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Roycropper
Baiting Guru
Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7992
Location: Luxury Coffin
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:47 pm |
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I damaged my coccyx (tailbone) from sitting virtually on the floor of a Marcos sportscar with hard suspension.
Eventually I went to my Doctor, who told me to give up smoking and drinking. |
_________________ the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
x4 6Yrs x6 |
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Titania
Hell on wheels
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 2442
Location: Rollin' rollin' rollin'
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:12 pm |
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I went to a county hospital (didn't have insurance at the time) and sat in the emergency room for 12 hours (not an urgent need, thank goodness).
First, after several hours I needed to use a bathroom. The bathroom in the waiting room was not wheelchair accessible. My friend and I went up and down several corridors looking for an accessible bathroom. Nada. We asked a security guard, who pointed down another corridor. We went, and - hooray - an accessible bathroom! -- Which was locked. We went back to the guard, who said, "How interesting." He wandered off to find the person with the key. Several minutes later, another guard took his place. He also was surprised that the door was locked and completely clueless as to what to do (this was at about 10 o'clock at night). Apparently the bathroom was only open during the day and early evening.
Finally, at 1:30 a.m. I saw a physician's assistant. He was looking at my eyes (the reason for my visit) and asked why I was in a wheelchair. Without saying a word, I lifted my right leg, which ends above the knee. I was now unimpressed with his powers of observation.
He did find me a (sort-of) accessible bathroom, though.
(That hospital building is being torn down now, BTW. It was built in the 1930's and not renovated since, so it had been immune from the ADA regulations.) |
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bearkat419
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 Jun 2007
Posts: 4445
Location: Houston, TX
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:58 pm |
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Well if you listened to mine, I was supposed to be dead. About 15 years ago |
_________________ |
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Doodle Bug
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 06 Feb 2008
Posts: 720
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:08 pm |
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My Dr said I havent seen you for a long time
I said yes I havent been well
Tommy Cooper circa 1970 |
_________________ FUCK OFF. DONT CONTACT ME ANYMORE
you must tell the truth at least you supposed to tell me the truth.
i am not here to check or look for people piss in the streets of Abidjan
Who is this person Mickey Mouse???
trying to dercieve hoorable men like me. You are stupid man ok. |
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kleindoofy
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 24 Oct 2004
Posts: 6248
Location: Europe
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:19 pm |
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A woman goes to the doctor.
After examining her, he says: "I'm afraid you're terminally ill and you only have six months left to live."
She says: "ok, but I want to hear a second opinion."
He says: "fine, no problem; you're ugly too."
Bidibum, rim-shot! |
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iMike
Elite Baiter
Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 1371
Location: Ministry of Serendipity
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:23 pm |
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...just a little prick.
well, someone had to say it |
_________________ --
x2
"you have luke worm in your brain" - Ekaetta Bello
"invite me to your country and let me clearify your legitimacy asshole" - Mose5 Uzem3
"the transfer was not authorized due to my persistent double mind" - Clement Wank
"this is not the time to play planks" - Mack Anthony
WIFI PDA - post while you dump
SAY 'NO' TO GAS STORAGE!
<a href="/forum/donate.php">[FREE LAPHROAIG]</a> |
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Doodle Bug
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 06 Feb 2008
Posts: 720
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:38 pm |
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Dr said go over to the window and poke your tongue out
I said why?
Dr I don’t like the lady next door
Circa the Dawn of time |
_________________ FUCK OFF. DONT CONTACT ME ANYMORE
you must tell the truth at least you supposed to tell me the truth.
i am not here to check or look for people piss in the streets of Abidjan
Who is this person Mickey Mouse???
trying to dercieve hoorable men like me. You are stupid man ok. |
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Roycropper
Baiting Guru
Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7992
Location: Luxury Coffin
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:04 pm |
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A guy goes into the Doctors
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse"
"How's that?'
"Don't you start" |
_________________ the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
x4 6Yrs x6 |
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iMike
Elite Baiter
Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 1371
Location: Ministry of Serendipity
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:36 pm |
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'Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains'
'Pull yourself together' |
_________________ --
x2
"you have luke worm in your brain" - Ekaetta Bello
"invite me to your country and let me clearify your legitimacy asshole" - Mose5 Uzem3
"the transfer was not authorized due to my persistent double mind" - Clement Wank
"this is not the time to play planks" - Mack Anthony
WIFI PDA - post while you dump
SAY 'NO' TO GAS STORAGE!
<a href="/forum/donate.php">[FREE LAPHROAIG]</a> |
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Nanny Ogg
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 2628
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:46 pm |
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'Doctor, I feel I'm a tepee in the morning and a marqee in the afternoon'
'Ah that's the problem, you're two tents' |
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Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:09 pm |
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PATIENT: "Doc, my arm hurts when I lift like this!"
DOCTOR: "Well then don't lift your arm you idiot". |
Last edited by Gold Hat on Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:12 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Simba
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Posts: 4093
Location: Bila Shaka
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:15 pm |
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A man goes to the doctor and says
"Doctor, I broke my arm in three places"
And the doctor says
"well don't go back to those places"
A man goes to the doctor and says
'I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.
And the doctor says
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.' |
_________________ =5imba Safari Camps
=King Zongo-Ouaga to Accra to Lome to Accra to Lome
=Mr Duru-Ouaga to Accra to Ouaga to Abidjan
=Mr Yetonde-Sierra Leone to Accra
=Mr Jiullus-Abidjan to Accra to Kumasi to Tamale
=Mr Dandy-Abidjan to Monrovia-SSC Liberia
=Mr Mandela-Jo'burg to Maun-SSC Botswana
=Mr Danka-Dakar to Bangul-SSC Gambia
=Mr Twumasi-Accra to Cotonou-SSC Benin
=Mr Gomer-Lagos to Douala to Parakou-SSC Cameroon & SSC Benin
=Mr Chukwu-Lome to Accra to Koforidua. Lome to Lagos. Lome to Cotonou.
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The Blackwood Con
419Eater is my life
Joined: 17 Jul 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Petting the Time Travelling Bunnies.
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:37 pm |
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Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet. |
_________________
Quote: |
"It is important to recall our mission: going after lads, and protecting victims. The moment we act against one another, we dishonour that mission." ~ Rover |
thanks for making a fool of me ok,you are just talking nonsense.man to hell with you if you keep fooling me all the time."
maybe i will come and lick your shoes just because you want to buy diamonds from me. |
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doc holliday
Squirrels Hate Me
Joined: 06 Feb 2008
Posts: 2477
Location: Behind the Oriental,taking potshots at hitlads.
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Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:51 pm |
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Is this the Henny Youngman thread? |
_________________ Fuck off, and wait for your death, you fucking dog's eater, I will see this to the end, already, you are a fucking negativity to this world, go to hell after two puuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Jack N0delay,hitlad
You have given me enough stress through the shit you sent to me
Jack the hitlad
What you sent to me is not real, don't you fucking understand simple english, that is not real slip from money gram, I have been using money gram before now, FUCK YOU. IDIOT. PLAY YOUR GAME WELL. MASTER OF ALL PLAYERS
Jack,the hitlad who keeps giving me fresh sig lines
x35 x2 |
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Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
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Posted:
Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:14 am |
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Simba wrote: |
. . . 'It's not unusual.' |
Go away Simba . . . . go far, far away . . . .
And as Henny says:
"Take my wife . . . please" |
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Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
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Posted:
Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:31 am |
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I gave birth only once and I was so scared. When I get to the hospital the nurse tells me to take off my clothes and put that gown on. When the doc came in to examine me, he pulled up the gown, started cracking up and said, "Sweetie don't you know you can't have a baby with underwear on?"
I did the same thing when I broke my finger and I still don't understand what emergency would require cutting my undies off while operating on a finger. |
_________________
x? x?
Free Pastor Frank
An Eater's Sweetheart Safari |
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SherlockHolmie
Master Baiter
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 182
Location: Baker Street
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Posted:
Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:30 am |
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One week post-crainal surgery...surgeon tells me on release, "you won't remember very much for the next month or so...can you try to remember that?
(I didn't remember it...Mum told me about it later ) |
_________________
Amsterdam to London - M4j1m V4nk0wsk1
Madrid to Valencia - Dr Louis G0nz4les $anchez
"You are a stopid man." - Barr Choy Choong
"Hello Mr Dear and Dumb" - Usman Danququ
"We can not entertain any more insubordinations from you!" - Roberto Correras, United Nations, Cote d'Ivorie Branch |
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drew.p.coque
419Eater is my life
Joined: 04 May 2005
Posts: 383
Location: front, and low. lower!
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Posted:
Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:29 am |
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me - i`m ringing for my blood test result.
doctor receptionist -we can tell you the test is ok, but not if there is a problem.
me -what is it
doctor receptionist -we cant tell you.
me- can i speak to the doctor?
doctor receptionist - no
me-why not?
doctor receptionist -he`s away on holiday and isnt expected back for 2 weeks. it is not clinic policy for patients to contact doctors while they are away.!
me - can i speack to another doctor then?
doctor receptionist - errrr... we`ll have to see about that. !
----
also they were giving me the same blood result for a test i did 6 months ago. !! |
_________________ *this deal is like a straw to a drowning man -chuck solodu
*Call me on my direct line so that we can talk for batter understanding-Aziz
*bank valued at USD 11.5M, left in account number:$286-41732-55
*THANKS FOR PLAYING WITH MY TIME, PLEASE KINDLY FORGET ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION
*you have to tell any one you are here . everything has to be confidential -kevina |
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Titania
Hell on wheels
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 2442
Location: Rollin' rollin' rollin'
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Posted:
Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:49 pm |
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I know what you're talking about, Drew. My previous doctor's nurse would not tell me what my blood pressure was - she said the doctor would tell me. When I asked him, he looked at the paperwork, shuffled the papers, and reached for the monitor to take my bp again. Next time, I asked the nurse again, and again she would not tell me, saying it was office policy. What the heck? What's so confidential about one's blood pressure that they can't even tell the patient?
On another note - I'm laughing with joy because my [new] primary doctor took me off most of my meds, lowered the dosage of the ones I still have to take, and told me, "You're darn near normal." For over three years I've been over-medicated. Sheesh! |
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Puq
Queen of the pussycats
Joined: 09 Jun 2005
Posts: 174
Location: UK
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Posted:
Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:42 am |
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Doctor, I feel really ill. I said.
So do I. She said.
She is now retired.
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_________________ FUCK U, FUCK UR PAPA FUCK YA MAMA!SAY THANKS ,IDIOT.i have told u not to bother me aagain or have i not.....foolish idiot.I have another person that will help us do this and it is non of YA FUCKING BUSINESS.ASS HOLE. |
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Gnasher
Baiting Guru
Joined: 29 May 2006
Posts: 2849
Location: Centre Stage in the Theatre of Cruelty
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Posted:
Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:03 am |
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Patient: Oh doctor I think I'm impotent.
Dr: Impotent? Take this Viagra and Prozac.
Patient: Prozac?
Dr: Yes. So if you don't get a ***k you won't give a ***k |
_________________ x21
"you have to pay because he need to submit this form to the Federal Ministry Of Fancies" Barrister John/Mike/Richard Okeke
"they are in deed the swinders rotating about in the net and searching for whom they will stylishly defraud your belongings" A. Moron
"Please pray harder for God to guide and protect us during our travelling because flight airplane i observe is a very big risky" Abdul Karibu
"WE DOESN'T LIKE HOW DISOBIDIENT YOU ARE!" Coco Law Chambers
"BE INFORMED THAT YOU WILL INCUR DUMMERAGE AFTER 9 DAYS FROM TODAY" Burkina Faso Air Secure Air Service.\ |
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Spudz
Elite Baiter
Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Posts: 1173
Location: --4--
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Posted:
Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:55 am |
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Doctor Doctor, my lungs are bleeding and i can't stop coughing
Click |
_________________ Javed Main:I received your e-mail message but cannot read very well due to the injection I took last night/Please for Gods sake i would'nt like you to address my bank as feck/You are a priest and you are bold enough to tell me that you took 3 bottles of the finest whiskey/Please i am not ready to take more of your insult.
NIGERIA HE GOAT
IF YOU EVER SEND THIS TYPE OF THINGS TO MY EMAIL;; I WILL SHOW MY SELF TO YOU BASTAD NIGERIA HE GOAT....F*CK OFF AND DIE OF UNGER
YOU ARE SUCH A NONENTITY, I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE LIKE YOU STILL IN EXISTENCE. WHAT AN INGLORIOUS BASTARD ARE YOU?
x 10-2x33/8 you do the hokey cokey and you turn around and that's what it's all about |
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simpsonman3000
419Eater is my life
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 299
Location: The Michael Phelps Lounge
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Posted:
Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:14 pm |
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A la "Malcolm in the Middle" (SPOILERS!!! lol):
Malcolm goes in to get appendix removed. Has to go in children's ward.
Doctor shows intern group where it hurts on him by poking his appendix with a pen.
Wakes us one night to a group of doctors putting a metal cage over his head and drawing an "x" on his forehead. Doctor checks chart. "Oops."
Malcolm feels better and tries to tell doctor that it wasn't appendicitis. Doctor won't listen.
Malcolm gets new blood test results from a doctor in 20s in exchange for a cup of his pee for a drug test.
On surgery table, gets put under. When doctor opens flap of gown on stomach, it says "Red blood cell count xxx, white cell count xxx... I will sue your ass for malpractice..." Doctor then asks for another blood test
Back at home, parents are pissed because he's supposed to be smart and why he couldn't figure out that he wasn't sick sooner.
_____________________________________________________________
JOKES!!!
A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.
He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.
Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.
To all Mr. Bean lovers, and non-Mr. Bean lovers!
Bean in a waiting room: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Iujt9-TyWo |
_________________ HEY YOU OLD DISEASED SLAPPER I KNOW YOU F**K ANYTHING AND SUCK EVERYTHING HEARD YOUR C**T IS SO BIG NOW EVEN A HORSE CANT FILL IT!!! ENJOY IT AND HOPE YOU GETS AIDS YOU DISEASED MUGA BASTARD!!!- Some lad got pissed when I called him a slut. |
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nascarfan
Wannabe Baiter
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 87
Location: United States Of America
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Posted:
Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:09 am |
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I work at a hospital for a while, a few co-workers told about this guy who came in to the E.R. with a glass bottle stuck up is arse.
Thats about all I can remember, I think that they had to break the glass to release the suction.
Lol I would of loved to be a fly on the wall while the questions are being asked
Doc- how did you get the bottle stuck in your arse
Patient- well....you see doc I was um............ |
_________________ l have been praying for God to direct me to an honest person, I cannot liar to you with my illness or to use the name of God in vein. |
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Gnasher
Baiting Guru
Joined: 29 May 2006
Posts: 2849
Location: Centre Stage in the Theatre of Cruelty
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Posted:
Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:00 am |
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According to the ER doctor I know the answer is usually "I accidentally sat on it". There's a hilarious website somewhere with xrays of various 'foreign objects' that people accidentally sit on. I will try and find it.
Edit: Here it is. Probably NSFW. the live artillery shell is particularly impressive.
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html |
_________________ x21
"you have to pay because he need to submit this form to the Federal Ministry Of Fancies" Barrister John/Mike/Richard Okeke
"they are in deed the swinders rotating about in the net and searching for whom they will stylishly defraud your belongings" A. Moron
"Please pray harder for God to guide and protect us during our travelling because flight airplane i observe is a very big risky" Abdul Karibu
"WE DOESN'T LIKE HOW DISOBIDIENT YOU ARE!" Coco Law Chambers
"BE INFORMED THAT YOU WILL INCUR DUMMERAGE AFTER 9 DAYS FROM TODAY" Burkina Faso Air Secure Air Service.\ |
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