It's for real! The FBI has confirmed it!

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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:29 pm

Finally, I bagged a letter from the Director of the FBI himself.

Apparently he has slightly changed the spelling of his last name. I'd better not say anything about that. He might be hypersensitive on something like that.

Quote:

Good Day Mr M0rtimer Sn3rd,
We just got an email from the ATM CENTER UNIT that you tried to contact but it didnt get to us.
Please we advise you because we know this is real and it is also reqistered with us and we work together with them and please be rest assured that it is real because we the fbi cannot on what we don't have good and adquate information about.
Do get back to them and take all necessary steps and claim the funds.
Thanks R0bert Mull3r.

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:00 pm

I love the FBI lads, who say you've been funding terrorism and need to know all your personal details to check.

Did you also notice the lack of "III"? You noticed that "Mueller" was spelled wrong, though. Smile

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:07 pm

Hmmm, I missed the "III", though I can argue that when he became "Muller" then he reverted to a "I".

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:43 pm

Hey this sounds like one of mine Shocked

PM sent

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:55 pm

^^^ I responded to your PM.....he isn't, unless he's running more than one account.

Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 10:27 pm

I'm telling you.....I think our FBI director is the greatest!

I sent this in response:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Muller,

Thank you very much for getting back to me on this one!

I want you to know that I am a good American. I am always ready to serve my country, and I am always trustworthy, loyal, kind, clean, brave, reverent, and helpful.

I honestly do not think that I am entitled to this payment, but if you think that I should go forward with this then I will.

I want you to know that you can always count on me. I want you to know that I will always cooperate with the authorities. Please sir, do not think for one minute that I would ever disrepect the FBI.

Thank you for your service to our country.

You have my gratitude.

regards,

M0rtimer Sn3rd

PS: I will do as you say regarding this ATM business.

I had a busy weekend, and didn't have time to follow up.....so I get this from Robert Mueller:

Quote:

Good Day Mr M0rtimer Sn3rd
I just got a mail from the ATM CENTER telling me that they have not heard from you and they are very worried cos they really want you to be the one to get this money,so i would advise that you go ahead and contact them.

Personal service from the Director of the FBI.........isn't this grand? Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 10:41 pm

You know, with his FBI conections, Muller could make some good bucks on the side. Maybe he needs a new swimming pool or something?

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:53 am

I've only got the FBI boss writing to me once, and it ended - well, let Captain Mal explain:

Quote:

While I have the utmost the respect for your position, I am not happy with your change of policy.
You wrote: "This is to inform you that from the investigations we did on saturday evening when we received your mail and this morning been monday about your fund, you said is in Bank Of Africa in Bokinafaso which till now our Agent in Africa cannot trace it in that bank you said."
But in yesterday's message you wrote, "In a meteing with the managment of the Bank of Africa in Burkina Faso, It was resolvd that all foregn contractors owned by Federal Republic Of Nigeria should be payed there fund though that Bank".
Mr Mueller, from my childhood I was brought up to see the FBI as the most competent and the best-organised law enforcement body in existence. What I am seeing now is total confusion!

I did hear from another, less senior FBI guy this year... he was fun to bait!

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:08 pm

Apparently, Director Mueller has been rethinking his position on Internet frauds.
I received this from him some time ago, assuring me that there is only one honest organization on the Internet:

Quote:

FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET.

ATTN: DEAR FRIEND,

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT THE MESSAGE YOU SENT TO OUR DESK IS A SCAM MESSAGE AND THIS MESSAGE IS ON OUR SCAM LIST.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THEM ANYMORE AS THEY ARE READY TO RIP YOU OFF YOUR MONEY.

PLEASE DESIST TO THEM. THE ONLY ANTIDOTE TO SCAM IS NO-REPLY DO NOT REPLY TO THEM ANYMORE.

YOU ARE ADVICE TO STOP EVERY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH WHOSOEVER THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONTACTING YOU REGARDING ANY BUSINESS ON THE INTERNET. THE ONLY ADVISABLE TRANSACTION ON THE INTERNET IS THAT OF THE WORLD DEAF ORGANIZATION (W.D.O)DISREGARD ANY FORM OF E-MAIL THAT IS NOT SENT FROM THIS ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESSES OF MR. ROBERT .S. MUELLER III.

KEEP US POSTED WITH YOUR DEALINGS TO ENABLE US ADVICE YOU MORE ON WHAT TO DO.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

Robert S. Mueller III
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

I know it's for real b/c he got the spelling of his name right Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:35 pm

^^^^ not only that, he got the "III" back into his name too.

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:37 pm

Always respond to any FBI e-mail with the comment that you have been working closely with two FBI agents (Fox Mulder and Dana Scully) and they are on top of this situation.

Bruin

Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:30 am

The quintessial FBI agent was always the one played by Efrem Zimbalist Jr, IMHO.
(Can't remember the name of the character, but he was "the FBI" in its heyday) Cool

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 1:03 pm

Wouldn't you know it? Bob Mue11er's just written to me to tell me that I should co-operate with the Benin officer of Western Union!

Quote:

Federal Bureau of Investigation
ROOM 4-230, KALANIANAOLE FOB 300 ALA MOANA BOULEVARD
HONOLULU,HAWAII 96850-0053
EMAIL http://www.fbi.gov

First par:

Quote:

We the International Monetary Fund (IMF) investigation bureau Washington, DC...

And Honololu, as well.

Quote:

...in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently having transaction going on with Senegalese Government's.
Having said all this, we will further advise that you should stop any communicate with them anymore to avoid any hitches in receiving your payment ok,however we have directed the western union department benin branch to transfer your Re-compensation payment fund of $950,000.00 USD to you without any delay.

It seems that Benin WU isn't best pleased:

Quote:

They also complained to us that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money.

So:

Quote:

Once again you have to stop any further communication with any other person except western union department benin branch(s) or office(s) who claim that to be established agents using it to defraud innocent people worldwide.

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:10 pm

^^^ You'd better do what he says. After all, he is the Director of the FBI. Laughing

Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:13 pm

You could always just hand over the email (or forward) to the FBI. I am sure Director Mu3113r would be kind of annoyed someone out there is using his name. Hehe.

Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:21 am

Cap'n Pike,

Can you ask the director of the FBI what the official line is these days on the Kennedy assassination? Was Oswald acting alone? Mueller III's sure to know.

That is, if he's the real director of the FBI Wink

Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:45 pm

All I can say is wow....

Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:11 pm

@ Wright: He won't answer my questions about how often he has lunch with President Bush. However, those are good questions you came up with.

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:07 am

The answer is almost never. Everyone thinks the Director has time to take personal calls and meet people. Besides the point, his term is probably going to end in November most likely. I wonder who the next Director will be. Heh.

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:14 am

Quote:

I wonder who the next Director will be.

How about one of us? Very Happy

Since you obviously don't have to be an American to do the job, I'd like to nominate my humble yet talented self for the position. I would do a much more convincing job than he does!

I would have wrote:

FROM THE DESK OF THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
5TH FLOOR, LADIES ROOM
FIB HEADQUARTERS BUILDIGN
WASHINTONG, BC

>>> NOW HEAR THIS YOU COMMUNIST PIG <<<
URGENT ATTEN, REGARDING YOURS FUNDS

Dear Bayter;

I am executinve director 0liver Tr@nsphlandt and I have been monitor all your communication with Mr. Lad and his slightly maladjusted barrister Prof. Gonzo DeGraite. We at the FIB takes every thing very seriously and do not want you to worry not nuffin about these transaction. How can I lie to you because I am married man ok.

You are advice to make all payments through the western onion with no further delay because we have investigate this fund and everything is looking 100% risky free. Do not waste any more time with this cos the time is not of our side. Do not make me put you under arrest where you will die in a cell of jail with 300lb biker named Daisy as cell-mate ok. This is a serious business and we do not time for jokes like you.

Retards,
0liver Tr@nsphlandt
EXECUTIVE DIRECTNOR
FIB INTERNATIONAL REMITTANT OFFICE

PS: REALLY.

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:55 am

@Obi-Wan Knievel, I think I just peed myself. Thanks! That was hilarious!

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:38 pm

Obi-Wan, you owe me a keyboard! Very Happy

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:24 pm

US_Spook wrote:

I wonder who the next Director will be.

Obviously one prerequisite for the Director would be the ability to blast out thousands of emails from Yahoo accounts in order to help Americans get their funds that they are entitled to from Nigeria.

As Obi-wan has pointed out, it doesn't have to be an American either.

Therefore, I nominate Charles Soludo.

Charles Soludo has extensive experience in emailing not only Americans, but other nationalities as well, and I'm sure that he's more prolfic than Robert Mueller has been. Plus, Professor Soludo has connections with the Nigerian banking industry that no one else has.

I think Uncle Chuck would make a good director.

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:36 pm

<--- cleaning off monitor. Thanks Obi-wan

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Nov 2005 Posts: 264

I don't think anyone could do better than Mr. Mueller. Look at how frugal he is being with our tax dollars. Why waste taxpayer money on a dedicated FBI email server when there are so many free email services available.

Or maybe it's just the latest round of budget cutting.

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