope you give me a few lessons, to be fair I have so many plans .I will find out all travel details
about my flight this week. I will leave my town today in a two hours and i think I will be not able to write to you today or so.
When I am in Moscow I will send you short letter to let you know that I am all right and they tell that it takes about two days to
get all nesseary papers, please confirm your phone number and international airport, I want to be sure I have all your details and
Please don't look at different girls. I am the best(joke). Well, I will close this letter I think I am bore today,and please feel
free to ask. See you soon!I can't believe everything is for real. to be fair I am lost and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice!
KISS and LOVE Tatyana!
P.S. Very beautiful photos
> Hello my love!

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ME - Now I mainly want her to see that I am REAlly weird, but looped in by her beauty

My dearest lovely Tatyana,

I must have been dreaming in wakeful life to receive the lovely gift of your expressive letter. I also am a man of firm conviction and strong moral values. I was a solitary monk in the wild expanse of the Smoky Mountains for 5 years. I wanted to train my mind as I trained my body in lethal combat. My training taught me three things: 1) spending large quantites of time alone either makes you mentally stronger or drives you insane 2) a 5 foot bamboo stick driven against the back of your leg hurts and 3) when a grizzly bear attacks kung fu is useless.

I am a great lover of animal life. I have not been fortunate enough to have my own dog yet, but I do have 11 ferrets (all unified brothers, grey in color and ferocious in temperment) and a camel (brown in color and likes to spit.) The camel's name is Fred, and he's every bit the jokester at home. Yesterday I got home to find that he had pushed up one of the windows with his nose and had eaten all my pillow cushions! Fred is only supposed to eat hay and an occasional piece of carpet.

My tow truck is the love of my life. I nicknamed her Lady Jane and keep her parked in my front yard. Sometimes I end up sleeping in her when I'm too drunk to find my way to the front door. Other nights I just drive around looking for cars to tow.

I sleep 4 hours a night. I call sleep little snatches of death, and I'm not dying baby I'm dying to live! The other 20 hours of the day are consumed by my studies as a master of Jeet Kune Doo; running the micro brewery out of my basement; and performing weddings as a high priest of the Church of the Sub-genius.

My phone number is the number of the wind. You speak to the wind and you're speaking to me because we're all connected.

I can't wait to complete parole, that way I will be able to leave my house without wearing an ankle bracelet. Then I can pick you up from the airport on the way to the wedding and honeymoon. Let me ask you, is it okay if my two kids go on the honeymoon too?

Love, kisses, and a elephant size erection,

Yours truly,

Andrew

P.S. I must change my constantly since my enemies are looking for weaknesses, and since we are engaged you - my fiancee - are at risk. Our code phrase is "I only drink soda on the hottest of days." Stay alert, stay alive, stay in love.

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HER:

Re[4]: HiSunday, September 7, 2008 2:55 AM
From: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>Add sender to Contacts To: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>Message contains attachmentsTatyana.jpg (299KB)>TRAVEL INFO : TATYANA KALIONOVA

> © Travel Agency Interlogos .

> --------------------------------------------------
> TRAVEL INFO : TATYANA KALIONOVA - private tour.(work visa)
Russian-English
> variants.ENGLISH SPEAKING GUIDE

> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Travel dates for: Ms.TATYANA KALIONOVA
> Please label the inside and outside of each piece of baggage to
> be checked in with your name and where possible your address.
> Suitable baggage labels and
> stickers are available free of charge. In advance of your journey.
> please note the current free baggage allowance included in your
> ticket price. You can find this information in the internet or via
> your Airline contact
> person. In case you booked a special fare please note that it can
> be subject to restrictions. Travel Abroad: When preparing to travel
> abroad for less than 5 months,
> it is important to ensure entry to another country . Depending on
> the country to be visited and the student's nationality, it may be
> necessary to apply for a
> visitor visa.The student must have: a valid passport or travel document, valid
visa .
> Furthermore, page 4 must be signed by the RO. No special
> permission is needed, but it is important to have a valid
> passport,valid visa and all travel documents.

> Thank you for your booking and have a pleasant journey. Kind regards."Interlogos" is a licensed and
> officially registered travel agency.
> Travel agency Interlogos.
>
> Our goal is to provide quality services for group and individual travelers.
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> Please use our service .Managers: Ms.Natalya Zawirokhina.
> ---------------------------------------------------------

>The nearest possible flight is - Friday,12 September, 2008.From Moscow
Sheremetyevo Inter Airport.

>Price: foreign passport,visa,tax,consulate fee,ticket Eco.class.dollars 1290.00+
> --------------------------------------------------------

>This reservation will be automatically cancelled if the order is not
>purchased until Thursday,11 September, 2008.

> ------------------------------------------------------------
Hey my love,I have got all the info and resend to you,
you see I am after visit to consulate and agency and I am so happy to say that
we will meet in a few days!!!!
I am
really lucky girl to meet you.Honey the thing is that I booked nearest possible
flight .I need only your help.
there is only a small problem but I am sure we will be able to solve.I wanted to
ask you to help me to pay for
tickets but they tell that
I can't use your help or ask you about sending me tickets because I have
permission to use the help of agency
only because they do all travel things and it is their
business to arrange all travel things for my jorney,it is the law.and it is not
possible to get work visa
without help of agency,too strong laws.
I was sure that my mom will help me becasue she promised but now she sent letter
that it is possible only in a
few months or so because of
family problems.and she can't send transfer now.I was in the bank to try to ask
them about loan but they tell
I have to have something to stay them
and I have nothing to stay because I have only a few
dress and things,some perfume and it is all I have,and small gift for you from
russia with love.and I think it
is not great problem for you
to help me.I even think that maybe it will give you the pleasure to help me
because you are my knight,rught?
after all payments here and travel by plane I have about 300 dollars my own money and
I need about 990 dollars from your
side,because I have to pay for ticket and a
few thigs yet,and I have to pay in advance about 1290 dollars and if the tickets will
cost less i will get some money
back. when we meet
I will return this sum and some extra money because to send thransfer costs
money too.I have to
be sure that I will be able to book it or I will lose all the money I gave them
in advance.I'm not going to
ask one more time for your
help,you see I am in hard situation.I will be waiting for your answer .I know it
sounds like I am pooroutsider
but you see I have not
time or somebody to ask about help,you know my mom gave me all that we with mom
could collect for
my travel.I hate to ask but
now I don't have any other choice.you saw all my body and I believe you I have
done almost all here and now I
need some help from you,please help me to leave Moscow and
it is all I ask now and you know I am full of the love to share with you. Kiss
you, counting days and minutes
before our meeting.you know it is only money ,and I think that
it is not too hard for you to help me ,you see I have such chance only once in
my life.I know you are kind man
and I do hope you will be
able to help me.I promise I will return all the money .and I will earn money
because I am ready to work as
hard as possible!
Million Kisses, Your poor Tatyana you know my rent address here is Russia, Moscow,
Komsomol prospect,home 37
flat 39. Remember that my full name is KALIONOVA -(last name) .TATYANA - (first
name) it is right writting
in
English, and you should put it on
western union list and you can choice any bank in Moscow,they tell it is
international service and I can get
money in any bank of
Moscow. they tell I can get western union transfer or money
gramm because I have not any bank accounts in Moscow and I
have only passport and it is
enough to get it! P.S. I am not sure I should tell this but I want to let you
know that if you don't like me I
will not bother you and it is only your choice to spend time with me I
know you may be too busy,and in any case I will return money back .you know I
will have rent room ,job and I
want to say that you don't worry that I want to use you just for my goals.and I
am sure that when we meet we
will not regret about
it,promise,and I hate people who imagined so many silly rules and laws.and I
have only small suitcase with
me.and I dream about our first
meeting,our first night and I have some sexy night dress with me! and I think
that now
everything depends on you my hope and I will check my mail all day and all night
because i can't sleep if I
am not sure that everything is all right and you can help,please dear don't
leave me alone i have done so much
and I am almost near you.
and I can stay more than six months,I can stay longer it is possible if we fall
in love and going to marry.But
I think we need time to learn each other.
and as soon as I got transfer ,they tell in the bank you should send me transfer
number and I will be able to
get transfer then,
I will send exact schedule and number of the flight and terminal number and time
of my arriving to your
airport.

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ME - Now it's all about getting her here, whatever it takes and I have to pay; unfortunately the complications will begin here and get worse for her, then better, almost solved, then busted in the future threads. My goal is to keep her hooked through Sepember.

Re: Re[4]: HiSunday, September 7, 2008 9:14 AM
From: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>Add sender to Contacts To: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>My dearest Tatyana,

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to facilitate your visiting me in the homeland. I tremble with the thought that your body odor will be my perfume so soon. Do you think it will be possible to have you here for the holiday season? I am starting to buy you some gifts and wanted to know whether you prefer princess or marquee cut diamonds? Also, if you tell me your favorite color I will begin looking at cars for you. You will need to have a car to get around here, and my one truck isn't going to be enough for both of us. Since I live under a highway overpass it may be possible initally for you to hitchhike to work at the whorehouse.

I would love to speak to you on the phone, but as I write this I am recovering from surgery on my temporal lobe. I sustained a brain injury when attacked by one of my many enemies, who ninja style jumped on me while I was unpacking groceries. I gave him a ferocious beating, but not before he was able to shoot me several times with a slingshot in the head causing me to sustain major brain trauma and the loss of my hearing. Our fights in the past have always involved stick and stone, knife, club, sword, and insult, and a dance off, but this new escalation to military grade weapons has me worried. Next time I may not be so lucky. Apparently I will get my hearing back as the brain recovers, but my hobbies as a motivational speaker and competitive hip hop dancer are done.

The weather here is very hot, last night I set up a sweat tent in my back yard, looked up at the stars, and dreamed of our first meeting in person. I am already thinking of taking a shower and shaving my back in anticipation of your arrival. I haven't been this excited about anything since I won the world championship in belching and took the gang out for a celebration dinner at Ihop - pancakes with syrup, a fine cup of coffee, and a bodily exchange of fluids are just what the doctor ordered!

I will say that my exploits as a world renowned lover and liver are exaggerated. Please don't believe any reports you may hear regarding 1) my abilities to do push-ups with my third 'arm' 2) the warrants for my arrest in several Asian countries for leaving behind too many broken hearts or 3) anything Olga, Mariel, or Suzie have to say about my penchant for felonious frolicking, ferocious fighting, or fantastical flamboyance. Any pictures you may have seen of me are actually of my evil twin Kurt.

Let me tell you of my interesting day. I slept my normal 4 hours and woke up fully energized for my daily 50 kilometer run. After that my brain was feeling a little bit better, so I was able to answer my correspondences and settle a neighborhood feud regarding ownership of a communal rocking chair. Next it was 3 hours of driving the hard roads looking for cars to tow. Fred got a little uptight when I told him that he couldn't ride in the back of the truck - camels are so hard headed sometimes!

Now the sun is setting on another day, and my dreams deferred are soon to be dreams realized. After last week's attack I set up a perimiter watch for any sign of my other enemies. As I finish writing this I will be engaging in an arm wrestling contest with my underlings.

Bank Info: My love, we only have Western Union is this area. I spoke with them about the money transfer, and since it crosses into Russia they need to have the bank ID number, name, account. Also, with the new restrictions, they only can do up to $500 within a 36 hour period. So, if it's okay with you I will be making two $500 transfers.

Yours affectionately,

Peter

Master Baiter Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 113

Hilarious. I particularly liked "when a grizzly bear attacks kung fu is useless." How true.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 6

Ya the Grizzly Bear versus Kung Fu was a brilliant twist.
I wonder if "she" actually caught on or not

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 6

I thought she had left...but fortunately she replied:

RE: Hi
Friday, September 12 2008 6:57 AM
From: "Tatyana" <[email protected]>
Add sender to Contacts To: "Jeff Johnson" <[email protected]>

Darling,

I cannot come until you send mondey. Send the money to Western Union, Moscow and then I buy the ticket. I wait for your reply.

Tatyana

My response:

Dearest Tatyana,

I have checked with Western Union, in fact I called to complain to the central valley captain of complaints, John Alexander. John, if I may so bold to use his first name, apparently is of the firm conviction that I must obtain a tracking number from your end before I make my first transfer of money. This makes a sort of personal information ID specific to you to prove you are who you say you are. The tracking ID would consist some information only known to you and me. We can pick our own, so I suggest your height, weight, mother's maiden name, her weight, and your father's age. These together will create a unique ID I can use to send more money needed. I picked these things because I figured it would be easy for you to remember. The whole problem is that the money is crossing into Russia and right now things are difficult there. I also cannot send two separate $500 payments - again problems - I will have to send three $400 or five $300 ones - let me know which are better for you- ones AFTER I GET THE INFORMATION I MENTIONED I NEED TO CREATE THE ID! Can you believe all the difficulties they are putting me through.

Please send me all the above and I can get you the money later this week. I already instructed my accountant to sell the collection of aluminum cans I have been hoarding for just the right time I needed that extra $2750. And don't worry about money, I also have a collection of glass bottles I have been collecting for our honeymoon. All told, I should have $5960 extra after I have sold everything. I look at that as money for the down payment on our future together. I know you said your dream is to live on a tropical island, well my dream is to save enough cans and glass to buy a tropical island for someone who has always dreamed of someone saving to buy a tropical island for someone who loves tropical islands to live on with someone else who loves to love someone who loves to live on tropical islands.

I love you with all my heart, and the hearts of those around me who cannot love and therefore don't need their hearts, they need heart transplants like the guy in that movie who almost died waiting to get a new heart, and that's why I'm an organ donor.

Philip

I only drink cola on the hottest of days

Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 2:35 am

^^^ That was a work of art - especially the last bit. Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Feb 2008 Posts: 27

I think that it's very considerate of you to shave your back for your beloved Tatyana! Laughing

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 6

Lesson learned, don't get to silly and be the comedian, work up to it. Being new at this I did learn that lesson! My next encounter will last longer (I hope.)

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