Red hot poker up the a*** anyone?

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Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Isn't there (ie set one up) a 'international' body that compensates 'victims' of torture.

Of course payment levels vary depending on the torture and evidence provided.

Oh and regarding torture-just think of all those forms for the lad to fill out... Twisted Evil

edit to add~video re-enactments are big cash earners!!! Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

While your lad is at the computer, see if you can get him to find some obscure answers for you -- kind of like your personal "Yahoo Answers". Tell him that you're frantically trying to raise the money but that you have an assignment (for work, school whatever your character is doing) that simply MUST be done or you won't have any money to send. So, while you scramble to make all the arrangements, you would really appreciate it if he could help with some research...

Wink

<----- This wink should in no way be seen as mocking your poor lad's cyclopian nature.

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:06 pm

Maybe you could recommend a doctor who can transplant a new anus for him as I don't think the old one will be much use to him,after so much abuse. I've read somewhere that goat anus' are compatable for humans.

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:10 pm

I don't suppose that the people torturing him would be so kind as to provide a photo of the one-eyed lad with the flaming backside? Such a photo would really get you moving I would think and get the lad his money much faster (imagine the awesome hall of shame material this could provoke).

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

Latest update just in from Planet Kidnapper, regarding my lad's anal ordeals:

Quote:

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:58 pm

I agree, no pictures, no money. I want to see the eye sitting on a table all by itself.

Maybe a note from the good doctor that he can in fact reattach it and the bill for doing so will be $x?

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:08 pm

You've got to applaud the lads creativity.
Shame that his downright stupidity detracts from that. He sure likes abusing the lads anus, perhaps some sort of insight to his true personality? Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:20 pm

Ninastian's lad wrote:

My men becked his tongue in hot plate!!!

I hope they didn't let it go to waste - tongue can be very tasty. Smile

Ask them for their address, tell them you want to send them some fava beans and a nice Chianti, and see if they get the reference. Laughing

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:21 pm

Quote:

i have only one eyes as i speak with you!!

I love it!

Master Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 108

Quote:

my anus is already grieving!!!

That's not something you hear every day. Shocked

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:12 pm

Thx - best Lad Laugh I've had in a while.

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:08 am

Quote:

I will spare him if anyone who cares sends my $120,000. Period!!

I personally think you should be bargaining down that price as the lad is now rather incomplete.

BTW where I come from, Hot Rod is acutually a brand of ready made Hot Dog found in the freezer section of your local supermarket/service station. I cannot remove the mental image of burly men shoving a hot dog (complete with bun) up this guys back passage. Laughing

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:45 am

Does your lad fancy himself as King Edward II?Wasn't this supposed to be how he was executed?

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Quote:

Alright -- is anyone else getting turned on here??? Laughing

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:33 am

Quote:

He ate some raw pepper this afternoon for lunch!!!

There was this jalapeno pepper eating contest in college. A bloke in my residence hall won, but the next morning his pain caused him to tear the toilet paper dispenser from the wall.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

JMRazor wrote:

Alright -- is anyone else getting turned on here??? Laughing

Nope-just you. Wink

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:16 am

Quote:

I left the room where he was stack naked a few minutes ago! He couldn't even get up!! He ate some raw pepper this afternoon for lunch!!! He chewed them like bubble gum! HAHAHAHA. My men becked his tongue in hot plate!!! Tomorrow my men will get a pepperish water solution and pour it in his anus and further torture continues!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I am surprised the kidnapped lad has not been spread eagled on a gold plate and been set upon by an industrial laser.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that the captor has been watching too much early James Bond and modelled himself on Dr Evil or some other over the top SPECTRE B grade super villian.

Is his real modality world domination by hijacking the white house with a giant magnet ??

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:01 pm

doc holliday wrote:

Does your lad fancy himself as King Edward II?Wasn't this supposed to be how he was executed?

I mentioned that a while back (though to be fair, I didn't say which king), and yes, you are correct.

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:17 pm

becked tongue, pepperish anal water solution.... sounds like the makings of an excellent feast. I wonder how the eye will be prepared.

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

Now even the guards are getting in on the act:

Quote:

This modality is fast losing what little dignity it had left.

However it is nice to know that Pakistan (where this sorry tale is unfolding, dear reader) can now attract the very best torturers from around the world.

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

BTW in case anyone was wondering how we got into this anal escapade, my lad was kidnapped by Al Qaeda terrorists in Jordan a while back (yeah yeah...). Tragically, my attorney was shot dead by robbers while on his way to deliver the $100k ransom (actually he did a runner to the Caym4n Islands, thus chopping my lad's hard-earned dollaz Twisted Evil

and earning himself some exquisite death threats).

Luckily (long story...) my lad was then rescued from the clutches of Al Qaeda by the leader of the Pakistan branch of Ham4s (yes, Ham4s), who duly demanded payment of a ransom of his own. I (with my mugu hat on) agreed to pay this, providing I received a written receipt for tax purposes. My lad is very well house trained after two years of this sort of stuff, so he promptly obliged. His attention to detail is well worth a look - check out especially the motto above the date! Wink

Of course when it came to the mugu paying the ransom, one problem led to another. Then another of my characters (also a bent attorney who is pretending to work with my lad to chop the mugu, but will eventually run off with the dollaz Smile

) suggested that the mugu would only pay up if he thought my lad was being horribly tortured. I suggested a few techniques from the song of Brave Sir Robin, but I have been genuinely taken aback by the anal fixation shown by my lad and his captors! I was only anticipating my lad's bowels being unplucked, and look what's happened... Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:57 pm

This is freaking hilarious. Great imagination on your part and well taken by the lad. The "receipt" is great. The motto is sig worthy. The receipt is hall of shame worthy.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:08 pm

hmm...Carol Rascal and James Morgan, torturers who bite people.
The image of the lads as pirates (perish the thought) comes to mind... Laughing

That document is Hall of Shame, too, for sure.
IQ of this lad=about 60 I would say. He's amusing, in a sick sort of way. Smile

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:54 pm

This is hilarious.

I wonder what part of his anatomy they are biting? Shocked

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:06 pm

Hahaha,

It's hilarious what lads will turn to to get money.

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