TWAT - Chad Safari - Office Memo/E-mail Fwd Thread:

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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:17 pm

Feel free to post up whatever you'd like about the office memo barrage into this thread so we can keep the other thread a bit tidier, especially since Adamu is back now. For anyone that isn't following the current safari in Chad we have going, essentially what we've done is elevated the lads to "Reverend" status in our fake church (Well, 2 out of 3 are now Reverends. The one we hate worst is still a missionary). When someone is elevated to Reverend status, they are automatically added to the church e-mail circuit, where a lot of trivial things get discussed, but it's all very important to read. They're feeling pretty proud of themselves right now, but this will definitely get annoying to them after a bit. Here was their initial e-mail alerting them to the situation:

Quote:

This message is to inform you that due to your rapid submission of your signed Certificates of Authenticity, and some pressure that Reverend Phystme applied to the clergy at large, you have both now officially escalated into the ranks of the church, and from this moment forward will be known by all clergy members to be true Reverends of the TWAT church. Due to this escalation in ranks, your e-mail address has been submitted to all clergy members, and you should expect contact from them. It will be very important for you to pay attention to the communication throughout the organization, both to become more familiar with the protocols, and also to add your sharp-eyed approach to any issues you feel qualified to address.

In closing, we welcome you both into the higher ranks of the clergy, and are proud to have such able-minded TWATs to call our own. If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask.

~ From all members of TWAT Central

Enjoy!

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:22 pm

I imagine that being religious, superstitious, and quite full of themselves at the same time, lads and their ogas send "interoffice" crap like this back and forth all the time. Ok maybe not messages about the breakroom fridge, but I'm sure video, chain mails, and bad jokes make the rounds.

Prof thanks for splitting this into another thread. The whole idea is hilarious but my brain can only handle so much at a time! Good work so far everyone.

edited for safety

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:24 pm

Ben ordered it of course.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

The opening shot in the great food battle has been fired:

Quote:

Allow me to add a not-so-friendly reminder -

The refrigerator in the break room is there for the use of everyone, but some people have been using it as their own personal buffet. Last week I had two of my yogurts stolen out the fridge, and just yesterday my lunch turned up missing. This was not an "accident." It was taken on purpose. My initials "MB" were clearly marked on the bag. This happens on a regular basis.

As many of you know I am lactose intolerant, and as a result I use lactose free cheese on my sandwich. With my lunch being stolen I ended up going hungry, as the sandwich shops in the area all use high fat meats and normal cheese which causes me to bloat up and develop tremendous gas.

I do not understand what would motivate a person to take food out of a fridge that clearly is not theirs. I have a few suspects in this theft. I hope these people will come forward and come clean, as I would hate to have to go to Reverend Dover with my findings.

The lord helps he who helps himself, but not he who helps himself to my lunch. I am pissed off. I thought I was working with a group of people that lived to serve the lord. It turns out I am working with a group of people that live to serve themselves my lunch.

If this does not stop immediately I will take drastic action. Please be considerate of other people and do not take items out of the refigerator that do not belong to you.

M3linda B4byjay
Secretary

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:27 pm

Rev Allcock wrote:

Quote:

Hi Charles,

Welcome to the world of TWAT from all the well established Twats in Western Europe and congratulations on reaching Rev. status in such a short period of time. My fellow Rev's and I in Western Europe are placing bets on how quickly you will reach Lordship status. Please write back to me and tell me the secret of your success.

God's Blessings
Rev. Allcock

and back came the reply:

Quote:

We are happy to be in your folds of the world of TWAT. This calls for thanksgiving and we must not fail to appreciate all your efforts and cares to accepting us into this noble world of TWAT. We expect the best and would always be with you in all sincererity.

Thank you very much.

Rev.Miracle Charles Ndubuisi and Rev.Andrew Ezekiel Omezi

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:28 pm

@ everyone - Please remember that while this is supposed to be fun for everyone, don't write anything outrageous (yet Wink

). We need to keep this looking realistic for a bit. Thumbs up

@ Jayhawk - That was hilarious.

Edit: Sentence deleted due to irrelevancy (after bohigal's edit).

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

I must apologise, but I am just learning about the TWAT.

When the lads have been promoted (Yeah!) is there a ceremonial head dress that they wear?

Like a Decon, or the Pope?

In the TWAT, I would suggest that they don the Clitoral Hood. Of course this is a very high honor...

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:06 pm

Quote:

The lord helps he who helps himself, but not he who helps himself to my lunch

Man Jayhawk, that is making my sides hurt. Great stuff.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:29 pm

I am responding to this:

Bengali in Platforms wrote:

Jayhawk wrote:

d) The email about some piddly acomplishment that somebody's kid had, followed by the request to pledge money for something that somebody's kid is doing (bike-a-thon, walk-a-thon, etc.)

e) The Christian chain letter I just received that lists people who mocked God and died later that day. (PM me and I will provide.)

from here.

I got that one too and I am planning to customize it to fit the TWAT church. Especially since it has one of those tags that you must forward it for good luck. Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:31 pm

I'll be starting up a prayer chain. Any prayer requests? If you read the news on the website, there was that bull riding accident, so we need to pray for those kids. Any other ideas to put on the list?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 27

~ ParaNoid,

Nice! And be sure to replace the big string of addresses with a bunch of Lotto Lads! Then we can get some real "remove me" turmoil.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:02 pm

^^ Don't do things like that. Evil or Very Mad

There are quite a few new baiters taking part in this, and we love that aspect, but do not listen to suggestions like the one above. Just please stick to what was detailed in the e-mails you all received from TWAT.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:08 pm

I sent the following:

Quote:

Just a friendly reminder -

It is very important that the break room fridge be cleaned out every Friday. I'm sending this to everyone because I know some of you are out of the office or on vacation right now. Please don't leave your lunch in there over the weekend because it gets moldy and gross by Monday.

Let's keep it clean people!

God bless,
Sister Vicki

I can't believe the lads actually responded too Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sister Vicki,

Thank you for your important update. However, we shall be glad to receiving from you further clarifications regarding to the cleaning of the break room fridge.

We appreciate to hear further from you.

Sincerely yours,

Rev.Miracle Charles Ndubuisi and Rev.Andrew Ezekiel Omezi

TWAT Nigeria/Africa

Quote:

Melinda,

The yogurts were thrown out because they were left over the weekend and were beginning to smell. It is clearly stated on a sticky note on the refrigerator not leave items in the break room fridge over the weekend.

I don't know what happened to your bag lunch. Serving the lord and keeping our T.W.A.T centers clean do not have to be mutually exclusive.

To our newest T.W.A.T. reverends in Africa, welcome. To clarify, we need to keep all of our areas clean, including the break room. If you have leftover food, such as frozen fish or pizza, please take it home with you on Friday and do not leave it in any fridge.

God bless,
Sister Vicki

Take that,

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:10 pm

^^^That's awesome. Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:11 pm

^^ That was indeed absurd to the Nth. Laughing

They love their new status. They really are taking it seriously. I love how they sign off on their e-mails. Now they have at least added this when they sign off:

TWAT Nigeria/Africa

It used to just be TWAT Nigeria. Smile

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:30 pm

If they are so wrapped up in this role, perhaps we could get my lad quickly elevated to the status of Reverend and let other lads convince him this is for real.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:32 pm

^^^Worf - e-mail's so real, it's scary

I hope this goes on for awhile. It'd be great to eventually getting around to the kind of crap e-mails I get that come out whenever its "yearly benefits" time....we seem to switch insurance/healthcare companies every year puke

Lots of possibilities: where the sign-up sheets are, when the dates are, ppo vs. hmo, dependant questions...blah, blah, blah

edit: Speaking of real, I just checked the group e-mail for my work and found this nugget of wisdom:

"Please don't put hands on the walls because both the dark gray and the colors are being painted. Keep your clothing and skin safe
from paint by not leaning on or touching walls or doors. "

Really...so if I don't want to get paint on me
I shouldn't touch stuff that's painted? banghead

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:35 pm

@ SSA - Not until he is stredded in hash conditions. Our boys were elevated quickly for two main reasons:

1) They were starting to get a little pissy about sleeping outside for three weeks in the rain, with no food and a lot of mosquitoes. We decided they needed something tangible to show for their efforts, and taking this minor setback with a bit of grace.

2) It's gotta piss off Godspower. He has been COMPLETELY ignored the entire time he's been in Chad since that phone call. He has to go through them to pass info to us. Smile

Elevating your lad would be an insult to the institution, at this point. He needs to get out and about, see the world, and get a set of hash conditions of his own for a while. That way you can see if he's Reverend material.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:36 pm

Quote:

To Whom it May Concern,

A kind reminder to our lady workers, skirts have to be at least 20 inches long. If you are wearing a clear blouse make sure to wear a white cami underneath. We don't accept electrical pink bras under sheer shirts and miniskirts. We are a godfearing community that takes modesty serious.

Also a kind reminder for the guys: we don't allow sandals and naked torsos.

Thank you for your understanding.

Blessed is TWAT.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:39 pm

Mami, did you send that?

I don't have you on the office list.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:44 pm

this rocks SO HARD Very Happy

it reminds me of the stupid, stupid emails i get everyday from supposedly intelligent people. lengthy QA updates, requests for timesheets, invitations not to piss on the floor, gripes about parking, it's so tedious. I'd love to add to their pain, do sign me up if there's a spare space.

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

Professor, I would like to be on the list. Should I PM you to be on the list?

As a painter in real life (part time), I would be honored to repaint the main rectory of the TWAT a lovely shade of pink.

After years of heavy use, it appears a bit worn, and in great need of repair.

Please advise.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:47 pm

Professor So And So wrote:

Mami, did you send that?

I don't have you on the office list.

I haven't send it. It was merely a suggestion.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:48 pm

Right now there are about 20 baiters working on this at set intervals. I also have a list of baiters ready and waiting to be added. Nailgunner/Tastysnack, I'll put you on that list. We'll slowly be introducing more as time goes on.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Well I can tell that the gaunlet has been cast. Yogurt war is officially on!

You won't like the email will be sending tomorrow, I promise you that!

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